Pregnant but Haven't Met His Family nor Friends Yet

When is it appropriate to introduce you? I would say that as soon as he found out you were carrying his 3 babies!

I'm thinking you were probably the other woman. You can't meet the people in his life, because that would tear everything apart. Sounds like you interrupted his life.

I would start planning your life without him, to be honest. He's laid the groundwork, for him to not be there once they are born. Suggesting you get another job, means he doesn't want his to support you. He still owes you financial support, so be prepared to file for child support.

There's a reason he doesn't want you to meet his family - he's either embarrassed about his relationship with you, or he's not serious, or he has not been truthful with you about his situation. He may be married, he may be wealthy and afraid you will go after his money for child support, or a hundred other things. But it is NOT normal that you have not met anyone in his life even though you have dated since September.

It's way too late to discuss "getting serious" in such a short time with someone you know nothing about, or about not using birth control.

However, if you got pregnant in December, with triplets no less, you are really far along. You need legal assistance right now. You need to be sure you know who this man really is, where he really lives, and that you get legal protection. You're not going to be able to work until the end of the pregnancy - most women with multiples cannot. And two jobs afterwards? That won't pay for day care for 3!

I hope you are not a troll as someone else suggested - that's really an insult to us if you are just making this up for attention.

So get a legal aid or family lawyer, get your doctor to refer you to services for jilted single mothers (shelters, etc.), get any medical insurance/coverage you will need, and more. It doesn't matter that he doesn't want a future with you - he still has to support the children. But you need to absolutely know his real name, real address, and so on. There are ways to investigate that and a legal service can help you.

What do I think? I think he's a married man. Why else would he not want you to meet his family, and expect you to work two jobs to support yourself and THREE babies. I think you should accept that it's over. Any stand up guy would take care of his kids. He's not a stand up guy.

You should get a lawyer and learn your rights. Find out what you have to do to get child support from him.

If you have family somewhere, you should go to them for support. You will need it!

And in the future, you should use birth control. Every time.

Start planning for worse case scenarios -- you'll either be right or be pleasantly surprised! But I agree with the possibilit he's married or something. Most attorneys will give you a free consult. WELL worth your time to talk to one!

I think you are in a lot of trouble. I think he is married. I think he will leave you high and dry and that he is a liar and a cheat.

You had better talk to a family lawyer because he is going to try to not pay child support. You must make him pay. Your lawyer will petition the court as soon as the babies are born to get a paternity test. Don't believe ANYTHING he says to you. Get the lawyer to petition the court to get the test.

You need to be working at a job now. If you aren't, he could try to take the babies away from you and make YOU pay him child support. Don't be surprised if he threatens you with this. He probably won't really want the children. What he will want is for you to be afraid. Don't be afraid. DO have a job so that you can show the court that you can actually support the children.

It appears that you are less than two months along. If you think that you cannot support these children, you may have to make harder decisions. If you do not believe in ending a pregnancy, giving up the children for adoption might be a better alternative to keeping the children. If you choose to carry to term, and cannot work during pregnancy because of complications, you might go to a women's shelter who helps pregnant mothers until you give birth.

If you want to adopt, you may have to have him sign off on the adoption papers. The lawyer will know. The best thing you can do is give the babies up at the hospital right after they are born. An adoption agency will help you with this and help you with the hospital and doctor bills.

You CANNOT put your head in the sand here. It seems to me that you are very naive and a lot younger than this man, and he is nothing but a user. This is a hard lesson for you. Please learn from this lesson. Make some decisions now. Do not just let things go.

Troll, is what I think.

I also agree that it's very likely that he's married. Does he live with you? Or does he live with the uncle? That sentence isn't clear. Even if he's living with you, I suggest it's still likely that there is a wife but no uncle. Saying to wait until after 8 or 9 months to introduce you just does not make sense.

And telling you to get a second job is certainly him not taking care of you or the babies. He's not worth having around. If he's not giving you money now you know he won't once the babies are born. Though they are not out in the world they have been conceived and their well being is his responsibility now. He should be taking care of you so that the babies will be born healthy. Both of you share that responsibility.

I can see why you're holding out hope that he will be a good man but even if he's not married he's not a good man. He is not accepting responsibility for your relationship or his babies.

I suggest that you start planning to live without him. Be emotionally and physically prepared for him to leave. Focus on being with friends and your family. Perhaps join a church if you're not already going to one. Churches can provide new friends, counseling, and support.

