I Need Help from Breastfeeding, Cosleeping Mamas PLEASE!!!

You know it could be a comfort thing, or really it could be that this lil guy needs his own bed.
My son loved to sleep with me when he was a baby. Actually was a battle to get him to start sleeping in his bed.
My daughter is the total opposite, she will be one in a week.. She will NOT sleep with me. She LOVES her bed. I tried so many times to take naps with her, and she will just complain and push me away.

I breastfed exclusively and co-slept as well until the boys were about 18 months or so, so I am totally supportive of it. But mama, it sounds like you are a human pacifier my dear and it is totally not doing well for you! At his age, he doesn't need that many feedings. The joys of co-sleeping are so the bond is there and the magical word *peaceful sleep*... but that's not happening anymore. I would think now is the time to start putting him in the crib on those rough nights and letting him learn to self sooth to sleep.

D. Sears is an expert who has wonderful advice:
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems

Even now, I don't mind if my 5 year old crawls in top bed with me b/c he is a snuggle bunny and a quiet sleeper. But my 3 year old rarely climbs in bed with us, but when he does he, kicks, rolls, hits... a very active sleeper! So he's not going to be sleeping in my bed very often ;)

I did cosleep with my first for 2 years and it was great, when the 2nd came around it was not long lived. He needed his space to get a full nights sleep and I had to adjust. Not all babies are the same. My first and fourth were the only ones that would sleep peacefully next to me. The middle 2 were up and down and very light sleepers. he may just need to sleep in his own bed. He may also, be ready to wean. they all differ here too. I had one who was done by 10 months and one that nursed until he was 2. keep trying different things until you find what works for you and the little one. Good Luck

Yikes! I assume he's eating solid food as well? If it's a hunger issue, maybe feed him a late snack and see if it helps. But more likely it's a habit/comfort issue. My son obsessively rubbed my ear all night at that age. It was exhausting. He wouldn't let me turn over -- he would claw his way over me or grab my face so he could get the ear he wanted! It was really a habit thing for him. Neither of us were sleeping. I had to just keep removing his hand over and over and over. I put other things in his hand instead (my finger, then a stuffed toy). The same might work for your breast - let him latch for less and less time each night. Get it down even to like a 30 second latch, then remove him and roll over. Or you could try a pacifier at night.

We enjoyed cosleeping until it became clear that it wasn't good for us anymore -- nobody was sleeping at all. We just got my son into his own bed (he's 2.5) and things are much better. I miss him at night for sure, but its worth it for him to sleep through the night. Good luck!

I am in a very similar situation also. Since the all-night feedings were the problem and not the co-sleeping I have let him and my husband co sleep in the bad and I have been on the couch for the past few nights. That way he can learn to just sleep through the night and not have to nurse. (I know it seems a little silly to not be in my own bed, but it is working!)
He had a couple of crying bouts but has gotten over them quickly. Our next step will be to put him in his own bed, but I didn't want to cut off the nursing and put him in his own bed at the same time, I thought that might be too hard.
So, maybe once you are away from him for the whole night he will get over the all-night feedings.
Good luck! I know how you feel!

Hi. Good for you for doing all of this for your loved one.

I found great advice on such issues from Dr. Laura Markham at:
www.ahaparenting.com

Also Elizabeth Pantley of the 'no cry sleep solution...' she has a facebook page which lists her email. you can seriously write to her and she is very helpful.

best of luck.

jilly

Well, it could definitely just be a phase that he will grow out of in a month or so. But until then, I suggest letting your husband be the one co-sleeping with him, until he learns he can't nurse all night.

Or, if you can be strong and hold out, do what I did...........
When my daughter was 16 months, I just refused to let her nurse in the middle of the night. I knew it was just a comfort thing, and she didn't really need to eat. So I just wore a crew neck, long shirt to bed so she couldn't get my shirt up, and pulled her close and snuggled with her. She would fuss and cry a little, but I just held her and kept whispering, 'Mama's here'. After a few nights, she gave up and slept through.

I know, it can be so frustrating. But kudos to you for doing this for your baby.

To 3BoysUnder3: J. asked for help from breastfeeding, CO-SLEEPING mamas. Perhaps you missed that......

At 16 months, when you you say you exclusively breastfeed, I assume you mean breast milk and lots of solid food correct? If you are truly ONLY breast feeding, he is not sleeping because he's extremely hungry. A full baby will sleep through the night from a MUCH younger age. Yes, co sleepers have a bit more trouble because they're otherwise engaged, but they're sill basically full and tired if they've eaten enough.

If you are feeding him real food and just breast milk instead of animal milk, then he is still WAAAAY too hungry. You need to be sure he gets many more calories during the day. Once you increase his food greatly, after about 3 days (it will take a few days for the body to register the change) you will see him sleeping much better. Yes, increasing his food may cause him to nurse less (maybe not though) in which case you should be prepared to add in some organic milk of some sort of this decreases your supply, but this is fine for his health at 16 months. You have done a wonderful job nursing so long, and can continue, you just need him to be eating much more. He's at the ravenous age where any child will wake at night if they don't eat enough during the day, co sleeping or non co sleeping. This goes until he is at least 2. Little food equals little sleep.

