I Feel So Disheartened...

If people were rude about my cooking, I would stop cooking for them.

I don't even know where to begin here. You're all over the map...it's about you and your feelings, it's about him and his health...take a breath! Let's focus on what's bothering you and what you can do about it.

1) Your husband isn't health conscious. As a grown man, that's his choice. Make sure you have good life insurance and leave him be. My mother, a health nut who is years ahead of most people when it comes to truly knowing about wellness, and is also an RN, nagged my dad for years about his diet and activity level. In one ear and out the other. He went on a statin drug (against her advice), had a bad reaction, realized that his doctor doesn't know everything, started to do some research on his own and finally, came around to the same conclusions that my mother had reached 10 years earlier. He needed to wake up on his own. Some people do, some people don't. It's about them, not you.

2) You feel like you go above and beyond but aren't appreciated. Stop being a martyr. Cook because you enjoy it, try new things because they're interesting and exciting to you. Cook in a way that those who have a bland palate can still eat without making more work for you. What I eat for dinner is very different from what my kids eat. Some of it is that my diet is stricter than theirs (I try to avoid grains and dairy) and some is that I'm more adventurous than them. When I'm eating a plate of delicious sauteed vegetables in wonderful sauce topped with herb-rubbed chicken, they're eating that same chicken minus the rub, some of the veggies simply steamed, and perhaps some rice or bread. Everyone is happy. Sometimes one of the kids will ask to try what I'm eating, decide it's good and ask to have that the next time. This just happened last week - my kids act like all squash, be it summer or winter, is poison. I had half an acorn squash with my dinner and my youngest asked to try it and loved it. I had baked the other half to have later in the week and he ate most of it. If you making something great for yourself and they don't want to try it, it's their loss.

3) You seem a bit sensitive to this...I don't see how saying "there's a lot of blueberries" in a muffin is an insult. However, there is obviously a pattern here that is triggering a strong reaction for you. My guess is that it's not about the food. So what is it? Insecurity? Feeling overwhelmed? Too much work and no thanks for it? Being disrespected in other areas? Anxiety about your husband's health? If your marriage is otherwise healthy, try to think through the layers about what's really bothering you and when you sort that out, have a heart to heart with your husband about it.

I hope you get to a better place with this soon!

I've read the other posts. I agree and would copy and paste them. I would add this:

Sounds like your house is unorganized and needs structure in the morning. Why aren't they prepared for the morning?? I don't get it. I have 4 boys. Structure and schedule are important in being able to get out of the house on time in the morning. Lunches are made the night before. Clothes are set out the night before. All four of my boys get up on their own, with their own alarm clocks. I get up with them. I will ask the night before what they might like for breakfast. I get prepared the night before as well. This is NOT a surprise people!! Stop allowing them to run around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Stop forcing breakfast. You can ask questions on what they would prefer. Two of my boys that can't eat when they wake up or within an hour of waking up. I make sure they have a snack in their backpack. I personally think Toaster Strudels are nasty. For someone who wants to feed healthy to your family? That's not doing it.

For your being health conscious, you buy a box of blueberry muffins?? No. You make them yourself. There's a huge difference between a box muffin and made from scratch.

Stop giving your husband a free pass. You have allowed this behavior to happen. Next time he sniffs his meal? Call him on it. Tell him to knock it off! Is he a dog or a human?? If he's a dog? You'll be more than happy to give him a dish on the floor. While this is passive-aggressive behavior, you need to nip it in the bud. Start standing up for yourself. You are teaching your daughters how to be treated by their husband? Is this what you want??

Stop scheduling your husband's appointments!! I can't agree with that more!!!

Your meals? Sorry. I have to agree with others. Eww. I love Mr. Food. I also love Rachel Ray. I also like Hello Fresh. It's expensive for a family of six, so we only do it once a month. You get 3 meals and everything you need but the pans to prepare them. Since they only have meals for 4 or 2 and not six, we buy two packages. Again, yes, it's expensive. that's why we do it once a month. We love the variety we get. Meals that I probably wouldn't have put together myself.

