I Know I Can Be Over-protective, but This Was Too Much (Sorry Its Kina Long)

I care about my children, so I'd be freaking out, too. Especially with a 3 yr old who doesn't have any common sense yet. BB guns and 7 yr olds do not mix. They'll shoot their eyes out. I'd also be paying a teenager to hover over them while they're there. But I'd be telling those folks that my kids aren't allowed to play with guns.

I'm not over protective at all, but my kids don't go near water without me or their father watching, abd leaving a rifle unattended with kids running around is just asking for trouble! Three year olds don't need to roam about without supervision, and a bunch of excited other young kids are not supervision! I grew up in an environment like you describe and I frequently take my kids there, but there are no firearms lying around and they don't go near the pond without us. There's a line between letting kids play on their own and dangerous irresponsibility! You were not out of line!

LOL all the way.....to think that YOU are the bad guy....the over-protective mom. Absolutely crazy & insane!

The pond, the electric fence, the rifle (even a bb gun is dangerous for a 3yo), & that danged cow.....good grief! Shame on them, shame on them.

Hmmm, let's hook one of the pooh-poohing adults up to that fence & see how much laughter ensues! Oh, wait, even better....let's let the cow knock some adult into the pond & then into the fence. Where's the humor now? !!

Totally with you!

I would have handled some of the things differently than you.. I would not followed my child around, I would have kept her entertained.

I would have walked her to pet the cow or feed the cow. I would have let her pet the dogs. I would have walked her over to the pond to "look with our eyes." I would have let her play with some of the other toys or taken her trike or a wagon.. You know what their set up is, so go prepared.

I would have moved the rifle somewhere else or carried it inside if it was not being used. .

I would have been pro active not reactive.. There is a difference.

I live in the country and we worry more about our kids C. city streets than we do about cows drinking out of coolers, rifles sitting out, or even electric fences.

The party was for a 7 year old. There is a HUGE difference between 7 and 3. The other kids were older - yours is going to require constant supervision anyway regardless of the pond. Put your child in a harness if you are so worried. Give her a long leash and let her be.

The pond - was it right up next to the house? Probably not.

As for the BB gun - if you were so worried, why didn't you just go up to the host or hostess and explain your concerns. I'm sure they would have put it away -- no problem. A quick and quiet, "You know, my daughter is enthralled with that BB gun and I'd rather she not play with it, would you mind putting it up?" (Country folk hunt... there are always guns out and country kids know gun safety way better than city kids... They are used to seeing them around and therefore, they are a non-issue, not a forbidden fruit.)

When we went to parties, I used to plunk myself in a chair where I could see everything and chat while watched my children every minute. I was relaxed, but vigilant. As they got older, I could take my eyes off of them a little bit more and a little bit more.

You need to relax, but remain vigilant. I'm sure the parents of the older kids have been where you are, but also know that if the little one walks into an electric fence, they'll only do it once; If they get slobbered on by a dog, it will wash off; If the cow drinks from the cooler, it's not a huge deal; And, you need to eat a peck of dirt before you die, so you may as well start young.

YMMV
LBC

OK...the rifle. Yes, unacceptable. I get you there. I agree, I would NOT like that.

Everything else...and maybe I'm just really laid back...I wouldn't care about. Yes, those things seem like a big overreaction. Just in my opinion. Why would you punish your family, because you are wound tight about this? I think that would be very unfair. Maybe, they just want you to lighten up and enjoy yourself!! I have taken my son to similar farms, and manage to keep him away from "danger zones" without helicoptering and having a heart attack. The electric fences I did keep a very close eye on, since the kiddos can have a hard time seeing. The ponds...I just called him back to me, or walked over and brought him back, if it seemed he wasn't getting to close to my comfort. I also enjoy the farm WITH him. We play with the animals, run around and have a good time. I can keep an eye on him, and enjoy myself.

