I left my husband in April of 06. Found out I was pregnant in May. I am now 5 1/2 mo pregnant and very happy about it. We already have a 4 yr old who is having a hard time adjusting to all of this. I have accomplishied so much since I've him. My son and I have started over,we have our own place ,I have a good job , I am ahead on all my bills , have a car , etc.... All the things I didnt have with him. Plus he was emotionally abusive. He is now going to N.A.(narcotics annonimus) and taking meds ( manic deppression). He is making positive steps but is still living with his parents and has no job. There is more of course but I must go. Anyone have simular experinces?? Thanks. A.
Well things are coming along nicely I think. I am close to my 8th month and looking forward to the new baby. My son is adjusting well I think.My husband has been at the same job now for a little over a month and is taking meds.I don't think he's attending his N.A. meetings but he's not drinking(that I know of).He is making some positive changes in his life but is still at mom and dads. I have to fight with him about helping to pay daycare-he finally started to pay some...but that meanness is still a part of him and that more than anything else has kept me away from us trying again. I wish him the best. Shoot I still love him but thats not enough if he doesn't respect you and you don't trust him.Thank you so much to everyone thats taken the time to send some advice or just plain encouragement my way. It means everything to me. Thank you.
A.,
I have almost been there I left befor we could hsve another one, but we had one I left him sbout two years ago it took a while and I am still struggleing, but it is way better than being with him! he was a drug user also and I didnt wabt my child around him, any way I have been where you are if you need to talk ever my email is ____@____.com good luck!! and it seems like you are doing good!!!!!
S.
HI A.! I have pretty much gone through the same you are recently going through. Please once you have the baby, dont go back to him. I did it and believe me it was just a waste of time. Once I had my baby my ex convince me it was a second chance and that it happened for a reason. BUt no, he didnt change his ways, and your husband wont change either. Now I have moved on, Got a car, Bought my first home and got away from here( i was living in NY, moved 2 months ago to jacksonville. If you want to keep talking, send me an e mail. ok? bye Take care!
A.,
I just moved back to St. Pete in October of 2005. I moved away 4 years prior to Rochester, NY to be with my husband. I left him in Oct. because he cheated on me with a 20 year old. I was devastated.
My daughter and I are doing just fine. Yeah it's hard being alone and scary but I am a much happier person. She misses her dad alot but we are friends and in fact she is in NY right now visiting him and his family.
I can only imagine what you must be going through being pregnant as well. But just think of what you have accomplished. You knew it wasn't working and left. That is a HUGE decision.
It's hard to change something you have known for so long, whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. I was miserable and knew it. But it was all I had known and I was comfortable. I was scared of the unknown.
If you need to talk, I am here.
K.
When I left my first husband (now happily remarried) it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was in pretty much the same boat as you except I wasn't pregnant. He went for anger management classes but he wouldn't stop his other behavior. He tried several times to come back to me but all I could think of was how much better I had been doing without him. I don't want to tell you to not go back but you do need to take into account how your life is now versus how it was when you were with him.
I my name is Christine, and I am going and have gone through something very similar. I have a 5yr. old son, and I got pregnant again when he was 4yrs. old. He really didn't ubderstand the baby thing. But his dad left me and he hated me for it, and treated me badly. I just stayed positive and acted like him having an attitude didn't bother me, and soon enough he got better with time and realized I loved him and I'm am the one who is here for him. Hope everything gets better. Bless you and your new baby
Hi A.,
I'm sort of in a similar situation. I have a 4 yr old son as well, and a 3 yr old daughter. I'm a stay at home mom and I decided to divorce my husband 2 yrs ago, tried to work on it, held off on divorce and in January of this year, made the final decision to go through with it. We still live with each other (actually he just moved out, but is here a lot), he's a contractor supposed to be building my house. My son is becoming aware of the situation due to the things my husband says. He doesn't talk to the kids appropriately and tries to make me feel bad for the things that he says to them. He doesn't lie, but he tells the brutal truth and doesn't talk with them about it. My son now cries and gets scared if he raises his voice. I don't know how to cope with it. I try to talk to my kids the way I'm supposed to, but it's hard to know how it will all pan out. My husband is also emotionally abusive, verbally too, but doesn't think he is. I wish I had the guts to move out and get a job like you, but he is able to and says he will support me until the youngest gets into school. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to get a job and put the kids in daycare/preschool. But that's not what I want. I know this may not help you much, but sometimes it helps to talk about it. Have you found any kind of conseling? I've thought about that, but don't really know how to go about finding a good one.
J.
i completely understand i just resently got out of a 7 year relationship that was emotionally abusive and turned to physical i have 4 boys 5 4 3 and 51/2 months i had a little girl that passed last year and thats when most of our problems got worse if it was an emotionally abusive relationship and it sounds ike hes using to so did my ex then its a good thing you left.its crazy that when you leavve them you some how end up with everythhing you couldnt have with them.it gets lonely at times just remember why you left and chances are he wont change it may seem that way cause they start to get help but how long does that last for.i know not long the second they feel they have you back it all starts again.so you keep doing as you are youll find in the end you are better off.