Sounds like it's time to try his own crib. I am neither pro or against co sleeping. Both my girls were in our bed most of their first year. I did notice them became harder and harder to sleep next to. When I stopped getting a decent nights sleep we started putting them down in their own room, when (and if) she'd wake up I'd usually just bring her in our bed for the rest of the night. Many nights she didn't wake at all and some not until early morning.
Try putting him down further away from you and see if maybe not being so near will keep him from "remembering" you and your breasts in the middle of the night.

well first off, he isnt a baby, he is a toddler. He needs to be in his own room, there is no reason for him to not be sleeping through the night, like months and months ago. Put him in his own room. when it is time for bed, put him down in his own crib in his own room. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. he doesnt need to be BF at night anymore either, i'm sure he is getting plenty of nutrion during the day between his BF and solids.

Put him to bed in his own room, dont hold or rock him, it is just another bad habit you will have to break. Lay him down, walk out of the room. He'll fuss and cry a lot. wait about 10 or 15 minutes and if he is still crying go in, DO NOT PICK HIM UP, rub his back and maybe sshhh him for a minute and then go back out. it will take a few days and it will suck, but after that he will learn that bedtime is bedtime and he needs to sleep. you could try putting him in a toddler bed, no need for a crib at that age really.

good luck

If he uses a sippy cup, give him one with water in it to keep in the crib with him. He could just be thirsty. With both of my boys, this was the key to getting them to stop waking me in the middle of the night to nurse. After a few nights of him waking and you giving him the sippy of water he should get used to it and just get it himself, take a drink or two and go back to sleep. Hopefully this or something else helps you. When momma doesn't sleep, no one's happy.

My baby is not fond of being rocked to sleep these days and has fell asleep on the living room floor on a blanket. So where he falls is where he sleeps. I find out he sleeps more soundly on the floor in there away from me. He def. dont sleep well in his crib. I have been awake sooooo much lately with him and he is 9 mos. i had been at my witts end. My husbands suggestion was , keep him awake until 11:00 at night and he will sleep all night. I did not like the suggestion, but that suggestion helped alot too, if we can actually keep him awake that long. I feel your pain.

I don't really have any advice to offer, per se, but I just wanted to tell you about my experience. My son co-slept and breastfed also. And my son, like yours, woke up multiple times through the night until he was 18 months old... I had no other children to compare to, so all I did was wonder if it was ever going to end! But alas, at 18 months, it just stopped. I guess it happens with some earlier than others, so I'd say there's hope that he will still stop on his own. Of course, you can try different things if you think a change is necessary, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and it seems to me that eventually, they do quit that bs!

Sounds like he is using you as his night time pacifier.

I recommend you pop a binky in his mouth during the night. But you'll need to practice with it during the day so it's not a new and unusual experience at night. You can also keep a small bottle of water to offer first.

He won't take kindly to any of this the first few nights. But stick with it, or sleep in a different room for a couple of night and have your hubs offer the options.

GL!

I agree with those who say he is using you as a pacifier. My son did this as well (he only co-slept until 4 mos). He would wake up numerous times and latch on, and then fall back asleep. EVERY TWO HOURS. I couldn't take that. We moved him to his crib where he slept all night (7p - 7a) without a single peep the second night we moved him. I think once you're not there, they just go back to sleep. But if you ARE there... they go for the comfort. Heck, I would! He is older, so he might be into more of a habit. It might be a few nights of Dad going in to the crib to comfort him.

The other thing I would say is don't keep him up late. A baby that is overly tired will have MORE trouble sleeping. He might actually be a little sleep deprived if he's waking up so often.

Sadly for him, I think his co-sleeping days might be over. :( Good luck.

I'd maybe put him to bed between 8-8:30pm and go to sleep with him, rather than getting back up and going to bed at a later time (I'm assuming YOUR bedtime isn't the same). What worked with my daughter around that age was I'd tuck her into the crook of my elbow and shoulder/armpit area and hold on to her until she fell asleep - that way no wiggling or playing in bed.

Hello. I could write your post. ;)

It is definitely a comfort thing. My DS (also 16mths.) is exactly the same. In fact...he used to be a champion sleeper, now...sigh.

And I don't know about your boy, but if I put a pacifier in his mouth...whoa, watch out! It infuriates him.

What I have been doing is to simply not let him get under my shirt.
I haven't denied him completely, I can handle 1-2 feedings during the night-but that's it!
So he lays there and cries and wakes DH up :( and I pat his back and he goes to sleep. Not always, but I am training him. :)

I remember having to train my DD too. Not fun. But worth the long term sanity.

PM me if you want to swap ideas. Lol. :)