Of all the questions out there... this one is pretty shallow but I'd like your opinions and a little insight if anyone has time to answer a silly question. :)
My husband and I have been planning a third child for 2 years now and our plan has always been to start trying this month. We are debt free and are building a house, our children will be 3 & 4.5 when a new baby arrives and we feel like we have all our ducks in a row!
On Monday I got a call from my friend and they have changed their wedding date to the end of September, which, if I get pregnant right away would put me about 8 months pregnant. I will need to travel about 600 miles for her wedding, and I know that can get dicey when very pregnant. She is more than just a friend, she was my best friend all through high school and she is Godmother to our other two children. I would be very, very disappointed if I couldn't make it to her wedding. On the other hand, we were 5 days from officially "trying" and after two years of planning and being so close it seems really hard to push it back - even by just a month.
I know many people don't get pregnant right away, and I am not counting on it happening, but with my other two children I didn't think it would happen right away and I got pregnant the very first month with BOTH of them. So although I know it might not happen right away it would be stupid of me to think that it couldn't.
I would be VERY upset if I miss my best friends wedding.
Does anyone else understand why it would be hard for me to push it back a month? Any ideas for a little more patience? What would you do? Would you start trying and hope it all works out, or would you wait?
I am feeling very silly for feeling so confused...
Thanks for all the quick responses! I had made up my mind before I even posted the question, because I can have a baby later but my great friend will only get married once. It just isn't as easy as it sounds to accept after 2 years of planning. We were seriously 5 days! from trying. Haha - life I guess. We are also kind of trying to plan this baby around school (I am getting close to being done!) and if we didn't get pregnant this month or next we were talking about waiting until the end of the summer to try again. I feel like I might go crazy waiting another 6 months! :) More opinions and any advice welcome please!
PS - She did not know that I was planning to conceive, and even if she did I don't feel she had any obligation to keep that in mind when planning her wedding. I also will not be in the wedding, so that isn't the issue it is just the traveling part. This is her big day and I am THRILLED for her. I know it is my decision. On one hand it seems silly to plan my family around someone else, but it is also very important for me to watch her get married. If the wedding was here, I wouldn't have thought twice about any of it. But since I have to travel it creates more challenges. :)
M., In the grand scheme of life, I really don't think waiting a few months is going to upset the apple cart all that much! Seriously!
Personally, I would wait three months if I really, really wanted to be a part of the wedding! Good luck :)
How does your husband feel about it all? That might help you make your decision.
My theory is that God's timing is perfect ~ it will all work out just the way it's supposed to :)
Worry only about today. You do not know what will and can happen tomorrow. If you and your husband desperately wants to try for a 3rd child, do so.
Both you and your friend have important life events. She is getting married and you are trying to get pregnant. If she is able to change her date and didn't consult you on your pregnancy, you should be able to consider your pregnancy without worrying so much about the wedding. I am not trying to be harsh, just don't put your life on hold or worry over something you do not know the future about.
Your friend could end up calling off the wedding and you could miss your chance of a 3rd child...
You have no idea how long it will take, so start trying. I know it would be sad to miss the wedding, but she will understand. And you may not need to. If you have the time to take off, you could make a leisurely trip out of it. Every pregnancy is different, so don't drive yourself crazy. Don't feel silly - trying to get pregnant is a big issue. You're not being selfish. Good luck, enjoy, and I hope it all works out in a way that makes you happy :)
Murphey's Law says this:
If you don't wait, you'll get preggers right away and be blimp huge for the big day.
If you DO wait, the wedding will get postponed or cancelled all together.
I think you are overthinking it a bit. I wouldn't alter my family planning for a wedding but that is just me. If it is that important to you, wait a month. You don't mention what your husband thinks or what he wants to do. I think that should be an important part of this question. But, in the grand sceme of life a month or two isn't really much time to wait if you really want to be there for her.
Cross that bridge when you come to it. Personally I would never plan my children around someone else's wedding. Besides, you can travel at 8 months, make it a car adventure if you have to.
Good for you on being debt free!! That's a feat!!! It is such a GREAT feeling knowing that the only mail is going to be stuff you can afford!! YAHOO!!! electric bill, phone, etc!! It was hard - but sooo glad we made the decision to be debt free!!!
Now on to your question....For me? I'd rather be there for a friend...if God feels it's time for me to have a baby- then He will provide that....
This isn't just about YOU. You already know that there is a POSSIBILITY of not being able to getting pregnant RIGHT away...you need to find out what is more important to YOU and your family....being there for a friend, and not just any friend but your BEST friend or getting pregnant to have baby #3.
If she has a valid reason for changing the date - that's something to consider as well....but the bottom line is you need to find out if you want to put your friend first or you?
Our first child was a surprise, so when we decided to try for #2 we figured it would happen right away. It took almost six months to conceive her! Don't wait another six months, that's like asking for trouble. Just push it back one month and be *hopefully* no more than 7 months pregnant for her wedding. Congrats on being ready for #3! I hope it happens fast for you :)
If you know it would make you very upset to miss your best friend's wedding, and you feel like 1 month will make all the difference, why are you even questioning it?