Why not explore the farm WITH your daughter? My inlaws have a farm and while I don't really let my girls run wild while we're there, I *do* walk around WITH them and pet the cows, feed the sheep and chase the chickens - it's fun!!!

I have a 3 year old, and she is more than capable of understanding that we do not get too close to the pond and that the fences can hurt if we touch them. Sure, she'll need reminding every time you go, but it's not outside of her realm of comprehension.

I think you should relax a little, enjoy those visits WITH your daughter and husband and try to find a way to watch your daughter without following her around the whole time :)

Oh, but the bb gun would have been addressed in some way.

I read through most of your responses and honestly I had to kind of laugh. It is pretty easy to tell the moms who have been in the country and the moms who have been in the city most of their lives and the comments about the electric fence totally cracked me up. I don't know how much juice people think are really going through those fences but trust me it is NOTHING like sticking something into a light socket. It is a tingle and yes it can sting but that is it. LOL

Personally, I am also very protective over my daughter, and honestly, with the exception of the BB gun (I find it also kind of funny that you refer to it as a RIFLE which is VERY different) this party really sounds like it would have been a ton of fun mainly BECAUSE of the location.

My daughter and I would have walked around the pond to see if we could find any baby fish or if there were any frogs we could catch, we would have petted and played with the dogs (while practicing good dog manners), we would have most definitely pet the cow (cows are awesome) and if we were lucky he would have licked us (this would have also been a great time to talk about why we don't walk up behind animals or under animals that are bigger than us). We would have ran around and had a BLAST while my husband sat and visited. And if any of the other adults wanted to visit me, well then they would just have to hang out with my daughter and I.

I don't blame you for being overly protective but it seems like if you looked at the situation just a little differently you would see it as great bonding, learning and play time for you and your daughter. No matter where you go or where you are you are going to have to be watching a 3 year old constantly anyway...might as well have fun doing it. And instead of seeing everything as a "danger zone" why not see it as an adventure and an opportunity to learn.

Here's what I don't understand about your post: No, I don't blame you for feeling like you had to follow her around. However, if I remember correctly, you ALWAYS have to follow a three year old around, or at least keep a close watch on her, even to an extent while you are at home.

Therefore, it doesn't sound like something you wouldn't be doing anyway, even sans pond, rifle, electric fence, and runaway cow. (Why does all that sound funny?)

I was always stressed out and tired following my three year olds around, even without the runaway cows.

I grew up on a farm and most of this would not bother me. The exceptions are the pond and the rifle (real rifle or air rifle?).

I'm fine with animals, but at 3 I would have introduced my daughter to them and told her to stay back from the cow. I've been shocked by an electric fence several times as a child and adult, and they really aren't that bad. As for the pond, I would've kept a sharp eye for the kids heading that way (drownings rank way up there in causes of childhood death). The rifle, I would have picked up and moved into the house.

Another thing I have done when there is a group of kids is to pick an older girl(s) and ask them to "help me" keep an eye on my daughter. I've known some, especially if they have younger siblings, to take this responsibility seriously. And that's the way it's done in "farm families".

Three is too young to relax completely when there is danger around, of course, but some of your worrying does sound overprotective. I had my own BB gun by 3rd grade that I could use whenever I wanted.

