I'm Eight Months Pregnant and His Family Doesn't Even Know I Exist!!??

You've been serious (having sex? moved in together?) for a year, you're 8 months pregnant so you got pregnant 4 months after getting serious?
You might think you're serious - your daughter might think of him as Daddy - but he's treating you like his latest booty call - and you could possibly become just another link in a long chain of women with whom he has children.
It's really too bad this guy didn't get a vasectomy before he met you.
He tries to convince you that you are crazy?
Here's a 'crazy' idea for you - suggest a trip to city hall to get married by a justice of the peace before your child is born.
His reaction should be very interesting.
He really sounds like he's still married to someone else and maybe just separated.

To put it bluntly, based on what you've shared here, he doesn't love you. He has sex with you and got you pregnant, that is all. He might even be married or have another girlfriend.
I wonder how you can "really love" a man who doesn't even acknowledge your feelings and barely even acknowledges your existence. How is that love?

I would guess that he is married.

You are 24 with a child. Why would you shack up with someone without knowing them very well. That's scary for you and a most especially potentially dangerous situation you've put your daughter in.

You already know the answer, you are not his soul mate and you're pregnant. Move on and whatever you do, please don't shack up and get pregnant again.

Are you sure he isn't married? It sounds as though he is married and hasn't told you.

You deserve so much more than this from him or any man. He is abusive and things are not getting any better they will only get worse from here. I recommend counseling for you.

Ask yourself: Why are you putting up with his behavior?

You do know that four year old children love everyone. That she is his "cheerleader" means nothing. Sure doesn't mean he is good to her or she loves him. So stop acting like she bonded with him and loves him, in other words don't use her as an excuse to keep acting like this is normal.

I agree with others, he sounds like he could be married or worse, has older kids, teens perhaps, that want nothing to do with little kids. No dad will let go of his kids for another woman, sorry, they don't and if they did would you want that man.

You are not in a serious relationship, you are in a fantasy. End it before your daughter is hurt

Sorry, but just reading the story as you presented it, his behavior at the end isn't surprising. Sounds like you were shacked up (with your young daughter) for several months before you "discovered you were pregnant" and you had never met his kids before you moved in. I don't get it. How can you decide to move in with a man (who has children), with your child, without having even MET his children? Or his mother? Or ANY of his family? Unless he lives hundreds of miles away from all of his family, I can't understand how you would move in without having met them even once.
How old are his kids? I can't understand how you hadn't met them after the first 2 years in the relationship, let alone before you moved in with him (you don't say exactly how long ago that was).

I don't think he's ashamed. I think he just isn't serious about your relationship. You seem serious. But he doesn't. You hate to throw away "everything we've worked hard for"... what exactly is it that you have worked hard for? I'm not seeing whatever it is. You mentioned that you love seeing his relationship with your daughter, but the only thing you mention about it is HER reaction. There is ZERO information here about how HE responds to your daughter or interacts with her. Frankly, if her dad is military and gone often for long periods, depending on her age, of course she would be thrilled to have a substitute come home every day. But I don't hear you mention much about anything you have done to facilitate the relationship between her and her actual dad.
You've never been in a relationship this long before... yet you have only been serious with him for a year. How long were you with your daughter's dad? You mentioned nothing of your boyfriend's history, other than to throw in that he has kids you didn't meet for 2 years and that he only introduced you to them as "a friend"... What is HIS story? How long was he married to his kids' mom? Was he married to her? How long ago did they split? How old are his kids?

I'm sorry I don't come across very sympathetic to your concerns, but it occurs to me that you are having these concerns a little late in the game. He "was okay with" you keeping the baby? Why not happy? Why not enthusiastic? I'm sorry, but he is NOT on the same page with you. I'm not sure what advice you are seeking here exactly. You are right to be concerned. I would have been concerned much sooner than now.

Time to move on..............

Surprised you moved you and your daughter in with a guy without even a "hello" to his family. Sounds like he could still be married.