Make a plan for living that does not include him. He's definitely not including you in his future. I'm so sad for you and your babies and angry with him.

After your SWH: Once you are pregnant he should introduce you to his friends and family because you've now become a part of his family by carrying his babies.

BTW: I suggest that you're getting all sorts of advice because your final line is "what do you think?" I also suggest that most of us, if not all, are concerned about you and the babies. You are in a very difficult place. We want for you to have lots of support and the ability to see a broader picture so that you can make some decisions that will best take care of you and your baby.

My husband introduced me to his family after two weeks of meeting and dating. Your boyfriend's time line is totally made up. There is no such rule of thumb. Clearly he cannot support you because clearly he cannot support himself if he lives with an uncle. From your brief clues, this guy sounds like he has no intention of manning up. While it think it is the most unnatural thing in the world to have a full time job, let alone multiple jobs with a baby to care for, I think you would be smart to realize sooner than later you are on your own.
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to your specific question: the sooner the better. He should introduce you before you are showing, let you get to know everyone, and then tell them the news before they can guess it for themselves. He needs to give his family time to accept the new circumstances long before the babies are born.

I'm glad you're not still in a relationship with him, but I wouldn't let him push all of the responsibility of raising 3 babies off on you alone. As soon as those babies are born, get a paternity test to prove they are his, and then get him into court to get a child support order for them.

He is punishing you for HIS cowardice in standing up to his family's prejudices. He should have introduced you to his parents as soon as you found out you were pregnant. Do they know about you and the babies now?

I envision that you will need a lot of support to help get you though your pregnancy and to help you along the way. If you haven't already done so, reach out to your family and friends, your church, or if you don't have one, ANY church or a crisis pregnancy center.

If I got pregnant with a virtual stranger, I likely would not carry the pregnancy to term. Why? Because I don't know him and don't know that I want to saddle myself with dealing with him for the rest of my life. Because I don't know if my child/-ren should have him as a father. That is something that you can't undo, who the father is.

You're obviously planning to follow through with the pregnancy. That doesn't mean that you should meet his family. He has not decided yet that he wants to be with you. Pregnancy does not mean that you guys are to be a couple. It just means OOPS. Rushing and forcing a relationship based on that is a disaster. His thinking is practical. He's not telling you that he won't be with you, just that it's too soon to know and you should be prepared not to live happily ever after with him.

ETA: In light of your "more info", my answer is that the pregnancy should not drive that timeline. He should introduce you when he knows that he wants them to meet you. And you should work hard not to get pregnant before you get at least that from him. He is indeed a virtual stranger if you are pregnant and do not know any of his people, for whatever reason. You cannot know a person in a vacuum. You know people by how they relate to other people--like their friends and family--by what kind of people they surround themselves with and call their friends and family, by how they respond to certain situations, what decisions they make and how they follow through. You never really KNOW someone, I guess, but you can become familiar enough with them to be able to have reasonable expectations for future behavior. That plus actual conversation is how you determine who you're dealing with. There is no way that you can have all that information if you have not met his people. I am not judging you for having sex with him. You could have done that on the first night, and I wouldn't care. It's just irresponsible to consider co-parenting with him and expect him to fall in line in the way that you think that he should when you don't know him well enough to reasonably expect that from him. The fact that news of the pregnancy didn't seem to force his hand and push up his so-called timeline means that you two are NOT on the same page in a very basic way. (It's like "lending" money to someone who has no job and no means to pay you back, but you expect to be paid next week. That is not a reasonable expectation, and the courts would likely not honor your request.) You should have more than that to give to children. You have no right to just make those decisions for them without doing your due diligence. You don't get to just wake up one day and say, "I'm gonna have a baby--or three--with this guy and just hope that it works out." You owe it to any future child of yours to give him/her a father whom you can at least expect to be a father to him/her, ideally to be a good partner for you. There's more to having a baby than getting pregnant. If you are not in this secure place with him at the point of conception, then he is a virtual stranger to you.

Welcome to Mamapedia.

You got pregnant, naturally, with 3 babies? I have never heard of that.

If this is a real question, I'd leave. There's obviously something else going on here.

Oh, honey - he should have introduced you. If he was a real man he would have. You were right to leave.

I would introduce a (in my case) boyfriend after about 3 months. But right away if a pregnancy occurs. The fact that he didn't says volumes.

He is a complete jerk - I hope your family is supportive during this time. Hugs to you.

