I Don't Know If I Want to Have Another Baby.

I have had 4 difficult babies. 2 of them were extremely demanding until they were 1 year old. All my kids have had reflux and have been very miserable. After baby 2 I swore I would never have another one. I know how you feel. Just remember that because this baby is a hand full, it doesn't mean the next one will be. I can't imagine my life without any one of my kids. Also remember, they do grow up so whatever you are going through with you 6 month old now, know that it will end. Before you know it, they'll be in school. My first born started preschool this year and I can't believe all the different phases we've been through. Best wishes!

Hi S.,
Just thought I would share my experience with two children. I was an only child and always wanted a sibling. So I always knew I wanted at least two. In today's economy, two is just enough. I had my children when I was 33 and 34, 15 months and 2 days apart. I am not going to sugar coat anything it was not always easy...twice the work. But the up side to that is everything is done all at the same time. (You finish with diapers, sippy cups, potty training etc.) They are now 3 and 2 and they are done with all that, they do everything about the same time. They take great care of eachother. They always have a play mate. It is actually easier and a lot of fun to have the two of them and they are so close to one another. (Something I never got to experience as an only...and something I really missed) We lost their Dad last year, so it is just the three of us, and it is a strong bond. It is a little more work with more than one, but when they get a little older like mine...it is actually easier. Whatever you decide, just enjoy him or them.

Both my husband and I have siblings, so we always knew that we wanted 2 kiddos. However, the main reason behind us having more than one is because I don't want my child to be alone in this world when my husband and I are gone. I know that won't be any time soon, but I wanted him to have someone, other than just a friend, to be there for support and love and friendship when we aren't in the world anymore. I know that when my parents pass on, having my sister (just one more person that reminds me of them) will be just what I need. Hope that helps. I have 2 boys and it is so much fun watching them learn to be friends and play together. Good luck!

K.
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My husband grew up as an only child and wanted siblings. He felt a little lonely and really bored. As the only child, his single mom depends on him too heavily and it's exhausting, but that doesn't have to be the case in your situation. He's very independent (a little too much sometimes), which I partially attribute to spending a lot of time alone. But he's a very well adjusted person.

I grew up with siblings and my sister and I were best friends growing up and still are. We live in the same neighborhood together and have such a blast. I am so happy to have had siblings. We will always have each other, even after my parents are gone. I feel like my childhood was totally enriched through the experiences siblings offer (even though we fought a lot too), and as an adult those relationships still add much to my life. We offer support and love to each other in times of need and in times of celebration. So I'm a little biased, but there are many ways to have a happy childhood and happy family. It depends on the parents more than on whether or not they have siblings. It's really about what you want and can handle. It's not right or wrong, but I do feel that what a sibling offers is such a wonderful gift to give your child.

My sister and I were 14 months apart and did everything together, but my mom told me that was an accident and too close. So I wanted mine close enough to be friends, but not so close in age that I'd go crazy. My 2 kids are 23 months apart and in some ways it's easier to have two kids because they entertain each other.

I don't think anyone can help you make this decision--YOU have to be ready and think its a good idea.

However, I will say that once your son is 9-15 months old, you might feel he is a bit easier and you might feel like you are ready for another one. I have 4 children and it seems like once they hit 9 months my hormones kicked in and I wanted another one (FYI...only 2 of them are biologically mine). I don't know if you are breastfeeding or not, but I know when I was breastfeeding I didn't want to even THINK about having another child...but like I said, when I stopped and I had my body back for a while I felt like I could handle it.

Both my husband and I had siblings so I have no "only child" experiences to compare. However on the side of siblings, I have to say in some respects it is easier to have more than one. They kind of look after each other. They are not constantly demanding your time because there are other people to play with. They learn that things don't always go their way. They have someone to share things with (including secrets and emotions). If they are being sneaky, someone is bound to tattle on them :-). You DO love them all equally (including your non-biological children if you have them).

But I will say that the leap from one to two is harder than the leap from 2-3 or 3-4. You worry about loving the 2nd as much as the 1st. You worry about not giving them your full 100% attention. You worry if you'll have the energy. ...the answers are you do; you can't, but you couldn't even if there was only one; and you will find the energy.

