A.A.
Hi S.,
Sorry for your situation, and you have nothing to be embarrassed about! Although sex is only one part of a relationship, it is an important part of a healthy marriage. It is more than just the physical act, but the intimacy that comes with sharing it with your husband. Its a great stress releiever too, and who doesn't need that with kids! I understand that when we become parents, our roles change and spouses start looking at eachother in a whole new light. Giving birth in front of someone sort of takes the mystery out of it all, you know! But that doesn't mean you can't get back to seeing eachother as man and woman, not just mommy and daddy. Your husband has to be willing to work on it though. It sounds like he is making excuses to cover for some other problem he is having. Maybe he is stressed, depressed, having a physical issue? Its hard to say, but most man aren't going to come out and say they have a problem. I would talk with him again. Make sure you are being non-confrontational or making accusations about what he is doing wrong. Make it about you. You are lonely, miss him, really need the release, etc....Stroke his ego a bit, tell him how much you miss him in bed. Maybe even try to spice things up a bit. Get a sitter, get dressed up, and go out for a nice romantic dinner or to an activity he enjoys. If you can afford it, spring for a hotel room. Enjoy a night as husband and wife, and don't talk about the baby! Sometimes people just need a push to get that lovin' feeling back. If nothing works, I would insist on counseling. Maybe he would be more comfortable going by himself, so he doesn't have to sit there while he feels you are attacking him and he is being called a jerk. I wouldn't continue this way for too much longer and let him know it may be a deal breaker for you. Sex is something you only do with your spouse and is an act of love to the other person, it is not a chore. You will wind up unsatisifed and lonely in the marriage if you do nothing. The only other thing I would say, is that don't expect that you will both have the same drives. Sex 2-3 times a month may always be enough for him, while you would like it twice a week. You may have to compromise on frequency,but not on quality! Keep things fun, with whatever you are comfortable doing, and let your husband see you are more than just a wife and mom, but a woman with real needs, sexual and otherwise. Hope this helps a little!