Husband Going on Business Trip with Female Colleague

I'm sorry, J., but there is no way I would okie doke my husband staying in a "honeymoon" destination with a collegue (married or not) to enjoy themselves for 2 full days after the business were done. Birthday or not. He's a grown up. He doesn't have to have a "birthday party." Sorry, but would not happen in my marriage.

He invited you to go, and you declined. So I think you need to let him spend an extra day or two there and be nice about it. (You can be jealous, but don't be mean to him about it.)

Frankly, I think the fact there will be a female colleague there is irrelevant, unless you have reason to mistrust him.

No way!

Good people can make bad choice in bad situations, I keep myself out of those situations

You going can be his birthday gift!

I have been in the reverse situation multiple times. I work in a predominantly male profession, so I have gone on business trips with lots of other people's husbands. Think exotic European destinations. Some time one week, sometimes up to 4 weeks. And yes, when the 'business' part of the trip is over, I stayed a couple of extra days to sight see whenever I can. And most of the time with my colleagues.
Take comfort in the fact that he asked you what to do, which means he is not hiding anything and he has no interest in his colleague. He's only thinking about enjoying the island.
One of my colleague's wife was finally able to join us on one of our trips. When he introduced her to me, her first words to me were "Thank you for not flirting with my husband. I'm so glad you're not the flirty type. You don't know how many sleepless nights I spend after I saw your picture."
If you've already met her and know she's a good person. Only you know whether you can trust your husband. I think she's harmless. Most professional women are not going to chase their colleagues, it's professional suicide. If they're also attractive, they worry more about how to evade bored, married men.

Um, J., I can't give a really full answer here b/c I need to feed my kids, but...in the immortal words of dear Miss Whitney...

H*LL to the NO

There is a reason you are not feeling ok with this. Listen to your inner voice, friend!

He is nuts for even considering this. And I am sure there is nothing wrong with your shape, btw. Go if you want to, but I would NEVER let a female work colleague share my husband's birthday with him in my absence. I think she sounds nuts too for doing this. I would have more respect for the wife than that : (

GO!
Unless your husband goes to the island every other month, or your would lose your job if you calk sick, other way GO!
I am saying this regardless or his colleague, you two sound that you have a good relation ship, so I am not even answering about that, but is his birthday, is the island, and even if it now it sounds a little phhs! Ones you get there you both will have fun and good memories to tell.
What to do with the colleague on his birthday?
You "may" have lunch with her and then go, you and your husband, alone, and have some "fun"!!
Life is to short, and with the every day marriage days, which not necessary bad but can get monoto...I forgot the word...the same day by day.
This kind of trips brings back the spice!
So, if I was you, I would GO, GO, GO!!!!!!

I wouldn't be okay with this and I totally trust my husband. I believe that you should never put yourself in a situation where something stupid could happen.
I would go in a heartbeat. They may spend the day snorkling while I am reading on the beach but he would be with ME at the end of the day. So what if she goes to dinner with you?? You prefer them eating dinner alone without you? Actually, breakfast, lunch AND dinner without you.

Pack your bags!! Have fun!

HELL NO, i would not be okay with it!! GO fast!

First, I would take the whole birthday thing out of the equation. I think women place to much importance on such a day (when most guys can survive with a verbal acknowledgment). Men don't tend to use holidays like we do as a measurement of love (Maybe there are guys who complain to their coworkers "But she only got me card..." if so, I don't know any). So I'm saying don't use his birthday as a ploy to get him to 'pick you'.
And if the roles were reversed, say I had several days of work at some awesome resort-you bet I would stay a couple of extra days (if it was financially doable) without the stress of clients and appointments. If one or more male co-workers had fun outdoor activities planned, I'd join in.

To be honest I would be totally jealous that hubby was getting to go on such a totally awesome trip and annoyed he was going without me. I'd pack an over night bag with some swimwear and get on that plane and join in. You bet I would take full advantage of the sand and surf while they had to sit in a boring meeting.

He invited you along. Take the time!!!! It's the Seychelles! Go for it.

if i were u i would make my schedule work so that i could go.. that whole situation would definatley not fly with me

It is obvious he is a trustworthy guy and the whole trip is legit. And let me say as a disclaimer: My relationship is not too hot.

