Husband Won't Agree to Private School Even Though It Would Be Best

I really think people making blanket statements about private being FAR superiour to public or private prepares students for college better need to stop. There are some fantastic public schools out there. Ever hear of Hunter in NYC? I knew people who went to small privates and hated every minute of it. Perhaps private is better in many circumstances and we're considering it bc of all the budget cuts but it depends where you live. I went to public high school and still managed to attend the #1 ranked graduate school in my field and now earn in the top 1% in the country. I know plenty of people who went to public and are doing very well. As well, I know people who went to private who are utter failures professionally. These blanket statements are unnecessarily insulting.

I can understand you wanting to protect your child and stimulate her intelligence, but there are a couple of damaging things here that you should take a look at. One, a person does far more damage in family life going behind their spouses back than sticking together side by side. 2) Having gone to Christian schools and having sent my children to public (and myself having worked in Public -there is no difference in bullies other than the colors of their uniforms and while money is no problem it is actually truer in Christian schools because while money isn't a problem for you the school itself often cannot fall into the area where other types of funding exists and programs get dropped or materials are not available. I went to school and go to my job both on the premise that with a certain amount of encouragement a student will learn lots in and out of the home. If you want to provide her with a strong background and a character to withstand bullies (and sorry there are ADULT bullies even in my life) then show her she has a family that is strong to turn to and that means two united parents.

Just read your update. I hope you will be ok with your heart surgery..That does sound very frightening.

Our daughter has a 529 plan, but you DO realize, it only pays for college Tuition?.. Nothing else.

To give you an example.. Our daughters tuition is $17,000 for 2 semesters per school year. But with housing, fees, books. It is at least $58,000. per school year.. Then you add on living expenses travel, it is even more. So be sure that you have good life insurance for both of you. Imagine the cost once your child attends college..

This may be another reason he is thinking paying for Private school at this age and continuing for the rest of her elementary years,middle school and then High school.. It adds up to a lot of money, that could be placed in savings each year for her actual college career.

Be sure to let him know you are willing to talk about ALL of the reasons he is hesitant. Could be he is trying not to worry you. But he needs to know you are aware of all of this. Men hold in a lot of their worries. I find my husband and I do a lot better when we put it all out on the table.
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Just FYI

All of the private schools (Religious or not) in Austin do fund raising.. The difference in Private School, each family is REQUIRED to raise a certain amount in public school you can opt out.

Many times when public schools can no longer handle the ultimate bullies? They are sent to private schools.

Our daughter attended all public schools, graduated National Merit Scholar and applied to 9 top tier colleges and was accepted to every one of them.

I was extremely active in all of her schools. PTA President, on the city council of PTA's, I sat on a School district board for almost 3 years working on bettering all of the schools in the district.
Our goals on our campus's were to listen to what the teachers needed to better educate our children and to teach the students to be good citizens.

To make sure the money is not wasted? Be active and go to the budget meetings. I can tell you not one nickel was wasted at any of our schools. We were good stewards of all funds. We made goals and then did our best to fund them or at least help the school FIND the funding.

Your husband has just as much say in this as you do. He is telling you he has experience with private schools and he does not think it is what he wants for your children.

I suggest the both of you go to your child's school and speak with the Principal and the next grade level teachers and tell them your exact concerns. Ask them how they can help assure your child will be challenged. Explain your concerns about the school and how can YOU help them..

We had lots of neighbors and friends that their children attended years and years of private schools. I keep thinking back on the Thousands of dollars they spent over the years and how we did not pay tuition and yet our daughter is in an excellent college on academic scholarships. She will graduate with Honors and 2 degrees next spring.

I get the feeling no matter what we write, you are not going to change your mind. Just remember your daughter is who will have to go to the school each day. If you feel it is a good match for HER, then do it, otherwise, become part of the solution at your neighborhood school. Be a positive helper on that campus.

I didnt really see a question here. A couple of thoughts:
1) Teachers, public or private, should differentiate their lessons for all students. For your daughter, there should be extensions to the regular lesson that take her beyond where she is now. When I was teaching, the extensions were often open ended projects where students, once they had completed the regular lesson, worked on a research project related to the topic. They then created a foldable, or presentation, or illustration, that showed their knowledge. A school should NOT tell you to wait X number of years for a program that is more interesting.

Schedule a conference with the teacher, explain that your daughter feels bored, and ask what modifications could be made for her. Be ready to share a few things that she is really interested in (art, music, writing, etc) and ask if those things could be worked in. For example, you say that she is struggling in reading - if she likes to draw, she could create a comic strip showing the plot of a story. If you approach a teacher as a partner, he/she will really work with you for the good of your child.

