I Would You Leave Excellent Town with an Excellent Quality for the Opposite?

Not having the details of the community, the move, and all, I wonder.... can you move to the area, but live in a smaller town outside where the job is located?

This is difficult to advise on since you aren't being very specific about what you define as "quality of life" and "Family community" is......

When we transferred to Texas, hubby's job was in Austin... we chose to live in Georgetown, a drive of about 30 minutes or so, depending on the traffic. Others chose to live in Round Rock, Pflugerville, Cedar Park, Leander, and other outlying towns.

Being close to the big city was nice, but we didn't have to put up with the hassles of big city living.

We chose Georgetown because it offered more of a sense of community, instead of the "bedroom community" mentality of Round Rock and such....

We've been here 20 years, now.... even with two lay-offs in that time!

There is the story about the old woman walking down the road when a stranger approaches and asks "what are the people like in the next town?"
Old woman: "how were they in the place you left behind?"
Stranger: "they were horrible, rude people"
Old woman: "I'm afraid you'll find the people in the next town to be the same.
Later another stranger approaches the old woman and the same conversation occurs:
Stranger: "the people in the town I left were wonderful, generous"
Old woman: "I believe you will find the people in the next town to be just that as well!"

quality of life is what you make it.

Some could say that what we have here in our tiny town isn't as great as what a large city could offer... others would say its better than what a large city could offer.. its all on what you make out of it and expect out of life.

It depends on the job and on your husband's future prospects. A job is better than no job. And if your husband is worried about his current job, that's a big red flag.

You have to pay attention to all of it, not just the part about the family.

Dawn

That is a tough one. Money vs Quality of life.

How much more $$ and is it worth the sacrifice?

For me, I would not trade the quality of life we have here for more money. We are fortunate to be very stable and can make that decision whereas some families would not have the choice.

Our daughter's education is very important to us and her. She is currently in one of the highest rated high schools in the country where 99% of the students go on to college. Her Sr class will have about 1125 students in 2013. She is very driven and motivated to succeed.

You could not pay me to live with my family where I grew up. It was a very small rural town. I still have family there and I am floored at some of the things they are now doing which are great for community but things that we have seen done Years ago here.

For one instance,,, a cousin (same age as daughter) was visiting us from there in the summer and my daughter's orchestra was set for a concert on one of the nights. I was shocked when we went into the auditorium and the cousin asked.... "are there any American's here".

That cousin's graduating class in 2012 will be less than 150 students. If any of these children are motivated and driven, the only way to make better for themselves is to get out. The town is slowly becoming a ghost town because the only way up is out.

There is no diversity where I grew up and there is a lot of prejudice. No way would I go back. I only go back now to occasionally visit some family but I have to get out within a day or so because the pace and quality of life drive me nuts.

Dont get me wrong, there are some very good hearted, good people there. I truly believe I was just born in the wrong place because as I grew up and noticed all the prejudice, my life goal was to get out.

I do realize quality of life is what you make it but if you have no tools to build with and grow then you are just stuck in pause.

It sounds like you are leaning toward not wanting to move and that is ok. You have to decide what is best for your family. We have had opportunities to move and chosen not to because we love our network of friends, Dr.'s, hospitals, associates, convenience to 2 major airports, excelllent schools, our community is very large but also works very well together, and it is simply our home.

Good luck to you.

Well... how much better is the job? Will it give you a sense of financially security that you are currently lacking? Will your husband be happier in the new job than he is in his current? Has he been TRYING to find a better job in your area, and can't find one? Have you thoroughly researched the area where you would move, or are you assuming that it's going to have crappy schools and community? How excited is your husband about this new job possibility?

It sounds like you really don't want to move, and (I don't mean this in a derogatory manner AT ALL... just what I am honestly picking up....) your post seems a bit slanted with that in mind.

I think you and your husband need to sit down together, and make a list of pros and cons to moving. It's really hard for any of us to say what we would do in this situation with so little information.

Sounds like a rhetorical question to me.

If I knew for SURE that things would be that different, I think I would stay put for the happiness of my family. I love the feeling of "family community" and the feeling of security for me and my kids, it is VERY important to me. BUT if you decide to move, your kids already have that sense and maybe you can bring some of the "family community" to the new state and help build a good rapport and sense of community to your new home. Good luck with your decision, I am sure you and your husband will figure it all out together and with good morals and values instilled in your children they can thrive anywhere. :)

How do you know what the quality of the "community" will be in the other state? Have you lived there previously?
Just curious...

Sounds like you've already decided you won't be happy. If that's the case, don't do it. If you go into this move expecting the worst, your kids will pick up on that and be very upset about the move as well.

If, on the other hand, you decide it's what's best for your family, you have to at least try to fake it. You have to decide that this is going to be an amazing experience - you're going to get to know your neighbors, get involved in the schools and at church and just really become actively involved in the community.

Life is what you make of it, and schools, to an extent, are what you make of it.

My dad worked in state testing for over 25 years. When asked what patterns he saw, he said that, of course, the schools in the more well-to-do communities generally scored higher, but really it came down to parent involvement. If you decide education is important and you encourage and nurture this, your kids will succeed, even in the schools that do not generally score well on standardized tests.

My point is, you have a lot more power than you think.

Life is what you make of it. What do you choose to make of this decision?

Sometimes when we rely on others opinions of a product, place, school or person.... we rely too much on their opinion.
Holding back on a great career move for you and husband might not be the best long term thing for you two.
Kids are temporary, they grow, they leave home.
You really do have to plan for YOUR future first, because the success you have with yours will help to guarantee a success for your children.