Are you entirely sure that he has completely broken it off with his children's mother? Everything that you write here is raising red flags...

Why do you want to be with this guy?

You didn't write one positive thing about this guy, other than your daughter loves him like a dad.

She deserves a better dad figure - and you deserve a better guy.

Time for you to figure out why you feel you deserve so little.

I'm really sorry. The age has nothing to do with this. My husband of almost 12 years is 17 years older than I am, and I met his family the first opportunity we had. It's about the type of person you are laying down with.

You say you don't want to throw away everything you both have worked hard for, but I don't see that at all. He has something else going on...because if after 3 years you don't know his whole family well, there is a big problem.

I would honestly leave. If he wants to make it work he can fight to get you back. But you need to demand better for you, your daughter, and your unborn son.

Being a single parent to a small child is a huge responsibility. You owe it to your child to protect her and always have her best interests at heart. HERS, not yours. Moving your child in with a man is one of the biggest decisions that could affect her the rest of her life. How you could do that without knowing this man inside out and backwards is beyond me. You have never met his family, his children, his ex wife etc. How much do you know about him if you've never seen that part of his life? What type of man have you invited into you and your daughters life? I'm personally flabbergasted that you gave access to your child a man that you don't know every single thing there is to know about.

IMHO, if he hasn't told his family about the extent of your relationship and the baby, he's not goiing to. Get a paternity action going and find somewhere else for you and your daughter to live.

Hi C.,

This is a HUGE RED FLAG for me every time I hear someone say it and I quote you...

" I think he's ashamed of us and everytime I say that he tries to convince me I'm crazy.

No one who loves you would ever try to convince you that you're "crazy." It is a tactic that serves as a cornerstone to, at worse an abusive relationship, and at least a hugely manipulative person who has his interests placed far above yours. Sorry for the run on sentence. Trying to convince you you're "crazy" is deplorable and inexcusable and for me would be an absolute deal breaker....pregnant or otherwise. I agree with the other posters....you must have some other support systems in place that can help you with your current situation. I'm not sure what you've "worked" for is worth paying for as well. Think of your kids and the role model you're displaying for your daughter and do what's best for them first and foremost. I know what I'm saying may sound harsh but it's no worse than having someone say I love you in one breath and you're crazy in the next one.

my thoughts go out to you and your kids. S.

Being ashamed of you and your daughter is not something I would even consider. The first thing I would think was happening is that he's not free to have you known to his family. I suggest he's married.

I also would think his family is aware of you and is going along with his charade. How old are his children? Surely they know you're pregnant and live with him. They will talk about you. Doesn't an adult drop them off, come in briefly?

Is he fulfilling his responsibilities as their father; paying child support, co-parenting with their mother, having them with him on a schedule? How he parents his children will tell you how he will parent your child.

You've been involved with him 2-3 years and you don't know anything about his relationship with his family? He isn't sharing his life with you. Why have you been OK to just share a small part of him?

You haven't given enough information for me to do more than guess what is going on. What stands out is you thinking you've done something wrong, that he's ashamed of you. Sounds like he's abusive causing you to see him as better than you. To remain all these months accepting that he hasn't been honest about you is an indication that something is very wrong with yours and his relationship.

I suggest you put your life in order so that you can leave if necessary and then insist he give you honest answers.

I suggest you are being psychologically abused. I urge you to talk with a counselor to help sort this out. Get help from a women's shelter. Start making a plan in which you aren't totally dependent on him. Even if you stay, having some independence will help you feel stronger and more in control of your life.

This sounds unbelievable to me. You must have a baby bump. I don't know if I really believe this. If this is true, and he's trying to keep you and your daughter a secret, that's not good for your daughter. You need to do is leave or you tell his family. You tell him If you don't tell your family by Tuesday the 31st., I will! And do it. If he gets mad then you just leave and get child support. This is not cool because you involved your daughter in this. If you feel you cant live without him and you love him so much, maybe your daughter should live with someone other than you. This guy seems shady. Again I don't know if I even believe this. If you care about your life and daughter and do leave him, you'll be fine- I'm sure you have a job and your going to get child support. There's a lot of single parents out there and their safe and happy.