I agree with others, stop being the martyr. You are just as culpable in this as everyone else. Stop and think, is this the example example you want your daughters to have in marriage? I hope the answer is NO.

First I'll start by telling you that you aren't responsible for your husband's health. Its up to him to make appointments and go for screenings. As much as you want it to happen and schedule stuff for him it doesn't work that way.Back off that aspect.Imagine how you would feel if you were 20lbs overweight and your hubby used every opportunity to try to get you to change your diet and routine because he deemed you unhealthy. Annoying? Totally.

Secondly, stop sneaking things into your food. Your husband seems to be a super taster and will pick up on anything you sneak in. Cook as you normally would for your husband and focus changes on your children. Have fruit for breakfast. Have a bowl of cut of veggies in the fridge and tell the kids they can have that for snacks whenever they feel hungry. You aren't going to change their behavior and eating overnight because they didn't wake up yesterday with these eating habits.

Lastly, stop being the family martyr. No one cares but me. I'm the only one who cares. Well you kind of put yourself in that position.

You're trying too hard. And you're letting your own self worth be dictated by the comments and opinions of others. It sounds like unless you get external praise, you get sad. Are you getting a meal on the table? Yes? You've done your job there. Is your family starving? No? You've done your job there. You're showing too much emotion (...how crestfallen I am...) and your kids are starting to think it's their responsibility to make mommy not sad (that's a big burden for kids). Your happiness should not be based on whether or not your family praises you. Sure, it's nice, but it's just a bonus. TRUE happiness and confidence is something YOU need to work on from within.

As far as nutrition goes, chances are your family is a lot healthier than you think. For what it's worth, my dad ate meat and carbs (with an occasional salad) all his life. Absolutely NO veggies, he hates them. He is as healthy as he can possibly be in his mid 60s. He goes for an annual checkup and the docs are always astounded at how off-the-charts healthy he is (like a person in his 30s, NOT his 60s). So obviously his particular diet works FOR HIM. What he doesn't eat is too much sugar or processed foods (certainly no toaster strudels). My mom puts chia seeds in stuff and tries to trick him into eating "healthy", so he also requests things be not included next time. He's still super healthy with no medical problems at all (well, he does have a titanium hip, but that's something else, and he recovered from that surgery with lightening speed, shocking the docs again).

It sounds like your family is not "into food" or trying new things. There's nothing wrong with rotating the same 4 or 5 dishes over and over with slight variations. It would certainly make your life easier. Turkey chili can have turkey (protein!), beans (fiber!), tomatoes (lycopene!), celery, onions, carrots (nutrients!), throw some avocado (good fats!) on there with some cheese (calcium!) and you've got yourself a very healthy meal. Nothing wrong with that. They like chicken? There are literally thousands of ways you can prepare chicken. Green salad on the side, maybe a grilled or roasted veggie and that's another delicious and healthy meal. Or ask your husband "What should we have for dinner tonight?" Let him participate a bit in the decision so he's not surprised when chia meatballs show up. If he says "I don't care, anything", take him at his word and make something easy.

Try simplifying your dishes. Just make them, stick them on the table, call everyone to dinner and consider it a job well done. Don't look for their reactions. Don't make it about the food. Don't care so much about others' (even family's) opinions of you.

Your husband bends his face down to the plate and sniffs at every meal like he's a dog? That would last about five seconds in most households. Why haven't you called him out on it before? That's beyond rude -- to anyone, much less to his wife.

He thinks it's funny. He's now used to it and finds it amusing; he probably thinks it's all in good fun to "get your goat" over your cooking. While I agree that you could definitely work on cooking yourself, AND you should tell him he's cooking at times, -- I do think that the top priority before expanding your menus should be that your husband gets a wake-up call that he should act like a grown man and a supportive spouse instead of a spoiled, rude, "It was only a joke" teenager.

