My husband has 3 jobs. He leaves Sunday night for his 3rd shift job, when he gets out the next morning goes directly to his other job from abot 7am to 8 pm then to 3rd shift again and home tuesday am. Sleeps till about 3 and goes and picks up my step son gets groceries home about 5:30 leaves at 8 for 3rd shift then to other job wens am all day and back to 3rd shift home thurs am sleeps till 3 goes back in for 5 then back to 3rd shift then back to day shift the next am then home friday night. He sleeps and hour here or there in his car inbetween clients durring the day. Third saterday of every month to D.C. for yet another job. Other weekends he is busy around the house, the grass, the fence and stuff painted, the cars need work, the tractor needs work, the tree needs trimmed the garage needs cleaned, ect. The kids and i miss him. I miss him like crazy. Anyone else have a husband who is away a lot? Also i know he is actualy working because i go and visit him sometimes at work. Surprise visits. He says a lot of his clients husbands are away at work a lot also and its normal. It dosn't feel normal. He knows how i feel. I don't think he is doing it just to get away from the kids and i cause i know he loves and misses us to.
I try to lighten his load as much as i can. As for me work9ing, first I have M.S. and am on disability and we have 4 children so me working and sending the youngers 2 to daycare wouldn't be worth it. He won't let me mow the grass because he enjoys it. He has always gone for groceries on Tuesday and i have talked to him and tried to convince him to let me do it but he enjoys doing it. Our 3.5 year old has a behavior disorder and is going to daycare 3 days a week which he needs. I have tried to get help from the state to pay for childcare but we make to much. That means if he quits a job he won't be able to go to daycare anymore.I do whatever i can to lighten hisload but there is only so much i can do because haveing 4 young children (the oldest being 7) they demand most of my time, patience (which is begining to wear thin) AND ATTENTION. bETWEEN HIM NOT BEING HERE MUCH AND MY 3 YEAR OLD ACTING UP I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING MY MIND SOMETIMES. i WOULD LOVE TO GET A JOB JUST TO HAVE A BIT OF A BREAK.
Sounds like he's busting hump to support his family. Can you ease the load at all? Can't you do any of that stuff around the house? Lots of women cut the grass and clean out garages....
You didnt specify if you work? Is it necessary for him to have 3 jobs? Is it possible for you to pick up a part time job if you dont work and have him give up one? I just cannot imagine my husband working 3 jobs and me not helping at all I also cant imagine us needing 4 jobs between the two of us?
J., I don't know how to put any of this without offending you, I am afraid it will. Why aren't you picking up your stepson and picking up groceries at the least. You must have a car since you pay surprise visits to hubby while he is at work.
Are you not able to do the yard work? My husband works long hours and I work a full time job and run a business. If a tree needs to be trimmed, I pull out the saw and trim it down. Maybe you could kick in so he can sleep more.
Everyone must do their part. Is there something about your situation you left out?
J., good to see you made an edit to your post. So it sounds like your hubby is just one to keep busy and get things done. I am that way as well. If my husband had things his way, he would have a second couch parked along side "his" couch and we would watch movies all day. I am sure he just wants to keep everything up because it is so hard to play catch up once things get behind. Just love him and show him you appreciate him for making sure everyone is taken care of...not all men/hubbys are that way.
whoah!! that's a whole lot of rice for just one enchilada!!
Meaning he is working way too much!!. My first concern is for his health, I hope he is doing ok.
My husband works from 6am till 11pm earliest or even 1am, he works on weekends most of the time too.
I miss him too, and like you I know he misses us and loves us. I think its common, but not rally normal, but, what are we gonna do!!! we need to bring in the bread, right?!
I send him notes, or texts, or try to meet him for lunch if possible, I try to be there for him as much as I can, make him feel loved and appreciated when we are together. (I'm sure you do too) Sometimes its just hard to see them work like that.
Hang in there, we know they are doing their best, and to me, that's more than what I deserve.
Good luck
So why is he working so much? Is it the only way to survive with the money? Is there anyway you can work to take some of the pressure off of him? He sounds like a very responsible, sacrificing man. Can you do any of the yard work for him? It sounds like he is going to burn himself out.
I work with a man who also has 3 jobs. His schedule is grooling, I do not know how he does it! He is however very set on being able to retire at 40 yrs old so that he and his wife can live a wonderful second half of their life. They have it all worked out and their last child will be graduating from HS the same year as he will be able to retire! I think that is pretty sweet...he obviously loves his family and his wife very much and is doing what is necessary to make sure his family is very well taken care of...and that he and his wife can relax and travel and spend quality time together, while they are still relatively young!
I would miss my hubby too much, just like you! I have no real advice for you...other than to say how nice and lucky it is to have a hubby who is willing to sacrifice like that for his family, I hope you tell him often how much you appreciate him. I hope you guys are saving a ton of $ and that the day will come soon for you guys that he can cut back on work and that you will have him back! Good for you on the surprise visits...he probably really enjoys them and you gotta do what you gotta do to make time to see each other!
If he doesn't stop he is going to die from overwork. After a while our bodies can only take so much. Why does he have to work so many jobs? Is there a way to adjust your lifestyles to accomodate him being able to just rest! That is definitely not healthy for a relationship, himself or your family.
A guy I know has 3 jobs by choice, and when he is home is always busy with projects, too. Is your husband the type that can't stand to not be working? Some people compulsively work to fill in a void in their life or feel worthless if they are not constantly busy. Some people have high energy and are super ambitious. I don't know your husband but maybe he wants to work that much. If not, I agree that you could go hang out with him at least while he is doing yardwork, etc, you would help him with it rather than be missing him.