I doubt he's ashamed of you. It sounds more like he hasn't really committed to the relationship.

There's nothing in your post that says how he views the relationship or how he views the baby. You said that he was ok with you wanting to keep the baby, but that's not the same things has being excited about being the father! He says you will meet his family eventually, but if he's not going out of his way to introduce you, that does make one question his commitment.

I think it would be a very good idea to find out exactly how he sees views your relationship. If he's not in this for the long haul, you might want to decide whether or not you are ok with that. I wouldn't be.

Are you going to raise this child by yourself or are you going to put this child up for adoption? I don't see how you can take care of two small children by yourself. Is your daughter's father sending you any money? Is he still in the military? You can get support for her.

As hard as it might be. I would put the child up for adoption and move on. He does not want you or he would shout who you are to the whole world. Sorry you got played and now you see the real person or lack of.

Do your best by your daughter and learn how to be a better woman and mother by her. You do deserve much better than you have.

the other S.

PS Leave men alone for the next 16 years.

Sounds like you're the other woman...are you sure he's not still married? Something shady is going on.

Sorry you're going through this but at 24 with a daughter and a new baby on the way with another guy, it's time to start making better life choices. Please work on getting yourself in a place where you don't have to live with a guy who doesn't acknowledge your existence to the other important people in his life. I wish you the best, I really do - it's hard to be young and single and parent on your own (been there, done that) but you really need to be more discerning with who you date, use birth control, and focus on building a good life for yourself and your kids.

I feel bad for you. It seems the two of you are in completely different places regarding your relationship. It seems to me you would have worked out things like this before you would even consider possibly getting pregnant. You are young, but old enough to understand that you would be better off establishing a solid relationship before you discover something like being pregnant. I think the signs were there, but you got caught up with what you thought was some fairy tale and forgot about reality. I probably sound rough, but you have a baby to consider now and really need to make some adult decisions.

I'm am so sorry for the way you are treated. Everything you have written reminds me of the following book...http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hes-just-not-that-into-yo...

Best of luck.

Something is not right. There seems to be someone else in the picture. Is he living with you 100 percent of the time? Have you looked him up on line? If it were me, I would do a little research on this guy. I bet you will find another woman somewhere. Sorry, but there's no reason to introduce you as his friend when he wakes up beside you every morning.

Updated

Something is not right. There seems to be someone else in the picture. Is he living with you 100 percent of the time? Have you looked him up on line? If it were me, I would do a little research on this guy. I bet you will find another woman somewhere. Sorry, but there's no reason to introduce you as his friend when he wakes up beside you every morning.

Look at how his family is. Seriously, okay?

Are you telling me they are close but haven't noticed you're pregnant? 8 MONTHS pregnant

Surely they know. I'd make sure that you talk about the baby in front of them, talk about how they're going to have to help you pick out a name, middle name, nickname, something to make them feel part of it.

When they're there you need to say things like I'm going to go to our room and get a photo of the ultrasound, I'm going to go to kiddo's room and get that cute item I was telling you about, etc...

Okay? Don't let them think you're just visiting. Make this your home too. Don't pretend you don't live there when his family is around.

I think you are probably better off without them. If they don't even come around enough to know you live there then he's not that close to him anyway. He's probably ashamed of them and doesn't want to spoiling things by them knowing you.

You are not overreacting at all, in fact I would wonder if he might really still be another relationship or something, something is definitely not right. I would give him one last chance to make things right, and then I would leave. But once I got myself settled I would contact his parents, they have a right to know about their grandchild, and his kids have a right to know about their sibling. He is just plain wrong on this, point blank.

I also agree with Sharon W, if he deflects when you ask him about it and tries to make you feel like you are the crazy one then something is definitely going on that is not quite right.

but ignore those who say you can not take care of these two children on your own, woman do it every day! Get the legal side of things started so you can insure child support from him.