Husband Is Upset That I Do Not Call Him

Keep pushing him away. That will teach him!

I hear that you are busy, but you are being insensitive.

I completely get what you are saying but I also see his point. Most women would be upset that their husband was off having fun and not calling.

I suggest you set a time that works for you to talk to him for a few minutes. The kids can take a minute or two to connect at that time.

I would reply to him that "while we do miss him when he's away, you are even busier than normal since he is away. Sorry you felt otherwise. Please call me at xx:00" or tell him what time you will call him.

Life is short. What happens if he gets in an accident and dies? Then you'd never have to talk to him again.

If you can take another 3 minutes to re-read what you spent the time to write:

"I do not need his talk, advice or anything - I do not need to share anything or any moral support, and I also cannot offer any support because it seems crazy that he needs any!"

Do you maybe need a divorce?

I am sorry that your plate is so full right now. Really, I am. But if you want to continue to have a husband (and your post makes it sound like you don't care if you do or not--as if he is just one more burden) then you need to recognize that you DO need to share with him. What if he wasn't on the road for the past 2 weeks? Would you really have just completely ignored him at home as well? Or would you have turned to him to do some of this venting? Or asked him for help with some of it?

He is reaching out to you and you are slapping him in the face. It sounds like you could use a massage or an hour in a jacuzzi with a nice glass of wine. Maybe if you could chisel out 10 minutes to talk to your husband, he would be interested in helping you when he gets home. If not, perhaps he'll just find someone else to listen to him. That'll make you happy, won't it?

I know you are overwhelmed. But your 5 yr old's schedule? You can change that, ya know? Really. You can. He/she is FIVE. Your out of control teenager? Dads are usually pretty good at helping with them--if you present a united front. Not so much if you belittle his importance in front of them.
You really need to take a step back and try to see your husband in a different light. He isn't just one more burden for you, or a child to take care of, or a parent losing their independence and mental capacity. He is the --from what you posted here--the only family member who can HELP you.

Of course he's upset. Rightly so, in my opinion.

Wow. Glad I'm not married to you.

Ironic name though, that made me smile. :)

ETA:

1) "Our" children

2) With such a hectic and busy life you lead, it's a wonder you could break away for MP time! #priorities

It's sad. You have the most "Life is all about me" question I have seen in a long time.

Your question says your husband loves and misses you and you couldn't care less.

Your blackberry or phone has a plug in for a head set or ear buds. You could be doing all those tasks that are so much more important than your relationship with your husband while your husband is talking with you. Simply put your phone in your pocket or hook it on your pants. Then put the ear buds in your ears or head set on your head.

If you are doing something that totally demands all of your attention, then talk with your husband for four of five minutes and then ask him to call you back later. Although I've never heard of a woman that is also a wife, a mom and caregiver that wasn't excellent at multitasking.

My wife and I had 8 kids and she almost always had time for me. And if I happened to catch her at a bad time, then she would tell me what just happened and ask me to call back in 30 to 45 minutes. I can't speak for your husband, but my wife's voice was the Balm of Gilead to me.

Good luck to you and yours.

Not sure if this is a serious post or not..

Good grief woman.. This man loves you and misses you.
If you are planning on being married to him for a length of time.. Or God forbid forever.. which is the whole point.. ...

You could at least SCHEDULE a good time for you to speak with him once a day when he is away.

I know that you are super busy, especially when he is away, but he is earning money to support the family and deserves some attention. Yes, every day.

This is not all about you. In a family, we all support, love and express our feelings, hopefully every day with each other.

A kiss, a hug a few words every day, right? Even with your children, but especially your spouse.

Figure out if an early morning call or an end of the night call would work.. Heck sitting on the potty, if you are that darn important and busy..

Some people need a little more support. You married him, surly you realize, he loves you and misses you. You are a lucky woman.. make him a lucky man and love him back..

Wow you almost seem proud that you don't care about your husband's feelings. You even give off a sense of pride that your kids don't either.

I feel very sorry for your husband, he deserves better.

Oh high five to Dad on Purpose!! Good catch!

How sad. You entire post is, "I, I, I, I...". That pretty much sums it up. If you don't start giving your husband some attention, its likely he will find it from someone else. Good luck.

