Husband Traveling for Several Nights with Female Co Worker over Valentine's Day

Either you trust HIM to do the right thing no matter what SHE says or does, or you don't trust him at all.

This really sucks...I would tell my husband NOT to do any socilaizing things with her. Business only period. If he really loves you, he should respect that. If she gets out of and..he should leave period.

I have to be honest - if your husband was traveling solo with this female coworker - I could understand your concern. That being said, I'm a married woman and have had to travel with male coworkers for business. And I've done it when it was just 2 of us going. The issue here isn't that he's traveling and there's a female coworker going - the issue is you have trust concerns. There are always those types of relationships in an office. I worked in an office where there was a guy who would throw flirting eyes and make offers for hookups to every woman in the office who would look his way. My husband noticed his behavior as well - but it didn't cause conflict because he knows I wouldn't cheat. And my loyalty isn't because I just love him so much - it's more because I'm committed to the life we've made for ourselves and I wouldn't risk it for short term fun.

So you need to ask yourself this :
1 - has he ever been dishonest?
2 - has he given you reason to suspect deceit?
3 - Do you think he would cheat on you ?

If your answer is yes - it doesn't matter if the trip was with all guys - he could easily be cheating. If the answer is no - then you need to sort of let go. The reality is that we can't keep our partners loyal. Cheaters cheat and they don't need excuses like business trips to make it happen. However this is more about you and your husband's relationship more than it is about this trip.

He's not taking her on a vacation, he's not spending it 'with' her. He is going on a buisnes trip with his coworkers, she just happens to be one of them.

Look after after 30 years of marriage you either trust your husband or you don't. I don't put a lot of stock in Valentines day, honestly why do partners need that day to feel loved or important. That should be happening all year round. I see it as another marketing ploy, just another way for companies to make money.

So trust him and let him do his job, or ask him to quit. That's the reality, making yourself crazy and him crazy isn't fair. He's a travelling business man...this isn't something new to you.

As a single female who travels for business and has previously traveled over Valentine's with married male coworkers, I think you're reading way more into this than you ought and think you're looking for reasons to feel insecure. I used to go to an annual convention over Valentine's with my two married male coworkers. I've gone to very fancy restaurants with these men (and on Valentine's day, Gasp!). After all, we were conducting business with clients. I've gone for drinks with these same men and thought not one thing of it and without the least interest in anything sexual with them. We've enjoyed some good bottles of wine because they like good wine...again not the least bit of romantic or sexual thought went into it. On other occasions, I've happily excused myself because I knew they couldn't wait to get rid of me so that they could hit the strip clubs. (Yep, that happens far more frequently than company hook-ups.) Personally, I've always kept high standards for myself to avoid ever giving even the appearance of impropriety with my male counterparts....I have too much respect for myself and my career to ever want to fuel any kind of rumors. I've never been in a male coworker's hotel room and never purposely met at a male coworker's room door. We always meet in the lobby and depart in the lobby. I'd feel awful if a male coworker's wife were upset about his traveling with me, and I'd also feel extremely angry and insulted by having my own morals questions because of her insecurities. You are feeling insecure and are looking for reasons not to trust this woman and the circumstances of the travel. The female co-worker is married. Have you considered that perhaps she'd rather be home spending a romantic evening with her husband than at a business event with your husband and a few other men?

Here's the deal...Do you trust your husband? Has he cheated in the past? Yes, there are people who hook up on business travel, but that is really not the norm that you seem to consider it. Most people understand that messing around like that is a "career limiting move" and undermines their effectiveness. What I've seen happen far more often is people messing around on their spouses right here at home during the normal workday. If your husband is going to mess around with this woman, he doesn't have to leave the country to do so. And, if he wants to mess around while he's traveling, there are females that he could quietly meet in any city of the world. You either trust him or you don't.

Either you trust your husband or you don't. He has to go. If he hasn't strayed in all these years why would he now? So she's a flirt. There are several men along with whom she can flirt. I suggest that you have nothing to worry about. Let it go.

I worked primarily with men and also traveled on escorting prisoners with men and know that the men who are faithful to their wives remain faithful even when the woman flirts. I also know that the men whose wives are jealous have the most difficult time being cool and staying out of the way of the flirting women. Something about having a wife at home not trusting them causes them to be anxious and more vulnerable to the flirting.

