I Think I Have Postpartum Depression

Hi D., Sorry you are having a hard time! My husband is out of town a lot too and I had trouble being alone so much when my son was younger. Do you have friends with small children? I found that it helped to just go over to a friends house for an hour and half or something, to get out of the house and have a little "adult" conversation with someone who understands motherhood. Little trips to the park and walks around the neighborhood help, when the weather is good. I think I just got too cooped up! but it seemed like everytime I got a little fresh air I felt better. I hope that helps!

I went through the same thing with both of my children. The first time it lasted about six weeks and the second time I went on Lexapro for 4 months. It really did help me. I would cry at everything and when anyone would leave I would feel so sad. I almost couldn't bear to be alone. Reach out to friends for visits or just get out of the house when your are feeling lonely. But, I would talk to your dr. too. You are not a bad mother. I know some people would dismiss my feelings and say everyone gets a little emotional. But this is different! Try to stay busy and be around people if you can. Good luck, this will get better. Take care.

Hi D.-
I'm E.. I have a 4 yr. old boy, and I am 31. I went through a rough time when I had him too. I'd like to chat with you maybe getting out a little and having something to do can help...even if we have our kids with us. Call me if you'd like. 419/283-7352 I do live in Mentor, this is my cell from when I lived in Toledo. I don't have a local number...hope that is ok. Call anytime! I am a single mom so I am alone alot too, my son does not sleep well either...so I understand...please at least call. Heck if you meet me and are comfortable with me I could even watch her a little so you could get some free time if you felt you needed to just get away. It is hard, I know. It should get better for you. Just keep in touch with your doc too.
I used to just drive in my car when he was first born with no where to go...I always laugh and say if his dad did not call me and tell me to go home then I'd still be driving!!
Good luck to you!
E.

Hi D.,
I truly feel your pain. You expressed yourself so well. Your feelings could be more physical than emotional. Having a baby is very draining to our body and maybe you're lacking in some important nutrition. It could be easy to fix and I'd be glad to share what I've learned if you're interested. Please contact me personally at ____@____.com and don't think you're alone.
S.

If you haven't, call your doctor and tell her/him exactly what you have written. S/he will definitely want to help you. Do you have any friends or someone you would trust to give you some time without your baby?

While I was never diagnosed with PPD after having my first dd i had so many of the same feelings you are having. Call your Dr. but I would also try to get involved in some activities, especially since your husband is away so much. I found that one main activity a day really helped boost my mood. I joined a new Mommy group through my local hospital, a playgroup through my local early childhood PTA when my daughter was 6 weeks old, went to breastfeeding support groups for the socialization, etc. I even took my young daughter to storytimes at the library. I not only got out of the house but I met so many wonderful mommies that I am still close with to this day! We ended up doing lunch dates, walking dates, etc. and it really helped me to feel less alone.

I'm sorry things are so hard but so many of us have been there and this is a great step to helping yourself feel better. I had the same problems with my second son and nothing helped, my husband at eh time was enlisted and gone often, i was thousands of miles from my family and friends, i couldn't sleep or eat without him crying because i had to put him down and if i let him cry it would send to into the other room with my hands over my ears in tears myself, so i know exactly what you mean when you mention that you can not let her cry it out, my husband got leave and was home and that jsut made it so i could stay in bed all day and not get up because i didn't have to take care of the kids so that's what i did and i didn't get better, after a month or so i admitted myself to teh hospital and finally got he help and medication i needed but it was a very long ordeal, i was only admitted for 2 days, and it was far from easy, if you already have a htreapist call him, try a different medication, or up your dose, see if there are any groups you can become part of so you have some help and support when your husband is gone, you need it, it's really hard to go through the potpartum period alone even if you aren't depressed, and medication or no i would strongly suggest therapy, so you can talk to someone and feel like something you say matters and your entire identiy isn't wrapped up in your new baby, if you need anything feel free to send me a message, it will get better, my son is now 6 and i missed out on a lot of his first year because of my problems but he is a great kids and i had no problems when his younger sister was born , i've also been off my medication for 4 years, so there is always hope, you will get through this, and you will get to teh point where you can feel like you are the best mom your daughter could want, after everyithing i went through i now have 3 kids and two step kids and am a in home child care provider, 6 years ago i wouldn't have thought it was possible. so ggod luck, talk to someone, get some support and you will be fine.

