I know it's not easy..but your girl is adopting a "worried" and critical disposition and personality, now.
Think about her well being....down the road. Do you want a pre-teen or teenager who has hang-ups and or social problems because of this? Sometimes it can also make them "afraid" of trying new things or even trying. It can escalate, or not....but regardless, it's not real fruitful for her. It could probably undermine her ability to be "happy."
That should be a real red flag, and a sign for your to "nurture" instead of "criticize."
Sure, firstborns are usually over-achieving types...but with your self-admitted "criticizing", which you want to stop....you need to nurture HER and HER unique traits, not yours.
I am not trying to be "mean"...but since you seem to be aware of the problem, I am just agreeing with you. Being a Mom is not easy...me too, but it is Great you are so willing to open up to help your daughter. :)
Perhaps, just let her be....let her be a child.... let her enjoy her life. TEACH her that it is NOT so important to "criticize" others and that everyone is different, it's OKAY. Teach her to be in the moment, and simply enjoy herself. TEACH her it is OKAY to make mistakes, because this is how they learn too, and even Parents learn this way. When I make a mistake I tell my daughter, and then we talk about how we could have did it another way next time, and laugh about it.
Do you want your daughter to be neurotic as well?
Think about this, before you teach criticism.
One good metaphor is:
Do you want to be a "hammer" to your child, or a pair of wings for her to soar?
Children also learn by just talking story....let them EXPLORE and talk and chit chat about anything...and talk WITH her about situations....instead of "correcting" her or putting her under a microscope. Don't ever teach a child to "doubt" themselves....rather, give them the ability to BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES....and feel proud. Happy.
Think down the road.... when she is approaching the teens... try to create a self-directed, self-assured, secure, and happy young girl...that way, you can help prevent a teen from seeking "outside" influences for validation...and possibly preventing them from getting into trouble, or possibly seeking out the "wrong" boys to make them feel better about themselves.
For me, thinking about these things helps me in how I teach and interact with my daughter, now. In the present. Because what you do to them now, in the present, will affect them later.... for better or worse.
I'm sure you know all about patience. But, for me, the trick is just appreciating my girl for who SHE is... and nurturing her for these aspects, for her strengths, not weaknesses.
I certainly want my girl to be a strong, self-assured, and kind young lady when she grows up...and so that when she "needs" me for anything...she knows I will always be there for her, accepting her no matter what, unconditionally.
THAT is what drives me in the way I handle my girl. Think down the road... you are "forming" your girl now.... like a ball of clay in your hands.
You are obviously a very involved Mommy and that's great...just redirect yourself, and don't just "react" to her... "form" her to be a happy, kind, thoughtful, self-confident little girl. Let her be happy and self-assured. This will also engender a closeness with you....in good or bad times as she gets older.
*Also, just admitting to your girl that "Mommy needs to try and criticize others less....it's not very nice. I will try to do that with you too, alright?" That way, you are "showing" her that you acknowledge and are taking responsibility for your "mistakes." Kids need to see Parents do this too, sometimes. I sometimes tell my girl "Sorry for being so impatient...I have to work on that...it's not your fault...It's Mommy." And then it really turns around the situation and it "teaches" her wisdom and how to take responsibility for things.
*I'm adding this: my Mom was also very critical of my older sister growing up, and still is to a degree. This was really negative for my sister...and she grew up with a lot of resentment toward my Mom. Even as an adult, although my sister is very successful, bright, and independent, she has a lot of insecurities...which was brought on by my Mother. My sister has, on her own, overcome a lot of this...but never forgets how my Mom "picked" on her. A child sees "criticism" as being "picked on" and how nothing is ever good enough for Mommy. A child needs approval & acceptance from their Parent... and although not easy, it's a foundation for them.
Well, sorry for rambling on too long. Hope this helps,
Good luck and take care,
~Susan