Hubby to Get off the Phone

No ideas, but I hear you. Honestly, I think electronics is the knew epidemic. More people seem to be addicted to electronics than illegal drugs:(

zero tolerance has a limited usefulness when it comes to electronics. it might be tempting to go all amish on kids today, but the fact is, they're going to need to be gadget-savvy to cope in their adult world, whether or not we like it.
it sounds as if you're trying to achieve a good balance, and trying to drag your herd of mules along with you.
have you tried sitting down with your dh when you're NOT frosted by his poor example? explaining to him why and how you need him to have your back? when we're exasperated the tone changes, and it's harder for our loved ones to hear us.
khairete
S.

Hmm, well my hubby isn't into his phone so much but he sure loves his video games! Every night after dinner, for at least an hour or two.
It doesn't really bother me so much though. Since I'm a SAHM I do all the homework/housework stuff anyway, so that's not an issue.
When he's on his games I'm usually reading, surfing Pinterest, working on craft projects, doing housework, etc. The kids are busy with their own hobbies and homework.
We spend quality time together every night after the kids go to bed.
I guess my point is, do you feel neglected by your husband, do you feel like you need him to pay more attention to you?
I realize we're all different. I don't need much attention, so the gaming really doesn't bother me, but if YOU feel neglected you need to tell your husband that.

It is all in tone. I love my electronic devices. Most of the time my husband laughs about it but I know it gets on his nerves from time to time. Sometimes he waits too long and I get a snotty get off the damn computer. Pretty much makes me do an eff you and go to the bedroom. Most of the time he just says can we talk, can we do this, could you....nicely. I always put it down and hang out or whatever.

Just my opinion but it is all about your tone.

So far as homework goes, just explain you will get it done quicker with the devices off so in the end you will spend more time playing if you just shut them off.

Can't help with the husband part but my son (11) gets 30 min/day and 60 min of game time--wii, tablet, i-pod, computer games, etc. He sets the stove timer or timer on his i-pod so he knows when he is done. He does try to push the boundaries a bit, but sticks pretty closely with the limits. I don't want a kid whose face is stuck to a screen all day long. I have NO idea how this will work or if it will work when he is a teenager??

"So when its time for homework everything is turned off. When it is time for bed everything is turned off. I am being called a control freak."

That is perfectly normal, reasonable, and good parenting. I'd add in that phones shouldn't come to the table at mealtime either.

We don't have smartphones, but we do have a Wii and other stuff. We've always been a techy household so we don't have the novelty factor to deal with. I remember when I was a little kid, my friend had an Atari with PacMan. Whenever I'd go over there to sleep over we'd play all night. Our neighbor got Super Mario 3 when I was about 13, it was an obsession for me and my siblings. For my kids, this stuff is common place and nothing to fixate on. It's always been there.

If your husband says you're being controlling, simply tell him that you don't like coming in second place to a gadget and you need him to put it down. That it hurts your feelings and you feel like you can't depend on him. Tell him what you need from him.

Well unfortunately, technology is life now. At other friends houses they will play video games and if you don't allow your children to learn to use them, they will get left behind. The sad truth. In school now, my kids all have ipads to use. They are in elementary school.

In the winter when they come home, they go play xbox, computer, ipad, whatever. They also play boardgames, color, read, etc. It's not all controlling in their lives.

I guess why it works for us is because we never made it something they have to avoid. It's like telling a kid they can't have ice cream and then that's all they want. Most things are fine in moderation. We don't set timers or limits, but if they are on something too long, we send a gentle reminder to change it up - it's never a fight, ever.

So if you have not had these things for a long time and now you do, they are new so they will use them a lot. The novelty will wear off. Don't make a big deal about it and it won't become a big deal.

Now as to your husband - he can do what he wants, but tell him it bothers you. You son? Um, you're the adult - tell him to get off of it, take it away, break it, whatever you want to do...kids don't get to tell the parents how life is going to be.

Instead of setting rules for my husband's phone use or treating him like a child (not saying that you are, but I realized that's the tone I was using), I asked him to compromise and agree with me that family time is phone-free time. For a couple of hours in the evenings, it's all about family. No TV, just us hanging out, playing games, reading to each other, playing with the baby on the floor, throwing a ball back and forth, eating dinner, etc. We all enjoy it very much, it's so much better than staring at a screen.

It can be pretty addicting for some people.
Try to establish an electronic free night once a week - play cards or board games - something to do all together where you will all be unplugged.
In the summer we like to do back yard camp fire cook outs and it's a lot of fun.
Maybe you and Hubby can do a bowling night or go ice skating or take a cooking class together - something active with some socialization that will help him realize there's more to life than staring at a tiny screen being sucked into the internet all the time.
When my husband got a new phone he was glued to it for awhile.
I use to ask him how much it cost, then I'd offer to give him cash and buy it from him so I could smash it with a hammer.
Not that I'd really do that but it was nice to think about.

I totally get what you are saying. It drives me insane when I am talking to someone and they can't look at me because they are diddling with their phone. Or you see a group of friends out for drinks and dinner and they are barely talking to each other because they are on their phones. My own personal belief is it is a form of addiction.
My only suggestion is if you ask him to do something and he doesn't do it -- don't do it for him. If you ask him to do the dishes and he plays on his phone and doesn't do them ignore the pile and wait. When he is looking for a clean plate or bowl, tell him I guess you were too busy playing with your phone to get them done. When your son starts getting bad grades in school and he gets upset -- look him in the eye and say "He asked you for help but you were too busy on your phone".

The world has changed and I'm not sure for the better. I see parents staring at their smart phones all the time- at restaurants, birthday parties, sporting events- instead of socializing with the people in front of them. I saw a guys staring at facebook at a religious function. My husband when he's home is in front of the computer and tv almost 24-7. I have reminded him that this doesn't set a good example. My kids are watching tv or playing computer more than I'd like them too.

I have to give breaks and tell the kids- "No electronics for 2 to 3 hrs" or something. I remember my mom kicking me outside and I wasn't allowed in for hours on a summer day. I wish we could go back to that, but we live on a busy road, so I couldn't just kick my (7 and 8 yr old) kids out unsupervised.

As far as the hubby, you have to ask for the help constantly. I was frustrated by this for years. It seemed like I was doing everything- the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, childcare. He finally saw the light recently and has been working his tail off helping me. He's been cooking every night, doing all the grocery shopping. I'm not sure when he turned around, but it's been wonderful!

Honestly, the computer is addicting for me too. I use it for communication, work, research, etc. I was a rather introverted child, so if this technology was available back in the 80s, I would have been glued to it also.

Tell him you want a turn and get him out of the habit.

My BIL drives us crazy because he's constantly on his phone when we're out to dinner. He doesn't see any problem with constantly responding to texts, etc, while we're trying to eat a nice meal. We kept telling him that it hurts our feelings, for that one hour can we be a priority, etc. Finally I took him aside and said that I would prefer it if he would set a better example for my daughter, his only niece. That seemed to get through to him.

My husband and I have time together every night after the kids are in bed. We usually watch tv and he's on his phone playing games then. I'm usually watching reality tv that he doesn't like so much. lol Maybe you can ask him if he can save game time until then? After everything else is done and you've had some time with the kids? I don't freak out so much if he's on the phone playing apps. I mean, he works hard, I stay home and I think it's his brainless activity he needs to unwind. Usually after work dinner is ready so we all eat together then either play a game, sit by the fire pit and roast marshmallows or go for a walk. Now if his game playing was interfering in these activities, then I would have a problem. Just talk to him and see if he will be reasonable but understand that it's an outlet for him. Good luck!