sounds like you could use a good night's sleep. it can do wonders. (you're thinking i'm insane or don't remember what its like to have an infant!) i did go through the same thing with my son, but i didn't medicate. (NOT saying that you shouldn't) but i did get better once he let me sleep more than 2 hours at a time. your body is going through a lot of changes, and depriving it of ample rest and/or nutrition at a time like this only compounds your emotions. try to take some time to baby yourself, and do not feel guilty...putting the baby in a swing in front of a baby mozart dvd while you snooze for an hour will only make you a better mommy when you wake up. congratulations on your baby, and know what you're feeling is temporary!

D.,
I had the same problem that you have. My fiance was working two jobs and he was never home and I had a very fussy baby and everything was piling up on me. I only had a 3 week maternity leave and if I didnt take the three weeks I would have gotten fired which added a lot of stress on me. Anyways it will get better I never went on medication because I was always scared of the side effects. I did however talk to my doctor frequently and I talked to family alot too which helped tremondously. I wasn't able to let my daugther cry it out either so when she was really fussy and I was sad I would get in the car with her and go for a ride It always calmed me and her down. Everything will get better there is just so much going on in your life and its hard!!!! Also some medications take awhile to kick in so give it a few weeks and I bet you will be feeling better. Good luck with everything ;o)

Hello D.. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I'm sorry such a happy time has been so rough for you. It sounds like Postpartum. You might want to make an appointment with your OBGYN or your doctor you see for you health visits. I'm sorry it sounds like your facing this alone. You should address with your doctor that you don't feel as if the medication is helping you and go from there. If it's any consolation, it gets better. Also, there are other mothers going or have gone through what you are currently facing and are more than willing to offer kind words or suggestions. Your not so alone. Do you have any friends around to lend an ear or help out? Don't feel bad about asking for help, sometimes we need some. I hope this helped even in a small way. Good luck and my prayers are with you & your little one.

Honey...first of all, don't feel bad!! Your hormones are going crazy and it's not your fault. My first reaction to this situation is to see if someone could come and stay with you while your husband is out of town. Do you have someone that you can be honest with and ask them to come and stay with you? Secondly, call your therapist and ask them for something different (have you been on the meds for a while or are they new? if they're new, you might need to give them more time to work). Get out of the house a little bit. Go to the mall and walk around. As far as getting your daughter to sleep by herself, two things that I did that TOTALLY WORKED! First, do you swaddle her? You have to do it really tight and then lay her between wedges (you can get these in any baby store). Also, get a noise machine and put it on in her room really loud! My son slept so good when he was swaddled and put in those wedges...I think he felt like he was being held. Also the sound machine imitates the noises of the womb, which is only one decibal softer than a chainsaw! If you use these things she should feel secure enough to sleep by herself. Good luck...email me if you'd like, I know what you're going through with the post partum stuff -- it rough!!

First of all, I'm sending you BIG *hugs*. What you are going through is VERY hard. I went through it pretty bad with my first child, to the point that I started having panic attacks. They put me on meds too which helped, but I kind of felt blah all the time. Which, to me, was worse. I would rather feel depressed than nothing at all. Honestly there were some other things that helped me more. First of all, as everyone is saying sleep, sleep, sleep...so important! Also when your baby is asleep, it helps to do some meditation. Deep breathing and focus on positive, it will make you feel amazing. Also, since you gave birth, your body has been depleted of a lot of nutrition which mentally makes you feel icky. I would suggest a healthy diet and a good multivitamin. And, as hard as it may seem because you're tired, get out and exercise. Put the baby in a stroller and walk in the sunshine. It will be good for her and make her sleep better at night, and it will stimulate the chemicals in your body that make you happy. I hope this helped. And if it gets REAL bad, do not hesitate to let someone know and get more help. You are not alone!