When your kids are NOT around and not likely to come in and interrupt, and when husband is not wanting to dash off somewhere else ("Honey, I've only got a second, I'm off to see the guys/do some work/play my sport/whatever") -- you and he need a serious talk. Don't let him fob it all off as "Oh, I'm just joking and you can't take it' or "You're too sensitive about your cooking" and so on. Just tell him what you say here: You know you are not a very adventurous cook but even YOU get tired of the same five meals; you feel any effort is met with jokey comments that you feel are veiled hints never to try anything new again; it is hurtful, negative and a very poor example to your children when he sniffs the food, picks at it, etc.; and always dismissing it all with "I'm an idiot, sorry" doesn't help because he does not alter his behavior. He just keeps repeating it and then every time dismisses it with "Sorry " as if that makes it all OK, until the NEXT time. You no longer believe his "I'm sorry." Tell him you're done here; you don't find it amusing any more that HE finds it all amusing, and the kids are now old enough to see that dad can't even be sincerely polite to mom. Ask him to stop with any comments on your food. He doesn't have to praise it (he might think this is what you really want; tell him it isn't). Then tell him you have pen and paper there for the two of you to make out two weeks' worth of menus together, including which meals HE will be cooking. No getting out of it. He can make cereal for dinner if he likes, he just has to take it on so you get a break.

I would bet that he was raised being fed whatever he most liked. I'd also bet that his personality in other ways tends toward "joking" with people by doing passive-aggressive putdowns then issuing apologies that are meaningless because the behavior doesn't change. He does not even recognize the problem so you have to tell him that you have a problem and as your husband he needs to accept that even if he can't see it. If you can be calm and direct and not get emotional about it, you need to tell him that though he may not see it himself, you see food and meals and cooking as a genuinely painful problem.

At this point, I would not bring up nutrition or more veggies or exercise or colonoscopies. Leave that for later. Bringing up all of that now will only muddy the issue. Focus just on, first, how he speaks to you, and second, making meals less stressful for you.

Make a real rule, though, that if you choose to make something, he will eat it in front of the kids - not pick at it, not ask "What else did you put into this? I taste something different," and not tolerate the kids doing that either. And when he cooks his one or two times a week you do the same for him -- no criticism if there's no veggie involved, no questions.

I think you might be so focused on the meals and cooking and health issues that you are missing the larger issue, which is that your husband is disrespectful of you and your job, which is, in part, planning and cooking meals.

One other thing -- make the muffins again. Make other stuff that's new. When the kids say "I'd rather have cereal," do not let them then go get cereal instead of what you prepared. For any meal or snack, especially for your children, what you prepare is what they eat; going off to get something else shouldn't be allowed. Don't let them see your crestfallen face so much, though; learn to say coolly, "You'd rather have cereal? Maybe tomorrow. Today's breakfast is X." No arguing and if they leave most of it say nothing and do not hand them a toaster strudel or anything else in the car; just let them realize that they'd better enjoy lunch because they didn't eat what was there for breakfast.

I think we've all felt like this sometimes.
How old are your kids?
You know the old saying "No one appreciates what I do until I don't do it" ?

It's time the REST of the family get involved in meal time - the meal planning, the shopping, the prepping, the cooking, eating AND the cleaning up and dealing with left overs.
If/when anyone asks you "What's for breakfast/lunch/dinner/etc?" you respond with
"I don't know - what are you making?".
You need to schedule a yoga class for yourself and let them fend for themselves in some areas.

The appreciation will come.
Problem solving should be a team effort - everyone needs some skin in the game.
This isn't and shouldn't be all on you.
As for your husband and his health - take out a good life insurance policy on him.

I am the primary cook in our family. My daughter knows how to cook, but doesn't particularly enjoy it. My husband likes to cook, but has a limited culinary repertoire. I like to cook, and am good at it.
Meals are whatever I feel like making when I go in the kitchen. Anyone who doesn't like what I have prepared knows that s/he is free to go make his/her own dinner, and had better be sure to clean up the kitchen afterward.

I do not schedule doctor's appointments for other adults in my family. Adults are responsible for getting themselves to the doctor when needed.

