In-Laws & Pot - Need Input

I feel bad for you and your husband in the decision you have to make, but I totally agree with you. I have had some issues with my mother as well, so I completely understand in doing what is right for you and your family, especially when it comes to our children. When we take a stand on what we believe is right, there will be things that happen between the two sides. I know it's hard to see this "wedge" between your husband and his mother, but if he is choosing to take the stand with you, then it's something his mother has to change. It may take time, but hopefully she will see it as well as you see and not be afraid to change what needs to be changed. May God bless you and your family and stay strong!

Hello,
I am sorry you have to deal with this. You are doing the right thing. I know it is hard but your baby is more important then your inlaws feelings. Feelings can be repaired, but a childs lungs can not. Also, you do not want you child to think it is ok to due drugs because his grandparents do. If they really wanted to be around the baby, they would give up the bad habbit. Unless they have cancer or glacoma then they have no excuse not to quit. Be strong. Make sure your husband knows how much you love him and appricate his support.

Wow... What a crazy situation! You have 1,000% done the right thing though. You are only responsible for how you handle yourself. They can rant and rave, and it is hurtful, but as long as you are comfortable with the way that your are behaving/reacting, you will be ok in your heart and mind. There is no compromising when it comes to this. What would you say to your child he is faced with a similar situation? He comes home from school upset because his friend won't talk to him anymore because your child won't smoke pot with him. Would you tell him to bend the rules a little so that he can preserve his "friendship"? No way. I know that you are talking about family, but I think you have to look at it the same way. Bottom line it - you are trying to do the right thing ethically, healthwise, and quite frankly because it is against the law. They are making the decision to continue doing something that could hurt your child, teach him bad habits and that breaking the law is ok, and potentially have him taken away from you. It's pretty cut and dry and you should be proud that you are such a good mom (an he is a good dad!). I'm not trying to judge. I know that they see things from a different prospective, but this is not something with which you can make a compromise. Good Luck. C.

Sigh... I feel for you! My father smokes. He lives with his mom (my grandmother) and does not do it in the house, but I can smell it on him periodically and it annoys the heck out of me. I dont' judge his use, accept where it has lead him in life (ie over 65 and living with his Mom??)

Anyway, I would tell your husband you would like him to be closer to his mom if that's what he wants and that he should go visit alone until things die down. Also I would tell him to re-emphasize you are not judging their lifestyle choices, but just doing what is right for your child. Point out that you never had a problem coming over until after your child was born to prove that it's really just a safty and health issue.

I would try to reach out to her one more time and calming tell her that you are very sorry that she can not see your side and that it is not personal. You would love to have her in your lives, but just need it on terms that are right for your family.

May or maynot work, but at least you've been the adult about it and done what you can to extend the olive branch. You are totally doing the right thing. Just be there for your husband and he'll figure out what he needs. You sound like a very loving wife to be concerned about him and his relationship with his mom.

Best of luck and BTDT!

i'm so glad to see that you are sticking to your decisions and convictions. I can't believe someone would be so unyielding about this issue! talk about having their heads in the sand. I right away have visions of you going there, then all of you smelling of pot, driving home and perhaps getting pulled over for something like speeding or whatnot, and the cop smelling pot in the enclosed car...b/c pot stinks! my mom has pets and burns incense and home fragrances stuff like candles which my husband is sensitive to and often allergic to...if me and the kids go there we have to change and shower when we get home b/c we smell of stinky pet candles!! LOL even after a few minutes. it used to include smoking (cigarette) smell too before my aunt moved out of moms house. anywya, you can bet y'all would smell of it evne if they don't smoke while you're there. keep up the good parenting and don't let her/him sway your thinking. she's allowed to come over, it's not like you are pushing her away. we don't let my father in alw smoke cigarettes around our kids even in the backyard! he understands b/c he is a good person with a sound mind! LOL

Personally i believe you are doing the right thing to not put your son or yourselves in that situation. Just because they are your inlaws doesn't mean you have to compromise your beliefs. I have similar inlaws except they dont smoke pot. They smoke cigars, drink alcohol and use fowl language. I have a 1 and 3 year old and i refuse to compromise my beliefs just to have a relationship with them. My husband completely supports and agrees with me on this. Yes he loves his family as I do to but what am i teaching my children if i (being the responsible party) subject them to an environment that i don't agree with. Just move on and continue to do whats best for your child. What my inlaws started doing was just coming over our house to see the children because i refused to bring them over. They understand my position (now) and decided a relationship with the kids was more important than their self gratification.