One more thing...you don't necessarily have to have your second one naturally. If you decide to make your family larger later on, there are MILLIONS of children who could use a good home worldwide--why not adopt?

You don't need to have another one so soon. Women these days are having babies later and later. My mother was 43 with her last child. I know there are concerns and you can talk with your dr about it.

Only child can have a lot of benefits but they are lonely a lot. I remember being an only child before my sister came and while we have had our differences, I love having a confidant in her. It is really nice to know that she has my back and I have hers.

That being said, it is still your choice whether to have more kids. I can understand if your baby is being a handful and then dealing with another baby is not something you want to deal with. My first two boys are 17 months apart and that was very stressful for me. My last son is almost 2 years younger than my middle son. And that was much better for me. The older ones were out of diapers and helped me ever so much with the baby.

Sure my boys fight sometimes, but then unexpectedly, they help each other, especially when I was not looking for that. It is pretty funny when you are expecting trouble to go in and find your 4 1/2 year old helping the baby potty train by trying to put him on the toilet and wipe his little tushy.

Make a pro/con list. What are the benefits to an only child. What are the benefits to siblings. Calmly discuss with your husband. Have him tell you of his childhood and tell him what your concerns are. If you two can see points in the others concerns and talk, you can make a informed and satified decision. Remember both you and your husband make the core of your family. Whatever you decide is best for your family, I wish you well.

Hi S.,

A am a SAHM with 19 month old. I am 41 but I am trying to have another one. I don't think age should be an issue for you. There are thousands of women having babies later in life. I don't want my daughter to be an only child. I think she would love a sib. I do wonder how hard it will be to handle two but I see moms with three and four and they are doing just great with it. I am sure it will be a challenge but it is worth it to me. I love children and so does my husband. You have to decide what is best for your family but I believe each life is a gift from God and a miracle. Plus you will have a new person in your life who will be unique and like no one else. How cool is that!!

Remember, you don't have to decide now. Wait a year or so. You may find you really really want another!!

I too think it's too soon and that you need to give yourself some time.

I had my first son when I was almost 34 and my second son just after I turned 38. I had planned for them to be two years apart, but life got in the way and this is how it turned out. It worked for us. As long as you have good health it shouldn't be a problem any more than any other preganancy. They may have you do a couple of more tests and that's it when you're a little older.

I was an only child and would have loved to have a brother or a sister, especially since all my cousins lived so far away and I never got to see them. I didn't want my son to be an only child.

Ultimately it's your decision. I personally wasn't ready at six months to be preganant again, especially since I
breast-fed for 19 months. I didn't think my body was ready to be pregnant that soon after the first pregnancy, but that's me. Each person is different.

Good luck in whatever decision you come to. Time will tell.

S., We had another baby, but not until our oldest was 2yrs. So I became pregnant when she was just over a year. It will make a big difference as your son grows up a bit. I don't think too many people can really think of having two babies! I can tell you that our second, while more of a handful then the first is such a blessing! She is fun loving, energetic and I would be miss having her. We are also very fortunate in that both girls, for the most part get along very well. I think it would be tough to make this decision with such a little one that takes up so much time right now, but I think, for us anyway, that a second child was a wonderful addition. T.

I felt the EXACT same way when mine was your son's age. Now that he's 14 months, I am starting to want another and I'm seeing how it can work now that he's a little older. Just give it some time!

We have two, after my first one I didn't want another one for at least a year after I had my first. Of course my husband was ready about 3 months in... lol! I always knew I wanted more kids though, I knew I'd have more eventually. I just couldn't imagine having any more at that time. It sounds like you don't really have any strong feelings about it one way or the other, so I'd suggest telling your husband that it's just too early and then you can think about it more when your ready.

Truthfully, I couldn't even stomach having another baby when my son was 6 months old! It didn't even occur to me until he was about 3 that I wanted another. Give yourself some more time. You're still in the very tiring and overwhelming stage of motherhood that is all still very new. I would say not to rule it out, but don't rush because of your age. I didn't have my son until 2 weeks before my 35th birthday and then I had my daughter when I was 39. A few years isn't going to make much of a difference in anything.

Give yourself some more time to get used to motherhood. Establish good routines with your son and talk about it again in a year or so. Whether your son has a sibling or not is not the issue. Many kids do fine being the only child. This decision needs to be more about what you and your husband want for your family, not what your son needs.