That said: My advice is:

No. "Dear sweetie. Don't hate me, but I can't bear to have you spend that extra day in paradise with anyone but me, and I cant' go. I'm not going to forbid you, but I don't like it."
Hug.
Kiss.
Ball's in his court.
Sounds like you can trust him. But I don't like the situation one bit. My answer to my husband would be 1000% hellz no.

First you have no right to be upset or angry. He invited you, he wanted to spend the time with you. You don't want to go which is apparent by even if I could I don't want to spend time with the other people. If being at this "honeymoon destination" was so important to you you would make it there.

I don't know how else to put this because your feelings make no sense. You don't want to go but you don't want him to go either because he should be there with you but you don't want to go.. How is anyone to advise you?

I would not be ok with this.
If business is over then he needs to be heading home.
If you aren't there to enjoy it with him a destination like that is not for a married guy to hang out without his wife. A place like that is made for couples.
I would take the time ad go out there. There's no way I would let him go by himself and miss out on an island trip.

If you aren't going with him then he needs to be coming home when the clients leave. ESPECIALLY with HIS mother coming to visit. I mean really having a little vacation when you are getting ready for HIS mother to visit for 2 weeks.

I would call in sick!

No
I am now editing my answer after I talked to my husband. At first he didn't understand and said well if they have to go and everyone is staying then of course. And I explained, no it was his birthday and he was staying with an extra female colleague.
And then I said what if it was the other way around? And it was me? Or her in a situation like this?
And he replied in a similar fashion as I:

NO!!!!!

Absolutely not. My husband and I trust each other completely, but there is no way he would ever even ask to do that, nor would I consent. We both believe it's important not only to actually not physically cheat on each other, but to refrain from putting ourselves in situations where there could be temptation. In fact, neither of us interact socially with members of the opposite sex beyond general conversations, unless we're doing so 1) in a professional capacity or 2) our spouse is there. And that is a situation where there could be temptation if I've ever heard of one!

Now, how to frame it exactly? If you truly cannot go, then I would tell him you are deeply uncomfortable with the situation. If you think he cares about your feelings, I would try to avoid coming out and forbidding him from doing it, but explain how it's hurtful to you and allow him to decide not to stay on his own.

Go go !!! Remember shania twain and the affair. A male counselor once told me that when he is abroad, and if the person next to him is a female, he won't have a conversation. He said that human are vulnerable and I don't want to fall into temptation. It is good. Never think that u are strong, because when you think so, actually you are weak. Consider this: he wants someone accompany him do sports, the wife is not available, but some women will see it as the opportunity. Go!

Either join him because it would be fun for you, or get over it. He asked you if you want to go, he's in a wonderful place, and he probably could use the break. Especially if it is his birthday.

Either he's someone you trust or he's not. It doesn't even sound like you are worried about hanky panky. Are you just upset because he's going to have a nice time without you? That seems pretty petty, especially since he expressed that he wants you to join him. Maybe you want to explore it from that angle. Have you considered that he might be disappointed that you aren't going to be there to spend his birthday with him? And as for going out "the three of you" perhaps it would be an opportunity to get to know his colleague better. If you don't want to hang out with the whole clan, is it to far/too much to just show up at the end?

Are you absolutely, positively sure you really cannot make it? Are you going to lose your job if you go? Because I would GO! I would relish hanging out in the Seychelles while they worked, and then -there you would be to celebrate his birthday and snorkel!

Honestly, for me, I have always wanted to go there, so I would REALLY have issues with my husband going and then hanging out afterward, on his birthday no less, with another woman -work colleague or not. I trust my husband and really never have any jealousy issues or anything. We both like to flirt, but I don't necessarily believe in just waving it around under his nose and having either one of us in that sort of situation.

Talk to him. Ask him to honestly put the shoe on the other foot. Would he like for you to be there with a guy -and to stay after the business was over to "play"? It would honestly make me harbor resentment if my husband did this. The business trip is one thing, but the staying extra is something else, and I would be ticked if he did it.

