A.K.
I have a 15 year old step son that has pdd, he is very similar to Aspergers and is bipolar with learning disabilities, he lives with us, and I have a step daughter with bipolar, Add, and ODD. Their father never lived with them and their mother was neglectful and abusive. We had both in our care a few years ago because their mother beat up the boy, the states primary goal is to keep all kids with their mother even though we were clearly the stabile family that could give them what they needed. The girl went back to her mother and the boy wanted to stay with us. We did not have the financial resources to fight the battle to keep her. We now have a 23 month old daughter. With that background info provided to you I have to give some advice. My house is constantly tense and I am having to try to make it appear as it is not for my daughters sake. We spend many hours at meetings, appts., with doctors, school, therapists, and tutors trying to get my stepson to get on/stay on a good path. We are constantly battling the past, and trying to teach "an old dog new tricks", I am constantly a second class to citizen to his mother in his eyes even though I have been the only real/responsible mother he has known. We have no control over what goes in their mothers house which is also a constant battle. All I want is peace and time to be my daughters mother. You really would be taking on a huge reponsibility and would constantly be torn in trying to do the right thing for the other children and constantly being being broken down emotionally. Those children are older and have very difficult issues for you to deal with. I wish I could tell you to do your best to get her, but your life will really be upside down for a child who truly would not uderstand why you would be imposing rules for everything in her life. She is not used to "normal". My husband and I are always exhausted. I really could go on and on. Be careful what you wish for, I really wanted custody of them also. I do not regret having him here, I just do not know what I would do again after having all the knowledge and life experience I now have, if I was given this opportunity again. These type of children are difficult even being brought up well, and then when they are not it is really difficult. They are constantly in survival mode and not having the capacity of a "normal" child it takes YEARS longers to make a change! Good luck to you. My advice is to continue to help as a secondary care give not as a primary and then if it needs to change at some point don't just allow them straight in your house without systems in place from the state or county. Such as in state insurance for all the therapy they will need, in home therapy, specialty schools, and/or specialty programs. I really could go on and on.