In-laws - Albuquerque, NM

My first reaction is...Why...? Why are his clothes wet? Why is he not wearing the alternate set of clothes left for him? Why is his nose bloody (What happened)? What happened to cause the bumps and bruises?

If these questions have not been asked and answered satisfactorily, that is a good place to begin, particularly if this has happened more than once. Also, is your current boyfriend the biological or adoptive father of your son? If not (and he is not your husband), neither he nor his parents have ANY say in anything to do with your son. If he is, he may not agree with your feelings. However, he must respect those feelings.

Not to scare you, but if you feel your child is being neglected or endangered in ANY way while at your boyfriend's parent's house and you choose to leave him in that situation, you could face CPS, charges or worse. PLEASE ask the tough questions and look for answers that make you feel at ease. You can ask these questions without being aggressive or accusatory. Be assertive in asking and go with your gut feelings on the answers received. Worst case scenario, it is dangerous and you need to escape the entire situation with your son. Best case scenario, your son is rambunctious.

Good luck! If you need to talk, please feel free to send me a message.

OMG! I would flip if my child came back in that condition! Naked, bloody, bruised----are you kidding???!!!?!?!?!?!
This is your child, your #1 job is to take care of him and protect him. Absolutely say something!
And I don't mean yell or scream. You can talk to people in an assertive way with out being rude. Be open, honest and direct. Let them know it's important that he spends time with his grandparents but you want him to be tended to a certain way. Coming home naked, bloody and bruised is not okay with you. If they want to spend time with him they need to take better care of them. ANd they should be happy that you care so much and that their son had a child with a person who cares so much.

He is your child. NEVER apologize for having expectations of how he should be treated. If your boyfriend doesn't care that his child is being treated that way maybe he should not be around him. How could someone not care that their child was returned to them in that condition?

My family is VERY aware of the standard of care and expectations I have if they care for my children. And you have the same right to express how you want your child cared for.

Your son only has one mother and that's you. Protect him what ever that takes.

Best of luck.

I don't know about the bloody nose, but at this age bruises and bumps are perfectly normal. My son had a perpetual bump on his forehead from falling on the same place every time. However, I agree with the other moms if you feel something is wrong, if you can't talk to the boyfriend talk to the parents, or don't leave him there at all. The clothes thing is a mystery I'd ask about it. It could be as simple as the kid not liking to wear clothes my daughter was always taking hers off around this age.

However, I would ask. Never be afraid to question anything when it comes to your child. You are the mother and you not only have every right to know but have should know what is going on with him.

I would say the same when things happen in school as he gets older. Fight for your sons rights always.

Take care,
K.

Hi T.,
I just wanted to address the second question you have about your parents.

I would put my foot down and tell your boyfriend that you want your son to spend time with your parents. The next time he comes up with some excuse as to why your son cannot stay with your parents, tell him oh well. It is so so so important for your son to have a relationship with his grandparets, BOTH sets. Let your boyfriend know that your son spending time with your parents is non negotiable. It is a must. You have every right to make decisions for your child.

On a lighter note! Maybe you could plan some alone time with your boyfriend and have your parents watch Marcos. Maybe this would help your boyfriend to better understand the necessity of your parents helping. Go to dinner and a walk in the park, just spend some quality time together. It sounds like you both need it.

Good luck and put your foot down. Your parents deserve to have a relationship with their grandbaby!

you should definitely only take your son to the inlaws when u visit and stay there. I love my inlaws but don't agree with some of their actions so my kids only visit them only when I am there with them or when dad visits his family. your son is a bit to young to report back to you as to how he is treated so until he is old enough to do this I would avoid leaving him there, maybe when he is able to report to you your boyfriend will open his eyes and understands your concerns.

If you are getting him back with bruises, bloody noses and visible bumps then I would STOP SENDING HIM TO YOUR INLAWS!!! This is too scary to even mention. It sounds more like a case for CPS than for this blog. The fact that you are not even married to your boyfriend tells me that these people are NOT your "in-laws". They are strangers to whom you have no legal ties to. If your boyfriend wants to dictate who you allow your kids to spend time with, then he needs to marry you and legally adopt your kids. Until then, he has NO say and you as their mother have complete and total responsibility to your children to NEVER knowingly place them in a situation where they could be potentially harmed. This is called CHILD ABUSE! Please don't treat this lightly. A man who does not have the best interest of your kids in mind is not a man you should allow control over how you parent your children.

I would also take into consideration the reaction your son has to the situation. If he is so intent on staying with YOUR parents and does not want to even go home to where this man is living (not to mention the fact that he does not want your son to spend time with your parents), then that should give you some definite red flags! Is this boyfriend possibly abusing your son in some way when you do not know? If it is happening at his parents house, trust me...these are learned behaviors! Trust your childs reaction and don't allow your feelings for this boyfriend to cloud your judgement as a parent. Your kids HAVE to come first! Keep him safe!!!!

I agree with the other mothers.... Why is his clothes wet? and Why they havent put on his fresh pair that you leave for them? I have to ask, did you even question them about your findings? If not, then that is your first step to do. Is your boyfriend the father? If not, then he has NO Say in the situation. If you still feel like the in-laws and your boyfriend are still shady, then you MUST step up and put your foot down and set the rules! You are his mother and protector! Without you he has no one!
Good Luck.... I know this is easyer said than done, but try to get this resolved AS SOON AS POSSIBLE before something really goes wrong!

Where are the bumps and bruises and bloody nose coming from? Is this a one time incident or is it constant? If this happened to my child....I'd be concerned as well. You are the mom, don't be afraid to upset others when it comes to your child's welfare. Then again...my toddlers constantly had bumps and bruises just from life. Maybe hang out at the in laws w/ your toddler to observe what is going on. Have some extra clothes on hand and request that he is put in them. I had to do that w/ my mil, she always stripped them down when they ate and never redressed them, but at least their clothes didn't come back stained. Just be aware of the situation for your little one's sake.

Follow your gut. If you think something is wrong...it probably is. Always be your child's voice. Say No. Too bad if they don't like it - they don't have to.

Do you think bloody noses and bruises are normal? They are not. Why would the in-laws allow the child to be returned to you with no clothes? Bizarre!

If you need to go somewhere, take your child with you.

And finally, it's okay for the man in your life to not like all your decisions. But he still must respect them.

If you feel like your child is getting hurt inappropriately, (not falling down or playing and having mishaps) then I would hope that you would not care about your boyfriends feelings, you would protect your son by not taking him to his parents.
Did he ever talk about being abused as a kid? Did you confront the parents and ask why he didn't have clothes on? Why is he bruised? Even if he is being abused, they will lie about it.
If you even think for a moment your child is in an unfit situation, get him out of it immediately and don't get him into it ever!

Are they being abusive?

Your child is more important than your in-laws. Your boyfriend should feel the same, even though they are his parents. You have to be there to protect your child - his parents are old enough to protect themselves. If you feel that your child is being neglected, you could have a talk with them and tell them your concerns. If they react harshly, then tell them you won't bring your son back to stay with them, though supervised visits are still okay. If it gets worse, you can report them. Protect your child!

Tia,

I don't mean to be blunt here but NEVER leave your son with your in-laws. If your boyfriend disagrees and gets upset as to why you decided that, explain it to him. If he doesn't question his parents take your child and LEAVE.

I would be furious and very concerned if my child was returned to me the way your son was. NOT GOOD. Your child is your priority.

I am sorry that you don't feel comfortable talking to your boyfriend this is a serious issue.