Good luck and give yourself some more time before you either rule it out or decide to have another.

Hi S.,
I am 36 and I have a daughter who will be 4 next month and an 18 month old son. I was just thinking about what a handful the kids were during the first year, especially baby number two as you have the first running around as well. It absolutely does get easier as they get older. I do agree with your husband. Siblings are great and I can see it already in my two. They absolutely adore each other! A live in playmate is the best and I personally feel they are going to learn so much from each other. I'm 95% sure we are done having children but every now and than I can't help but think about a third. And this is coming from someone who was freaking out about baby number two. I was even stressing how I was going to get both kids out of the car by myself without having the older run in to the street! I hope this helps. Good luck!
B.

My husband and I are both only children. Our daughter is an only also. All the time I hear about people having a 2nd or 3rd child because they want the 1st to have a sibling to play with, or they miss the baby stage, or because spouse wants a 2nd.

For me, I completely LOVE being able to give all my love and attention to just our daughter. She too is a handfull and a 2yr survivor of cancer at the age of 5yrs. Our experience would have been totally different if I would have had to worry about the 2nd child not being neglected during treatment, etc.

All that aside, our main reasons for staying at one were logical. The money to put mult. children through college, being able to pack up and take off with 1 child is easier. As far as needing someone else to play with, that's what friends and playgroups are for. Our world is pretty overpopulated as it is, so that too was a thought.

As a grown-up only child, I realized early on that a great group of friends, or even 1 or 2 special people, can be even greater than relatives. At least I got to choose which people I wanted to share my life with. I know so many brothers and sisters that only get together on holidays as they don't get along all that well. So the statement about when you and your spouse are passed on, your child will have a support system that may work even BETTER than a brother or sister.

I was 38 when our daughter finally came along, so the age issue was a BIG thought for me having a 2nd. I'm now 43 and teaching toddlers at a preschool, 1.5 yrs & 2yrs. They are a lot of fun, but when it's time for me to leave, I'm so very glad to be going home to our house of 3.

That's my take on the issue. I just thought you might like to hear the point of view of a grown-up only with a wonderful only daughter! Whatever is the right decision for your family, it needs to be one that EVERYONE is comfortable with.

Best Wishes :)
--
~L.
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I'm with the others here, it is a decision that you and your husband need to make together. I do not believe someone should have another baby just to give their first child a sibling; but that said, having a brother or a sister is the best thing in the world. I have three children and they are the best of friends. They know when it seems that the rest of the world is against them, they can always come home and find not only parents that are here for them but also siblings!

Wait a couple of years and you might see things differently too. Right now, in the middle of raising a busy baby is not the best time to make that decision. Plus, you do have some time, more and more women are having children later in life and happy they did. My childrens' ages are: 18, 14 and 11. I left plenty of time in between each of them so that I could enjoy their baby time. I wouldn't want to have two babies in diapers at the same time. Their baby years are such important years that I wanted to be able to concentrate all my efforts, love and energy on each of them during their baby years.

Just wait a year or so, again, you might see things differently!

That is a difficult decision.... I do know though that if you decide to have another one you won't regret it.... just think of the huge blessings your son is now.... you would have double the blessings! Anyway, we have 3 girls.... they are best buddies.... they are all 2 yrs. apart. I have 3 sisters & know that siblings can be the best support system your child can have. It helps occupy their time when they get older too! If I were you I would give yourself a little more time before thinking about getting pregnant again. If you got pregnant now they would be 15 months apart which would be really hard if you aren't sure now that you want another one. :) I would say wait till your little one is at least 12 months before you get pregnant so you have closer to a 2 years difference w/ them.... there's my 2 cents. :) Blessings on your decision!

I understand not being sure of having another child...you have a 6 month old! The first year of having one child is tough...adding another into the mix is even tougher (We have 2..with #3 due in November). But, having 2 kids close in age is alot of fun for us and for my boys. They play together and of course, fight together...but they have a built in friend at all times. One child is very easy but two isn't so bad once you get used to it! Seeing the love they have for each other is amazing!
I think you have to be ready too! I personally wouldn't have been ready for number 2 with number 1 being 6 months old...but I see the point on the age thing!
I hope you both can come to an agreement! Good Luck!