I would probably try to fully explore options for the move. Perhaps the actual town with the new job doesn't have exactly what you're looking for, but maybe there is a NEARBY community that would be perfect.

Your husband wouldn't have gotten an offer unless it's something he applied for... and he wouldn't have applied (given that he already has a job) unless it's something he wants.

If it were me, I'd exhaust ever possibility for making it work. If it CAN'T, it can't... but I wouldn't assume that quality of life won't be good for the kids until I'd spent some more time trying to make it happen.

I work to live; I don't live to work. I've also learned that if you move for a job, you should want to live where you go. If I didn't have to do it to be able to support my family, I wouldn't give up my quality of life for a "better" job. If you truly know that the other location will not be as good for your family and really do not want to move, don't move.

Thing is, you don't know for a fact that your quality of life will be worse. You are basing your view of a whole community off of 2 people's opinions - pretty shortsighted, don't you think? Have you ever lived there? No. Have you researched facts of all aspects of the place yourself, or with your husband & come to an educated conclusion together? It doesn't sound like it.

It does sound like most likely you just really don't want to move & will look for every negative out there for this possible location. The way I see it, if you do move there, you are looking at it with a negative attitude already and will not like it there, automatically, because of it. Life is what you make it, no matter where you are. Chances are that your kids already sense your negativity & their feelings on the place are now negative as well.

If my DH received a better job offer somewhere else, it would depend on a lot of factors - would he be working more, would it require travel or weekends, what is the school system like, safety, proximity and availability to attractions/entertainment & extra curricular activities, etc.

This is why many companies do looksees as part of their hiring /relocation services. Family comes out for a week to check out the area. Military families who have no choice often leave the kids with family for several weeks to explore/househunt.

No. Quality of life is all there is. The alternative is called "surviving."

Tell us where if you can and maybe we can give you some insight.

A few thoughts . . .

If you are making it financially, happy as a family and content in your community, what could more money do for you? Probably nothing. It might cause problems. As the saying goes "Money can't buy happiness." If you aren't content, happy, etc where you are, more money will not change a thing.

If you see your new community as not having a "family feel", you likely won't look for it anyway and will miss opportunities.

We've moved a lot and I've found that unless your school is profoundly lacking, your involvement as a parent in your school will MAKE the school a good fit for your family. Otherwise, there may also be other options such as private school and charter school.

Consider which job has better job security.

Is it REALLY better pay? We had a move once where my husband's pay increase was quickly eaten up by a higher cost of living, higher home prices, higher insurance and we had to drive further for everything and spent much more on gas.

What about extended family? Do you have the opportunity to be near extended family in either place? Is that important to you?

Do you have a church family/friends that are important to you where you are? People that are like-minded in belief are harder to find. As an example, we won't move to a community that doesn't have a Lutheran Church, because that's where our religious beliefs line up and if we don't have a good church family the rest of our life will be sorely affected.

Also think about the schools your kids WILL go to. If your kids are still in grade school, consider middle school and high school. They will be there before you know it.

Whatever you and your family decide, talk frankly with everyone in the family about the decision. Specifically that whatever you decide there's no looking back or "what-ifs". Those thoughts will quickly turn to regret and will pit family members against each other. You and your husband especially MUST completely agree on the decision.

We make 4 lists when faced with a move:
Reasons to stay
Reasons not to stay
Reasons to go
Reasons not to go

At first glance it seems like redundancy, but give it a try and you'll come up with some pros and cons that you never thought of, or how those pros and cons really will affect your life.

Good luck!

I would not take it, probably. But we have strong family ties to our area and love our home and the community we live in.

Also, would your husband be willing to commute for this great job? You may be able to find a good community and school a little further away from the job.

We live in Chicago suburbs, so I guess there are all kinds of communities within a 45 minute radius, so if it's more rural where you are considering, this may not be an option.

heh. sounds like you've already made up your mind!
:) khairete
S.

Stay in Littleton! I love Colorado. The people are so nice, and it is easy to live a healthy lifestyle out there. Now that your husband knows that he is in demand, he should look for a better job that doesn't require him to move. Good luck!

I think you have your answer in your question. Good luck - you really seem to already know the answer. :)

I think you have already made up your mind and now you are trying to justify it. I don't know about relatives and friend telling you the quality of life thing. It is what you make of it. If the schools are good, then that is a problem and you might factor in private schools.

I don't know where you are talking about so I can't give an opinion on the quality of life. I have moved all over the world and I have discovered that it is what you make of it. There is quality of living everywhere.

Obviously, you have to weigh options that you haven't clearly revealed here.
We all have to make sacrifices of some kind from time to time and there's no way to know which would be better....sacrificing career or "quality of life".

As a single mother, I have turned down employment opportunities in other areas because I wanted stability for my kids. We had to move quite a bit during my marriage and after my divorce. However, after my divorce, I was able to keep my kids in the same schools, etc, and that was really important to me.

My youngest will be a senior in high school next year and once he graduates...we are outta here!!!
I live in a very safe, rural place, however, jobs are scarce, the economy is horrible and the weather is even worse. We can't wait to go where it actually gets hot in the summer.

It's easier to move when your kids are younger. The older they get, the harder it is on them. My poor daughter had been moved around so much and thankfully, my son has grown up in the same place. It hasn't been perfect, but there is also the fact that his father is here too.

It will be a mass exodus when my son graduates. Plans are in the works. Even my mother wants to go.

Each person's decisions are different. Quality of life is a relative term.

Other opinions can't really help you decide. Only you can sit down with your husband and weigh the pros and cons.