ORIGINAL: Seriously - get out now, go home. Find a way to make it with the little ones, or find an adoption agency situation to give those babies a good home. This man is dirt. He wants you to support HIM. You may want to talk to an attorney - perhaps someone here knows the laws in your state - to make sure he signs over any parental rights. It's nice if a kid can have two parents, but both parents need to want/love them. Otherwise, it's damaging and a single parent is perfectly fine if their heart is filled with love.

Typically you wouldn't meet his daughter (and/or other family) right away but obviously, now that you are pregnant so soon after starting your relationship, your relationship is NOT typical. Regardless of where your relationship goes, you should meet his family before the babies arrive.

He COULD want a future with you but still want you to not be dependent on you but it sounds more like you will be parents together but maybe not a couple. It is good to figure on supporting yourself and the babies but He should be preparing to support his babies too.

Ok, I am going to tell you the same thing that I have told my 19 and 22 (almost 23) yr old daughters for years. ...........
Any man, and I do mean ANY man, who wants to date you and spend time with you, but will NOT introduce you to their friends, take you out in public, or bring you around to meet their family after the first 4 to 5 "dates" , has something to hide. If they do not have something to hide, then they are AT LEAST not as in to you as you are them, and you NEED to keep the relationship quuite "simple" meaning no real physical intimacy or sex. Yes, it seems like a lot to ask these days, but it really isn't. If a guy likes you, REALLY likes you, and wants to be with you, then why wouldn't he want to take you out in public, show you off, and have you meet his friends? You should have at LEAST have met some friends by the 2 to 3 month point, which was BEFORE the pregnancy, right? There is ALWAYS a REASON why a guy doesn't introduce a new girl, even one he is casually dating. It isn't a big deal to do this if there is nothing to hide. If it WAS really a race thing, would you have really wanted to remain in that relationship anyway? Especially if he wasn't willing to stand up to his family for you against them over it? I think the race thing was an excuse in this case, but if there ever was a family with that problem, and I KNOW there are still some out there who are messed up enough to think that way, the last thing that a woman would want to do is be with a man who wouldn't be willing to stand by her side and face them, and say THIS is my lady, no matter what you all think. I have chosen HER. If you all love me, then you need to accept her. Period. If he can't do that, then RUN.
Back to the real issue though, because I doubt that was it........ This guy is a loser. He is most likely married, or just not wanting a real relationship. It happens ALL the time. You got taken. Sorry. I know someone who was in a relationship living with a man for 11 years, and the man worked for a company that he had to travel for his job quite a lot. (like 2 times a month) She knew he had a daughter from a previous marrige, but only had met her once when she was 6 yrs old, at a lunch in a resteraunt. (years had gone by and this "child would have been in high school or older) She had never met any of his brothers and sisters, of which he had 5. His Mom passed away, and he went to the funeral alone, and she had never met her. Then one day she got a call that he had been in a very bad car accident. (almost fatal, he was in a coma) She went to the hospital, and 20 minutes after she got there, his WIFE arrived. WITH HIS DAUGHTER!! He had met her during a seperation, but after the wife and he reconciled, he never split up with the gf. She never got to get married or have kids. (she was at that point in her late 40's) The wife ended up divorcing him, (he became an amputee and lived) The GF ended up marrying him, but still has never been able to have a child, and has no contact with the family. Nobody likes her and feels like she is the problem. They feel like she must have known. I always say, if it seems wrong, it IS wrong.
Men like to show off what they have, girlfriends included. This guy is hiding something. You did best by dumping him. Now do the right thing for your kids by fighting for child support. He is just as responsible for their support throughout their lives as you will be. DO NOT let him sign away his rights and be off the hook. That's not fair to the babies! You have no idea what life holds ahead for you, and what you will be able to afford for them. Multiples can be very expensive, and can have loads of medical expenses. HE needs to pay for half of those expenses. He was there and obviously didn't care to wear protection to keep from getting you pregnant. Good luck. Please know someone MUCH better before giving away so much so quickly next time. <3

I would dump his sorry butt. I would take those three beautiful children and move near my family. How can a mother work two jobs and be a Mom? What about his responsibilities to his kids? Shame on him!

After reading your follow up. I would say it is appropriate to introduce a girl to your parents before you have sex with her. You have just said that his family is racist, boy that may be an issue since his children are half white. He sounds like he lacks courage and he isn't very noble.