My experience so far...I have 2 little ones that are 15 months apart. We did not plan to have them so close, but knew that we were going to get pregnant w/ the second when it happened so we weren't surprised. Caring for my first during the pregnancy part was not so hard for me as I don't get sick, but if you get sick during the first trimester you may miss some of your son's first year milestones along the way. My youngest is just turning 1 this week and the two are starting to play very well w/ each other. I have friends w/ children the same age difference but older and they say that it only gets easier to occupy them as they get older because they are even better playmates from here on.

Since I have a boy and a girl, I get to enjoy both worlds of girliness and rough and tumble boyness. As there is no real way to guarnatee the sex of your next baby you will need to weigh the possibility of having 2 boys who would be life-long friends as well.

I do remember being at the 6 month part w/ my second and my husband bringing up the subject of another, so I do understand the point of saying I'm not ready. I did not stay home w/ my first, but have been able to after my 2nd and it is a handful to take care of your own children at home and keep house as well. I guess, that I am telling you not to rule it out, but make sure that you are ready (obviously your husband already is ready). I have decided that we will not try for any more children for at least a few more months as I want to be able to enjoy both of my children for a while before having to care for another newborn.

S.,
I am a SAHM with two daughters who are 3 1/2 years apart (current ages are 5 years and 20 months). Their age difference is a direct outcome of the fact that I did not feel ready to have another baby until my first child was past two. I gave birth to the second daughter at age 40 and everything was fine. I think you should listen to your heart. You may (or may not) feel differently about another baby in another year or two. I think it is quite common for a mother of a 6 month old to not feel ready for another baby right away. And I also believe that are many advantages to your baby to wait because at six months they are still so dependent on you for so much. Try as we may to rise to the occasion, the energy required for each child is enormous and mothering more than one child is really really tough... they each want (and deserve) so much from you! I don't usually respond to posts, but I feel so strongly that you will know when you are ready and it is so important for all involved (including hubby) to honor that.

I did not want just one child... growing up I wanted 4...
Why you ask. Because then they would each have someone to play with.

Although, I am different than most people because my kids are 3 years apart. (except the first two - my daughter and stepson are 4 months apart... can someone say puberty of both genders simutaneously.... UGH!)

Anyway, I can see your hubby's side and I can also tell you are feeling reluctant... I would too .... it is tooooo early.

There is nothing wrong with having a baby after 35... my mom did it 27 years ago... and boy am I thankful too... I have a beautiful and very smart sister.

If I were you I would just talk with your husband. Let him know that you will consider it and that you will talk to him again about it in 6 months to a year. HTH

It is really soon after your first to be deciding whether or not you want another. Even though you are already in your mid-thirties. You can safely have another for several years yet no matter what people tell you. If your body is healthy you have plenty of time. Also, if you get "too old" in your opinion to carry another, you could always look into adoption. Your husband has a very good point. If he grew up an only child and wanted a sibling then he really knows how lonely it can be so you should respect his reasoning. Whether or not YOU think it's a good reason, it really is. Unless your baby has some kind of cognitive disorder, it doesn't take a child long (a couple years) to know they are lonely. Consider not just how much work it is for you while they are little, but how much richer the family experience can be if you share your life and home with another child - and how your son will have someone who will truly always be family to him when you and your husband are gone.

I had another one because I was an only child and I always wanted a sibling. There are advantages and disadvantages to being an only. You need to do what is best for you. That being said, yours is only 6 months, you should wait a while. You will probably change your mind. If you have another one now, having both so young would probably be a handful. I had my first at 35, and my second at 38 and they are almost too close. They were both still in diapers at the same time and it was really tough. If I were you I would wait to get PG until at least the one is out of diapers. You still have plenty of time. That would also give yourself a little time to really think about it and be sure. I think it is too soon for either of you to close your mind to either option.

I can't tell you weather you should have another baby or not. That is something that has to come from within. I can tell you that I found myself unexpectedly pregnant at the age of 42. I was very concerned about birth defects due to my age. I didnot enjoy the pregnancy at all since it was not something I wanted. However, now I can tell you it was the best thing that has ever happened to me and our entire family!! Even though I was older the pregnancy had no problems, delivery was fine and the baby was completely healthy. My suggestion is do not let your age rush you..You will know what is right and when.