I think I'm related to those friends of your husbands. LOL.
Seriously I grew up in the country. I was shooting at age 3. Animals were always walking around, and we had tons of "danger zones." So it seems normal to me. On the other hand....I have only ever had my kid in the city. When you are raised in that kind of environment you know where you can and can't go. Just like my 2.5 year old knows not to run into the street, the cabinets under sinks are a no no, and so on.
So I would be on edge. My girl wouldn't know the dangers. I could picture her trying to climb the electric fence, swim in the pond and dunk her head right by that cow in the cooler.
Even being on edge, especially if this was a place I frequent...I would teach her the dangers and keep a close eye on her. That way each time you go back, you will feel less anxiety. It all may seem so overwhelming for you, but kids really can adapt to the environment, you just have to give her the tools.
Heres a funny story for you...we went to a house party (just a bbq) when my girl was 1.5, there were two other girls there, 2.5 and 3 y/o. The two sets of parents of those kids felt it was ok to let them have free run of the house inside while we were all outside in the garage (not to mention there was a newborn in a swing sleeping on and off in the living room). I spent most of my time inside with the kids. I was just scared to death. I probably would feel more comfortable having my kid on a farm then in that house again. LOL. So you're not the only one who has had anxiety about certain situations that others view as harmless.
BTW...I don't agree with having a loaded gun of any type unattended. If it's loaded it should be in a responsible (adult or appropriate age) persons hands.

a rifle? really??

you don't mean a BB gun?? most children (especially 7 and under) would never be able to shoot a rifle. they are way too dangerous for a smal child to have anything to do with, the kickback is pretty violent, i don't even want anything to do with shooting one. i have a really hard time believing that any parents would allow that. that's a grown man's gun, NOT a child's.

i suppose if they were ignorant enough to leave a rifle (a REAL rifle) unattended, then yes, i would have had a problem.
....
ok i see your so what happened...and i have to say, a rifle and a bb gun are two entirely different things. i'm not sure it was the best situation, maybe some of your concern was warranted...but many times we fear the unknown. it sounds like you haven't been in the country much...so maybe it's possible you are overreacting to a situation you felt uncomfortable with because you aren't used to it- which does make some sense, because if you are out of your element, chances are your child hasn't been taught the "rules" for these things either. like someone said, most likely their kids are used to the environment and know the rules and what not to touch, where yours doesn't. either way, it's your child, it's your call.

... The only thing I would have had an issue with out of everything you mentioned was the bb gun being out. (BB GUN... not rifle... there is a huge difference between a rifle and a BB gun. A BB gun could hurt, but it's not a deadly threat.) Even if it was just a BB gun, it shouldn't have been left out. I am a big believer in owning guns, and teaching children how to PROPERLY and RESPONSIBLY care for and use them... this was flat-out stupid on the parents part. What a great thing to teach your kids... just leave the gun out, it's ok! Parenting fail. The shooting balloons thing would be perfectly OK with me so long as it was an organized game, with safety precautions taken and a clear "OUT OF BOUNDS" area in the shot range.

I know that at my dad's place, when we have a bunch of kids running around the fences get turned off. They aren't hot enough to actually injure the kids, but it definitely wouldn't be a good time for them to get zapped.

Maybe your best bet would be to hire a mother's helper next time you know you will be in a similar situation.This 'helper' could be a responsible pre-teen who you pay just to keep track of your DD. I recently visited home, where we had pretty much all of the same danger areas (except we had running creek, unused farm equipment, and a bridge with no rails to worry about too...) My 17 month DD was wanting to play all over the place with everyone and I was running myself silly trying to keep track of her. Then my cousin showed up with her 8 year old son, who immediately started keeping track of my DD on his own. I kept an eye on them together for about an hour, and when I saw how well he kept her away from anything dangerous (even if it meant he couldn't play on it himself) I offered to give him $5.00 to stick with her. I was able to relax, and enjoy myself. I just checked on them every 30 minutes or so if they were out of eyesight.

XOXOXO to Ladybug, Red and Monica.....
I agree you can tell who grew up in the country vs city from the posts lol.
To answer the question of the OP...
The party was set up for 7 year old country kids so yes I would be watching my 3 year old (like I normally would be though). I wouldn't have a problem w/ the cow or dogs.
The electric fence would only get touched once (and it would be AFTER I told my child to not touch it so they wouldn't be listening anyway). We used to have contests to see who could hold onto the electric fence for the most shocks. Yes it tingles and stings and makes your arm muscles jump but it won't do any damage.
The pond would be my main concern especially with so many children around. I don't know who knows how to swim and who doesn't so that would be a place that I watched like a hawk.
The bb gun... is NOT a rifle! :-) Yes they can still be dangerous but there is a BIG difference. I would have asked that it be put up when not being used and make sure my child wasn't in the line of fire when it was used but other then that I would say to enjoy your time there.
I also agree that if you are that worried about your daughter in that environment that you should get a leash/harness to put on her, that way she couldn't go anywhere that you wouldn't want her.

