Will It Be Selfish If I Dont Get Pregnant

My mom wanted her kids to be close in age so they could grow up as friends. So I am 2 1/2 years younger than my sister. We were not firends growing up. Now that we're older we hang out all the time. Most kids like to be around kids their age, but that's what friends are for. I think it might be better to have a separation, so hopefully there's less feeling of competition, especially when they get into school or sports.

No, it's not selfish at all. I had a baby at 18 and then my #2 at 24 by my husband. They are 6 1/2 years apart and I wouldn't have it any other way! My 9 year old is such a great helper to my very crazy, active, insane, climby, wild 2 year old! I can't imagine if they were closer! I'd go insane! lol.
Do what your body/life/relationship tells you to do. Your daughter will do fine either way. My siblings and I are 22, 25, 27, 33, and 35. :) We are all perfectly fine.

Don't get pregnant until you're ready. If you want to wait until June, you should. In fact, your life will be a lot easier with the extra 9 months between your kids. Planning a wedding while pregnant will be very stressful and shopping for a dress won't be fun at all. Take things one step at a time. First, plan your wedding and enjoy the process, plus be able to look forward to the event and (hopefully) go on a honeymoon. Then, start trying - make the wedding night be your first official day of trying if you want!

Are you really going to enjoy the wedding if you have a one or two month old baby and haven't been getting any sleep?

I have a c-section scheduled for baby # 2 on the day my son turns 3 years and 5 months. I think it's a perfect age difference.

If you want to wait, then you should wait! Your 1 year old won't know the difference :)

Don't rush getting pregnant. If you and your husband to be want to wait til Oct to try and concieve, do that. My children are almost 3 years apart and it is wonderful to have the age difference. I wouldn't want it any other way. My older one is so good with my younger one and at 3, they understand so much more about being gentle etc. My suggestion to you would be to wait to concieve until you and your hubby are really ready. I would wait until after you are settled before trying again. Your little one will not know the difference if you wait til she is 3. She will have mom and dad to herself that much longer- I am sure she won't mind!

Good luck! Molly

I think that age gap will be fine! That isn't selfish at all! I have kids that are exactly 2 yrs apart.. and OMG.. it is LOVE/HATE. I am currently PG, and there is going to be a BIG age gap. We thought we were only having 2, but changed our minds... now my boys are 5 and 7. I think everything will be great!

I agree with Tonya who responded. Make your relationship right and get married if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Worry about kids afterwards.

Plus the Bible says how you are living is sin. I don't mean to be rude... but some people have never read the Bible and have no clue what God says for us to do. I'm just stating that our creator gives us commandments on how to live.. remember he is Holy.

Blessing and hope for your future!

I did not have a wedding to worry about and I had all of my kids 2.5 to 3 years apart and I loved it, I would not have it any other way. I have 2 brothers myself and we were all around 1 year apart and I did not get along with them even now we are not all that close. Do what is right for your family and yourself and your baby will be happy too. "If the mommy is not happy no one in the house is happy"

A wedding is a large memory and it should be what you want. There is nothing wrong with holding off. She will adjust to what ever the age difference and waiting will actuall get her to understand things better and participate in her little siblings arrival that much more.

honestly, just get married and enjoy your wedding. i have never heard of anyone being "selfish" to not have their kids close in age. so many people now only have 1 kid. you know you want your daughter to have siblings, which is great, but dont only have a baby to give her a sibling. and besides, my kids are 3 years apart and play like they are best friends. second children really do keep up with their older siblings, so you will be surprised how your second will be more independant following your daughter no matter what the difference. plus, your daughter at 3 will really enjoy helping with the baby, and not feel as much jealousy as a 2 year old might since at 2 they are still babies. really, 3 is actually a perfect gap.

just stop thinking about another baby, and enjoy planning your wedding. you already are a mom, so you got to experience that, but dont short change yourself by not having your wedding just the way you want. that day should be a priority, too, and your not selfish because you want a perfect wedding.

There's no right time to have another baby. You aren't selfish. Your daughter will have adjustment issues no matter when you have another baby, but ultimately, it's your decision. If you and your husband are ready, it's not selfish.

