Husband Sharing House with Female and Male Room Mates.

A person can cheat whether they live with a person or not. So while living with a female roommate may make "temptation" much easier because it's under the same roof, the fact is that he could easily cheat if he wanted to - and that would be if he lived here with you as well as in another country. This is why the rules were finally changed to allow women in the various branches of the military - it was wrong to assume that people were more likely to cheat if women were in the same unit. I also know many people who share a house with a member of the opposite sex. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Some people say that men even keep their homes neater and "behave themselves" more when there is a woman in the mix.

The problem is that he lied to you and hid this information from you. It may be that, financially, he had a better option in living with these particular people. Maybe he felt that you were unreasonable or that he regretted promising you he would not live with a woman.

The other problem is that you did not have a relationship of trust. From the beginning, you felt he was not trustworthy so you required him to promise you this. And he did not trust you enough to be honest about his living arrangements, or to discuss the financial repercussions when he was faced with a situation that made having a female roommate a good option. But when he was talking to you, he didn't take precautions to keep you from hearing a woman, and he didn't tell you about it. So he didn't respect you or trust you enough. I think that's the larger problem.

It must be very difficult to be so far away from him, especially while you are pregnant. I hope things work out for you.

It probably doesn't matter.

You have to decide to trust him if you are going to be so far away from each other. There is no way you are going to be able to keep tabs on him, nor should you want to or feel like you need to. You have to decide to trust that he is not involved with another woman until you have PROOF of an affair, or decide your relationship is not strong enough to endure the distance.

I actually think I believe this after I thought about it. I think I know why your husband lives in a different country and why you're here. I'd guess it has something to do with documentation, being legal etc. If I'm wrong, sorry. So the other thought I have is that when you got pregnant you were probably aware of the ramifications of what could happen if you are in two separate countries. Unless you can join him you are stuck with not really knowing what he does ever. You could hear complete dead quiet when he is on the phone and there could be five hundred females all over the place where he lives. You just don't know. I wouldn't use up your emotional energy worrying about what he's doing there. He clearly lied, doesn't understand why a lie would bother you and at the risk of sounding mean I would hope he doesn't make it back. You have a baby to worry about and if he lied about the one thing he could be lying about other things. I wouldnt want to take a chance on him after that. But that's me. I suggest you find the best possible support for you and your baby both financially and emotionally and wish him a good life. You need someone you can trust.

I had a male roommate in college. Best roommate ever!!

We never even kissed or anything physical. We were just really really good friends. In fact my husband asked him to be a groomsman in our wedding.

Well, all of my college roommates were men that I was friends with. If I was married it wouldn't have made any difference to me. I wasn't interested in these guys in that way.

Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't then file for divorce now because you won't make it. If you do trust him then tell him "Honey, you're right. I understand and accept you have other roommates. It's okay. I'm SORRY I was being silly about it".

Again, I only had guy roommates in college and never once kissed any of them nor did I try to seduce them and they didn't try to seduce me.

If they had it wouldn't have made any difference because I wasn't attracted to them sexually.

I remain friends with 2 of the guys to this day. I am friends with their siblings and families and wives and in one case a daughter.

So, just because there's a woman in the same house doesn't mean they are or are not cheating. If they're cheating it's because they had the opportunity and went for it.

Having a woman in their apartment isn't anything special. They could see that woman on the elevator every day, in the laundry room, at the grocery store, at the park, and even at work. If he's a cheat he's going to find someone to cheat with and it won't be at his home away from you.

If you keep pushing he's going to finally get rid of you and move on.

He may have lied because he didn't want to upset you. That is a common reason for lying. Even at my age I sometimes find it difficult to tell the truth because I don't want the drama that does occur with the truth.

I also suggest that the truth is not so important to some people and cultures. You're hurt by the lie. For him he may not understand why it hurts. He's faithful and you should know that may be what he's thinking.

The strongest marriages are the ones where the people can trust each other, totally.

He does not tell you the truth, because you cannot handle the truth.

YOU made the rule that no women can live in the house, because you do not trust him. Not a good sign. I would never marry a man I could not trust and who was not strong enough to resist other people. You do know some straight men, have sex with other men? These men are not gay, they just like sex in general.

And so we pick partners that love us, and will be faithful and then we trust them.

If this is the breaking point in your marriage, I encourage the 2 of you to first go to marriage counseling and learn how to speak and communicate with each other and to work on the trust that is so very lacking in this marriage.

Your marriage is difficult because the two of you are so far apart. It takes a tremendous amount of love, personal strength and trust to be able to keep a marriage like this strong, but many, many marriages survive this.

It's always a problem if a man doesn't have the feeling that he made a mistake by hiding the truth. It means he doesn't care if he lies to you. And it causes hurt in a marriage.

Your husband did not respect your wishes by getting female roommates. He lied about it. He doesn't care that he lied about it.

Why is he overseas? When will you two live together again? Have you figured out how to have a marriage when you don't live together?

If this is going to last a long time, I don't have much faith that he will want to stay married to you. You two need to start living together again.

The fact he hid you from the roommate would cause me some concern, it may be time for you to go to him and sit down for a real face to face conversation about the future of your relationship.

Welcome to mamapedia!!!

Can I call troll?? I'm sorry. Seriously - this sounds ssssooo far out there!!

On the off-chance you are real and this is a real situation, I'll bite.
1. You don't trust your husband. This isn't just a pregnancy thing, you obviously DO NOT TRUST him...therefore. you really don't have a marriage. No trust. No marriage.

2. He lies to you. Sorry. But the only time "lies" are acceptable - and this is a stretch - birthday, Christmas and anniversary gifts. As you shouldn't have to lie about them.

What would I do if I were you?
I would make sure I could support myself and my baby without him.
I would make sure I have custody and child support arranged as well.
Then I would file for divorce.

I have no idea why you are separated right now. It really doesn't matter, does it? You don't trust him. He is forced to lie to you to avoid a fight. It's a vicious cycle. Stop the insanity.

First of all, I feel that you might well be a troll.

BUT since you asked for advice...here ya go:

Do you have a job? A goose night job to support yourself and your baby by yourself? If so--great!
If not, I'd look into college, training, certification, etc for a decent career which will allow you to support yourself.

In other words, marriage without trust is just, well, a friendship.
Good luck!