I've worked with many men who were flirts but who still remained faithful to their wives and their marriage vows. Flirting can be a way to relieve the natural sexual tension between the sexes so that temptation is avoided. Sounds backward but I've seen it work and experienced it too.

Every office has a woman like that...the one in our office tried to sit next to my husband at a Christmas dinner and I made him move over. She just looked at me and I straight out told her, "Your not sitting next to my husband".

Just think, people like that make fools of themselves and appear desperate.

Just take care of him before he goes [wink, wink].

i just wanted to say, the stock answer "either you trust him or you don't! what's wrong with your marriage if you don't 100% trust your husband!?!?" make me cringe.

we are adults. and we have learned in this life, as bob marley said (roughly quoted) - EVERYONE will let you down eventually. it is a statistical reality. you just have to find the person that makes it all worth it.

i always wonder how it's so easy for people to "say" they 100% trust a person, when the above is the reality. look, he probably isn't going to cheat on you. but i have never known anyone to do exactly as i want, 100% of the time. so of course you will be concerned. it's natural. it's just insecurity rearing its ugly head. i think you know in your heart, he's not going to cheat on you. which is probably what the stock answerers are trying to say...

hang in there. you've gotten some good answers - especially from the business-travel perspective, which i admit, i don't have. i just know human nature. i'm sure he's not perfect. but i am also sure this will end all right. make special time with him before and after, and of course call him on the actual night. but be strong, and support him. that's what he needs. good luck!

You need to decide if you trust your husband. If you do, then there is no reason to get worked up over this. It's a WORK trip. He didn't invite a woman to fly to Tahiti with him for fun, he's stuck doing a business trip, and a female coworker will be on the trip. And she's a flirt. If you trust him, then this would not worry you. You have 361 other evenings with him, you can skip one Valentine's day and not have the sky fall in.

If you think he'll take the opportunity to cheat on you... then it's a different story. It doesn't matter that a flirty coworker will be with him. Men don't cheat because a cute or flirty woman tricked them into it. They cheat because they want to.

I have done several business trip where I work. I have gone over Halloween and missed that time with my kids, I also missed my 5 year annivesary with my husband for a business trip. I assure you nothing happened that was not supposed to. I did get some time to socialize with out comming back to my parenting duties in the evening. I was with a mixed group and there were more ment than women, but they are my co-workers/work friends.

The bottom line is trust.. if you think he is trying to hook up with her, he will do it here, not just on some business trip.

DO you trust HIM? My husband is currently working in NYC for 6 weeks at a time, 2-3 home. He could be screwing his way up and down broadway, but he's not. I know he's not. I believe he's not and I trust him. It's that simple. Valentine's day is just a DAY. Celebrate it in a special way before he goes. HE is the key and your TRUST is a key. If he's a horn dog, that's different. But if he's not, then stop driving yourself crazy because of OTHER PEOPLE's behavior.

Find some single girlfriends and go to a VERY special event: male strip bar, over spend on a shopping trip (take all the tags off and destroy the receipts so you cannot return them), take a road trip and stay overnight in a pricey hotel)... Something on Feb. 14 to take your mind off.

I DO understand your point of view.

All I can say is wear him out before he goes!!! Have your Valentines before he goes and make a week to remember!! Then send him off all satisfied and worn out!

Do you trust your husband? Am I the only one who would never worry in this situation? I trust my husband not to sleep with another woman even if she throws herself at him. He's allowed to be flattered, he's human, but I trust him.

I guess you have to decide if you are being paranoid or sensing something that is real. You can try to mention since its valentine's day you would like to be able to travel with him this time as a valentine's gift. See how receptive he is to that. Think you can get grandma or someone to watch the kids for a few days. I would not suggest a surprise visit unless you want to get an answer you don't like for a lot of money.

I am almost always traveling over Valentines for business, and it's always with men. Never seems to bother my husband. I understand there might be temptation, and a trip away from home could make it so easy. Everyone else has said, do you trust him or not? I've seen plenty of booze fueled "good times" on business trips get out of hand. That is when you excuse yourself and go up to your room and watch a movie cuz you are not a cheater.

And it wouldn't hurt to speak with him about it and tuck a little love note in his suitcase before he leaves.