Sounds like your about ready for divorce? If not, I'd make some time for the man.

wow! I'm going to be honest. I'm not trying to be mean, but my goodness! You sound like a very unsupportive wife who doesn't even care about your husband! He is calling because he misses you and the kids and wants to talk to you and hear your voice and all you can do is yell at him and say that you don't have time to talk to him and have no reason to talk to him! He is your husband! You are supposed to be best friends, lovers, partners and you can't give him ANY time at all to talk to him? I feel bad for him! When my husband is gone, we can't wait to talk to talk and tell each other about our day and just talk about anything random. He never is a bother to me. Why are you even married to him if he is just a bother to you and you don't even have time for him? That is so sad! Laundry, cleaning and dinner can wait a few minutes for you to talk to you your husband!

Girl, slow down. I can understand the mom issue--but otherwise, your hubby should come first! Do you prefer he finds some floozy to chat him up while out of town?

If *I* were gone on a business trip for 2 weeks and my husband and kids did not talk to me, I'd be pretty upset.

I get that you're busy, and that with him gone, you're doing the job of 2 people at once. But, he's your husband. Why do you think it's crazy that he needs support from you? Isn't that what relationships are about?

Calling multiple times a day might be too much, but surely you can set aside 10 minutes in the evening to talk to him. When my husband is gone on a long business trip, sometimes i will just send him a few pics of the kids just so he knows what they're up to. Or, a 10 second video of DD saying "Hi Dad, I miss you. Can't wait til you're home!" It takes, literally,2 minutes to record and send, and he really gets a kick out of it.

Yes, it's hard when he's gone. Believe it or not, it's hard for him too.

That's the saddest thing I have read in months.
I would be upset too.
I suppose that what is sad about it is that it's not just about you "obeying" and phoning him, because your heart isn't in it. If Jeremy is really, truly busy at work then I will understand....but he'll call me as soon as he gets on his lunch break or when he's walking out the door, because he wants to hear me. It is a very rare thing for me to not stop what I'm doing for a few minutes and listen to him and just "be there" if he phones me. ESPECIALLY if he's away. It sounds like you've gotten so busy in your day to day life that you have forgotten your love for him?
I understand being busy: my mil does have alzheimers, I homeschool the kids, the 2 year old is pretty demanding of my attention, babysit a neighbor (sometimes 2), there's church, awanas, 2 kung fu practices/week, horseback riding lessons, next week is swim lessons for both kids, a moms group, a Bible study, an upcoming surgery for my husband's back that I'm preparing for, end of next week I'm taking the older child to Disney World for 4 days and preparing for everything to be prepared, easy, and "done" for my husband and our younger child, planning a 2 week trip to TX, listing my house and a friend's house for rental and preparing contracts, and on top of that the normal "home management".
He's been gone 2 weeks and needs you. He's lonely. I can't really fathom that you wouldn't be able to stop doing laundry (SERIOUSLY?) or that you're not able to cook or shop with the phone on your shoulder (or on speaker). What a sad thing to hear.
In a normal loving situation, you would call him first thing in the morning (or vice-versa) for a good morning call, and IF he called you during the day then you listen to him talk about "nothing". In the evening, you phone him again and say goodnight and talk/listen. Kids don't have a choice, they need to say "Hey dad! Love you! What are you doing over there?"
SERIOUSLY not sure how you can be on mamapedia but can't shoot a little text off to your husband saying I love you, or some encouraging words. Especially since he's away on a business trip. He's actively working to make a life for you, the money earned during this business trip is paying for that house you're living in, the food you're cooking, for the scheduled whatever you have for your kids, etc. I think you need to get over yourself-----I'm not saying this to be a cow; I do understand feeling overwhelmed, believe me, but you need to change your priorities if you can't find time for your husband.

He's lonely and homesick. I'd actualy be happy if my husband wanted to talk to me so often while away on business.

Can you compromise? Ask him not to call during certain hours of the day, but schedule nightly phone dates? I dated my husband long-distance for 3.5 yrs, so we had nightly phone dates at 10pm.

ETA: If you read through your posting you will find lots of "I don't want," "I don't need," and "I just want." It is good for us women to know our wants and needs, but part of being a wife is knowing our husbands' wants and needs as well. He NEEDS you. He misses you. He misses his children. He is not on the road for a good time. He is making money to provide for his wife and children. Must really suck for him to be away from home doing something required by his job, and then the people that he is doing it FOR don't even want to talk to him. Ouch!