I think whoever was telling you to "relax, and just let her play" was a dolt. I could never do that with my 3 yo she would be dead, and that is not an exageration. She is over adventurous, I have to watch her like a hawk on y 10 acre small farm. She drinks out of the chickens water if I don't watch her, she does all sort of crazy stuff. I follow her everywhere, drives me mad to be honest, but I want her to be safe. If you go there, follow her, ignore the hicks.

Haven't read the responses yet, so it may be a re-pear but maybe a hire a responsible teenager to go with you and follow the kids around. Tell her all of ur concerns and what to watch for: cows, electrical fences, bb guns and ungated ponds! Kinda sounds funny but u wouldn't want anything to happen to those angels! Better safe than sorry!

You were absolutely right -- what a nightmare. The pond, the electric fence, the unattended rifle, -- it's like a Stephen King novel for goodness sakes, fraught with danger at every turn.

First, the pond: There's a reason why people have fences around pools -- because children drown -- in an instant. And a pond is no different. For a three year old to be left unwatched around open water -- is a disaster in the making. And please don't follow the advice that says have an older child watch her. Children get distracted, and hungry, and lose interest in being your watchful eyes -- your child's life is not safe in the hands of another child -- only you will be vigilent enough

The Electric fence: Are you kidding? I mean people childproof their homes and put safety guards on their electric sockets -- and your supposed to let her wander by an entire electrified fence!? Crazy!!!!!

The Unattended BB gun : Let's just say, that at this point. I would assume I was in an episode of Punk'd. I mean if your friends were trying to create a Halloween Fright park for children (or at least for their parents) these are some of the main elements I would imagine they'd select!

Your mama's instincts are always right - so don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing your job -- which is taking care of your child! This stuff is just irresponsible -- and you shouldn't have to explain good parenting and be made to feel there's something wrong with protecting your child.

I would not go back again until she is older. Invite them to your house.

You had every right to watch your 3 year old like a hawk! Seriously, even in a normal back yard, if a 3 year old disappears with a bunch of older kids, a good parent will follow behind and not assume the child will stay safe. I never let my child that young just wander around anyone's house no matter how child proof they say it is. Even if there wasn't a pond, an electric fence, a BB gun or a runaway cow, I'd still follow my child or have her stay by my side. They should have minded their own business and let you take care of your daughter. It would be a horrible tragedy to have a child be killed on their property because of lack of supervision for a young child. If it were my house, I'd rather have the parents watch their own kids. My hubby doesn't like having parties with a lot of people because their kids either destroy our house and do dangerous things and we hate having to watch other people's children because they're too busy "relaxing and enjoying the party". Follow your instincts and ignore those people who tell you to stop watching your child. UGH!!

I frequently advise parents not to try too hard to protect their children from every possible risk, because making little mistakes and having small accidents is a great way for children to learn, and I've known over-protected children who have never developed any common sense.

So I might have let a 7yo run around with a bit of advance instruction, but not even I could have felt relaxed with a 3-4 yo. I wasn't there, but from what you write, I think your caution is entirely reasonable.

Taking your daughter there on occasion is probably a fine thing to do, but less so when a whole gaggle of older kids are running around unsupervised. You should be able to breathe more freely as she gets older and you have a sense of how much good judgment she exhibits.

Your city and they are country. End of story.