That's why we had another - because we wanted our daughter to have a sibling. We both had siblings and couldn't imagine our lives without them - after all nobody in the world knows and understand where we came from than them.

BUT it comes down to what YOU want. Even though we theoretically wanted another one, my dh is the stay-at-home parent and I had to leave the final decision up to him, even though i wanted another. He DEFINITELY had a hard time with our first, close to a couple nervous breakdowns, lol! but in the end he really wanted our daughter to have a sibling. He has not regretted the decision and is so thrilled that we had our second daughter - there are times that they drive you nuts, but they love each other and play with each other so well that it gives him so many breaks instead of having him be one child's only focus.

That said, you also have to take into account support from your dh. My dh has ME, I'd be any woman's dream of a supportive husband. I come home from work and help, help, help. He actually finds making dinner to be a break from the kids, so i'm lucky there, but we support each other and are a great team.

Anyhow, this is such a personal decision and a hard one. I wish you the best of luck.

By the way, my daughters are 3 yrs and 2 months apart. My dental hygienist insisted that her family believes 3 1/2 yrs seperation is perfect and they are 3 generations of siblings doing that in their family. I took her advise (hey, she was pretty convincing!) and I gotta say it really has been perfect. She is old enough to "get it" and be sweet, helpful, & gentle - but young enough to be a great playmate! Again, good luck!!!!

P.S. I wouldn't take the age of 35 as written in absolute stone. remember, it's all a bunch of statistics, :D, lol!

I haven't read through the responses but I wanted to say that I think it would be better to decide when to have another baby based on the age gap between the older and new baby rather than your own age.

Your baby is only 6 months old, I think that is too soon to have another! But then again, lots of moms (my sister included) have babies 15-18 months apart. Wait till he's about one and start thinking about it then.
My mom always said 2 years was perfect (but all hers were 2 years apart, with a 7 yr gap between me and my next sister. The hardest in terms of spacing/timing for her & when the kids were young were the two that were 20 months apart instead of at least 23 months apart - but that could have been because she nursed each till about 2yo)

Anyway, that was what my mom has always said. I wanted another so that the kids could play toghether. I think it is harder in a different way, and easier in another to have just one. I loved having my siblings (even if I fought with them sometimes.)

When you have just one, YOU are your child's playmate & entertainer. When you have two, they have a playmate and learn to share (yeah you'll have to referee sometimes but you wont have to be the one to sit and play pretend and games and such for hours!)

The only reason I haven't had another yet is because it hasn't happened yet. :-( Now that he is in first grade... I am giving up on the idea of another (at least I say I am, but I still find myself hoping that maybe I'm pregnant?! ah well)
I'll be 41 next month, had mine just before turning 35 but I do not think age has so much to do with fertility as other issues I have. If your body works regularly, normally, and you're in good health, there's no need to fear a date on the calendar.

I am a 36yr old SAHM with a 2month old - and a 6yr old, and a 2yr old. We have a bigger gap from #1 to #2 because I wasn't ready to add to the family with other things going on in my life. I have only been SAHM since the pregnancy of #2. It was highly due to her being such an enjoyable easy baby at 1yrs old that we decided - hey we could do this again. Having an infant when you can be home with him/her is just wonderful, and I know I will be able to be at home with them for a few years further now. 2yr gap is harder, than 4yr, but in the long run as they get older having a sibling really eases the 100% attention from you that a singling may demand of you as his playmate. But it boils down to you being ready, so perhaps after more time you may feel ready to have another, a less than 2yr gap would be pretty tough for Mom for a few years. But you can still have a healthy baby at 36! (I wanted my baby in the spring before I turned 36 too, so I can't blame you! It just sounds worse doesn't it (36 than 35)).
On the other hand we appreciate moms of singlings who seem to like to take our older kid really often to play!

Such a tough decision, I know. First, let me say that you shouldn't have another baby unless you are completely sure. That said, for me, having a second child to provide a sibling for the first is the best and most unselfish reason to have another baby. I was very much older than you, and didn't want my first child to grow up alone. It isn't just that they would want a playmate as children. A sibling is a gift you give them for their lifetime. I have three sisters, all of them my best friends for life. Plus, watching your children interact with each other is a joy you might not want to miss.
Good luck.