Talk to your husband! Lol, seriously ..... Your man wanting to chat on the phone with you IS a good thing. You CAN find the time.

My husband works out of town more than hes home, I've got three kids and am always busy , but you bet I will pencil in time even though I barely have any to touch base every day and discuss unimportant things to ease my mans loneliness. There are worse things they could want.

Like NOT to talk to us.

Wow, I have been busy in my life but never that busy that I couldn't stop and talk for about five minutes to the man I loved. I have gotten phone calls from overseas when he was in the military at 3 and 4 in the morning and woke up and talked to him.

Keep this up and you will be all by yourself with everything falling down around you.

Find some help with your mom. Get some counseling for you and your teen and cut back on some of the activities for the 5 year old. Nobody has to be that swamped! The teen years are harder on kids that the younger years as they become independent and become adults.

Get a few bottles of wine and put them in them in the frig. Call hubby up at an appointed time and chat. No one is that busy unless they don't want to be with a person or in a relationship. If you feel this way much longer you will find divorce papers on your table.

Do go out and by the book by Steve Harvey of Act Like a Lady and Think Like a Man. You are pushing your husband away from you with a steamroller.

Good luck to you. I hope your relationship heals.

The other S.

PS Try to make a daily duties schedule that will help you with laundry and household chores. Once you get them down you may find more time for you.

And now a word from someone who understands a bit of what you're going through.....

My husband was deployed for six months, and at the time our son (who is Autistic) was 3 and we had twin infants. So, he's overseas and bored. Meanwhile, I am fighting tooth and nail every minute of the day to just hold things together. He'd get off his day of work and want to call and talk for HOURS!!! Time I just didn't have to spend. Not to mention the brain drain of trying to listen to him on the phone while babies are crying, son is stimming, dogs are barking.... It was just TOO MUCH!

I did some juggling, and found some quiet time to talk to him and have an honest conversation. We arranged a time of day to talk and agreed that incidental thoughts and intellectual meanderings should be conveyed in e-mail. He started doing a video diary for our kids and I encouraged him to go to the movies as often as possible (since that wasn't something we can do a whole lot at home.)

Yes, I agree, your husband is asking for something from you. Right now, his proposal is just too much. Negotiate with him. Tell him you appreciate his wanting to talk to you, and you want to be able to listen. Ask him to meet you halfway. Make a date with him. Take a shower, put on makeup, maybe even have a glass of wine. Spend some time on you, and you will feel better when you get on the phone with him. Hell, you can even multitask and call him from a bubble bath. You can tell him he has until the water gets cold then it's time to wash your hair and rejoin the Real World.

I get what you are feeling. I really do. I also understand that his petty blackberry message isn't inspiring you to romantic creativity.... I'm sorry. I hope you can assert yourself with all the people currently demanding your time and budget effectively for everyone. Good luck!

When my husband is out of town, we talk on the phone every night at bedtime.
We text each other at various times of the day anyway no matter where he is.
We talk about weather where we are, the traffic he had to put up with, how nice or awful his hotel room is, what we each had for dinner, what our child did in school today.
Most the time his work is classified so he can't tell me about it, but I'll tell him about my work if he interested in hearing about it.
I look at it like this.
He might die on the highway driving to go where ever he has to go.
I might get struck by lightning getting the mail.
You never REALLY KNOW when the last time you have a chance to say I Love You will BE the last time.
So say it often to the ones you love.
I do every day.
It's not hard to do.
Set a time when it's good for you to talk, and then keep in touch.
He's your life partner - it's good to touch base,

Sorry to be blunt but have you actually read your post and how you sound? Everyone else is more important than your husband - your overscheduled 5 year old, your out of control teen and your possibly losing her mind mother. He's away from you and his family and probably misses his normal routine. If you did actually give him the time of day, I am quite certain he would be less demanding for your attention. People like to feel wanted and needed. You are completely blowing your husband off because you don't have time for him. How nice and loving. I'm sorry but you did marry this man. He wants some of your attention. How does that suddenly make him a baby, immature or demanding? He is getting the message loud and clear he less important than everyone else in your life. Is that really how you feel? Is that really how you want him to feel? Why are you surprised he is now mad, miffed, upset, etc.? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? I don't see what's wrong with scheduling a time each day to talk to him. He wants to talk to you about the mundane. That makes a marriage. Now in your defense it is hard to deal with a whiny person BUT how much of his whiny behavior is stemming from being totally ignored and dimissed? It takes two to tango. Give the man the time of day he deserves as your husband.