Hi,

I would be right there with ya~! All of the things you are describing are stressful and dangerous! I dont blame you one bit for following her around. I would do the same thing. The only thing I can say for future trips is to have a code word that you and your hubby know as your word when you want to leave. Then when that comes up, no feelings are hurt and you can scoot on out without offending. As far as supervision, you did the best you could---all you can do is keep that up and don't worry about comments. THey aren't the parent of your daughter-you are and you make the rules! Who cares what others think??? You are a good mom and are trying to protect your daughter. Dont worry about anyone else.

M

Oh my gosh... I would have left when the rifle came out. The pond and electric fences... I would been a little nervous but be able to handle it by close supervision. I don't think the cow would have bothered me so much. But add a rifle to that mix... no way were you overreacting mama.

I would make a deal with your husband, you can go down only when they are there and have if something arises then you have the say on when to leave. Not for parties or things when a lot of others or unexpected things are present.

The rifle thing was just irresponsible and dangerous. I grew up on a large property handling rifles, and there were very,very strict rules about the handling, storage and use of the guns. In fact I was dealing with one of them this morning. The way that your husband's friends were treating it like a toy is one of the reasons there are so many gun deaths in the US.

I also get being watchful around the water. Drowning is a silent death. I knew a toddler who drowned when there were 11 adults standing around the pool. If adults can't stop it, other excitable little kids won't be watching out for it .

I have to agree with you husband, you need to relax. I understand being watchful around the pond (at least until she knows how to swim!). Electric fences are not strong enough to hurt anyone, I have touched more than few in my day. The BB gun should have been put up, but as long as someone had an eye on it to be sure the kids were not playing with it, I don't see the big deal, I mean it was a bb gun, no one was going to get killed. I think the reason your reaction may make your husband uncomfortable is because you are saying in short that these people are such horrible careless parents you do not even want to visit with them, but from reading your post I don't see that about them at all, they are just a little more laid back than you are.

I have to agree with Crunchymama, you are city, they are country. You just don't feel comfortable with country living, but nothing they did sounded out of the norm or dangerous to me. I myself am a little of both.

Was it an actul rifle or a bb gun? Because my 5 year old has been to my moms when he was like 3 and shot balloons with his bb gun. I can't really see someone letting a child shoot a rifle because a child couldn't handle the kickback. But would it bother me maybe not so much because my son has seen them before and so apperantly so have these children. Would I have followed my son like a hawk nope I believe in letting kids play. And like you said you have been to the farm before donyou always follow her then too? But if it bothered you then yes you did the right thing by leaving

Ok. I know I am from Los Angeles but it sounds like lord of the flies! No I would never let my child run around ANY body of water unattended. He can't swim! A gun! Are you kidding me? Don't get me started on dogs running around. All it takes is one second and your little girls face is scared for life with a huge dog bite. Electric fences? What? A Cow? I know I'm a city girl but common sense would prevail and no 3 year old should be running around like that. It's not her house. She doesn't know the rules, the danger areas ,the animals and their temperaments. I can't get over the gun part. It's so inappropriate I don't know where to start. As for other people telling you how to watch your child? You know what is said about opinions? Everyone has one along with something else. I'm right with you mama!

I don't think that's safe. I wouldn't be as worried about the cow as the pond, the fence and the gun.

When I was in elementary school, a friend nearly lost her eye because her brother fired a BB gun, it ricocheted off something and hit her in the eye. Any gun can cause an injury and a loaded rifle with kids running around? No. We have guns. There are rules for safe gun handling. That unattended riffle was not it.

THEIR kids might be trained to stay out of the pond, avoid the fence, and not shoot the gun, but it still sounds like an Edward Gorey book in the making.

I would have followed my kids, too. Even if I told her "stay out of the pond" and "don't touch the gun" what 3 yr old's head isn't a sieve? I mean, really.

Oh my goodness, I am right there with you sister! More power to you!

I would have been chasing my 3 yr old around as well! He is a magnet for accidents and I would not want something tragic to happen because I simply wanted to "relax" and "enjoy the party".

