If I Hear "Why" One More Time, I May Run Screaming

When my 3 yo and 4.5 yo ask me why questions, I try to ask it back. Why do you think.....
If they say I don't know, you can say, well, mommy doesn't know either.

Often "Why?" is not a question of "I want to know the reason" as much as it is a request to hear language. In order to practice the language, it is often helpful to answer the question and THEN reask it. For example: "Mom, why do I have to go to bed?" "You have to go to bed to get rest so you feel happy tomorrow. Why do you need to go to bed?" "So I feel good tomorrow." This may not stop the whys by makes them more useful to you. Next time he says, "I don't want to go to bed" you can ask him why he needs to go to bed. Then, he can explain why it is in his best interest.

After reading other responses which I loved I just want to tell you a short story. About 10 years ago some of my friends visited us with their then 3 year old boy. I had kids of my own as well, but this boy asked "why" constantly in the winiest voice you have heard. From that they on it became an inside joke with us at home. every time we heard some kid say why we would look at each other with that look of "remember that". HOWEVER, we visited this friends last summer and could not believe this was the same boy. He was super smart and outgoing and respectful, and funny... I mean, I was thinking "that's the kind of boyfriend I would like for my daughters! He was 13 at the time. You know that is not the best age. So my point is that it might really pay off to answer their questions and add all the humor you can to it. Some they you might look back and say "would you look at that!" It was all worth it.
Good luck! and by the way, why are you asking for advise? Just kidding! LOL

My dear you are in for YEARS of words that will crack the enamel on your teeth. Hehe! And tell him to go ask his father. *evil grin*

Martini's before, during and after play dates. For summer I shake things up a little with margaritas on the deck while the kids play in the sandbox. It *does* help.

Hee Hee, I'm so bad, but when mine ask why lots & lots, I start in with well, why not? for instance, Mom, why is the grass green? Oh honey, that is a good question & I have one for you, why not green, is there another color you wish grass were? It puts it back on them & it gets really funny with the answers I get. My daughter is 5 now & she gets what I'm doing & she'll call me out when i do it to her, but if I do it to my son, she laughs. Too funny. Mine also say hey mom, you know what & my standard response is yes & I know who, what when & where too, but still figuring out why most days! LOL they think this is soooooo funny. Best of luck.

I guess my 3 year old figured out that asking why too many times drives me up a wall, so every now and then when he says it and he sees my blood pressure rising, he says, "No mom, I didn't say why... I said WAA"... It makes us both giggle and lowers my aggrevation level!

I think there are 2 categories of why questions. If you tell him to do something and he says why, put an end to those and let him know it's not OK to question you like that. I said, "Not why, yes ma'am."

The other category is stuff like why is the sky blue. I read somewhere a long time ago that if you shoo them off too many times they will stop asking, which is NOT a good thing because children learn by being inquisitive. That doesn't mean you have to answer every thing he asks, especially when you answer and he asks why to that answer! But try and be patient when you can and only blow him off every now and then.

I think they just want to hear you talk. Try to make it fun for yourself if you can, maybe just go off on an absurd tangent. Next time he says "Why?" say, "Because the hippopotamus likes it that way. What, you don't know about the hippo in our bathroom?"...

Yes, here's your answer: "Because I said so!"

Wash, rinse, repeat!

Ok, ok, if you want to know the child development behind it, apparently kids up until AGE 20 (!) haven't developed all of the synapses necessary to quickly process and retain information like adults can. So even though they heard you and they may actually understand you, your answer hasn't really "sunk in" yet. So when a child asks "Why?" about the same darned thing over and over and over, it's not that you didn't explain it right or they didn't understand, it just hasn't sunk in. So if they ask why you're going to the grocery store, and you say, to buy cereal, and then a minute later they ask why you're going to the grocery store, you don't need to explain it any differently than before. Don't launch into how Cheerios are better for you than Froot Loops, or how the dog ate the last of the Cap'n Crunch. That will confuse the issue. Say the EXACT SAME THING just like you said it before, "We're going to the store to buy cereal." As many times as it takes. Eventually your answer WILL sink in. Perhaps before you go insane and run screaming from the store. ;-)

Or just use my personal favorite, "Because I said so!"

Ok so 3 might be a little young for this to work on but my daughter could talk my ear off and I started after a while telling her my quota of questions I could answer for the day was up and to save them for tomorrow, or save them for before bedtime when I tucked her in, so some would get forgotten and some she would be just too tired for, maybe it was mean but it worked to a point = ) I did like the mom who suggested drinking LOL...I rarely indulge but sometimes a glass of wine in the late afternoon ( think pre-dinner hour) can really take the edge off! = ) I don't think kids do it to drive us nuts and I can say that I have kids at all ages now a 9 yr old a 14 yr old and my youngest will be 3 in June...there will come an age when you want them to talk to you and they don't as much so try to remember that when you feel you may go crazy.
Lots of luck, hang in there = )
B.

just to be fun... when my 3 year old daughter says, "Hey (which she says all the time)," I always like to say, "Hay is for horses." My suggestion, let your 3 year old know that you dont like it when s/he says the word "WHY" all the time. of course, your child will then ask you why. your response is, "If you say why one more time I am going to cry" and then give a smile.