This is a hard question to answer because your situation is not typical for many reasons.
First of all, normally you would have met the friends and family before becoming pregnant, as pregnancy should come farther into a relationship than three months. I think that, if you are dating someone seriously and the parents live relatively nearby, you should meet them by about six months. If they live far away or if the relationship starts out more casually, it can be longer. I don't think 8-9 months is unreasonable if that's what he says is typical for him.
I think you would normally meet friends before family, simply because they are around more and it's easier to do - go out with them as a group, less formal than meeting the parents, etc.

Your situation is also atypical because it doesn't sound like this man really envisions a future with you. If that's the case, then I wouldn't really ever expect him to introduce you to his parents. He wouldn't see the point in bringing you home if he didn't think you'd be around for a long time. It also sounds like the difference in race is enough to make him scared to bring you home, or to keep his distance and prevent the relationship from ever going anywhere.

Having triplets and being a single mom is going to be incredibly hard. Since you're already about five months along, you need to put some plans into action NOW. First of all, start researching doulas/night nurses - you are going to need someone to help you out at home for several weeks after the babies are born, especially at night. There is no way you can reasonably manage this on your own.

Second, get a lawyer. Custody and child support are going to be huge issues. He doesn't sound like he makes a whole lot and doesn't sound reliable enough to pay you. Figure out how to guarantee that you get as much money from him as he rightfully owes from the very beginning so at least he can't screw you over financially.

He's a jerk. Basically, he knocked you up and ran away. He's scared, he's a wimp, and he's never going to step up to the job like he should.

I would suggest talking to an adoption counselor and/or family therapist. I don't mean to say you should put your babies up for adoption. I just think it could help you to understand more about the option and see if it's something you might decide is the best option. I have no doubt you will be a wonderful and loving mother to these three babies if you raise them yourself, but I also think that being a single mom to triplets when you don't make enough money to support them is putting yourself into an extremely difficult situation. Understand your options and do what's best for everyone.

Sorry this guy turned out to be a loser.

You thought you were in a serious relationship with him but obviously you were not. Three months is not enough time to know a person well enough to risk getting a disease or getting pregnant. (I can already read between the lines and tell you didn't get tested for HIV.) So basically you hardly knew this guy and you trusted him with your life. You really didn't know anything about this guy. You couldn't have if you weren't even able to see who he is as a person around his family and friends. This story is not about black and white. The "my family wouldn't like you" statement is just an excuse. Whether they have an issue or not with race; if he were serious about you, he would have introduced you.

1. You don't for a fact know whether or not he's married because he hasn't been totally forthcoming about his life to you (could be separated and that's why his family won't accept you). 2. He might not have been a total stranger but after three months there is no way you could have known him well enough to have gone from 0 to 100 that quickly. 3. Very sorry you broke up with him but I'm sure it was a relief for him because he already showed you he didn't want a future with you. 4. At least he's working, this means you can have a paternity test and file for child support.

Deep inside you already know the answer to the question you are asking. However, in answer to your question...the appropriate time to introduce a boyfriend or girlfriend to the family is, as soon as you've decided they are important enough to meet the people closest to you. Since he did not feel that way about you, that time has not come and probably never will.

Ooooh, SoundS Like A Winnee To Me. Figure Out Your Life Without Him, Make Sure You Have Hi Real Name ANd Address For Child Support Serving And Know Where He Works Before You Let Him Know Your Done. Follow Him Secretly Or Have HimFollowed. If He Was Proud Enough To Impregnate You He Should Be Proud Enough To Say MOm, Dad, Uncle...Here Is My Life, Shes Wonderful.

I say good riddance! If I were you I would ask him to sign away his paternal rights, granted you won't get any child support from him, although if he has already told you to support yourself, getting two jobs if necessary, doesn't sound like you would get any financial support from him anyway...if he signs away his rights you won't have to ever worry about him again, which would be ideal, IMO.

No offense, but ths guy you chose sounds like a BUM!!

~Thank the heavens for your amazing babies you got from him and ask him to sign away his rights...bet you anything he will do it.

To answer your question, the only type of person who doesn't introduce his pregnant GF or 'baby mama' to hs family is a looser...ditch him quick and don't look back!

It's appropriate to meet the family BEFORE becoming pregnant. You did not know him for very long - you still haven't been together for even a year and here you are having multiple babies by him. (Notice I didn't say "with" him.) I can't imagine you will be welcomed into the family with open arms. He's told you the family doesn't like him dating a caucasion woman. Just think how they're going to react to him having babies with a caucasian woman.