I think you need a glass of wine and a hot bath...

I can see both sides. You're busy as hell and he's bored, lonely and homesick. If I were you, I would tell him that you want to be able to give him your full attention when he calls and not be totally distracted and rushing to do something, so let's agree to talk at X o'clock each day when he travels and then make it happen.

This question is sad to me.

Your husband wants and needs love...

You should see and respect that and call your man and tell him you love and miss him!

Well you're clearly stressed out, but shouldn't your husband be your anchor? He just wants to hear your voice and know that you care about him. Do you need to talk about serious life issues for that? Just let him know you're thinking about him and you miss him and ask him how he's doing. I think it's very reasonable for him to want to know that his wife cares. Let him know you don't have hours to talk, but just have a five, ten minute call before going to bed. Hell, talk on the phone to him while you fold laundry... women are wonderful at multitasking, moms even better!

Sounds like you're really stressed out right now and perhaps misdirecting your frustration. A lot of women would be happy to have a husband who wants to communicate, but that's neither here nor there since it doesn't seem to work for you.

If you don't have time for his "drawn out conversations" perhaps you could take a brief moment to send him a text to let him know that you're thinking about him. It really wouldn't take a great deal of time or effort... no more than it took to get on the internet and write your vent about him. A little compromise can go a long way in relationships of any kind.

Get a cordless phone you can attach a head set to so you can have your hands free. Try to call him once or twice at a time convenient for you and tell him you only have a minute but you wanted to hear his voice because you miss him! He's probably lonely and misses his family so if you show you are making an effort, maybe he won't call so much. Texting is good too.

Boy, it seems to me that in the time it took you to write this you could have called him for a bit to let him know you are thinking of him and love him. I know you have a lot going on, but it sure seems that you are being a little selfish. I'd be po'd if my husband was gone for two weeks and didn't attempt to call me at least twice a day. Doing laundry is one of the things you can multi-task with and definitely talk on the phone during. There's nothing wrong with interupting your conversation and saying, 'honey, I'd love to spend more time talking with you, but I have to pick up Suzy at practice - or 'the rice is boiling over and I have to clean up the mess. -gotta run''

It seems to me that there is more going on here than you wish to admit. Re-read your note and see if I'm right...

Sounds like you could benefit from watching the movie 'Fireproof' - but of course you have no time on your hands at all...

Wow... I hate to say it, but you're coming across as very uncaring, insensitive & ungrateful. He is the one who is away from all things familiar, including his kids, to earn money for his family & pay for the roof over your head. No one cleans THAT much in one day. Everyone has time for a 5 or 10 minute conversation.

It sounds like you are projecting your own, personal problems onto him & involving them in your marriage. If you're overwhelmed with your life, that is not his fault. If you are stressed, then maybe you need to talk to someone to get it all out. If you you'd rather push him away because of your own selfish reasons, then your marriage will suffer. How can you not miss him? I don't understand you at all...

You have time to post here, so you have time to call him, end of story.

I just think you are overwhelmed right now and don't feel appreciated and from what you are saying about your hubby, he doesn't feel appreciated either.

Try to relax today and gear up for a better day tomorrow. And I am sure you love your husband, take a breath and tell him you love and appreciate his hard work for your family but it is taxing on you when he is gone and sometimes it is hard for you to be sympathetic to his needs.

I have a talker too, so I understand but I also understand there is always someone out there that will take my place "listening" if I am not careful....

I know you are busy and stressed, but your husband's "love language" is with words. he needs you to listen to him (even if you aren't involved in that world) and to talk to him. That is what your husband needs from you.

Everyone needs support. Even people who seem like they have it easier than we do. Everyone needs to feel loved and missed.

It sounds like your love language is actions. You need help with feeling like your husband can pitch in and do something to lessen your workload.

perhaps if your husband feels missed and appreciated by you calling him, he will hire you a housecleaner to lessen your workload.