I have only read a few of the other responses. I say....go with your gut feeling about this female coworker. I too think it is strange that she touched him where she touched him. Very Odd. I would not feel comfortable with it at all. However, maybe you should have confronted him when it happened. Confront him about it. Talk to him about your fears. Is there anyway you can go with him?

Unlike the person who posted that she didn't see in your post that you don't trust him -- that's all I see here. You write that "his boss made the arrangements...supposedly" and that other guys are going "supposedly." Those "supposedlys" tell me you are assuming on some level that he is flat-out lying about the boss arranging this, or other men being on the trip. But you're hiding behind "supposedly" and "I'm probably doing the wrong thing."

Valentine's Day has absolutely nothing at all to do with this. The fact he'll be away over that day means zero -- do you get that? If he is going to have a fling it won't be because he got all romantic and mushy over the fact it was Valentine's Day.

You don't trust him. Do you have any real reason NOT to trust him? or is it the woman you dislike and don't trust?

The fact you are coming here to talk about it, and not sitting down and talking about it with HIM, is very telling. Would he laugh at you? Dismiss it as paranoia? Joke about "Yeah, maybe I'll get up to something"? Any of those responses would be first, rude, and second, cause for concern. If you can talk with him about it like the adults you both supposedly are after 30 years of marriage -- you're going to be OK. If you are afraid to bring it up because you know he will dismiss it, laugh at it, reduce it to a joke, or make you feel belittled and stupid for mentioning it -- in that case, you both needed marriage counseling yesterday. Start it before he goes and find out why you are so suspicious, and get him some help in understanding why you would feel that way. He may or may not get up to something but you both need to talk to each other -- with a professional's help, it seems.

D.,

As much as I can understand your fears and feelings, I think unless your husband has given you reason not to trust him, you need to trust him. You sound really upset about the valentines' day with out your husband and I am sure its making you worry more because of what the holiday is about. My advice to you is to test your faith in your husband. Do you trust him? Then you need to let him go and tell him you will be waiting for him when he gets back. Give him a sexy message while he's overseas and tell him you love him....He will think of you the whole trip and when he gets home, well you two love birds can love it up and make up your valentine's day. I would share how you feel, give him a hug and a kiss and let him go.....Hang in there!

I didn't read in your post that you don't trust your husband, so I don't get the you trust him or you don't replies. I think you are just upset about the whole situation and you just think it stinks. I think the combination of factors has pushed you too far and you are letting the stress get the best of you. I don't blame you.

I have been married 21 years and my husband travels a lot as well. For a while, he had a female rep and had to travel to where she was. I didn't like that. I didn't worry that anything would happen, I just didn't like it. But I didn't want to drive him crazy with my worries. I mentioned one time that I'm not crazy about his dinners and meetings with her, but I trust him to represent us and our marriage well. Sometimes guys don't get it. The only thing we had to clarify was that apparently both him and her liked the same tv show. He texts regularly with all his reps, work stuff and dumb stuff. So we're in the car and he reads me a funny text she wrote about this show. Um, no. We had to clarify that I need more work-only texts for them. Then he got it and it was fine. The fact that he reads me her stuff told me he had no clue I wouldn't like it. I tried to leave it alone after that. I made my wishes clear, he honored them. I didn't want to beat a dead horse and talk it to death.

For you, I would try to pull these issues apart- I feel like right now they are all clumped up in your mind. Valentines day.....overseas......woman......flirt, etc. Be glad it is a group (not your hubby and her, plus others.... think of it as one big group). Don't over-inflate the meaning of Valentine's Day, but also know that your husband will be aware that it's Valentine's Day and be thinking about YOU as well. Even if he does and says nothing, he knows what day it is and probably how you are feeling. Yes, overseas is far, but whether it's a state away or a country away, the point is he's just not with you, don't make miles equal more upset. They're just miles.

As for the flirty lady. I'm sure your husband has been flirted with more than just by this lady at some point in your 30 years of marriage. He may be flattered, but that's it. He is married to you.