For Heaven's sake, feed the people what they want and enjoy your family and dinner time. Food is to be a pleasure, dinner should be a happy enjoyable thing. Try some new things once and awhile, but do NOT ever try to sneak food into them. I might give you backhanded compliments too if I knew you were trying to trick me.

I promise your kids will still grow up strong and healthy whether or not they've met the US FDA's guidelines for having enough Omega-3s in their diet.

You are over-thinking. Enjoy your food, make food others enjoy. Have a happy life!

Since you "are the only one who cares", why in the world would you do it?

:)

my hubby often critizes my cooking. my response is always "then make dinner for yourself" and if hes to harsh about it i don't make dinner the next day. when he is wondering where it is i remind him how much he hates my cooking and that he needs to feed himself because i am too incompetent to make it for him.

if he is refusing to go to a dr about a health issue then i would remind him of what he would be leaving behind if he passed away from his bad health. if he was healthy and feeling good then i wouldn't try to fix that... its not broken.

for breakfast don't bother. have options for grab and go eating and leave it at that. offer good foods but don't take offense to them not being eaten. i can't eat breakfast till i have been awake for about 2 hours. or i feel crappy. as long as they have food avalable when they are hungry they will not starve.

stop trying to apppease others. work on making yourself happy. and lighten up a bit, just becasue there may be too many blueberries for your critical hubby does not make that comment an insult, its just a comment. focus on the "they are good honey" comment instead.
anyone who sniffs their food like a dog would not be taken seriously about food in my house. (ot they would get a bowl full of actual dogfood)

You got some really good responses on your family and their reactions to your cooking.

I would seek out a session or two of therapy for myself to make me a better person. Then I would change a few things in my home so that I didn't feel disheartened. Do make up a schedule of meals for the week and also breakfasts. Get up earlier to make the breakfasts. If daughters left uneaten food in my car on the way to school, there would be no more snacks handed out as that is a waste of my food money.

Find a time to speak with hubby alone and express in a matter of fact way that you do not appreciate the comments he makes about the food you prepare. You also do not appreciate him "sniffing" the meals prior to eating them like a dog. Perhaps it is time for him to make a few of the meals and for you to comment on them back to him. Let the shoe be put on the other food.

Call for a family meeting and ask for idea of how we can change the meal situation. Take notes and make a new meal plan.

Your husband is a grown man and he can or cannot make up his own mind about his personal health. Let him be the one to make the appointments. I had to let mine do that and he called me from the road (long haul trucker) about making an appointment for a certain type of doctor. I made a note and would do it later in the day. He called me back and demanded to know if I had made an appointment and that is when I knew he had a problem. But just make sure he had a lot of life insurance on him so that you can continue with your lives.

Once my husband "snacked" on vanilla wafers prior to a meal. I made a prime rib with home made mashed potatoes, gravy and veggies. He stated that he was "too full" to eat the meal when it was ready. I took the whole plate and put it in the dog's bowl. And stated to my husband that at least the dog enjoyed my meal. He never did that again to me. He knew he had screwed up and made sure to eat meals I served after that. Perhaps your change in meals won't be as drastic but I had had enough and I was not the restaurant.

Good luck to you.

the other S.

First off, I think you're a bit too thin-skinned. I would not have taken the "there are a lot of blueberries in here" as a put-down. It's just a comment. Same with the seed in the meatballs. Not a put-down, just a request that you don't do that again.

As for the rest, if they didn't want to eat my cooking, I'd be more than happy to stop cooking for them. I would prepare something for myself and let them fend for themselves.

As far as hubby's health, 1) he's an adult. If he's concerned, let him deal with it. No one likes to be told what to do. If you back off, he may get on board. and 2) every body is different. I have grandchildren who have NEVER eaten a veggie of any kind (on the spectrum - VERY picky eaters) and they are extremely healthy.

All in all, I think this is all a "you" thing; it's in your mindset. I know it sounds harsh, but you really need to get over yourself. If you need a compliment, sit down with hubby and tell him.