THAT would be called attending to each other's needs.

This is from "The 5 love language".

I hope things get better for you.

I agree with him, and you. You two need to set a time every day or twice a day for conversation time. Like a little phone date. He is putting HIS life aside to support the family, you can put YOUR life aside for 30 minutes a day to talk to him. I get he calls at bad times and it's frustrating!, (mine does too)... but your kids are old enough to understand that you can take a phone call, and THEY should also be encouraged to talk to dad.

Do you have any idea how boring business trips are? I've been to a few with my husband and he calls me tons on his business trips too, b/c he is just sitting alone in a restaurant or the hotel room. If I don't have time to talk on a certain day, I'll send him some pics of what we did that day, or maybe a little silly poem text or something. Your husband needs this, why not give it to him? Does he not deserve to know that his family loves and misses and appreciates him? Plus, it's a good way to be creative and strengthen your marriage. Like I said, if you set a time, say like 8:30 every night for a phone date, or a quick lunch time check-in, or a simple "good morning" text, it can be good for both of you.

Clearly your husband has a need/desire to talk to YOU, doesn't that make you glad? Many women would love their husbands to want to talk. Even if you don't, why not do what he wants/needs? A big part of marriage is looking out for your spouses needs. While you are super busy with the kids and all you do, perhaps he is lonely away by himself. Try to see it from his perspective!

I am guessing that at two weeks out, your husband is homesick and bored, and you are flustered with all you have going on. Not sure what is on your 5 year olds schedule, but if it is a practice of some sort, can't you talk to your husband while that is going on? And if you can be away from your mom and teen to handle those activites, you should be able to lock yourself in your room at home to talk to your husband. I'm not saying for hours, but 10 minutes or whatever you can reasonably manage.

wow are some people being harsh on you but I shouldn't be surprised given people can be mean here. You're obviously stressed and your husband is putting more pressure on you. It's hard not to feel like he's the only other sane adult and therefore should be able to take care of himself. My husband is needier than me in a way too so I know where you're coming from. I've told him "I just don't have the capacity now" when he goes on and on about a work issue for the 100th time. I work full time too. BUT - like others have said, you don't want him going elsewhere and it is better than if he couldn't care less about talking to you. And why doesn't your 5 year old want to talk to him or miss him?? Even a 13 year old isn't so old that he/she should be indifferent to him being gone so long. As Kirk Douglas said and I often think of, "some day your kids will be grown and leave you. Then it's just you and your spouse." And someday in your case, your mother will leave too. You should be able to cook and do laundry while talking to him. That's one thing women usually can do - multitask. Do you have speaker phone or a headshet? That helps a ton. Or call while you're in the car if you have hands free. Turn on the TV for your 5 year old for 1/2 hour and while your 13 year is in school and take the time for your husband. Hang in there.

Wow, you sure do have a lot on your plate. Your husband is not trying to be part of the problem. He just loves you and misses you. I feel terribly sorry for him.

Can you get a bluetooth and have it for talking on the phone while you work? If you think about the fact that he loves you and your children, maybe you'll change your attitude. If you don't understand that, try to imagine life without this man. Wouldn't you hate to have him divorce you and marry someone who DOES want to talk to him?

Regardless of what you say about not needing moral support, you actually DO. If you can't accept it from him, get it from a counselor. You are headed either for a nervous breakdown or a dissolution of your marriage, or both.

There was a time when you loved him, right? Find that underneath this angry exterior before it's too late.

Dawn

I think you should learn the Ummm hmmm game. I play this with my mom, who not only delivers long monologues but repeats herself over and over and...you get it. So, 80% of the time, I have no idea what she is saying, but if you Mmmm hmmm, in the spaces where there is no voice you can normally get away with it.

Sounds like you are super busy, so why not just let him talk why you are doing everything? Just go on about your business while he yammers. When he is interrupted every five seconds between the kids and your mom, he might get the picture. Then you can say, Honey, I love you too, but the dog just ate all of Billy's dinner and I have to take care of that. Talk to you later. Then hang up.

Whoa, people have been nasty to you! I see both sides of the coin here.

He calls wanting to talk and you SHOULD make time for that. Absolutely, without a doubt, you should make time.

