I Have 2 Issues, My Daughter Is Hitting and Cries Everytime I Drop Her off At...

Hi K. -

Start by asking your daughter what it feels like when she hits someone. Ask her how she thinks it would feel if someone hit her. Ask her to describe what the morning is like when she first arrives at preschool. Who does she like - who does she dislike? Ask her what makes the day a good one and what makes her unhappy during the day. Even if she doesn't have the words to fully explain, you can ask her to use colors to describe her feelings. That may give you a clue to how she is really feeling when she is at preschool.

I hope this helps. Feel free to let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger, HHP
Certified Life Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
Certified Herbalist

Some kids don't like preschool. It is not a necessity as you can see how competent people are from the 50's generation and they didn't have preschool. I would join a small play group. Then you can monitor which kids she hangs out with and which she picks up bad habits from. You can teach her anything she would learn at preschool and it is so fun!

Hi K.,
I am a mom of three and I was also a preschool teacher for thirteen years. My advice on the "drop off drama" is to make the drop off short and sweet. Decide how many hugs and kisses, stick to it and go. DO NOT react to her screaming, it is just a show, for you. It is her way of letting you know that you will be missed. If, however, her behavior at the end of the day is similar to drop off, I would try to figure out what is going on further.
As for the hitting, the most important thing you can do is model the behavior you want her to display, which means no hitting or spanking. Tell her that there is no hurting allowed. Explain that this means NO hitting, kicking, biting, pinching etc. It is YOUR job, as a mommy (and daddy) to teach your children to be "safe and kind". I have been teaching that to my children for 12 years. Of course the siblings fight, but they know there will be a consequence for hurting eachother. My reason is always that "it is my job as a mommy to make sure you are safe and kind." I am sure that the preschool is dealing with the hitting at the moment, so there is no reason for more punishment at home, but you can express your dissappointment for her behavior and again remind her "no hurting".
Sorry this is so long. Please know that this approach does work. My children rarely resort to hitting, I know of so many other families that don't use this "philosophy" and their kids beat eachother up at every confrontation.
Hope this helps!
Jenny

When your child hits somebody it is hard to deal with especially if they don't do that at home. It does need to be dealt with at the time of the incident though. It is a good idea for the preschool to tell you about the incident so you can talk to your child about it when you get home so she understands that you are aware of what is going on while you aren't around. Tell her that it isn't nice to hit people and it hurts and if she is angry or sad or upset, she needs to tell a teacher or adult and not hit. If it is in reaction to another child hitting her, she especially needs to be told that she needs to go tell an adult and not hit back. They do have books about keeping your hands and feet to yourself and having respect for other people which may help her understand why it is not ok and what to do instead.

As for the getting upset when you drop her off at preschool. When my daughter first started going to daycare I would talk to her on the way there about all of the fun stuff they were going to do and how it was going to be a good day. That helped her get excited about going. One of the other posts is right, she probably stops crying within minutes of you leaving and forgets it ever happened. She will be fine, mom!

Every child has stages of separation worries. The best thing you can do with that is be positive and firm. Smile, drop her off and tell her you will be back when it is time to pick her up. Chances are that a few minutes after you've dropped her off she is fine.

As to the hitting, what is the preschool method for dealing with it? Does she hit at home? Try telling her that at school she has to share with others and friends don't like it when others hurt them. If the preschool doesn't do time outs have them put her in time out and explain to her that hitting is unacceptable behavior. You can do what you can by talking to her about the unacceptable behavior and what can happen if she keeps it up, but it really needs to be dealt with right after the incident. Find out what the preschool's policy is with discipline. If they ignore another child's hitting even some of the time, it is not good for your daughter. Hopefully, you know you need to be consistent with the discipline, but since you are taking her to preschool, they also need to be consistent as well.