And oh my, a GUN? Yeah, I would have personally moved that thing right back into the house and out of reach from little children.

You are, in my opinion, being totally reasonable and have every right to worry about the safety of your child. You are being a responsible parent, unlike many parents these days who let their children play unsupervised. It only takes a second for a child to drown or to find dangerous items (gun) to play with.

Keep up the good parenting!!

Farms are great - we love visiting them. We are not farmers. No way would I allow my 3 year old to wander around unattended. Other children (even if they're older) do not look out for your child. It's YOUR job. I would have done exactly as you did - although my husband would have share responsibilities too. A farm can be a dangerous place for a small child. Animals are unpredictable and children should never be around ponds without an adult there.

Wow what were those people thinking??? the cow drinking out of the cooler that the children are is just down right disgusting, and there is no way that I could have just relaxed and not followed my child around either, I would have been on edge just like you, have you thought of maybe inviting them over to your house? That way your husband can still see them and you won't have to worry about your little one, or I would probably tell him you can go alone if you don't have a sitter for your daughter, too many dangers there it sounds like. Our children are too precious to take steep chances like those, good luck!

I have a hard time believing what you describe is real!! Not that I don't believe you, but oh my, I would NEVER put my children in a situation like that! I would absolutely put your foot down...how terrifying!! I would be a mess for weeks over something like that...and I don't think you're being too overprotective at all. We are responsible for our children.

I am definitely not a laid back person, by any means...but I think there were issues before the rifle. Electric fences, running dogs, open water, etc...fine for older children, maybe, but not a three year old...unless you helicopter, which it sounds like you did, and good for you!

I would have left as soon as I saw an unattended gun. I grew up with guns, my dad was an avid hunter and trap and skeet shooter. I learned how to handle a gun by age 10. But the one thing I was always taught is never leave a gun unattended or loaded. These people were very irresponsible. I also would have put up a real hissy fit about the gun.
I grew up in the country around farm animals, though we didn't live on a farm. My aunt and uncle lived on a farm and we visited often. It's okay to spend time there but you need to be able to take your daughter around the property and show her where all the possible dangers are. She needs to understand the pond, the electric fencing, and the road are dangerous. If the country roads in Ohio are anything like the country roads in Wisconsin, people fly down the road usually speeding with no reguard to the fact that small children and animals could very easily be on the road around the next bend or over the next hill. And there are usually deep ditches on either side of the road with deep water or broken glass or who knows what covering the bottom.
I would ask an older child to shadow your daughter so you can relax and you don't need to follow her every where but keep an eye on her. If you don't see her after 5-10 minutes it's time to get up and check on her. If she's okay leave her be. The best thing you can do as her Mom is always let her know you are there but also give her the freedom to explore her world.

No no nope.
You did the right thing and I'm sure I would've done the same

I got shot by a bb gun and man did that hurt!

Accidents will happen if no one is watching sometimes even right under out noses

You go momma!
You know best for yours..

E.<3

OMG I think I would have been thrown out of the party after I went off on

1. Whomever thought it was a good idea to shoot rifles at a kid party and don't even get me started on the stupid arses that wanted to leave them on the side of the house.

2. Whomever told me not to follow my toddler around a body of water and electric fences.

I would have been a wreck (and my kids are 11 and 5 1/2) so NO, you are not over protective you are a responsible parent. Also, I am not used to farm animals so I think I would have a hard time mingling with them and them mingling with children. Guess I'm just not a country girl.

I am with you. I would not have left her alone; a 3 year old and a pond?? NO. I think the reason it got obnoxious was everyone telling you NOT to follow her around. Also how were you behaving...were you making a fuss or just keeping her close? if you tagged around with her making sure she didn't get into trouble, it's what every toddlers' mom does -- the ones i know anyway. Alas, the husbands get to drink with their friends but the moms wander around keeping an eye!