Now, you said he calls several times per day. This is where I think your responses from people are nasty. You shouldn't have to drop everything several times per day for lengthy monologues. How does he have time to do that when he is on business, anyway? Shouldn't he be working?

YES, you must make time for each other daily, but long calls several times per day just to vent don't have to happen. If you posted here whining about how your husband won't talk to you on the phone all day, people would still jump down your throat, so take it all with a grain of salt.

So, kindly tell him that you can't talk right that moment, but you'd love to spend some time chatting with him when you both can take a break and focus on each other.
Why don't your kids want to talk to him? Are they picking up on your frustration or is it something else? My dad was on the road a lot when I was young and we loved talking to him.

*Hugs* to your husband. He must feel very lonely. Hopefully some other woman on one his business trips won't figure that out.

Ok I'm not big on chatting on the phone either so I get that, but can't you try to see things from his point of view and come to some kind of compromise? Have a phone date every evening at a predetermined time or something, set aside some time for the man who provides for you and your family? Pour yourself a glass of wine and give him your ear, he clearly needs it.
It seems like with everything you've got going on the last thing you want to do is alienate your husband.

geez people lighten up, This sounds like a vent to me. Can you blame the poor woman?

I could have written this. I totally get it. I used to care when hubby was gone for work but now i'm like yeah, i can get my chores done twice as fast AND watch what i want on TV. Do we need a divorce? i think that might be a little harsh. Yes it would be great to want to be together 24/7 but having some space is ok too.

I get your frustrations about his neediness, i would find that annoying too, since you already have some needy children to take care of. and probably haven't had much of a chance to be taken care of yourself lately. So Hugs and relax, remember the good parts of DH.

I didn't read all the responses so this may be a repeat, maybe not. I have 3 kids and number 4 on the way. When my husband goes out of town, we have ground rules. He can call anytime but must realize that I can't drop what I'm doing and sometimes I'm just busy! He calls once a night for the boys' bedtime chats and right before 'our' bedtime to catch up.

It sounds callous, I know, but I do what has to be done to keep things running smooth and it often doesn't include 50 million phone calls during the busy day.

Offer him a set time for the two of you to talk. He's the one missing home and all alone. He feels that life is just chugging along without him (and it is) and he needs to feel connected.

Gut reaction here, but you really do need support! You have a ton of stuff going on and while I know he cannot help you physically from a distance, you seem like you need to vent (note the long runon post?). As good as anonymous people on a blog are, your Hubby (IMO) should be your anchor.

It is time to get creative and get help with all the errands, carpool, prep some easy freezer meals and maybe look into a day program for your aging mother. You are being squeezed.

If you have no time to talk while he is away, it makes me wonder about talking when he is there.... I also can't help but wonder why the kids don't want to talk to him. That does not sound like a healthy relationship either. I hate to make a leap here, but the next post will be about why you can't understand why he no longer loves you...

Take a breather. Make space for you! Then make space for him and you! Then let the family fill in the rest.

Good luck.
~C.

The first thing that comes to my mind is that this sounds like a "love language" issue. I get that you're busy, but he needs to feel needed and not out of sight out of mind. When do you talk to him at home? Throughout the day? At the end of the day? When my husband is out of town, we send texts or call at the start of the day and at the end of the day. If something comes up--even if it's just to say hi--we call or text. Are you even doing that?

I can honestly feel where you are coming from and you have more on your plate than me. My hubby will have a straight 2-3 hour long convo with me because he is a talker and teacher by nature not profession. Most times I am thinking, I need to put a load in the washer or do this & that but what keeps me sitting there listening is.... In the back of my mind I hear my girlfriend complain to me about how she will call her husband and he will not even call her back, one girlfriend complains her hubby spends all his extra time with firends ect... so I sit and listen and smile and add my thoughts and points.

I sooo feel you though! I would call the hubby if it were me because that is the feeling he expressed to you that he needed meet.

Peace and hugs........oh and more time in your day Supermama! :)

When my husband travelled for two weeks in 2008, I missed him like crazy. I spoke to him several times per day. He called me in the mornings and at night. I would wake up to his voice and go to sleep to his voice. It was ALMOST like he was there, if only he was around when things were going crazy. We were in the midst of buying our home, I was in school, working full-time, and three young kids, the baby not yet 1. So it was crazy. But I missed him and made time for him.