If I were you, I would think ahead about any boundaries you would like to mention to him. But if it's general worry, I would just say "I wish you didn't have to go, I'm going to miss you." You know that going on to him about it will just stress him out. Maybe put a few notes in his suitcase and maybe a little Valentine bag of goodies for him to find as he unpacks. Text to check in (not stalk) while he's gone, just a little. And I like the idea of sending him off 'in style'. :-)

As for you, if you have some girlfriends you can go out with that night- do it. Get your mind off it. If you can't get plans together, get yourself a funny movie and a glass (bottle?) of wine. But no drunk dialing. Just keep yourself busy.

I know you'll be fine, and hubby will do just fine as well. 30 years- he must be a keeper for a reason, try to remember what that is!

I agree 100% with Mom2many, she basically said exactly what I was thinking.

It's not just the two of them and she is married. So normally this wouldn't bother me at all. The huge flirt part and squeezing your husband's thigh would bug me though. Not much you can do but what I would do is make sure my husband and I got busy before he left and we were in a good spot. Be the perfect wife for a day or two! Have a romantic VD celebration before he leaves. Kind of "fill up his bank". If after all that, he goes and cheats, then likely there's a deep problem in your marriage. Hopefully that's not the case at all. But I know if my husband left and we were in relaly good terms etc, no need to worry. If I'd withheld sex for a long time and we were arguing, I still don't think he's the type but I do think he could be tempted more easily. Why not? Things at home suck and he's a nice diversion with no one ever having to know... So just make sure that's not the case and I bet it's all fine.

I only read the title NO NONONONONO...you either figure out a way to get there or tell him how much you don't like it. I don't know what kind of job he has, but your marriage is very important and you let him know yesterday how you feel. It's amazing how sometimes all the sudden people don't have to go to these things.

The part of your post that stuck out for me was about he incident two years ago when she squeezed his thigh. Did he seem to enjoy it? Did it seem like a "normal" exchange between them? Did you two talk about the incident once you were alone? Did he give you any indication that this was an ongoing 'problem'? Do they seem to show each other an inappropriate amount of attention?

I don't think this is about Valentine's Day. You've been married for 30 years so it's not all new. I think this is more about him traveling with this woman. You didn't say how your husband acted on these trips all of those years ago when you went and the booze were flowing. Don't hide behind Valentine's Day. Confront the true issue of trust with your husband or you'll be left wondering everytime he travels.

I give you credit for being married to someone who has to travel for business. I couldn't do it because I don't trust what happens on business trips, even when the trip isn't co-ed - the world is co-ed, so women will be there regardless. How old are your kids? I'd be finding a way to travel with my husband. If the kids have to stay with a family member because they're too young to stay by themselves, then that's what I'd do. Then I'd get the passport ready, buy a ticket for the same flight, and be off!

Go with is all I can say. If your feeling this way and I would want to be with my husband on valentines day. I agree wear him out before he goes too. Have u two ever been overseas together? My husband and I have not and that is something. We want to share together so I could see me asking him to go too especially on valentines day. If your husband says no then I would really be suspicious and yes counseling with him would be involved so that a counselor could get him to see my view and the counselor could help me see if I was wrong or right with my feelings. They are great moderators. I told my husband this because he does travel for work and he said for work u just have to on certain days and wierd times so that didnt phase him unless he usually doesn't travel on weekends. He too said to with I u have the money and a sitter but he also thinks there is nothing to worry about. But I'm with u not always trusting. My friends and family think I'm crazy and how my husband is a saint. I do notice I get like this three days of worry before my period and its been happend for two years like that but my fire ds and family and a counselor help me through. The counselor also helps my husband by teaching and sharing with him things I need to see hear and feel I order to trust believe and know he loves me. I know it's my problem but he is wiling to try to help me and that in itself tells me too how much he cares. I also pray a lot. I pray for God to reveal what needs to be known and to help me trust and feel safe and get my period I've with lol. I also pray for my insecurities to go away if they are supposed to and for my needs to be met from my husband with out me asking or telling him what I need. The other day he called and asked me out to the movies. All this actually made us get closer and learn more about each others beliefs and values . I need would have know having the dishes done was so important to him! He can't believe how much laundry there is and well we have learned new things in the sex department that after 17 years I think we both didnt know we had in us! Lol sorry tmi but work this towards your advantage to learn more abou each other and get closer instead of further apart. Hang in there my heart was sinking but u need to do what u need at this point. It is ok to want to have your needs met no matter how paranoid or distrustful u feel. Stand up for you and what your heart wants.