Im Sure This Is Crazy, But...

I felt the same way (my 4yo broke her arm 2 weeks ago) and everyone looks at it and says oh how did that happen..like I meant for her to fall out of the swing!!! You know you didnt do anything wrong so forget about it...people are WAY to judgemental of others.

I would not worry what other people think. As you know they have no idea how it happened or the circumstances surrounding it? Usually the only people that seem to be critical are the ones who don't have kids and don't know what it is like. I remember before I had kids I would think can't they get their kid to stop crying? Now I know..............no not always :) :) Don't be hard on yourself. Things happen and remember his arm will heal and the best part is he will never remember it.

Dear L., no you are not a bad mom! Boys are rambunctious and things break including them at times!!! As a mom of 1 girl, 5 boys, let me assure you that people will look, you are not a bad mom, and it was in God's plan. Everything that happens is according to His plan. I had a week where we had my husband in ER, my doughter in ER and my 4th son in ER. All in one week! Stuff happens and people of this world are going to judge. That's an immutable truth. You have no reason to feel guilty, it's just part of growing up. Hope this comforts you sister. L. S.

I think that it's just the society that we live in that makes people think the worst of a situation like yours. We've been bombarded with abused children news and now people just think the worst, like seeing a woman with bruises or a black eye, people think that her man beat her, not that she might've been in an accident. I personally do not think that way, the first thing I would think of if I saw your little guy would be,'poor baby, I bet that hurt', something to that effect. The only thing you can do is to hold your head high, knowing you did not hurt your liitle man and don't let those judgemental people get you down. Good luck, and hope he's well soon.

I wouldn't worry about it. my son had a cast on his leg when he was 2 and opeople asked a lot of questions. I then used that opportunity to tell people to NEVER NEVER NEVER put your child on your lap and go down a slide.

I doubt people are judging you they probably are just curious.

Maybe you should just say, "I know... you should see the other guy." :)

L., the day you posted about your little man, my son fell off the play structure at his school and hit his head on the way down. I was wracked with guilt for not taking him to the doctor (he has a small sore spot, no blurring or any other concussive symptoms) when he complained of his shoulders hurting yesterday morning but was showing full range of motion, etc - it was just sore to the touch he said.
I asked last night if his shoulders still hurt and he said yes! I turned on a bright light (which I hadn't in the morning) and took off his shirt - duh, Wednesday was his class's water day and he got a slight sun burn on his shoulders! I would have taken him to the ER for X-rays for a sun burn had I not waited to really find out what the problem was.
Anyways, you will feel guilty for letting him get hurt. Today's society is always quick to judge and not very practical, but since it's not their kid and you know you're taking the best care of him you can, ignore those dirty looks. I think the hardest part of motherhood is letting your kids gain independence by trying things on their own. They WILL get hurt and the best we can do is be ready to act if they do get hurt.

I wouldn't worry about it. They may be wondering "I wonder what he tried to do?" They probably do just feel bad for you. I don't think "Oh, he must be abused" You can tell anyway the way the parent interacts with the child. If the parents are loving usually they are, if they act aloof and yell at their child a lot and are rough with them then they probably are abusive. My daughter had her lip split twice when she was 1 and a half. I left her in a booster chair at a church function to run into the kitchen and she tipped it over, also she was trying to come down the stairs and tripped and fell and it was only after the second step.

my brother was 2 when he was pushed of a loading dock (by a 7 yr old neighbor) and broke his leg... I know my mom beat herself up about it and worried about what people might think... But in truth, most people just thought it was a cute little mini cast or oopps accident happen, and didn't think twice about it. You know how it happened and don't worry about others thoughts on it...
The closest I can relate to would be after my 1 yr old fell off the step to our deck and took the skin off her nose...
It happens and we as moms can't stop all the tumbles and trips and falls no matter how hard we try.

If I was to see you and your son out and about, I would think, "Oh, that poor little boy!" I would also probably give you a sympathetic smile (even though I've never been through it) because dealing with a toddler is stressful enough, much less one in a cast!