My SIL is AA. My daughter is caucasion. That family DOES NOT like my daughter and they don't pretend that they do. They are raising one of my daughter's children and they put her in a private school that promotes racisim. That's right - promotes it! They allowed the other children to tease/bully my granddaughter because her mom is white and because she has hazel eyes.

Sounds like you're going to be in much for the same. Grow a tough skin now - you're going to need it.

It sounds like you got serious, but he didn't. He's basically telling you that you're going to have to support your own children. Doesn't really sound like he's into the whole family thing, at least not with you.

Hi M. S.
Unfortunately getting pregnant 3 months after knowing someone is still very early and it's very hard to truly know someone in that short time. I was still learning about my husband years after knowing him so while he wasn't a stranger to you, a major life-long commitment like not only one but three children really warranted a lengthier and more committed relationship. I say more committed because the fact that you haven't met his family shows me he isn't committed to you the way he should be. Him putting a time-frame on when he normally introduces women to his family is crazy. That criteria should not apply in your situation. Another excuse is because they won't like the fact that you're Caucasian. They will have to get over it because now you are carrying his children. We women are born with the intuition that we need to know when something is wrong but we always tend to ignore. I understand you need validation for what you're feeling but you know is your heart and mind that this is wrong.
It it hard to raise one child now you may have three to raise potentially on your own. You have to look at the worse case scenario here (I really hope he will be there emotionally for the children and financially)and you have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I am truly worried for you because he is already preparing you to raise these babies alone by telling you you need to get two jobs. I don't want you to be stressed the rest of your pregnancy so try to just be at peace with what you know is true.
I hope you have help and support from your family because you will need it.
Also know you don't have to be a couple to be able to co-parent effectively. I hope you both have the maturity to raise your kids together and be ok with not being together.
I think I got my thought across to you.
Good luck.

oh dear! i think you have a long road ahead of you! sounds to me like you will be parenting all three babies on your own! I am not sure if i would make him sign rights over... those babies deserve to know their daddy (even thought he is a straight up douche bag) and you deserve to have help financially! i think either he is married or just doesnt want to make a commitment to you because he knows he made a mistake... well too late! Don't let this guy throw you around like you are nothing. it's like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit! i guess in a nutshell you have to do one of two things. Either hire a lawyer and go for child support or walk away and never look back. My guess is if you chose the second option, he wouldnt care either way. A HOLE!! good luck!

Sweety it is passed time for him to introduce you to his family. Even if you all are no longer a couple, you are now the mother of his children which connects you to him and his family. It's time for him to take responsibility for his actions; a real man will stand up to his family and do what is right for his children. Please also seek legal support so you can hold this man responsible financially for his children. I am praying for you. Please know how much I admire you for your courage to have these children.

ridiculous for someone to suggest giving up your children because it will cost too much. They do now know if you have support whether it be family or friends. Shame on them!
You do not have to buy formula, you can breast feed (free), pump (you can get a pump from the thrift store or otherwise cheap or free), you can buy cloth diapers. When you have a bucket full instead of dumping in the garbage and throwing out to fill a landfill, you dump in a washing machine! It saves TONS. Now nursing with triplets can be much trickier but it can be done. You should contact La Leche League and ask for help.
Also, whether he WANTS to help financially or not doesn't matter, he'd obligated legally to do so. That is.... *if* you want children and family services to know you know who the father is. Remember if you get them involved he will maybe be in your life in some capacity or another for the next 18 years and he may try any sneaky and mean trick in the book.
Take time to think, speak to friends and get different opinions and decide what works best for you and your children.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it is NOT your fault and some men don't know how to take responsibility and be a 'man'. You obviously are a strong woman, knowing to get rid of him when he didn't treat you well. Stay strong and stay positive!

Hello. Wow, I really feel for you. I think it would be appropriate to introduce a new partner as soon as it becomes serious. Pregnancy is serious. It doesn't sound like he would have introduced you anyway, though. He doesn't sound very mature, still worrying about what others might think of him dating outside of his own race, and the fact that he is living with relatives (not self-sufficient). I'm not certain how well a retail position could support a family, let alone a single person anyway. (How old is he?) Hopefully you have a great job and a ton of support at home with your own family and friends. Congratulations on the triplets! Best wishes and God bless!