D.,

First take a very deep breath. What you are going through is very common. How long have you been on the medication? You need to be on the medication for a little while before it will work. It has to build up in your system to a constant rate. I would urge you to keep taking the meds.
I know that the thought of letting your daughter 'cry it out" is hard but truthfully a little crying won't hurt her. I used to hold my daughter every night until she fell asleep and then put her in the crib and hope that she didn't cry. Eventually, we had to get her to the point of going to sleep by herself. You didn't say how old your daughter was but I think a little bit of crying won't hurt her. If you need to, put her in the crib and go outside just for a few minutes or take a hot shower. Sometimes the baby will fuss for a few minutes and settle down.
It may sound trite but if you want to you can email me and we can talk and get together if you want.
Good Luck and Hang In there

I sent you a pm, hope you find it helpful

Hi D.:
If you're a reader and can find the time (ha!), I highly recommend this book called Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, by Judith Warner. The author did some extensive studies with career moms and SAHMs to examine some of the reasons behind postpartum depression and the challenges we all face as moms. She then compared it to her experiences in Europe, where she raised her baby until age 5. It will give you an interesting perspective on the root of the problem, mainly the pressures that American society places on us all to be perfect mothers...and how, as a result, we're more likely to feel guilty, resentful and that we're "bad mothers." It also includes some firsthand experiences by single moms and moms who have traveling husbands, which may help you feel less alienated. I've think we've all been there on one level or another...I really feel for you and I hope, over time, that your sad feelings pass.

Do not worry about anything else in your house. DO not worry about the shower you still need to take or thedirty pile of clothes or dishes. When your little girl goes to sleep, get some sleep. Hold her and rock her and do nothing else but try to stay calm. I know that last one is a little difficult at times but it is the most important. It will help you get through this. You said your hubby is great, enlist his help with all other chores when he gets back. Call a friend or family member over so you can go sit somewhere for a few BY YOURSELF or to take a well needed nap.
This will pass, it may seem like it won't but it will. YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!!! If you ever need to take even though you may not know me I will be here for you.

You should definitely see your therapist more often if possible. i went throught the same thing. I cried and didn't eat at all. i didnt want to hurt my child, but i was exhausted and thought i'd never get any rest ever, which drove me insane. The sleep deprivation is the number one cause of PPD. Just relax, read as much as you can about the problems youre having, and don't clean or do anything you don't have to do. When your baby naps YOU nap. For the beginning. After she gets on a decent sleep schedule you will see such a change in your emotions. Just take it day by day and LET HER CRY it out. Go in the other room and turn the t.v. up loud or the radio, Let her cry for at leat 10 minutes, go back in and pick her up. Let her know mommy is there but mommy also is in charge.
after doing this a few times the baby will learn to cry to sleep

D., hang in there, but do reach out to as many as you can for help. You owe it to yourself and your family. Here are some other resources you can also try:

PSI - Postpartum Support Int'l, a national organization, you can call ###-###-####, or visit www.postpartum.net

The Postpartum Stress Center at www.postpartumstress.com

www.ppdsupportpage.com - an online support group

Books
"This Isn't What I Expected", by Kleiman & Raskin
"Overcoming Postpartum Depression & Anxiety", by Sebastian
"A Mother's Tears", by Huysman
I haven't read it yet, but there is also the book Brooke Shields wrote on her postpartum depression experience. I think it is called "Down Came the Rain."

I don't know where you live in Ohio, but in the Dayton area we have a great support group called Dar a Luz Network. Check them out online at www.daraluznetwork.com. It is information and support for moms and families for pregnancy, birth, postpartum and motherhood. Even if you don't live near Dayton, you can always call or email them as the chapter leaders are more than happy to help anyone who needs it.

Take care and best wishes!

J.