I Need Sleep - Colorado Springs,CO

T.,
I am sorry to hear about your problem. I think you're tired and that makes things worse. But don't worry. What we have done with my kid is play with him to get him tired. Half hour before we want him to go to sleep, I take him to his bedroom and put his pijamas, change his diaper (very important) and . We read two books and then I put him in his crib. I read the last book with him on the crib. I have a little piece of soft fabric that he likes to touch his face with. I tried the bear but he didn't take it at night but I leave it on his crib. I also leave a little book and put some music. We tried the cry out fore some time, but this method was wonderful for us because it took the anxiety away from my kid after we moved him to his bedroom (we found out later that having him sleep with us was part of the problem). The method I desperately found was this: you put the baby to sleep, and get out of the bedroom. Wait 1 minute and come in to comfort him again. Get out and wait two minutes. Come in and comfort him. Get out and wait three minutes... and so on. Believe me, the first time we were back and forth until 6 minutes. After that, its been less and less. Now what I do is I put him to bed and leave the door open so he can hear I'm around. Now he grabs his fabric and goes to sleep. No more cry out!
Good luck!

I was in the same situation about a year ago except my husband and I would let our daughter sleep with us and then to get her to sleep alone was a chore. I finally put a travel play pen in our room and I had to just let her cry it out until she would fall asleep. I know it is hard but it after a couple of weeks we moved her into her room and put her in her crib. She would cry in there for a while and then finally fall asleep. I know it is hard but the only way he is going to learn I feel is to just let him cry it out. I know a lot of moms that let there children sleep with them and it is a very bad habbit you need to try to brake it now. My sister in law has always let her little girl sleep with them and now she is 7 and still sleeps with them she won't sleep in her own room at all. I hope some of this advise will help you but I understna dit can be hard. It took about a week in our room and then moved her to her room took about another week or so. It can take a month or so but it is worth it. My daughter is now in a big girl bed and is 3. I kept her in her crib for a long time so she would learn to sleep alone. Now she sleeps in her big girl bed and doesn't complain or get up in the night at all. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

My daughter started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and around 5 months, started waking up again. We tried the "cry it out method" (which worked with our son in 3 days) but she was just like your son and would go on for 2 hrs or more and I resorted to nursing her for 5 minutes and she'd sleep peacefully the rest of the night. We did this until she was 10 months old and I was just plain exhausted from getting up every night. So instead of nursing her, I would give her a bottle of water, tell her to go back to sleep and that worked. Within a week or so she was sleeping through the night (or at least waking up, finding the water and going back to sleep on her own). I tried a pacifier, too, but she wouldn't take that.

Since you said he doesn't eat much during the day, he could be waking because he's hungry. But a lot of kids appetites diminish around a year old because they are active, distracted, and just don't need as much food since their growth is slowing down. I would start by keeping a record of how much he eats and drinks over the course of a week or two and if you are still concerned it's not enough, take that list to your pediatrician.

I can't imagine that he's ready to give up naps yet, so you might want to keep track of his sleep (times and amount), too. You may find that maybe he's ready to nap earlier or later than you've been putting him down, or that his bedtime is too late or too early. Both my kids were napping two times a day at 14 months. They'd wake around 7 am, nap for about a hour or so around 10 am and then nap again around 2 pm for another two hours. They both dropped her morning nap around 18 months to just one 2-hour nap starting at 1 pm. If your son is not on any schedule, that would probably help. If he is, you may want to consider changing times to see if that helps at all. Check out babycenter.com, they have a chart of how much sleep your child should be getting at different ages so you'll be able to gauge if he's getting enough or not.

Good luck getting a good nights sleep, for BOTH of you!

Hi T.,

Here are a few tips passed on by my daughter who has 2 boys, 15 months and 4. She completely weaned her son (15 months) by giving him a sippy cup with watered down apple juice and water. Also, she also found out that no two children are the same. Her 4 year old started sleeping through the night when his tummy was full. Also with the 15 month old, she lets him stay up until late whiny and all, and now he sleeps through the night. Take a nap with your son...even if its only a half an hour, "take it". It will refresh you to make it through the day.

The problem she is having now, is that her son sleeps so well, that if she doesn't put pull ups on him before he goes to bed, he pees the bed.

Hope this helps...
Blessings!
C.

First of all I don't care what your husband thinks-HE NEEDS TO HELP!!!!! Being a stay at home mom is a harder job than anything he could possibly do for work. You are working 24 hrs a day and since your son is not sleeping you get zero breaks. Next you need to get your son to sleep in his own bed. With my 2 children we had sleep problems too, I know it sucks to let them cry it out but you have to do it. He may cry hours on end for many nights in a row but it will help, and you'll feel better getting sleep of your own. If you keep going the way you are now you will stillbe doing the same thing 2 maybe 3 years from now. Don't worry about his eating habits, babies change their eating habits all the time. As long as his pediatrician is not worried. SOrry to tell you but you need to use some tough love or else you are going to never get any sleep.
Good Luck
C.

Perhaps ask a family member to stay over and help. Your husband doesn't sound very pleasant. Has your doctor offered any other advice?