I have a 21 month old, and she just keeps becoming more of a handful..lol She started walking at 9 months old and hasn't slowed down since. Tell your husband you aren't saying no for the moment, and you will talk about the situation again when you feel like you have a handle on the one you got. I agree it doesn't give reason for having another, but if he feels it is important, don't shrug it off. Just acknowledge his wants to let him feel validated and let him know you need lots of time to think about it. You don't need to think that because you are 35 that you need to have another. Enjoy what you got....lol Does you baby have any rambuncious cousins that can start coming over while your husband is home and destroy your house in front of your husband and come and change the channels and spill stuff on his remote and favorite furniture? You can pay them five bux or something and have a nice organized plot..lol
Don't cause too much of a fuss with the man otherwise he will resent you and you will resent his reasonings. Plus if you aren't ready for another child and if the child ends up being one of those fussy collicy babies, then you may even resent the baby. Although you know you would love the child, you don't evr want to have one cuz you were forced to. It isn't fair on anyone. Single children grow up to be very happy and successful due to all of the extra attention given to them.
Good luck!

Give yourself some time! 6 months after having one baby is too soon to be even thinking about the next one. You are in no shape to be pressured about that now. Once your baby is a bit older and a little more independent, you may change your mind and be ready for another one. First get to the point where you are getting some rest and your body feel a bit more like itself. Your hormones are still probably a bit off and a 6-month-old is definitely a handful. After another 6-12 months you may feel totally different.

When your baby is only 6 months old is NOT the time to decide! They still need you so much and take so much energy. Tell your husband that you have not made a decision but can you wait till the first one is 2 or 3(whatever works for you). I had twins first and we waited till they were almost 4 to have another! I am so glad we did andthey help out so much. I want another! But, I promised 3 was the final number! J.
I knew I wanted 2 kids but once I had twins I really wanted to see them be loving and nuturing big brothers. Having another teaches both of them so much about sharing and love and yes you dont want to be the only thing you children turn to at home! They drive you nuts!

Give it time! Geesh, your baby right now is still a baby at only 6 months. We decided to have another one when our daughter was 8 months. Our daughter and son are 16 months apart and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. They are close now that they are 2.5 and 14 months, but the first year was SO hard! So if you do decide to have another, really think about WHEN. Especially if your son is a handful.

But why we decided to have another...it just seemed right. You might not feel it now, but why wouldn't you want a second? We thought our daughter was so wonderful, there wasn't a question in our mind about wanting another one. Like your son, she was, and still is, a huge handful. But our son is the calm one.

Yes, just because your husband wanted a sibling and because your son may want one to grow up with IS enough of a reason to have another. Of course you need to make sure that YOU want one also. But in the end, it is great for your son to have another. And it will be easier for you too. Just imagine staying at home with a 4 year old all on his own. YOU are the one who has to constantly make sure he is entertained. A second child can give you a break! And if you plan to stay at home when he is older, what are you going to do with a 7 year old by himself over summer break?

I think you should give it some time. You have a lot going on with your son being a handful and being so young. Put this sibling thing on the back burner for now. You might want to reevaluate things later.

And what is your reason to have another before 35? Is there REALLY that big a difference between being 35 and 36? Or 37 for that matter?

Did you have siblings? How did you feel? How do you plan on keeping one kid entertained? Does your son have cousins his age? If not, how will he keep busy during family reunions and gatherings? Although my sister and I don't get along 100% of the time, I enjoyed her company growing up during family trips. It was nice to have someone pick on mom and dad with. :) And to share secrets with. We both had lots of friends, but at the end of the day, I knew that I always had my sister.

It's a very tough decision to make! Here's my story on that issues:
I'm the eldest of 5 siblings, so after I had my daughter I surely thought I'd have at least one more... but life got in the way, her dad and I broke up, and when she was 2 I met a man who's 20 years older than I and who's already fixed. I was pretty sad for a while, as I just never thought I'd only have one! My fiance does have 2 other young kids just 4 years older than mine, a boy and girl, and they get along great... but I still to this day wish I could've given her a "real" sibling - and she's always asking me for one too. It's a bit of a heart-breaker!

So, I suppose it's just up to you... but look at it this way: if you do have another, you're NEVER going to regret that child. But if you don't have another, you just might spend considerable time with regret.