.

my oh my we have friends like that :)Wonderful people too!!!!!!!!!!
BB guns and a pond, electic fences, animals (and poop),sharp tools laying everywhere and a house under construction(been like that for years).
Kids and my hubby love going there and so do i but it is a bit stressful for me. Our boys are almost 5 and almost 7 and this was the first summer i have not been following them around(unless we go to the pond and they KNOW better not to go by themselves). Thankfully( by God's grace) there have not been many injuries........Our oldest's arm went through a glass on the door one time while trying to open it....he was not doing anything that he was not supposed to just the way the door was.(blood was everywhere but he was fine ) , yeah so I know what you r talking about. I would still go to your friends house, yes it will be stressful for couple more years, it will get better though........I think all the experiences are worth it and it's a good way for your daughter to learn to obey:)

No, you are not an overprotective parent! Your child is only 3 years old! And doesn't know or understand everything yet. She probably doesn't know that it may be slippery near the edge of the pond and could fall in very easily. And don't think the other kids will always notice if she does. They are probably playing with each other, not with a 3 year old that is tagging along behind them. It only takes a minute or 2 for a child to drown. Cows wondering around loose? No way. I grew up on a farm with cows. They love to kick if someone gets behind them. I have been kicked by a cow many times (even young cows). It hurts! And has been known to cause serious injury depending on how high they kick. She could easily get kicked in the head and end up seriously hurt or worse! Electric fences have enough voltage to deter a cow, guess what it will do to a 3 year old. BB guns can be dangerous. I have a scar on my hand where I was shot (accidentally) by a BB gun and the BB went all the way thru my hand (it went in the palm and came out the back of my hand). My husband also has a scar on his leg he got when the BB ricocheted off a rock and came back and hit him. The BB had to be surgically removed.

Instead of going to your friends house why don't you invite them to yours? This way you can continue being friends and also know your child is safe. And if you do go to your friends house, don't worry what others think, follow your 3 year old around. Or better yet, take her by the hand and lead her around. Teaching her as you go about the fun she can have on a farm and possible dangers she may encounter.

Loose animals, pond, electric fence. No way would I leave her alone. Your husband can be good friends but not quite so frequently. Some time at home, or at your house, with other friends and family. Quite honestly, I followed mine around, regardless of where we were, until they were at least 8. It's called being a good parent. Future comments? Tell them straight out your parenting philosophy and don't feel guilty about it.

Tough one. I have to agree with you, I'd feel the same way. Your daughter is 3 so it's your job to teach her how to be safe and your job isn't done yet, so any I'd respond to their comments as such. I have to say, as much as I wouldn't want to go back either, I probably would, but make a deal with my husband in advance. Either set a time limit to the visit or say if a, b and c happen, we have to leave. Your husband sounds very supportive and probably on some level agrees with you or he would not have left today. Go, have a good time, but you and your husband agree on boundaries beforehand.

My god, this sounds like any moms worst nightmare.
Yes, back in "the day" things were different as far as parenting. But kids were raised different. Alot of kids in our grandparents day were raised around livestock, ponds or lakes, and guns. But they were taught from day one how to co-exsist with these things. Obviously most of our children are NOT. So yes, you have every reason to be nervous and anxious.

I would limit my trips, tell your husband to go visit on his own if he'd like. But you can't take having to chase after her all the time fearing that she'll get hurt, or worse. There have been places I have taken my kids, and due to their fearless natures I couldn't take it and didn't take them back, or won't until they're older. It's called being a MOM :)

My gosh woman!! You ARE a worry wart! I would have been right there with you! :) If I'm not comfortable with a situation, I will definitely turn into a helicopter mom with no regrets!!! Who cares what others say!

Better safe...