I would wait. The deadline you had set to start trying is just a date on the calendar. Waiting doesn't mean you won't get your baby, it just means you'll get your baby and get to celebrate your friendship.
I would stick to my original plan. Things will work out one way or another.
I agree that you should wait - it's only one month. Figure that it probably wouldn't make a difference anyway, because most women don't get pregnant that first month.
As for planning around school, that I wouldn't do. I'm a teacher and my husband and I thought that we should plan around my school schedule, so we started trying for our daughter in June, figuring that if she was born in March, that would be the perfect amount of maternity leave. Well, she was concieved in June - a whole 12 months of trying later. I'm so glad that we didn't skip those middle 6 months. My son was born in October, which is the worst time for a teacher, but it worked out too.
Congratulations on having so many upcoming blessings in your lives : )
Well, are you willing to put it off for about 3 months? And then you can start trying. That would put you in a better position to travel safely and not be that far along for the travel. ..
I've been in your shoes. I was ready to try and my friend's wedding (which I was asked to be in) was 9 months away.
To start off, my other good friend got married a year after me and I was in her wedding. Part of me wanted to get pregnant right away and I didn't because of the wedding and also we didn't have a home yet and I wanted to be more stable. In some ways, I wish I did get pregnant back then. I have health issues now. I had to make an appointment with a specialist to see if I could even get pregnant because I knew I would have to be on painkillers. I had already waited 3 years. I wanted a baby so badly. I would have started trying a few months earlier and didn't because of having to make appointments to see if it was a green light.
So, in the end I got pregnant!! I bought the bridesmaid dress. I thought I could be in the wedding if the baby came on time. Then, my due date got pushed back by 10 days. I didn't know what was going to happen. I ended up selling the dress to another girl a month before the wedding who took my place. She was aware that I was originally going to be in it. I don't know how she felt about it. I think she and the bride were both okay with it. It all worked out. I went to the wedding and delivered 4 days later. I know that you couldn't make it to the wedding as you would have to fly. Honestly, I wouldn't put off the plans anyway though.
I actually had the time wrong for the wedding and got there 30 minutes late! I missed the ceremony!! It was awful. They were practically to the kiss by the time I got there. So, you just never know. Things can happen.
I would stick to your plan. You should be fine to travel for her wedding. Just my opinion.....
I can relate...with my first, we actually waited to begin fertility treatments (after trying for 9 months) in order to time a baby between our best friends' weddings. It all worked out--I was able to get pregnant and attend my best friend's wedding at 7 months pregnant and travel across the country to my husband's best friend's wedding with a 4 month old. I would have absolutely hated missing either wedding, so postponing conception a couple of months, in my opinion, was well worth it.
You need to decide what is more important - planning your life/another child or your best friend. To me, the answer is simple - your life!! Despite how much you obviously love her and how close you two are, it doesn't matter! This is your life and you need to continue living your life. If you end up getting pregnant right away, then you will just have to miss her wedding. These kind of things happen all the time - it's called life. When your third baby is a few months old, maybe you can plan a trip for you and your family to go visit her. I would never put my life on hold for anyone, and don't expect anyone to do the same for you. Just mourn the loss of possibly missing your best friend's wedding. However, if attending her wedding is more important, then put off baby-making. It's up to you. As I said, I would try for a baby, but that's me.
Okay, I just read what Amom2 wrote, and she had an excellent point! Did your friend call you to ask your permission if she could change her wedding date? No! Did she ask you if you could hold off on getting pregnant again? No! She is worrying about herself and going ahead with her life, just like you should with yours. No one should (or be expected to) put their life on hold for someone else.
I also got pregnant the first month with my first 2 kids. Now, I have been trying for 10mos. I wouldn't plan anything around anyone else's wedding.... if you are pregnant, you just deal with being prego in a wedding.... at least you are pregnant! I know you have already figured it out-- what you are going to do. But, I would keep in mind if you don't have time to wait (I don't know how old you are, but my clock is ticking....) to just do what you need to do.
When you are trying to get pregnant and it is taking awhile, the months go by very SLOWLY. Just something to keep in mind.....
My vote is wait just a couple of months so you can enjoy both wonderful events simultaneously. This friendship sounds really important and I would be conflicted as well.
It is not recommended to travel long distances the last trimester of your pregnancy. A long car ride at 8 mos. is a set up for blood clots. A flight would not be recommended either.
And since you conceive easily, waiting such a short time to permanently add to your family will not make a difference at all....unless your actually planning more around the birth of the baby....which people do that too.
Both you and your husband sound like superb planners, organizers and responsible peoples :) So enjoy both!!
Do what you want, but I pushed my "start trying" date by about 4 months for my best friend's wedding! I was her matron (UGH) of honor and I didn't even want to be pregnant for it and all the festivities surrounding it, so I waited and wound up getting pregnant that June. She got pregnant then too, and we had our first children within a week of each other! I would wait if I were you.
