I Think My Son's Bff Stole from My Daughter...

I agree with Mrslavallie. A better response would be to protect your money instead of banning all children. Having access to money can be a big temptation. I've never had money stolen but I do not leave my wallet accessible when children are around. I've seen reported thefts turn out to be kids not understanding the value of money while iimpulsively taking it. At this young age it's important to teach honesty rather than punish theft.

In reality any one of those children individually or together could have taken the money impulsively. These children are quite young. Taking it could've been done on a lark. I suggest that coming down hard on all of them will make it less likely for them to 'fess up. These are not experienced thieves. They're testing a world new to them. Kindness is more likely to help them tell the truth. Even as a police officer I found it helpful to start an interview having an attitude of expecting the best from the person.

So ONE TIME $60 went missing and you're now closing your house to everyone?
You are right, that's not fair.
Tell your 19 year old to use her debit card from now on and don't keep cash lying around the house with so many vulnerable kids there.

who told her where to find the wallet?
the simplest answer is usually the truth, although of course it's not absolute proof. but that's certainly where i'd start.
i would take this very, very seriously. stealing is a HUGE deal. but that doesn't mean i'd punish everyone or close my home. maybe narrow your sights to uncover the actual culprit (this sounds like an eminently solve-able crime) and implement better money/security procedures in the home, which is a shame but obviously necessary.
sorry this happened. ugh.
khairete
S.

Who knew where to find the wallet? I'd say, knowing where the missing wallet is, would be clue #1.

A.,

You ARE punishing your kids. That's not right.

WHO told your daughter that her wallet was on the couch? I would then wonder HOW the person KNEW the wallet was on the couch.

I would also suspect that ONE of your children knows IF the money was actually taken....really - it's possible that your daughter lost it, spent it on something she wasn't supposed to....and instead of fessing up - she's blaming someone else...

Your daughter was NOT doing her job, obviously, if ANYONE had time to get into her purse, find her wallet, take the money and put the wallet on the couch.

Is it possible that your daughter spent the $60? Could she have been so distracted with the kids she was supposed to be watching and spent it?

What would I do from this point forward? I would make sure that kids that come over stay in ONE place. They are NOT allowed in bedrooms to play. It's the family room or outside.

Purses and wallets? Well, unfortunately, they need to be put away....like in a bedroom closet.

My kids (ages 14 and 11) have the Visa Buxx...they don't have cash on them. Maybe your kids should start keeping their money on a card instead of cash....or at least keep minimal cash on them.

No, I wouldn't ban all children. If no other children were there, then it couldn't have been anyone else's kids. If it were one of YOUR children.. then you would punish appropriately for that. If you are absolutely beyond any and all doubt sure that it wasn't your kids... then why punish them? Unless they knew their friend(s) were taking it and didn't say anything.

If those kids had the wallet on the couch, and she withdrew the money earlier in the day and put it in the wallet, and hadn't been anywhere to spend it.... it seems pretty clear to me that the kid(s) were involved. Did she ask them at the time? How did that go? Did she search their things? I might have---$60 is no small thing. And a 5 year old might not have known it was a big deal.
If these kids live in circumstances that are financially limited (seriously.. you feed them 3 times a week already, right?)... then it might be something they were doing "for" their mom or something... who knows how kids' brains work.
But I would not withdraw allowing ALL kids over to visit because of this. I would, however, institute some more precautions about securing my personal items and valuables.

You're punishing YOUR children because someone stole from THEM? I think you've got that backwards. What does that teach them? Thieves get rewards and victims get punished. (Well, yeah, welcome to the real world, but that lesson should NOT come from you.)

You said it yourself - you don't know who took it. Your daughter could be lying because she spent it, lent it, lost it. Your daughter's friend might have taken it. Your daughter might have put it somewhere else and forgot. The lesson was learned AS IT HAPPENED - use this as an opportunity to teach your children how to safeguard money by keeping their purse/wallet/etc in a safe location and not flaunting the fact that they have sixty dollars.

And I hardly see what popularity has to do with it.

How would I handle it? See above. PLEASE do not punish your children or act like someone burnt your house down.

ETA - okay, thank you for more info - then, your daughter was supposed to be watching the children and wasn't because she had her eyes off of them long enough to fetch her wallet, steal the money, and hide the wallet in the couch.

My first inclination is that your son knows who has the money. Tell your daughter that's what happens when you aren't watching the children like you're supposed to. And popularity STILL has nothing to do with it. I'm sorry I'm so grouchy, it's been a long day - I know that you're probably livid about this, and I would be too, but YOUR children are just as fault as the others and SOMEONE knows what happened in your house, I can guarantee it. Perhaps your approach of punishing your son is appropriate - if you keep it up and don't lose your nerve, he's likely to admit what happened. He may be covering for a friend, but if he understands that he won't HAVE friends until someone comes clean - he'll either tell you the truth, or he'll make his friend do so.

All I'm going to say is that if one of your kids took the money that day, how is it you think you would notice shortly after getting home from work? Your kids could very well have taken it and stashed it and intend to use it for extra snacks at school or whatever. Take your rose colored glasses off and KNOW that your kids can and WILL do things that you will never know about. I'm sure you did a few things that your parents still aren't privvy too. If I were the other mother, I wouldn't allow my kids to your house again for fear of being accused of something else.

Seriously? You're not going to let anyone come over because $60 was stolen or lost? So because of $60 your kids aren't allowed to have friends over for the rest of their lives? What is more important, friendships, or $60?

Unfortunately, you cannot accuse people without proof. You may never know what happened to the money. Caution your children to take better care of their money, and then let the kids come back over. If you have good reason to think it's the friend, then you could say something to him like, "Since you knew where the wallet was, it makes it look like you might have taken the money. I hope you would never steal from your best friend's family, who have taken such good care of you. I would be very ashamed of you if you stole from us." Maybe the money will return.

I call losing sixty bucks a life lesson for your children about taking care of their money, not something you cloister yourselves and become hermits over. Your 19 year old needs to put her purse or wallet away where others don't have access to it.