Think if you went away for two weeks. You'd be MISSING the craziness that is your lfie and want to be involved. I think you need to think of his needs here too and make time for him. At least give him an hour a day. If that's 6 10 minute calls or one hour long call at night.

I get that you can't always pick up the phone or talk. Heck ,my husband drives 2 hours each way to work and normally wants to talk to me both ways. In the morning I am getting myself ready and on the way home I've got about 10 minutes before the kids get there. But he gets what time I have.

Try to make time for him. It's hard being away from your family and I can't imagine not making some time for him. Tell him you don't have an hour, but you've got 10 minutes and communicate. Be grateful he is calling too. He could be ignoring you guys.

I can relate to this because my husband likes to call and talk about nothing sometimes, if he is home and I'm at work or vice versa. Either way, I feel like, I live with the guy, I don't need to converse on the phone, I'll see you at home tonight, let me get on with my business already! (so I am very channelled in to how you feel when he calls and interrupts you!)

On the other hand, he IS on a business trip and away from his family right now, He is probably lonely and homesick. I'd cut him some slack.

Whatever the case he is obviously feeling unloved, from reading into his BB message. You better backtrack a little here and give him some extra TLC! Sometimes my husband expresses that he needs a little extra attention (usually in the form of random extra hugs and footrubs, things I feel I don't need to stop the middle of my task to do) and over the years I've realized it's better to just give him what he needs to keep things positive around the house. Even if I think it's dumb or I don't have time for it.

Yeah- some people just don't understand. My husband is a talker, too. I have learned to just accept it. He talks to himself, the dog, the cat, the lawnmower, etc. When he gets this way with me, I just put on speaker phone with the occasional "uh-huh". Usually when he hears what else is going on in the background (kids screaming, tv blaring, dog barking), he usually wants to hang up. lol

You know, it is annoying when you are busy to make the time to call. I get that. I sometimes feel the exact same way...my husband has to travel once a month and I know that feeling. BUT you are a team and a part of a great marriage is communicating well with each other. I think it is important for you to show your husband you do love him, need him, and want to talk to him. Just call. Call to chat about a couple little things. Tell him you just have 10 minutes and then call again later that evening for another 10 minutes. It means a lot to him and really it is not all that hard to do this.

My husband does the same thing. He works nights and often calls me when he's "on the road" - if he has a long drive (he drives around the city to check water pump stations) He gets mad that I never want to talk. I'm just not a huge phone person in the first place, and second, it's not like he's gone for days, I see him every day. We'll eat dinner together before he leaves, then three hours later, he calls me. then again 45 minutes later, sometimes 3-5 times a night. I need the time to myself to get things done, just relax, or BE ALONE! it drives me nuts, he is SO needy. But we're opposite, he needs people, I need alone time. I try to tell him this and he usually gets hurt, then avoids calling me for a day, then all goes back to normal. men.... ;-)

I get it! My husband travels a lot and is often in a different time zone. We talk every day when he is gone, but it is after the kids go to bed. When he was in Iraq, it was very hard because the only time that was good for both of us was at 1pm my time. My whole day would revolve around 1pm:) Can you block out 10 minutes when the kids are at school or after they go to bed to chat?

I see more than fifty responses to your vent. Sounds like you have alot on your plate and feel he should be there in person to help you with chores and to cope with Mom, instead you appear to feel he is just one more person pulling you. First is your marriage sound do you communicate everything or just convey the obvious to each other when you do talk. Perhaps it is time to set up a date at the end of business trips so you can both decompress and reconnect. At one time while dating you may have had long conversations with each other about stuff, stuff that didn't matter but you still talked because it eas the company. Ask yourself. Is it time to get help with Mom or at least a respitcare sitter? Are you assigning enough chores to your children even a 3 year old can do basic tasks, loves the praise and will ask to help more when they receive pisitive attention, older kids it is just their duty as being a part of thr family. It sounds like your at a stress point wherr you want everyone who you perceive as wanting something from you to shut up and go away. Your husband sounds like he is receiving the brunt of it. Ignoring him while he is away may send him to find someone to connect with wherever he is. Also the childten should all talk to Dad once a day even for a few minutes. This will take some of the conversation time saved for you and give it to someone else he should be talking to anyway. Good luck with getting what you want.