Hi S.! Congrats on your 6 month old! I have a 4 month old boy so I can understand what you mean by "he's a huge hand full". Although, I too am a SAHM I find that I'm always busy doing something for the baby and my 3 1/2 yr old. Life is very beautiful right now, but VERY busy.
Regarding your question about having another baby, I would encourage you to postpone this decision 6-12 months. Talk to your husband and perhaps he will agree to wait a while before trying to conceive #2. Here's the reasons why. First, your body is nowhere near ready for another pregnancy. Regardless of whether you breastfeed or not, your iron stores do not replenish for 10-12 months after giving birth. Beginning a pregnancy with low iron status (anemia) is a big health risk for you and your next baby. Second, research now tells us that getting pregnant less than 18 months after giving birth greatly increases your risk for complications such as preterm labor, preterm birth, uterine rupture (if you had a C-Section)and the list goes on. Third, your risk of having a Down Syndrome or other chromosomally abnormal child does go up each year, but 35 is not a magical age for abnormalities to develop. In fact, more Downs Syndrome babies are born to women under 35 than over simply because more of women under 35 are having babies. The risk of complication during pregnancy should you have your next pregnancy too soon just might be greater than the risk of having an abnormal child if you waited a few months to a year to get pregnant. Fourth, just because children are close in age doesn't mean they will get along and be friends later. I have many examples, but the one that comes to mind is my neighbor who has 2 girls 15 months apart. She said they fight all the time because they are both competing for her attention. (Oh, and she had preterm labor and was put on bedrest from 24 weeks on with her second pregnancy--no fun when you have less than a 1 yr old baby to care for).
So, please talk to your husband and agree to postpone the decision to try to conceive for a few months. My hope is that you will both be ready for another one when the time comes. Please don't get in a hurry. Kids are a great blessing, but lots of work too. Having two children more than doubles your workload, but also your enjoyment. Enjoy the baby that you have --he won't be little for long! Best wishes. Got to go. My little guy needs me. R. Certified Nurse Midwife, Married, SAHM since 2005.

My sister and I are the greatest friends, I am so happy to have her. I now have two girls and couldn't be happier. Of course each kid brings new problems, but I think it's worth it to them- as the last person said "to have each others' backs" Someone you can really talk to. I think it's especially hard to think about having another baby when the first ones difficult baby times (and pregnancy/labor) is so fresh in your mind. Mine are three years apart, which is what we always wanted, but other people enjoy them closer or farther apart. I like the thought of them being in school together. I think 2-3 years is ideal. Of course your age is a factor, especially with Down Syndrome. This is your family's choice, but I would have another one so they can be a team together.

S.: having another baby has nothing to do with you. But, it does have everything to do with your son. He is probably THE ONLY good reason to have another child! Think of this: when your husband and you are both gone, who is your son going to have? I'm sure he will have cousins and/or friends who are "LIKE" a sibling, but trust me, there is NOTHING LIKE a sibling than a sibling when your parents are gone. There is NO ONE who can truly relate or understand all that they have experienced and lived. except a sibling. IF you are able to have another child, you really should. Don't worry if you think you won't be able to handle it. You really will! It will really amaze you what you are really capable of doing......you really will have the time, love, energy, patience.......whatever it is you will need for all the children that come into your life! I have 3 children - all 2 years apart - 27, 25, 23 years old - and they are so close and are very thankful they have each other. I, personally, am one of 11 (13 years apart from top to bottom) and am so thankful for all of them. Both my parents are gone and we're now having to take care of a dying brother. We all have such different talents so between us all, we're able to give my brother the care and dignity he deserves. I just couldn't imagine not having my siblings........even my brother who is dying!