Are you sure you're not talking about my son? It sounds exactly the same (except for the RSV). I too breast fed, and my son slept with me all night long (ha ha...slept...waking up every hour to hour and a half!). Finally at 11 months (and a two week spring break), I couldn't take it anymore and decided to do two things at once.

Number one, I put him in a toddler bed in his own room. Some people say he's to young to put in a toddle bed, but he seemed to adjust since he's scream in his crib. Maybe it was a little more like our bed... I don't know. Anyway, I also decided to wean him. I didn't feel like I could before, but I was just so TIRED of it all...So, I weaned him and had him sleep in his own room (we moved a mattress into the room so I could sleep in there if he woke in the night and I couldn't find my way back to my room...those who are exhausted and do things in their sleep know what I'm taking about!).

It was hard at first with the weaning, he'd cry and pull at my shirt, but I distracted him and after about a minute (sometimes a little longer) he'd be fine (he too won't take a pacifier or bottle). I also started putting him to sleep in his own room. First I'd give him and his sister a bath, then I'd read them a book, then I'd put my daughter to bed and then we'd go into his room (a routine so he'd know what to expect...VERY important). I'd lay him on the bed a few times while sitting next to it so he'd know it was bedtime (he'd cry, but that was ok...it made him a little more tired). After about 5 minutes, he was crying and tired enough that I would hold him and walk with him until he fell asleep (sometimes I could just hold him on his bed, or rock him in the chair...whichever I felt more comfortable with). After about 1 week, he was weaned, and after 2 weeks, he'd only wake up 1 or 2 times a night. Victory!!!! Now, I must celebrate, he's slept through the night the last two nights!!!!! It's taken about 2 months but I am so happy.

And you know...weaning and having him sleep in his own be really helped. I don't think I could have done it without the spare mattress in his room though.

Try a little of everything, but don't do things that sap your spirit...I've tried cry it out stuff and I couldn't handle it. Do what your heart feels comfortable with. Please let me know what you ended up doing...Good Luck!

Without sleep, you're not good to anyone, including your husband. When my son was a newborn he had his days and nights mixed up for about two weeks so that I was up all day and most of the night with him, and by the end of that two weeks I was so exhausted I couldn't function. My husband also had the same attitude, that he had to work and needed his sleep, and since I stayed home and didn't "work" I could handle lack of sleep. However, after a few days of him not having any dinner because I 'd immediately go and lay down when he got home and leave him with baby care and getting his own dinner, he kinda figured out that maybe he could cut some slack, especially on the weekends. Try getting your husband to be up with the baby say on Saturdays, so you can get some sleep and sleep in on Sunday. Once he gets used to that, expand it a little - go in for an hour nap or so when he gets home from work one or two times a week. Besides putting more of the child care responsibility on him, it might do your son some good for a change of parent - I think sometimes the kids get into a pattern and that's what's keeping him on his crazy sleep schedule - maybe just a change of scene'll help. Good luck.

There is a good book called the No Cry Sleep Solution--many many tips and ideas to help. Once you decide what will work for you, consistency and structure will be complementary tools.
good luck

Have you tried making bedtime earlier? My 2.5 yo is this way too - if I am late with bedtime (anytime after 8pm is too late), then no matter how tired she is, she'll whine/fuss/cry/stay awake until 10pm or later. She is a non-sleeper too, unless I catch those windows when she is ready. It's very hard to tell when she is tired, but easy to tell when I have missed it.
Also.. it's VERY hard to even pay attention to what is actually happening when you are tired or not getting a break, so I suggest finding a way to get a break - maybe a mom with a child about the same age wouldn't mind having your son for a few hours so you get a break to recharge? I was recently away overnight for the first time in my children's lives and even though I was in a pretty stressful situation that still has not passed, that overnight break helped me to be a more patient, present mom. With this in mind, I've made sure to schedule in little breaks. Good luck! Sleep problems are the worst kind because it's hard to see the answer when you're tired.

M.

Has this been going on for 8 months?!

Maybe you could sleep in his room for awhile? Get like a twin--or better, larger mattress and sleep on the floor with him. Don't nurse him right away, but try singing, or other music, rub his back, talk softly, cuddle. ...

He COULD be transitioned to a toddler (or even twin) bed, if "the cage" terrifies him. After he is hopefully sleeping better, transition to him sleeping in his new "big boy" bed with you on the other mattress.

Next step MIGHT be him in his bed, you in the hall (depending on house layout etc.)

I don't know whether something like that could work for you or not, but it is what I thought of. You could also do a similar thing working from him sleeping with you in your bed to sleeping on your floor, etc...