If anyone did look down on you, you can rest assured that they've never had a toddler themselves, and therefore their opinion doesn't matter. Anyone who has had a toddler who is the least bit active knows that they are wild and they do the craziest things behind your back! Mine was jumping off the rocking chair the other day while I was making dinner!

Your feelings are so understandable, but don't do that to yourself! It is hard enough being a Mom and watching your child get hurt in any way...the last thing you need is to feel guilty about it. We certainly try to protect them and avoid injury as best we can, but it is just impossible to prevent them from ever getting hurt. I remember how bad I felt the first time my son got a cut and I had to remind myself over and over again that this wasn't going to be the last time!

I am sure other people will see that you are a loving, compassionate mother and they will probably feel sorry for the two of you above all else. You will get those that raise an eyebrow, but we all will at some point either due to the way we choose to parent our child or due to an injury they sustain. My theory is those that judge better be VERY careful b\c you never know what life is going to throw your way....I learned very early on to reserve judgement, as I cannot possibly know what other people's lives entail.

I hope your son feels better soon :-).

If I see a kid with a cast the first thing i think is they must have been having fun!
You don't get hurt just sitting around.

Hello L., It's not uncommon to feel the way you do. When my son was 2 he fell down our cement porch steps, face first. He sported a scab from his forehead to his chin for more than a week! I too was very embarresed. When he was 7 he fractured his left femur and spent 4 1/2 months totally immobilized. One month in traction, the rest of the time in a full body cast(from the arm pits down). He had to have a special wheelchair that layed out flat due to not being able to sit up. That cured me of all of the stares and comments from other people. They were rude and mean. My son would cry because of it. One day at the mall some teens where pointing at him and laughing. My son looked up at them and asked "what, haven't you ever seen a 7 year old before?". I was soooo proud of him that day. Hold your head up, you did nothing wrong. Good luck.

Anyone who has a child that has been hurt, will understand that accidents happen. My son broke his leg when he was 1 1/2 years old, and people did stare, but mostly because they felt bad that he had been in pain. As a mother, you always feel bad when these things happen, it's just our nature.

As a side note to an earlier response, just because you're in the same room when your child is hurt, doesn't mean that you could have prevented the accident.

I'm sure that whenever a stranger sees your loving treatment of your son they will know that his injury was from an accident and nothing more.

Being the mother of a rambunctious 5 year old...I would just look at the baby and think how awful it is not only that he got hurt, but also that he's in a cast in the summer! My son was 13 months when he fell down next to my mother's brick hearth. It was when he tried to get back up that the edge of the brick caught him perfectly in the middle of the forehead and cut him to the bone. Also, my sister's best friend has two boys (4 and 3) and I swear, at least one if them is in the ER every month! And she's one of the best moms I know! If someone gives you a dirty look, it's because they don't have kids or they forgot what it's like!

L.,
I know exactly what you're feeling. When my oldest was about 2.5, it was winter and he was crabbing and moaning that he wanted to go sledding. So I obliged him. I pulled him down to the lake where there was a great incline. And it was frozen and all. But at the top of the hill I miscalculated where he would end up. I let him slide down, he happily went sliding, but he hit a tree and a bush. His one eye was instantly purple, swollen shut, and he had abrasions on his forehead. He looked like I'd really belted him around! I was scared to take him to emergency because in Sweden, you can get arrested for just spanking...even talking sternly that sounds angry to your kids! I thought they'd for sure question me. And it took forever to get the swelling down and the color gone!
You BET I felt like everyone was staring! And I don't think there's anything you can do to avoid it.

You'll be fine. Try not to let it get to you. You can always lay on thick the cushy loving attention in front of people.