I only skimmed the answers and I didn't see someone say this, but is it possible for just your husband and you to visit these friends? I know it was a kid's party, but times when there isn't a kid event? cause if you like the nice people, but feel like the place is unsafe for your 3 year old, I'd think it would be more fun/less stressful for you to go and leave 3 year old with a babysitter. That way, your husband can go, and you don't have to freak out (I would, as well).

BTW, I totally get you on the safety of the place, I'd be concerned to. I'd probably follow yet in a sly sort of way where people don't actually catch that I'm following to avoid the attention from the non-concerned parents. lol.

I think you are completely justified in your concerns. I too would have been uneasy from the many safety aspects. They are right that you don't "have to follow your child everywhere" but she is just 3 years old and does not live there to be completely use to being safe around the fence and animals as their children probably are (especially since he is 7). The rifle was definately not handled appropriately even if your child wasn't only 3.

Since they are good friends and you likely can't avoid them or their farm I suggest you have conversation w/ your husband. Explain, calmly, your concern for your child's safety. Work out an arrangement with him so you can share "safety watch" while there so you each have time to relax...do this ahead of time. Then once there, when someone makes their comments you can calmly say "I know I don't have to follow her everywhere, I can take turns w/ John." If you feel the need, you can elaborate with something like "We're not comfortable with her running around the farm without adult supervision. She's only 3 and not use to all the safety risks". If the remark about not getting shocked too much is said you should say "we're aiming for not at all". When your hubby is on daughter duty, you take the opportunity to relax.

I would have been out of there in an instant. An unattended gun? Really? A bunch of little kids who don't know cows and horses kick (and bite). A pond?

LOL Lisa C.! I thought it was just my husband!

Back to OP, yeah that was a bit too laid-back for my taste too. If it were me, I would have told them upfront that I cannot be relaxed with all these dangers lurking around, mainly because the 3 year old can NOT differentiate danger from play. I would avoid going to that place to save me a heart attack! You could invite them to your house or some other common place until your child is old enough.
Cow and kids drinking same water is a bit too much! I would carry a separate water bottle for my kid if going to their house again :)

Btw, nice perspective Monica N. and good idea Red..

As soon as I read the word "rifle" in the same sentence as "kids" - I had had enough.

You did the right thing. IMHO.

I followed my kids around at that age too - and still do with my 4 year old! I've been accused of being over-protective as well, and it really gets on my nerves. If it makes me feel better to be extra careful, nobody should give me a hard time about it, but they do anyway! I usually respond to it by saying "He's only 4!" I think sometimes people forget what it's like to have little kids when theirs get older and they don't have to worry so much.

I would have been bothered by the rifle too, though I probably would have stayed anyway and just watched my kid like a hawk. I wouldn't have been bothered by the cow though, I think that would be awesome to have a little cow wandering around. I love cows!

You'll have plenty of time to relax and be laid back when your daughter's older. She's only 3, it's good that you're protective! 3 year old's are constantly getting into things and getting hurt. When she's 7 it will be different, and you'll enjoy going there so much more.

Oh my goodness--what a sight that must have been!!

I am a total city girl, but I have had enough experience visiting farms to know that you MUST be vigilant when you are visiting them--especially if your children are not accustomed to that environment.

What I have seen, experienced or been told about:
Boy running near the pasture--didn't see the barbed wire--ran right into the barbed wire and it punctured his eyelid and scraped his eyeball.

I got ringworm from a lovely little cow calf that I was letting suck my thumb.

My cousin's son was run over by a truck because all the kids were running around while the adults were mingling, and my Darwin-award candidate cousin wasn't watching his kid--truck backed up onto him and parked on his leg....shattered his tibia and fibula & the force was so great that it sent blood squirting out of from between his toes (picture stomping on a ketchup packet).

EXPERIENCED farmer was kicked by her bull and died from head trauma

Would I say no more trips? Only if my hubby didn't stand up for me and tell the friends to lay off while you are looking out for your daughter AND if he makes sure to also be vigilant to keep her safe.