Is there any way that you could stop trying so hard? Instead of cooking different cuisine, just make boring dinners from now on. Stop looking at your family at the table, eat your food, and ignore them. When your husband gives you a "dig" about the food, get up and leave the table. Repeat every single time. Either he'll like eating without you, like boring meals instead of interesting ones, or he'll stop the comments and appreciate what you've eaten.

Do you have life insurance on him? If you don't, GET IT. Then stop worrying about his health. You cannot make him be healthy. If he's only 10 pounds overweight, that's better than most 50 year olds.

For your girls, stop giving them processed food. Processed food has no nutrients. For muffins, you can use ground up carrots and applesauce to make them moist. You fix them the night before, leave them out to cool and in the morning, put some in baggies for the girls and hand them out in the car. If they don't eat them, too bad on THEM. Not on YOU. If they have time to eat before getting in the car and they want cereal, let them have that. Only buy healthy cereal. Don't buy anything unhealthy. When they come home from school, have a tray of cut veggies and fruit slices. If they don't eat them, YOU eat them.

You show WAY too much emotion about the food you cook. They are using it to control you. Stop caring. They get better food from you when they start treating you better. You should just say that FLAT OUT when they ask why you are fixing boring food. Don't give an INCH to your husband when he continues to be a jerk about the food. And by the way, just because he says not to put something in the meatballs doesn't mean you have to listen to him. You can say to him "I will make meatballs any damn way I want. If you don't like it, eat MacDonalds before you come home." Stop acting wounded. Tell him off and don't make him anything interesting at all. to eat Cook for yourself and enjoy YOUR food. He gets the boring stuff until he starts treating you better.

So, you're food isn't being eaten and it's "they're being mean to me".

Let them make up their menu and you can have a salad or something you want that doesn't require much cooking. Our granddaughter routinely makes her own dinner. She makes Great Value mac and cheese, cooks a frozen pizza in the oven, fixes Ramen Noodles, etc...she's happy with meals because she's fixing what she wants.

I'd call a family meeting and say something along this line of thinking.

"I know you guys don't really like my cooking much and that's okay. So I have an idea. I'm going to let you guys make out the menu 4 days of the week then I'm going to make 3 meals that "I" like. You guys can eat leftovers or something on those days because I'm not going to expect you to eat anything that is cooked at any meal. I want us to enjoy sitting down as a family and spending time together."

Your family doesn't like your cooking. They aren't eating what you cook but yet you continue to cook food they don't eat. It must be nice to have extra money to be thrown away. I love veggies and casseroles and all sorts of food. My husband will kid about eating a single green bean at Christmas and he's eating his veggies for the year. He literally won't eat any veggies other than stuff you put on a salad. He'll eat one or two a week if he'd in the mood but it's only lettuce, really light colored lettuce and nothing else in it, with a little vinegar and oil or Italian dressing on it. No cheese, no carrots, no nothing. Just white/light green lettuce and dressing.

I let the kids eat cereal every morning. It's choke full of minerals and vitamins and they love it. It's way better than a danish that takes time to heat up and then gets on stuff in the vehicle.

So just stop. Fix meals that have what they want, let them cook it actually, and then have what you want. Life will go on. The kids will NOT eat better when they're adults because you force them to pretend they like your food. They'll eat greasy hamburgers and french fries and ice cream every day and enjoy food. Help take the stress off by making meal time a pleasant enjoyable situation.

Sit down with your DH and have a real conversation. Would he prefer to eat healthier or not? If not, plan meals where they eat plain spaghetti and you add veggies to your serving to make pasta Primavera. Or shrimp, or you have the pasta as a side with a healthier entre.

For the doctors appointments, apologize for treating him like a child and let him know that it's up to him to make his own appointments.

Sounds to me like this is is your Love Language.

IMO, time for the complainers to get into the kitchen. We personally like the blueberries in a can, none additional needed. I wouldn't put myself out extra for something that may or may not be eaten. It sounds like your family are simple eaters and you are not. So make meals mostly what they would eat with something you like thrown in as a maybe they will eat it. Or try a "bar" concept where they add the things they want to the pasta/tacos/etc. and leave off what they don't. We got my DD to eat tacos by letting her deconstruct them. Nutrition doesn't care if the tomato was eaten inside the shell or not. If cereal works for the kids, let them eat cereal. I for one cannot eat early. I get sick. My mom was forever chasing me to the bus with breakfast - but it just didn't work for me. If they don't eat, they go hungry til lunch. They sound old enough to understand this. Maybe have a family meeting before the next grocery trip.