2) There are problems with bullying and kids not getting along at ALL schools. Teachers and administrators can address those by creating a school culture of kindness and support. They can also punish bullies. The best thing to do with your daughter, however, is to teach her to be confident and assertive and to tell bullies, in a strong, confident tone, that she does not like what they are doing and saying, and to stop.

As far as public vs. private - both types have excellent schools and terrible schools. Small schools can be great, so can large schools.

My suggestion would be to:
1) Work with the teachers at your current school to create a situation your daughter thrives in
2)Schedule a tour of the private school with your husband. Let him see what you see, and why you think it is better.

Well I don't know the answer for sure, but I do think signing her up when he is against it is a mistake. Put the shoe on the other foot. What if he just took her and enrolled her in public school without your knowledge or consent. Would you be furious? Just because you think you are in the right doesn't mean you will be doing your marriage a favor by doing something you know he isn't for. It sounds like this is still and issue that needs to be hashed out between you two some more. This is just as much his child as yours and he has reasons just like you, regardless of who is right. The best gift you can give your child is for you two to be in unity, making decisions for her together. When we were in marriage counseling our Pastor told us that sometimes unity is even more important than the right decision. Life is full of ups and downs, pitfalls and questions. You two are charged with the care of your child and even if he is being stubborn this is who you chose to live with and raise kids with. I know my husband occasionally will just be so bull headed, in my opinion, about something. He just makes a quick decision and won't relent. So, I just pray about it, speak my peace about it and then see what happens. Well sometimes I shout my peace about it truth be told....;) But I really try to leave things alone until we get resolution on the issue. In your case, somebody will just have to relent bc you guys just disagree. Maybe he would be willing to meet with the school to talk about his concerns and see if they can assure him that things will be as he wants them to be. Maybe he will get a revelation that he is projecting his own experience onto all of this. Maybe you will send her to public school for a year and he will come around or you will. But doing something he is dead set against is not a good decision, in my humble opinion...good luck!!

1.) Yes, private school curriculums are FAR superior to public school curriculums. However, have you considered that should you ever fall on hard times, what would the repercussions be of switching from private to public? I tell you, they are far-reaching, and I know from personal experience.

2.) Money talks. As such, in private bullies and bullying are not handled even remotely as well as they are handled at public schools. Private schools, generally, are not as equipped to handle those situations. I also know this from personal experience.

3.) Private schools do prepare kids better for college. However, lots of public school attendees graduate college and become successful. So do lots of homeschoolers. The deciding and most important factor in a child's education is their support system. If their parents place an emphasis on education, so will the child, and they will flourish, no matter where they go to school. Period, the end.

4.) You have paid your husband a huge, incredible disrespect. You have disregarded his opinion and his feelings and there really is no better way to disrespect a man. I would be furious at my husband if he treated me this way.

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The single most important factor that determines a child's success in school is parental involvement. You can consider pushing to enrich her as much as possible yourself within her current school system. You can request that she get the teacher each year that will be willing to give her challenges above the grade standards. Some teachers are really great at helping advanced students reach their potential, and unfortunately, some have zero desire to go above the "standards" and spend all their time helping the struggling ones keep up. I'd be following her lessons and homework very carefully and be in communication with the teachers when she is bored because she has already mastered something. They are less likely to let her sit bored if they know you are concerned, paying very close attention, and will be questioning what is the best use of her time. You can supplement more advanced reading at home. What about a mother/daughter book club, or something similar in your community outside of school? Bullying exists in ALL schools, public and private. Almost all schools have policies now against exclusion and bullying, BUT it still exists, and sadly I think it always will. Sometimes in a smaller school community, it CAN be harder to break in to or to escape the established group. You do have valid concerns though for wanting to switch her. It's all about pros and cons. Just be careful because the grass isn't always greener, and no matter where you switch to, you are often just trading one set of problems for another. Good luck, it's a lot to consider, I hope you and your husband can keep talking about it.

I would be beyond furious if my spouse completely disregarded my thoughts, opinions, feelings and experiences on a subject.

Personally I feel that the more involved (which you seem to be) with your children's education the better education they will get. Public or Private can both be fantastic experiences depending on YOUR attitude. I myself went to a very small high school and HATED every last minute of it. I graduated on sunday and moved out of town the following monday that's how bad I hated it.