I'll share a recent scenario that happened at my brother's job. His boss, a technical professional, married, has a job that requires travel. The office hired a young, tech pro, single, cute gal. All of the staff need to go out of town on business including this gal. The married boss who is 53 is mentoring the young gal of 27, his employee. Would you believe the 53 year old (who is just your average plain old joe), and the 27 year old, had some drinks on one of these trips and ended up in the sack on the trip? She is young enough to be his daughter. His wife found out they were having an affair, filed for divorce and now the 53 year old and 27 year old have moved in together. They recently got a cat and are flaunting pictures all over of their new life.

Just wanted to share this with you.

Ouch. Call me insecure or whatever, but I wouldn't be pleased about it all. The business trip, fine. But all the other shenanigans is unnecessary...to me. But then again, that's for me and my marriage. My husband has two female friends he has known for years and years. I know them very well, and even then I wouldn't like it. I mean, you have alcoholic beverages, people acting romantic and whatnot....no, ma'am!

I know if the shoe was on the other foot, my husband wouldn't like it either. I could see if he wanted to stay for a couple hours or hell, maybe a day, but another two days and a night would upset me, especially after I said, 'Decide for yourself,' which pretty much means, 'I'm not too comfortable with this!' And went on ahead and book it anyway.

EDIT: Listen, only you know your marriage and your husband. If you're on Mamapedia posting about it, you're not comfortable. I can see you're not. And you know what? It's perfectly OK. Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong, selfish or whatever else because of how you feel. We have all been in position where our mind told us one thing, but our feelings told us another. You need to talk to your husband so you can feel comfortable with this because you wanna know why? It WILL come up again later on down the road, and you don't need that. Talk to your husband and get it sorted out.

I think it is a good sign he asked you.

You cannot..

What a great birthday Gift to be able to stay and have some time off.

My husband works so hard and a ton of hours, i would be happy for him to have some time off, even if I was not with him.. He deserves it.

This is a hard one. I understand not feeling comfortable about it (that is a given) and then not wanting to be selfish by asking him not to enjoy himself on his birthday! Tough!

I wouldn't be comfortable with it. At. All. and I believe in my heart of hearts that my husband would do all in his power to not go on the trip in the first place... but if he had to go, I would have to chalk it up to faith and love and trust and hope that he has a good time (not too good of a time tho) and that he misses me the whole trip and let the chips fall where they may.

So I say, you did the right think by giving him the choice, now own it and send him away happy and feeling loved and try not to worry yourself senseless while he is gone.

Sorry sweetie...I feel for you, I really do! I repeat: I would NOT be comfortable with this AT ALL!

eek! I'd ask him not to drink too much and call me at night :(

In short: Over my DEAD BODY would I be okay with my husband going on this trip.
Even if I trusted him completely, it would just not feel appropriate to me at all. How do you think he would feel if the situation was the other way around? How would his mother feel if she knew you were going off to hotels in honeymoon destinations with handsome male colleagues and staying a little longer? And that you were planning on stripping down to next-to-nothing and splashing around in the water with said males? Uh-huh. I didn't think so.
I give you a lot of credit though for being married to someone who has to go on these kinds of business trips. I couldn't handle it. My animal instincts would tear us apart.
Best of luck! ps. I'm sure you are gorgeous and would have plenty of admirers on the beach!

I just returned from a business not (not a resort island) but I do travel with all men. If the opportunity to see the city we were visiting had arisen I would have asked my husband (just like your hubs asked you) if I could stay and see the city with the guys.

I'm in a field dominated by men...these men are like my brothers. I don't see them in any other fashion. Many of them I know their wives (not well but enough)...often times the non traveler see things the traveler does not. i.e pretty younger travel co-worker. He told you about I don't think that if "something" were being planned then he would have told you. You would have gotten the those days are also part of the business trip agenda.

If I were in your shoes there would be nothing to keep me from going with him. I would make it work. I don't know your circumstances...but I would encourage you to go.