A.,
I am new here, but I have to say that I applaud you for your courage and determination to stay above water and know how important you and your son & future child are. I was married for 20 years before I had the courage to leave and even then I almost went back. My boys were older but I have to say that if I left a lot earlier my boys would probably be less like their father which has been very challenging for me. They saw how he acted, treated me and the things he did and no matter what I did to rectify it they still took on his bad habits. This is something that I feel very guilty about. I was treated horribly and mentally abused for years. We don't know why we stay, the ones who do, but I finally see my boys coming around. They are older now and starting to see what their dad is all about and they aren't liking it. I just have to say that this part of a marriage is so very important and that you have to realize what effect they have on these impressionable little ones. You will have control now and you will be the one responsible for the way they are raised. This is something that I wish I had the chance to do all over again. I have no excuses for staying with him for so long, but I do have to say that after that horrible time in my life, I have found someone, remarried and he is the best influence on my boys. He shows them how they should really treat a woman and we both show them a huge amount of mutual respect toward each other. I'm praying it isn't too late for them to see that this is how it should be and should have been when they were growing up. I can see that they are very happy for me and they joke because we get along so well and are so in love, but I know they're slowly but surely getting it!
Again, I applaud you and support you 100%...You have made the first big step that a lot of us have trouble with and that in itself is a tremendous achievement on your behalf.
Best wishes and a wonderful life ahead of you,
S. :)
I know exactly what you are going through. I too did that about 2 years ago, but when i found out i was pregnant i went back. I thought i could never do it alone. And now my son is 15months old and nothing has changed. i asked him to go again!!
Now i have a car that I got for him that I can't afford and bills i can't afford. I am so scared. I could do it with one,but 2...no way. I am so scared. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here. it would be nice to talk to someonein the same situation. Mine too has issue with Alcohol and drugs.
Here is my number ###-###-#### cell. Shoot me an email if you wnat to talk. it is easier to talk via email. Do you work? Where do you live? where does your child attend child care?
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Please do not go back. Your children are better off with you happy than being put down!!!If your ex does change good for him,but you will always be treated badly by him. The change in him is great for your children. Just remember that there are plenty of men who do not treat you badly and do not mind that you have children!!!
My advice to you is to stay strong and continue to listen to YOU. You know the right choice for yourself and your family, based on all that you have lived through and learned along the way. The hard part is listening to yourself, which you have already proven you are willing to do. Continue to put you & your children first. Be proud of all you have done and the strength you have found in yourself.
Your son will react to whatever he sees and FEELS, so try to keep him out of the middle of any arguements or problems. Also, sit down and talk to him. I know you said he was 4, but you would be surprised what he understands or is picking up on. Ask him if he knows why his father is not there anymore and why you moved, etc, etc to see what he has created in his mind for an explanation. At his age he just wants to know his father loves him, why he's not there and when is he going to see him. They do not care about all the other things that we as adults get to worry about!
If you want to talk, you can send me an e-mail. Stay strong!
A.
I have been divorced and separated from my ex for almost 12 months now. I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old. It has not been easy at all. It seems that I was doing better with things after it all happened but over the past few months things have been more difficult and every problem amainable is happaning.. My oldest is having to go into a residential home because he is too violent and unpredictable. I have lost my wonderful job that i have had for over 5 years(neonatal rn) i woked weekend nights so that i could be with my children during the week and with my oldest at school.. the problem was that i could not find a person that would consistently babysit for me. i started missing more and more work. when you work 12hr nights you don't just need somebody for the night shift, you need sombody to watch them so that you can sleep too. i know that this is probably not helping you but it is helping me. i know that i will be able to get things back to were they were, but it is just going to take longer that i thought it would. just keep tucking on.. I know that God has helped me through this whole trial.. and acctually I was having a very deppressed day and i really neede to hear that i was not just he only one that is going through this. thank you for getting me back on track. at least for the moment i can feel better. ____@____.com
When I was pregnant I went to the Prenancy Center of Pinellas County. There's one in Paln Harbor off of Cypress Drive.
The address is 3 Cypress Drive, Palm Harbor...you go north on US 19 past Alderman until you see the blinking yellow light, turn right, that's Cypress..the pregnancy center is on your left. The have counseling from peer advocates. Strictly volonteers. It's a ministry to help women, and families, with just about anything. I stand by them because they helped me in a way I just can't describe. It's there you will find love and support...and other women with the same issues. Give it a try. ###-###-#### is the Pinellas Park one, ask for the number to the Palm Harbor location. Good Luck, let me know how it goes.
S. in Palm Harbor
Hi I am S.
I am not going through a seperation but i can relate to you issues I have depression and cemicial dependecy issue as well. Al I can say realy You cant worry about your husband and you not enableing him is the next right thing. I was given a choice from my husband and i allmoost lost every thing encluding my children. I take thing day for day it hard though sometimes. but today is good. I hope this helps a little
Thanks S. You can email me if you want ____@____.com