In the end the question is ... would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Cause if you go behind your husband's back and do something he is dead set against you aren't going to be happy for a while.

there are problems with every kind of educational venue, and bullies show up in all of them. eliminating bullying is sort of like the war on poverty (or drugs.) it's a nice idea, just completely unrealistic. schools should have strict policies about physical violence, but dealing with exclusion is something that must and should be dealt with by strengthening and supporting the child left out, not trying to pre-emptively manage every child's feelings and friendships.
i see a much bigger problem in the two of you being unable to reach a compromise here. whatever your child is learning academically, she is getting an emotional wallop here by being in the middle of this tug of war.
i put my older kid in private christian school hoping to give him more of a challenge with higher academic standards. that's what led to homeschooling.
khairete
S.

Each family has to decide on their own what works best for them.

For us, well, one of my girls graduated from a small, all-girl Catholic school last year. When I say "small" I mean it! There were 18 kids in her graduating class. So, now she's off to college and she's doing very, very well. She's made new friends and kept up her relationships with her HS classmates. She may have gone from a school of about 150 (all girls, grades 6 - 12) to a college of about 3000 (co-ed), but she's joined a dance group (a first -- she never had dance classes), a service organization and is maintaining a dean's list GPA -- and she's looking for a job.

Early in the year, when she was telling me about her new friends I mentioned that I was hearing as many boys' names as girls'. She told me she had less difficulty chatting with new people, including boys, than her new girl friends who came from co-ed public schools. For us, the small environment gave her the opportunity to bloom on her own time and the confidence in herself she needed to go forward.

"Socially impaired"? Not in our experience!

I have to agree with your hubby that it does often make interaction with the real world harder because they are "sheltered" in a private school. I also agree with you in regards to doing what is academically best for your child.

There are avenues outside school to help with reading and since money is not the issue, why not allow her to attend public school and seek out the alternatives? Sylvan Learning Centers, other tutoring agencies, there are summer programs that are offered too that help every grade (and give parents good methods to help their child).

my kids (first grade) go to a catholic school. small with about 15 kids per class. i have to say academically this school is by far superior. i compare what my kids do with our neighbor's child who is in first grade attending public school and they just cannot compare. far more superior.
but there are down sides to everything. the problems i have with a catholic school, which may make me start considering public school are: bullying does not get addressed if the bully's parents have 'connections' to the school admin. and teachers. kids with connections get better treated than others. if a child needs any kind of services the school does not even help to try get the public school district to help. not only help, but they don't even show up for meetings. there are cliques being formed as early as kindergarten, parents steer their kids towards certain kids (usually social climbers), fundraisers all the time, while they tell you you don't have to participate, you actually do because the word gets around who has donated, participated and who hasn't. teachers can be hit or miss as elsewhere. we had a great kindergarten teacher, one of the best. this year, two teachers, and i am not pleased with either.
again, bullying is the major issue. a bully with back support is left alone. great, huh. so i pay for this.
anyways, i have not made my decision yet but we will either move to a better school district, or send them to public school. also, don't do anything without your hubby's blessing. if things don't turn out the way you want them to, you'll get the 'i told you so.'

i can't address the bully part except to say in our area the bully thing is taken care of a lot quicker in the private school than the public school as the public schools hands are tied on so many levels. I can say that my granddaughter and grandson went to private school (catholic) for kindergarten and first grade. When she was starting second grade and my grandson in first grade my daughter moved across town. Since the public school was so close they decided to switch the kids. It worked well for my grandson who is ADHD. there were services available which were not available in the private school. He is doing good. My granddaughter who is very smart was bored out of her mind. Teacher in the public school said "oh we don't do advanced work for 2nd grade" and refused to do anything to give her more challanging work. My granddaughter cried just about everyday the second month. they ended up moving her back to the catholic school before thanksgiving. So the kids are in two different schools. I love the catholic school. Not just the religion part but the actual learning / academic part. I put three of my own children through catholic school and one through public (we moved) the education the older 3 got was superior in every way to the one the youngest is getting. Do it if you can.

List out the Pros and Cons for your hubby. Get the Curriculum from both schools and note where she is already ahead in the public school. Maybe ask the school to provide you with the names of a few parents that have kids enrolled there and ask them for a written statement on why they like the school. Maybe you can even get a parent that tells a success story of leaving the Public school system and moving to the Private school.
I am 100% for Private education, but I would not just enroll my kids without my husbands semi-approval. Lay out the facts and try to get him on board.

Maybe you can even throw it out there that you just want to try it for a year. We all know you do not want to move you kids from school to school, but if you can at least get him to agree to one year, maybe he will see in that year that it was the best choice and there won't need to be any further discussion.

Good luck!