I guess I'm in the minority but I'd be ok with it unless I felt like he was dumping the workload at home on me but it is his bday so even then... If this colleague was really attractive though and I thought had any interest in my husband, then I wouldn't be so sure. I think it really depends on the situation. Lots of men and women can be very good friends. Some of my best friends are men. I'd be po'd if I had a great chance to be on an island given how hard I work the rest of the time and my husband was too insecure to let me bc it was with a guy. I agree too that if your husband was going to cheat, he can do it at home too. Is this woman someone he might be interested in if he wasn't married? There are guys I work with who I'd stay an extra night at a resort with but also wouldn't be interested in dating them no matter what. So what would be the big risk? Have to say I would make sure to have sex w/ my husband before he left... And remember, probably not 2 full days bc they have to fly back.

If it were my husband who travels a lot... he would not even ask to stay. He went to Florida last week and I actually talked him into going to Disney World with some of his colleagues. He felt guilty going there without us.

It wouldn't bother me, but my husband is a non-drinker, so he wouldn't be getting all tipsy/flirty with her, he isn't big into dining out with his female colleagues and such in the first place, he keeps things very professional. So, it just depends on his attitude, his night life style and what you trust in him. But really, if they are going to cheat, it's going to happen whether he stays or goes. But this is for two full days? I'm sure he can get in some snorkeling and the like in just one full day.

You know your man, so I think you are the only one that can reconcile
whatever you are feeling. I would not be upset, but I know my husband
and our marriage.

I would call him and be honest about how you feel and see what he says. He could cheat right in your home town if he wanted, so you either trust him or you don't. But if you haven't spoken up about how you feel (including the birthday bit) then he may be staying on a bad assumption.

I know how uncomfortable this must be for you!!!!! Here is how the flip side of this went for me.

I love photography and took a class in Santa Fe at the Santa Fe workshops. By the way, I love Santa Fe too, so I was extremely excited. I took a class with JOE BUISSINK!! No extreme to the extreme excitement.

So on day 2 I start hearing that we will be shooting some figures. I didn't really know what this meant, but I thought I knew...I was right, they were nudes. I had never shot nudes before and was a bit nervous. My hole family, Mom, 2 sisters, older daughter and younger daughter were there. My husband showed up on day 3, just in time for the figures. Every day I would go to the class up at a classroom in the mountains, we would leave and go to a remote area and shoot all day, return and edit our images, and then return them the next day. So hubby shows up and I have images of both men and women. You could see he was jealous, but he dealt with it. I didn't do anything wrong. I was so excited and proud of my work, but I could see it was hard for him to be happy for me. In the end we had a dinner and he came with me and they did a slide show with all of our work and he got to see my work displayed in the show.

In the end he was happy for me, but it was a big one to swallow.

depends on who she is. My husband did a lot of buiness travel with females and not a one of them was the least bit threatening to me. Plus I trust my husband completely. But if she was his age, attractive, and single, I think not. this one is defiantly a grey area. I think you should base it on how much a threat you perceive her to be. I don't think the birthday should play into it. Its just a day.

Yes, I'd be fine with it. My husband travelled with women colleagues, I did business travel several times with a group of male only collegues. My husband has spent the evening in a casino with a woman coworker. My husband and I have been married 21 years. We don't "let" each other do things. He is going to a fun, fabulous place and will be spending his time working. He may never get to go back there. Don't let your own insecurites rob him of the chance to enjoy the island for the day, he may resent you for it. If you think he is going to cheat, then you already have a problem that needs to be addressed and it has nothing to do with a business trip.

This is probably too late, but I really wanted to tell you that a man (or a woman) doesn't need to go to Seychelles to cheat. Sleep soundly and let your man refresh himself with his favorite sport in that fab resort...I bet he'll be really grateful and will come back much happier. Forget who choses to live in anxiety, don't make it your problem.

My question is to you is do you trust your husband? If you do then yes let him go but if you have any doubt in your heart that he is not being truthful to you then no do not let him go. This answer is only one you can answer not anyone else.

I would go if I could afford it. How often will you gt a chance to reconnect and have fun without the kids. Enjoy his collegues and get to know them and have fun with them. As far as body shape I understand and feel for you, but he knows what you look like top to bottom already and probably loves every inch of you and will so more after seeing you let loose and have fun with him ad his friends, and as for caring what the others think, who cares. Also, think about when you're at the beach unless someone is in the complete wrong choice of clothes for their body shape do you criticize how they look>? We;re our harshest critics, everyone else is thinking of thier own flaws not yours.