There's a saying that you cannot care FOR someone. In other words, you cannot force them to care as much as you do. You care about you and do what you can about the kids and let your DH decide or not to work out. And if this is all driving you up the hill, consider asking the pediatrician for advice next time one of the kids is there. The doctor may be your ally. As for working out, my DH gets a thrill from running and working out hard....and it all makes me want to lay on the floor. I had to find something *I* liked or I wouldn't do anything. What works for you may not work for them. Try family biking or walking or dancing (like to a video game) but understand that a treadmill may as well be a torture device to other people.

And...I suggest you think hard about what you CAN do and what you WANT to do and see where they meet in the middle. Sometimes a very small change begets a bigger one. Try to think of THE one thing you want to change most and start there. Get the kids involved in choosing and preparing fruits and veg. My DD eats most veg raw - her preference. No skin off my nose to not cook it.

I think you are worried about your DH's health for noble reasons, but maybe instead of "DH, I want you to do this unpleasant thing for your health" consider a conversation like "DH, I'm really worried. We are both getting older and we have two children to consider. I'm doing x and y because I want to be healthy enough to see grandbabies grow up. I try to get you and the kids to eat better because I love you and worry about you. Is there some way we can meet in the middle as a family?" Do you have family history that makes you nervous?

Secondarily, if he makes a comment, later in private talk to him. "DH, I work really hard on dinner and I see it as an act of service (Love Languages) to my family. I love it when I get a compliment but it hurt when you said x tonight. I'm open to suggestions, but I sometimes feel hurt when they are said like x. Could you try y instead?" It sounds like he may be willing to change how he says things and doesn't mean to hurt you, so talk to him instead of laughing it off. We taught the kids to say, "no thank you" vs "Ew, what is THAT?" because that hurt the cook's feelings. My stepson used to sniff his plate and it was so offensive. We had to work with him to stop doing that. If your DH wants to sniff dinner, ask him to do it before it's served, not at the table. I would also ask him to do this to set a good example for the kids. If they go to a friend's house, would he want them to do that? It's not good manners.

DH and I try to make it a point to thank each other for cooking that night's dinner because we want the kids to see that it's effort and should be appreciated. If he doesn't like the seeds, then challenge him to find a recipe that is healthy and doesn't have that thing in it. If you do ALL the shopping, cooking and cleaning - delegate.

And try not to take it as personal rejection. Your meatballs are not you.

If it persists, I would also do things like donate to a food pantry or take them to a soup kitchen so they see how lucky they are. And DH might wise up if you calculate how much food, in dollars, is wasted. Or how many colds and illnesses you paid copays for that might have been prevented with better nutrition. I made my DD pay for a container of ham when I kept finding the lunchmeat I bought at her request uneaten.

i see you have a lot of input already so i'll keep this short and hopefully sweet...pardon the pun.

what i'm picking up from your post is that this is bordering on a parent/child relationship with your husband. no 51 year old man want his wife fulfilling what used to be his mother's role. i suspect part of his passive aggression is due to his resentment of you being up in his grill. i understand your concerns but he's an adult. i say take out that life insurance, simplify and cook to your preferences. take it down a notch and try your four/five night dinner rotation for a month or two and see how they react. my husband and i trade off on the cooking and he does tend to overdo it on the salmon but i am always ever grateful that i didn't have to cook while i take care of the dishes after we eat.

hoping this is received in the way it was intended....from a place of hopeful helpfulness. S.