Hey Mama, I can tell you are so spread thin with soooo much on your plate. Is there any way to lighten your load? Get help for your mom? Or with the kids so you can have some time for just you? Secondly, your
marriage is also getting neglected. I believe a marriage is the soul of a family so I would find a way to move it to the top of the list. Marriages are hard, demanding, time consuming.....but your marriage is the floor that your children are building their lives upon. Believe it or not taking care of your marriage is good for you too. Try and focus on what you love about
him and feed those thoughts. For example, sounds like he agreed to let your mom live with you. Lots of men would not go for that. Also, he wants a connection with you. I am sure you would have more things if you let yourself go there. Grow those loving feelings for him again. Can you take a couple minutes a day to call him and leave a sexy message, tell him you
love you....blessings!

Take a step back. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life and your husband is the man you married. He sounds like he just wants some reassurance. No one wants to be feel taken for granted. How would you feel if your hubby came back home and told you he was too busy to think about you or the kids and he just can't deal with you right now?

Take a step back and figure out how all of these crazy things happening in your life are affecting you, and then make it a vow, not to let them interfere with your marriage. It is okay for you to need your husband! Tell him that. You need time to talk and vent (just like you did to us) and let him listen. This is a time when you need your hubby most, so don't send him away! I'm sure there are a lot of divorcee's that wish their spouses reached out to them before things went south. Maybe you can take some time after your child is in bed and talk. One of the biggest problems in our busy world today is that if we don't make the time to talk and bond with our spouse on a daily basis, we find that we have completely lost touch with each other. And even worse, do you really want someone else to be his ear to listen? Marriage is a commitment and it can be very rewarding if you let it. Make the time for it - for both of you - or you will be adding marital problems to your list of problems. Besides, he has already put his hand out to you! Good luck!

Men are babies plain and simple.

My hubby was home sick for about two weeks. The first day was a Friday - I didn't call him. The longer he was sick, the more whiny he became. When I got home from work the following Monday, he was all pouty because I hadn't taken the time to call him to see how he was. First of all, he's an adult. He can take care of himself - he really wasn't that sick. So every day after that I made sure I called him just so that I could enjoy my evening when I got home. If it were me, I wouldn't want him to call. When I'm sick I do not want to have to get up to answer the phone just to tell the person on the other end that I'm still sick when they just left 2 hours ago and knew I was sick!

Men are babies. Next thing you know, you'll get the old "Don't you love me?" (Eye roll!)

Could be the other way around - you could be posting that hubby leaves you for weeks on end and never calls or checks to see how things are going.

Do you have text messaging? Hubby and I communicate a lot that way when I'm busy with the kids or neither of us can talk at work. He'll even text me when he gets to work so when I wake up I have a text. It's just nice to know someone is thinking about you. And yes, you do have a busy schedule and a hectic life (it appears) but that does not mean you cannot carve out some time during the day to just call and say "I love you." Even if it's on his voice mail. Or send him an email telling him about your day.

I do understand where he's coming from and even if you can't talk for hours or minutes on end, you MUST make an effort to talk to him while he's away. Communication is key!

I talk with my EX-husband every day and we have been apart for 13 years. I have always welcomed communication with the family!

It is really a strain to travel as well and a bit of home makes it better.

aaahhh, the joys of motherhood and wifehood. I hear ya! He must be a talker, eh? While I don't see the reason why you can't take a little time to let him know you are thinking of him, he's the one not left to keep the homefires burning at home trying to make sure all the human beings in the household stay healthy and alive, right?

If it makes you feel better, I hate talking on the phone too. It always goes like this if he calls...
me "hello?"
him "hey"
me "hey"
him "wus up?"
me "nothing. you?"
him "nothing"
me "what are you doing"
him "working"
me "oh. me too"
him "yeah?"
me "yeah"
and so on and so on. Maybe he thinks my life at home is more exciting than that? idk.

Call him tonite and keep the peace. It'll make the love of your life feel good and maybe make you feel good too :)

Just tell him plainly that you are overtaxed right now with ALL of the responsibilities while he is away and simply do not have time to talk. Tell him you'll check in with him via text each evening so that you know he's OK, and he knows you and the family are OK.