For me I have always wanted more than 1 child. I had friends who were only children and while it seemed to be fun, there were lonely times for that friend, they seemed to want company on a regular basis. I have a friend who only had 1 child and now that he is 16 she is wishing she had at least one more. When he was younger it was fine - they were able to fill his time with lots of activities and they were able to do many things with and for him. Now that he is older, he is moving on - all the attention they focused on him has been replaced by attention from friends and they feel pushed aside. He sought close friendships and now is gone a lot with those friends, which they don't mind...but he is gone with his friends families - she feels lonely now as they have an "empty nest" and he is still a teenager. She said she did it for selfish reasons - she wasn;t sure she could handle more than one child - they wanted to make sure they could provide everything this one child needed...but now she sees that she could have done so much more by simply providing a sibling - that would have been a blessing to both them and Brandon. Finances are often a motivator - and I think that is over rated. Of course you need to provide for your children, but there are things they need and things they "want" - some of which are not really that important. I have 4 children and they "want" lots of things....we get them what we can afford, which is normally just fine in their eyes....I think we underestimate kids sometimes and think that they won't understand - they do.

That's really a decision you and your husband have to make after weighing all of your pros and cons. What might be important to someone else may not be to you and your family. That being said, I can say that my husband had this same debate (I wanted another and he didn't) and I'm now the proud mother of 2. It's not easy, but I love watching my 4-MO smiling at her 3.5YO big brother and him spending endless amounts of time trying to hug/kiss her and make her laugh.

I'm not sure what made my husband change his mind. My reasons for wanting another were watching his dad (my FIL) struggle with being an only child and the responsibilities that go with it. My husband's grandfather had a prolonged illness before his death last year and it was my in-laws who had to deal with all of it. It was a lot of stress on my MIL too.

On the flip side, both my parents have large families and when their parents took ill, there were multiple siblings to work together to find solutions and share the costs associated with caring for elderly parents.

I myself was an only child until my brother was born when I was 6.5. I remember begging my parents for a sibling because I was lonely. It was a great experience as a kid learning to share and get along (though I did eventually want to send him back, but that's entirely another story! LOL). Either way there is no right or wrong answer- just what works best for you! Good luck with your decision.

Hi S.

I had similar feelings for awhile. I had my first child when I was 36 because it took along time for me to get pregnant. My husband wanted me to get pregnant right away with the second one and I was so over whelmed with the first one. She was a difficult baby and I thought I do not want to do this again.

I changed my mind after my little one got a little older. She is now two and we are trying again for the second for awhile now.

My point is I would not try for one right away until you feel it is the right time. My age played a big part too, still does. It will get easier as your child gets older. Give it some time and do not worry about your age as much.

I always thought that I would have two children. After the first one, I was O.K. with not having another. I had a sister growing up and we did play together, but were never very close once we got older and we are still not that close. My husband is an only child and he has expressed that it was very lonely sometimes growing up without a sibling and he preferred two, although he considered my decision. I had another one and I'm glad I did. They are two years apart and it was hard during the first 8 months having them close together, but they play together really well and are very close (ages 7 and 5). One can hope that they will be there for eachother as adults, but you can never tell. Sometimes siblings are not close because of personality traits, jealousy issue, etc. There is nothing wrong with just having one, if that is what you feel you want. Parents will be effective and great parents if they are happy. You have time to mull it over with having only a 6 month old. So consider your husband's decision and he should consider yours, and you both should take some time to think because it is a very important step.

There is nothing wrong with wanting another or not. I have to agree with your husband on the only child issue because I myself was an only child until the age of eleven. But on the other hand you do not want them this close together. My fiance has two children from a previous marriage that are fifteen months apart and will do nothing without the other. You want your kids to be close but not to the point that they are uncomfortable away from each other. You also do not want to wait for ten years. Trust me, very disastrous.take a little time, you do not want two infants at the same time, three or four years is great, but don't wait forever. Tell your husband that you need a little while before planning another, but always be open to disscussion of, because usually it's the other way around. The woman who wants one of her one says please help set the example!

My husband and are are in the thinking stage about a third right now. I am in the same boat (almost 34 and want to be done by 35). I have read the other responses and they made me feel better. I hope these wonderful women help you to feel better. I agree that it may be too early to think about it. A new baby is, although fun and exciting, very tiring. Just give yourself a little time and DO NOT feel guilty about your current feelings, and keep an open mind.

I think whatever decision you make it needs to be one you feel comfortable with. Having another child because someone else (husband, child, whomever...) wants one is not a reason. I feel the mother needs to want and welcome a second child.
I suggest watching siblings at different ages interact with each other. My son (2 1/2) plays wonderfully with babies, which is one of the reasons I want another child. Hopefully you'll get both sides to your question and you can make a decision that works for you. Good luck.