You may or may not be paranoid (I won't say crazy lol). People are so judgmental and may be wondering what's up with your son...but blow them off. Try not to let it bother you (I know, easier said then done)...some people are just plain MEAN. You know what really happened and that's all that matters. And by the way...years ago when my son was about 5 or 6, I would tease him that I would lock him up in the closet so one day while we were in the check out line of Krogers we were teasing each other and out loud he said, "what are you going to do, lock me in the closet again?" I was like "oh my god". Thank goodness everyone around just laughed. They must have been able to tell he wasn't serious...PHEW!!!! LOL

Hi L.,
I completely understand. A few years back my nephew was living with us and was playing and dove on the ground and hit the side of the couch with his eye. It swelled up bigger than you can imagine. Well, after we got it checked out we had plans to meet my MIL for a birthday dinner. I can't believe all the looks I got. I felt that they first looked at him and then looked at me (with a dirty look). My husband though I was overreacting but people were def. looking. Don't worry about the judgemental people. There are always people that will judge anything. It was an accident. More than anything I felt bad for my nephew. I couldn't have prevented what happened. Kids play and unless I want to sit them down in front of a tv all day, they will also get hurt sometimes.
Chris

Bad mothers don't take their children to the doctor to get a cast on a broken arm. Believe me, I am an OR nurse. They just leave them to heal badly on their own. Children can and do get hurt in seconds. Anyone who thinks otherwise is being judgemental and ignorant. Stop beating yourself up for an accident.... just thank the Lord that it is ONLY a broken arm, which will heal in a few weeks, and not a head injury. Forgive yourself. L.

The questions as I ask myself when one of my girls is hurt are these:

1) Did I cause the pain to the child?
2) Was I around when it happened (i.e. in the same room)?
3) Could I have stopped it?

If I say yes to any of those - then I feel bad. However, if I answer no to all three then I work through and erase the guilt. If I remember the situation, you were not in the room and could not have stopped it, and because you weren't in the room - you obviously did not cause the pain. So therefore, you shouldn't feel guilty. I know it's hard. My oldest daughter recently pushed her sister down a couple stairs - she now has a HUGE shiner and on top of the bruising she is all scratched up. I wasn't home, my husband was in another room - neither one of us did anything wrong. However, every time I see her I feel a little guilt (her sister feels a lot more). Give it time and you'll work through it.

As far as people staring, let them stare - maybe they're thinking the same thing that you do if you see a little one with a cast on.

I feel bad whenever my 1 year old gets a bump or a bruise. I understand completely how you feel about people judging you. We just have to remember that kids get hurt, it's a part of life and we can't protect them all the time. It's the hardest lesson of being a parent.

L. N
Your feelings are normal. As parents we want to blame someone when our child is hurt. You are feeling you are to blame. One positive thought; you are not damaging a relationship by trying to place the blame on another, especially someone you love. This feeling will pass, I'm sure. Best of luck. God Bless!
K.

L.
i dont think that anyone judges you because your little son broke his arm and walks around wearing an arm cast. i just think that you feel guilty because your son broke his arm and that that makes you a bad mom because you weren't taking good care of him, but you know things like these happen, children can get hurt and they will no matter what but i guess in the end that's what's gonna make them stand on their own some day
sincerely
I.

L.,

I know how you feel. My son (who's now 8) broke his leg when he was about the same age by falling backwards out of an inflatable kiddie pool - go figure! I too felt awful and wondered if the people in the ER were even going to believe me! Don't worry about what other people may think...those that have kids know all too well how quickly and easily things can happen and don't usually pass judgement. In a way this type of situation can be a good thing (though it's hard to see at the time) because it teaches us that we can't always control everything that happens in our kids (or our) lives and that we instead have to just trust God that He has everything under control. If I see you on the street, I promise I won't pass judgement! :) Make sure you get pictures of him in his cast for his baby book...

S.

Don't feel bad. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother. Just the fact that you are so worried shows a lot. My son has hemophilia which is a bleeding disorder. He bruises extremely easy all the time. He is only 11 months old so he is constantly getting beat up from crawling and falling when he tries to walk. I get those looks all the time and it only gets worse the older he gets. So as long as you know that you are doing the best you can and it was only an accident, just keep that in mind and reassure people if you have to that it was just an accident. Toddlers heal very fast so I don't think you have anything to worry about. Good luck.