It sounds like you have 3 picky eaters. I think you are taking things too personally bc it sounds like they would be picky and stick their noses up at anything. You know what you should do is 1. Most mornings have them make their own breakfasts. Set alarms for earlier and have it be their own responsibility. Just stick out their choices on the counter (cereals, oatmeal, bagels, fruit, etc). If they don't eat anything that is their problem. 2. Make delicious, healthy food that you like for dinner. If no one wants it they can make their own food. Don't take things personally though when they don't want it. We have a family rule that you need in your house...no insulting the cook. Everyone thanks the cook and is not allowed to say something negative. It's true...you are the only one trying and you are not appreciated. I feel that way too sometimes but at least my husband is not picky and is thankful for most things I make. PS - If my hubby acted like yours acts (smelling the plate, etc) I might reach a point where I stop making him ANYTHING. Talk to him about what a passive aggressive jerk he is being and the very least he can do is recognize the work you put into planning and preparing food for the family.

WOW. My kids are picky eaters. And I did everything you are supposed to do with the varied healthy meals all through toddlerhood. And still, EVERY MEAL they have to eat veggies and EVERY MEAL it's like that Godzilla gif online where Mothra or someone is trying to cram a telephone pole down Godzilla's throat while he writhes and screams and knocks down flaming buildings......

And you know what? Whatever. They have to eat it. Or have nothing. And often it comes down to me setting a deadline of five minutes to finish the plate or ELSE something terrible will happen so they go into a panic and choke it down. Whatever. I don't really care.

What has NEVER been allowed at the table is disrespect or insults, and hell was to be paid by demand of my ex when he was home, or just myself if anyone did it under my watch for any rudeness after I had prepared a meal-no matter how foul and veggie-filled. Thankfully my ex liked healthy food and backed me up. He also cooked sometimes and took no guff about whatever he made and I backed him up.

So I'm sorry to hear that your husband has led everyone to believe that it's OK-and even customary in your home- to judge and ridicule your cooking.

And i'm sorry you've accepted your role for so long and still try to please such people.

If you are the goddess of the kitchen, you need to reign with a little more terror imo. I would not feel sad at insults, I would hurl some in return and refuse to cook. My ungrateful kids would find precious privileges and items lost, and my husband would be feeding himself and the kids, cleaning his own laundry and the house. I'm not kidding. I had to get very tough with my husband for griping when I did not always get the recycling taken to the center (oh sorry I'm home alone with three toddlers and all house, yard, bills and cooking while you travel and I did not take the recycling one week...) and it got nasty. Once he saw that not only would I quit taking it at all, but I would also quit doing some other chores, he quit griping.

Don't worry about his colonoscopy. He's an adult and has chosen his path. Don't feed your ungrateful kids their favorite unhealthy dishes anymore. Make what you want and walk away. Draw your boundaries of treatment you will accept, offer your consequences and stop feeling hurt! You've done a great job, but no one respects a martyr or doormat!! Quit caring and quit caving. If you're not a good enough personal chef for them, then you are resigning from the position to use your talents elsewhere. Wish them well on eating their microwaved hot dogs and blow some kisses on your way out the door to the gym.

You know what to do if you need an answer. And it doesn't involve counseling. Unless you like what you make,don't cook anything anymore. Pick up is available all over. Next, this sounds like it has become a power struggle over food. I urge you go on strike. Go out to dinner with friends. Who like to eat nutritious foods. Instead of seething, point out hubby's tummy to him and let him know he's on his own to do something about it. Assign cooking nights for each person. That way they all get to walk in your shoes and see what they go through. And obviously no one is underfed if they are throwing toaster streudels on the car seat, perhaps you won't buy those and find some fun people to have breakfast with. Sounds like they don't appreciate you and won't until you show them what they are missing.

I vote for simplifying. Sounds like your crew has trouble with dishes with lots of ingredients. What if you try a simple menu of meat, steamed veggies and salad...and possible small amount of carbs. Just dumb the meals down a little and see if that helps. I think it's fantastic that you are trying as hard as you are with as little support as you are getting. Let the negative comments roll off your back, and throw out a little dig here and there if you can't stand it. A simple, "Can't wait to see what YOU make tomorrow night", might help to shut him up. :) Keep doing the healthy meals and tone down the complexity and you might all be happier.