My sister and I were 18 months apart in age and I can tell you from our personal experience, just because you are siblings close in age doesn't mean you are going to be best friends. In fact, we hated each other for a solid 4-5 yrs until I moved out and went away to college (we are very close as adults, happy endings!)

You are not being selfish at all, in fact, giving your body more time to regulate following the first pregnancy, not going through the stress of wedding planning while you are growing a baby and modeling the love/marraige/baby cycle for your daughter are all positive things! I'm not lecturing about your current situation, we all play the hand we are dealt. I'm just pointing out that you will be a living example of how two people who love each other make a committment and then you move on from there. If you aren't worried about pregnancy, the focus can also be put on how your daughter is a very important part of your family.
Good luck and try to enjoy all the great events that will be your lifelong memories :)

There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait to get preggo with number 2 after your wedding. Have your dream wedding, enjoy being happy with your body and let your body readjust after having the first baby. It takes a few years for your body to get back like it was before having baby. Plan your wedding, take time getting your body back that is comfortable for you, have your wedding and then after all the wedding is over try for baby number 2. You are not being a bad mommy for wanting a dream wedding.

Some studies/experts say that it is better if there are 3 or more years in between babies. Based on my experience with my daughter and grandchildren and friends I suggest that it is to your 1 yo's advantage to be older. She will have you to herself during most of the separation anxiety years and will feel more secure with the new baby. She will also be older and able to understand a bit better about having a new baby sib. She'll definitely be more verbal and can talk about what is happening and how she feels.

I've noticed from questions on this site that having 2 babies close together is very tiring and difficult in many ways. You actually have 2 babies, tho one is a toddler. Toddlers take less work, in some ways, as they get older and can want to be a help as well as actually be a better helper, if one can call it help. lol The advantage is for the older child. (s)he will feel like they're helping which helps some with the adjustment.

Don't count on your little one loving to be around her baby sibling! Being around babies for short periods of time is entirely different than having a baby living with you taking up your parent's time and attention. I've not heard of one family having a smooth adjustment with the older one to the smaller one. Some adjustments are better than others but there are always some difficulties.

Same for being married. It's a change and an adjustment even if the couple of been living together. Attitudes subtly change. I felt this in my marriage, heard other newlyweds express the same feeling and read about this in studies. The first year of marriage is difficult whether or not you've been living together. One article, that I read several years ago, said that for some the adjustment was more difficult as a result of having lived together because couples don't expect that there will be an adjustment period.

I also think it's important for you to have the wedding you want and pregnancy will make that more difficult.

I don't see how you'd be a bad mommy for waiting until later to get pregnant. I also urge you to not have a baby sooner rather than later because your year old wants a baby. A one year old's feelings are so fickle. They are growing and need all the help they can get to mature in a healthy way. They don't need competition from a baby. Your little one will be OK whenever you choose to get pregnant but please make sure you're getting pregnant for your own reasons and not to be a "good" mommy for your little one. Good mommy and bad mommy have absolutely nothing to do with this. Either way you will be a good mommy. I seriously think that you'll have more difficulty being a good mommy with a 2 yo and a 1 yo. It's a whole lot of work! The decision is yours and your fiance's. Do it because you two are ready.

When she's three, she will still love a baby brother or sister if she's sociable like that. My girls are four years apart (I wanted one out of diapers before I had the other one, to ease the stress on the family of having two crawling toddlers at the same time) and the older child always used to say the best day of her life was when her little sister was born. If your oldest is still a baby when her sibling is born, it's doubtful she'll remember anything! As far as weight gain, there's no guarantee what will happen to your body, and they always say you gain more with the second, which I did. I say, if you want that dream wedding, get married first before the second child is conceived. Just think of the beautiful wedding pictures you can share with your children some day-- and that's not being selfish! A happy mama makes for happier children.

Why wait to get married? I think you should get married now! I mean, you are already living like a family, right? Get married, then carry on with your life.

I dont think you are being selfish. Your wedding is something you will always remember. I got pregnant less than 2 mnths after I got engaged, and refused tp change the date. so I had my wedding when my son was 6 weeks old. I look at my wedding pics and cringe. I think I would have been alot happier if I had waited and allowed my self to have time to loose the baby weight. so I think you should wait to get pregnant again