I know what it's like to not get any sleep, and I feel awful for you. My suggestion would be to schedule, schedule, schedule. The thing that has worked best for my 2 boys is to stick to a very specific routine. Try giving him a bath to calm him, or reading books, but also make sure he's tired himself out during the day with exercise.
This method may take some time, because it sounds like you've tried about everything. He actually might be confused because of all the different things that have been tried with him.
If your husband won't help you (which I think is completely intolerable... it's his child too!) then absolutely get someone else to help just so you can refresh.
Also, if he really hates his crib that much now I would place the mattress on the floor somewhere safe in his room and try that. The thing that will work better than anything though is to choose a method and just stick with it, no matter how hard it is. My oldest used to play sometimes before bed, and I would just let him until he gets settled down and then either put him back to sleep or he would go on his own. The worst thing you can do though is give in, because he will use it against you over and over. Kids are smart like that.
You said you had asked the doctor, I would also make sure that he checks your son out thoroughly to make sure nothing could be causing this, because that little sleep I would think has to be caused by something. (Have you tried tylenol or some pain reliever before bed?)
The last thing I could think of is that through your breastmilk if you drink a lot of caffeine could he be getting this? I think that pretty much concerns babies not older children, but it wouldn't hurt to check.
Good luck with everything and I hope everything works out for you soon. Happy Mother's Day!

T., so sorry to hear you're having sleep issues. They can be so tough.

Cry it out did work for us, but it can be hard. You really have to stick to it. My daughter cried for a long time the first day, but even the second day she was much improved. If you do decide to do CIO it is imperative that you don't go pick him back up. It just teaches him that eventually you'll come. If CIO really isn't the option for you, there are other things that can work. No Cry Sleep Solution has already been mentioned. Also, there is a flex-scheduling board at Pregnancy.org that has a lot of great ideas.

It sounds to me like your son is so into his routine that he thinks he can't go to sleep without nursing. He does have a security object: the breast. Have you tried putting him down drowsy instead of nursing him to sleep? It's a good idea not only for his teeth, but also so he learns that he can fall asleep in his crib on his own. The idea that was given about a bottle of water might be a good alternative to nursing (and water won't be bad for his teeth).

You might have to look into getting him out of your bed sooner rather than later. Teaching him to sleep on his own might help him sleep more through the night. When he wakes up and sees you there, he's going to automatically want you to comfort him.

Best of luck with everything. I hope you find what works for you!

Jules

HI. First off, I am so sorry you are having so many issues. I do have something that might work for you.
I saw this on Super Nanny lst season and I had to use it on my daughter there for a while.
If you already have a bedtime routine (bath, book, cuddle, bottle/breast) then keep that up, when it is bedtime simply tell him "It is bedtime sweetie" or whatever you noraml would tell him. Put him in the crib and sit next to the crib, on the floor and make NO eye contact. Just simply sit there and ignore him. He knows you are there but if you talk to him that gives him a positive feeling and you want him to realize he can go to sleep on his own. Sit in the same spot each night for about 3 days and then each night move a bit closer to the door. Now, I know it will be VERY hard to not talk to him, it was hard for me not to talk to her and she would yell at me and tell me PLEASE but you have to be strong. You may be sitting there for a while but trust me=it will eventually work. As you move closer to the door, the time it takes him to fall asleep will decrease. After about 2 weeks you should be able to lay him down and leave.
I might also suggest, if you can, changing his room around a bit. Just moving furniture or moving pictures, changing it in some way so it doesnt look the same. You can simply even hang a fun mobile of sorts up in the corner or over his bed, something for him to look at-especially if he picks it out.
GOod luck!

Hi,
There are so many issues but I think the biggest one to tackle is the sleep. My favorite sleep book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. While it didn't necessarily offer concrete directions on how to get your child to sleep it did offer research and solid reasons why sleep for babies is so important. This helped me be more admanant in getting my son to be a good sleeper. While CIO (cry it out) did not work at 6 months it might work now, although I must warn you that any sleep training you choose to do, you have to do it consistently for 7-10 days. Now I know it's heartbreaking to listen to them cry but it will get less and less. I swore I would never let my son CIO, until the day I did it and I was up every 90 minutes one night. Amazingly enough it worked. Although, every time he got sick we would go a few steps backwards so we'd need to do a little bit of CIO but it usually was short and only a day or two. Sleep really begets more sleep. My son was a terrible sleeper but now at 3 he's a great sleeper and still takes 2 - 2 1/2 hour nap most days. There are lots of methods for CIO and it may require you to try various things but you have to be strong in order for it to work. I let my son cry cold turkey, I had a friend that spent a few weeks on matress in her son's room, son in the crib, she didn't get him out but she was there so her son didn't think he had been abandoned, he was mad, but eventually it worked. She wore ear plugs. Her son now is a good sleeper where he didn't used to be. You are teaching him how to sleep on his own and go to sleep and back to sleep. I am imagining, part of the waking during the night has become habit. Have you ever noticed if you wake up and look at the clock it seems like you wake up at the same time every night? Our bodies are weird that way. Ultimately, it may be your determination to make it work -- whether for sleeping or eating (which is a whole other can of worms -- which after going ot the feeding clinic at Children's I'd be happy to share some of the advice I was given, email if you are interested).

I wish you the best of luck. Things will work with consistency but you have to be ready (or desperate enough) to make them work. I know I had to be ready, whether it was sleep training, weaning from breast feeding (at 2), helping him become a better eater. The only thing he didn't wait for me on was potty training.