WOW! My husband has one job with pretty normal hours and I can't get him to do all the yardwork, etc. that your husband does. Take care of him when you can!!!
1) Does he have to work 3 jobs, to support all of you?
2) This is not easy on him either... I am sure. I mean, who would WANT to work 3 jobs... and be happy about it?
3) He has a hard schedule... and he does seem to do things around the house....
4) Have you talked to him.. about it???? Try to see how he can compromise or give up something or 1 of his jobs... if possible.
Again, I don't know of anyone, who happily chooses to have 3 jobs... it is hard... on anyone. So... talk with him about it... but if his 3 jobs are a financial necessity... then well, maybe he can find another job, that pays more and he can quit 1 or 2 of his other jobs.
Wow! Whatever "experts" say, this is still a tough economy, and many people wish they had ONE job.
Do you ask him how he feels about working so much? Could it be that he does it because he wants financial security for his family and he feels this is the only way he can accomplish that right now? I've heard of many, many people (some here on Mamapedia) who are being pressured to work very long hours now just to stay sure of keeping their jobs.
I'd be concerned about his health. Having such a stressful work week and just grabbing sleep here and there is going to catch up with him.
I'm married to a CPA and for four months out of the year I feel as if I'm a widow! When my children were small it was difficult, because when he did get home all he wanted to do was sleep so he could get up in the middle of the night and go in again (he used to get a whole lot of work done before the phones started ringing at 8 a.m.). About all I could do was take care of as much around the house as I could, and teach the children that their daddy did indeed love them!
I dare say military wives and moms do the same. (A young friend of mine is serving Thanksgiving dinner to her family this week because her husband is about to be deployed again and she wants them to celebrate together.)
Very confusing work schedule! The question is does he financially need to work the 3 jobs? If he was to quit a job right now, would that put a huge impact on your lives and finances. If so, be grateful that he is working so hard to keep up. Could you work instead of him working 3 jobs?
I can relate to a missed husband and daddy and feeling like a single mom at times. I handle it knowing that he would rather be with us and that if he wasnt working so hard that we wouldnt be where we are today. I do get a family day on the weekends though. Maybe you could have one day or night where you all just get at least a few hours or so spending time together as a family. Or even work on the outside chores together. Good luck and hang in there!
Why don't you get something that you can do from home? My husband has 1 job and we sometimes feel in the summer, his busy time, that we hardly see eachother. And yet it seems your husband is more then willing to help out around the house while he is home? I just started working from home, while caring for our 2 and almost 6 month old, to try to lighten my husbands load. So he doesn't have to always take the overtime. He can turn it down to spend time with his family. Yes, there are days where I feel I don't know which way I am turning, but then I remember what it was like to work full time+ and take care of the children and home with a 45 min commute, plus driving all over the state of NJ to appointments. Now I can do all of that from home and get things done, and just bringing in extra money makes me feel that we share the load- and gets my mind off of 'kid things' everyday! It gives me an identity! ;)
I echo the answers below. Does he need to work 3 jobs because of your financial situation? Are there things in your lifestyle that you could cut out so he wouldn't need to work so much? If that's not the case and he's just working to work, you really need to sit down with him and talk. It sounds like you've tried before. You need to have him tell you why exactly he needs to work so much. and insist that you and the kids need attention and he needs a break from work or it's going to hurt him physically.
Hi, J.:
Get a handy man to help. Get an appointment book with
columns in it for the whole family.
Put in each column the routine for everyone.
see how your time is spent and make adjustments.
Good luck.
D.
Why is he doing all of this? Do you contribute to the household finances or could you take over some of the maintenance responsibilities?
I would take a very close look at your expenditures and determine whether or not there are places you could cut-back that would allow him to eliminate one of these jobs. I would be concerned about his health first and foremost- our bodies require sleep and maintenance too!
It may mean doing "without" in some areas of life, but wouldn't you rather have him around? Talk to him about it and have a plan in mind. Right now he probably thinks he has to do it all or the floor will literally fall in. See what you can do to cut-back and contribute more financially. It may help!
My husband is coming home tonight for the first time in a year aside from sporadic visits that last a few days. He's a musician who is on tour for 2 years straight after every new album. Between albums he has time off for a few months to a year. Reason? He's in the working musician class, not rich entertainer class, so it takes constant work to maintain a decent salary and save enough for "off years", AND it's his life's passion which he's been doing for 20 years since long before I met him. Now that we have 3 kids under 5, it's much harder on him to be away, but he can't magically change his career overnight in a recession with no other qualifications, and I am blessed to be home holding down the fort, raising the kids and not working. SO in a nutshell, it works for us, though it's difficult. In the next few years, we plan to gradually edge back in my income -I worked full time for 17 years before my first was born-so this is my "time off"-as well as decrease his so he can be with the family more.
What' your plan? You definitely sound unhappy and he definitely is breaking his neck. How does he feel about it? Does he purposefully opt to run off and work constantly when with some sacrifice he could have more free time? Is it financially essential? Are there cuts you can make to enable him to drop some shifts? Can you start to bring an income? You're right about everything, you all need more time together, you just need to assess the possibilities within your situation. His comment that it's normal makes it sound like he doesn't see a need for change. My friend has a husband that literally refuses to stay home and deliberately constantly finds work in other cities, always has. There are hundreds of forms of "normal". Yes, other people work this much. But that's beside the point. You need to feel heard and get tot he bottom of this. Blessings to you in getting this resolved!
Oh, ya, and needless to say, part of my SAHM duties are yard work in summer and winter and no maid etc. I buy the groceries and get lots of chores done so he can rest when he's only home briefly. Lighten his load whenever you can!
