I'm at a Loss as to What to Do Here. . .

Updated on May 12, 2009
R.E. asks from Justin, TX
4 answers

My son has an end of the year awards assembly coming up in a couple weeks. When I was a teacher, every child received an award at these things for something they've accomplished. Supposedly, at my son's school, they only choose one per class and then the specials teachers give some and they hand out perfect attendance for the year (which we don't get thanks to the flu in February). They will not tell you if your child will get anything or not. I have a strong feeling he won't get anything as he's the kind of kid I remember when I taught who goes kind of ignored, and I know his teacher doesn't like him (long story). However, what if the slim chance he gets something from a special teacher. I will be so upset if I don't go and he got recognized by one of them. However, I will be so upset as well if I go and sit and watch the same kids get honored that always do. I've even thought about keeping him home and doing something special with him to recognize his accomplishments and improvements. It's the last week of school, so he won't be missing any academics. What would you do?

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

it sounds like you're kinda bummed on your son's school for issues that are unrelated to this award assembly. i'd take it for what it is, and try not to let your son see your apparent resentment for it. you should go "just in case", you'd feel bad if he got something and you weren't there. be gratious and congratulate his friends and classmates that get awards, as well as their parents. if he does not get an award, use it as a learning experience, everyone can't "win" all the time. why shelter him from such a MILD disappointment? if kids aren't taught and allowed to deal with small disappointments in life, they grow up unable to deal with larger disappointments. take a different day to celebrate him and his accomplishments, and if you feel he's being treated unfairly, certainly address that with the school administration, but try not to let him pick up on your negativity toward this(not saying it's not justified!).

G.W.

answers from Dallas on

Personally, I think you should go. Teach your child to be gracious to others and be happy for them to win (if it's not him). Then, when the awards were over, I'd check him out of school and tell him that you have an award for him for having such a terrific year of first grade. Make or buy him an award to wear and then take him out to lunch at McDonald's as his congratulations for a great year. My daughter is finishing up 5th grade so we have been through what you are describing, she's won things a few times, others have won many times. I think it gets easier the older they get. They just come to understand that not everyone wins and frankly those awards are special for about 10 minutes :-) The point is to keep doing your best at everything you try, that is the reward, integrity in a job well done.

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A.

answers from Dallas on

This is one of the many things that you may not like about school for the rest of his life, but it is the beginning of the time you have to teach him to celebrate others accomplishments. You should go to his school that day, regardless of whether or not he gets an award. It is a great way to start talking to him about being proud of others. Maybe you could take lunch to him that day too, or a special treat for the class for snack time. You could also celebrate his academic accomplishments at home, with a trip to chuck e cheese or something. While we dont love the idea of our child not being recognized, I think the worst thing you could do is pull him out of school for this, or complain about it if you do attend the ceremony. You dont want to teach him to resent others accomplishments, or that we just dont go to something if it is not all about us. These are the hard lessons in life that come with growing up, and honestly, I imagine he wont think much of it..certainly not to the degree that we as parents worry about it. Just have a great time, celebrate with the class, and have a good, sportsman like, beginning of the summer. ~A.~

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A.P.

answers from Dallas on

I would go. But I wouldn't put much emphasis on the award. Your attendence there should mostly just be about being a supportive mom as his school year draws to an end and then take him out for ice cream after school that day and you can even make it a little tradition.

Taking him out of school may only teach him to be complacent about being the ignored kid, and not to participate in school events, and thus may result overtime, in a lack of drive to accomplish achievments.

Many awards like these are worthless anyways, so if he gets one, great, don't over celebrate it but show how proud of him you are, but if he doesn't get one, that is just fine too.

Maybe you can volunteer to be a room mom or in the PTA next year and help voice concern about the same kids being favorited all the time.

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