"Why not?" and "Because I say so" were always pretty reliable for me.
The other one that got my kids...
"Why do you ask me why so much? Why do you always want to know why to everything? Why can't you pick up your toys without asking me why? Why do you ask me why you need a bath? Why do you want to know why you need a coat when you can see it's raining outside? Why do you untie your shoes just before it's time to leave? Why do you ask me why you have to have your car seat everytime we get in the car?"......
I would shoot about 50 "why" questions at them and usually it made them laugh, but sometimes....they didn't like it.
If they asked me why to things that were out of legitimate curiosity, I had no trouble explaing or answering.
"Why do you wear an apron?" It's so I don't get anything on my clothes while I cook. "Why do dogs bark?" They can't talk. It's their language.

If your little one is "why-ing" you to death, it really is a phase and like I said, when my kids tried it just to have something to say, I "why-ed" them right back. At rapid speed. They really do figure out the why thing isn't all that fun. And there is nothing wrong with asking questions, but just to say Why? for lack of anything better to say didn't seem so much fun when I came up with at least 5 why questions for every little why thing they came up with. And they were usually why-ing me as a diversion tactic.
"Why do I have to wash?" (After playing happily in the mud all afternoon).
Why not? And because I said so, that's why!

Hang in there!

Oh dear, my son is 4 and he's been doing it to my dh and I for over a year now. I do all of the recommendations. I have noticed however in the last month more circular conversations that make me even crazier. He asks why, I give an answer, we talk about it for a bit. He pauses, then begins to ask the same question again. I've realized that he wants to have a conversation, but doesn't quite know how yet. I've started to talk to him about the conventions of having a conversation, telling him that conversations are not a series of q & a, but just talking about the things we observe. It has helped a tiny bit.

say that why questions take extra energy to answer. After about the sixth question/ when you are tired of them tell your child you are out of why answers then ignore all why questions for an hour or the rest of the day etc.
Some why questions are good as they are honestly trying to learn something, but when they do it just to see what your response will be then it is ok to ignore them. If your child gets a limit on the why answers they will learn to only ask about stuff they really want an answer for.

When I'm too tired to answer a "why" question I'll redirect with those four essential words:

"What do you think?"

(works in our household because my kids usually want to talk a lot more than I do!)
As they got older and started reading, the "why" questions could also be answered by "lets look for a library book about that". And now that they're 8 and are good readers, it's "the encyclopedia could answer that more thoroughly than Mom can" :-)

Let me know where you run to and I will join you!!!! Our son just turned 4 and OMG.......WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY!!!! Seriously, I'm ready to lose it! I just try to come up with any answer other than "I don't know" and hope he doesn't as 'why' to the answer! It's frustrating! I know it's a stage and my 2-1/2 year old daughter is not far behind!
Excessive beer intake occasionally on a weekend seems to help =)

My daughter too--I say, "why do you think?"

Some really great ideas here. I think I've learned from this too. I just wanted to add one comment re the person's response that said her kids also ask "Know what?" My husbands response to that has always been "Yes, I know Watt. He makes light bulbs."

You might try why back at him for a few days, he might get bored with it and change his question which will just be replaced by another one and another one It's the age. Really, enjoy it, it goes away so quickly!

Toddlers this age won't stop they are curious I have my times too with my own kiddos.They don't understand or expect a long answer keep the answer.Sometimes i'll get the on going WHY"s but as long as you answer them they in return will learn from it it's all about learning.
*Happy Parenting*

I know you already have so many answers (Whizzy!), but I just had to relate a story my mom told me. When we were kids we also asked why is the sky blue?, why does that cat have stripes, etc.' so often that my mom started saying 'because God made it that way.' One day my brother asked 'Why is the street black?' and I said 'Because God made it that way, silly!' She decided to rethink her quick answering system!

As long as he's not asking why he has to do what you ask him, or why he needs to follow rules (which is not ok), 'why' is a great thing! If you don't have an answer, ask him what he thinks the reason is. My girls and I have had many great conversations over the years that began with 'why?'. Take Whizzy's advice and try to embrace his curiosity. Who knows all this curiosity could help discover a cure for cancer some day!

Oh the "why"! Here is a response for you to try, and it can be fun...say, "well, why do you think?" It may not stop the whys, but it will give you something else to talk about!

M.

We have twin 3 1/2 year old grandchildren. My husband, who doesn't get "question harrassed" blithely says that's how they learn. Duh! But it occurred to me the other day that that's one way we encourage speech, bu asking them questions. So, they've kind of learned that from us. Now, when they ask their first or second question, I give a short explanation. On the third, I turn it on them and ask them back, e.g., why do YOU think the man walked over there? Nine times out of ten they give a pretty sensible answer. So, yes, many times they just want to talk and hear you talk --- a conversation.

Don't try "because" --- it frustrates them and it rarely ever works.

So, next time you start to get frustrated, just think: you could be answering "why's" from twins, or triplets!! LOL

Totally normal for three. Take a deep breath & try to shift your expectation. You can also say, "hmm, lets think about this" and let a conversation start from there.

I hear ya. We are living in "why town" at my house, too. The only thing that helps (besides the already mentioned drinking) is to say," What do you think?". At least, it helps for a little while.