stick to your guns.....there is not compromise here
Good luck

Hi there. Well it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I really only have one piece of advice, and that is because it works so well in our home. I can't comment on the pot smoking because we don't have those issues, but what I will say is this: You deal with your family and let your husband deal with his. What I mean by that is, when there are issues with my Mom, I talk with her and let her know "what's up." When there are issues with my husband's parents, he takes on that challenge. We obviously talk about it first and plan what we think might work best, but at the end of the day, we deal with our own family. It seems to work better this way because the parents don't tend to say it is the other one's fault. I hope this helps a little bit.

Please don't give in. You are doing the right thing. Worst case scenario...you are over there with your child and the cops show up on suspicion of drug use. They WILL arrest everyone in the house, including you, and take your child to CPS until the issue is cleared and they figure out you were not in possession. Traumatic just to think about your child being taken away while you are innocent. Not trying to scare you...maybe just "encourage" you to stay strong.

I thinkg you've handled this the best you can! I know it's hard on your husband, I completely understand that. We're having similar issues with my husband's brother (who still lives with his parents which makes it a more difficult situation). It's difficult to make them understand that you don't have a problem with them, but the decisions they're making and how it effects your kids. That's where we're at, anyway. Just stick to what you and your husband have agreed to, and hopefully things will get better in time. Has your husband takled to his mom since? If not, after some healing time, maybe he should call just to say hi (and not bring up this stuff unless his mom does so) so that his mom understands that you and he still want the relationship to work, as long as there are boundaries. I don't really have much advice, but I do understand how difficult this is.

Hands-down - you did the RIGHT thing. Your child could be taken from you if there were some type of police activity there while your child was in attendance. Going to her house will NEVER be worth that risk, no matter what kind of divide it creates btw your hubby and his family. Your kid comes first - and you're doing your best to protect him. Keep making the right decisions girl!!

You need to understand that you are dealing with addiction and that addicts are not rational people. If your mother-in-law tries to hide her smoking, it means she's doing it more than she cops to and she's lying about it. Addicts lie about their habits and a multitude of other things. A good way to learn bout dealing with addictive behavior is Al-Anon, the companion program to Alcoholics Anonymous. It's free and you can find local meetings on line.

I don't really have any advice, but just wanted to say that you aren't alone in this situation! My dad and step-mom smoke pot and it has definitely torn us apart. I use to be daddy's little girl and now it looks as if he won't even be walking me down the aisle at my wedding. Them getting busted for pot while we have the kids there, just another reason for me to not hang out at his house. I hate the choices he is making, but I choose to rise above it all and be a great mother for my boys! I'm glad you are sticking to your convictions, too!

You are doing the right thing - just stick with it! Your husband will have to come to understand that his parents aren't going to choose what he wants them to choose (stop smoking pot for their grandson) so you're going to have to establish some pretty strict boundaries.

I'm so sorry you're going through this! Hopefully it will improve.

You absolutely have done the right thing!!!!!!! You AND your husband are responsible for the health and well being of your child, and his mother and step-father are being incredibly irresponsible and immature (name-calling). They have made their choice and simply will have to live with it. I know this is hard on your husband, but he has his own family to care for now. You are not telling her that she cannot see your child, just not at her pot-filled house. If she really wants a relationship with your child, she will come around. Hang in there.....you are a great parent!

Stick to your guns, this is not just a lifestyle issue but a legal/health/moral issue.

You need to let your husband deal with his mom, even if there is some history there. If he wants to keep a relationship then maybe y'all could offer a compromise. Meet them at your home or someplace else (park, restaurant, etc) for the party. His mom is being unreasonable and y'all cannot allow yourselves to be bullied into doing something that you know isn't right. Another thing to think of...what kind of message are you giving your son if you expose him to their "lifestyle"? I know he is itty-bitty, but if you don't draw the line now then when do you?

You are doing the right thing, and I've got to hand it to you, it took guts for you to go over there and talk to her!! Hold your ground and give your husband support, with a family like that, he needs it!

Is there any chance you could arrange social encounters away from both homes? At a park or a petting zoo or something?

You did the right thing, and it may be hard on your husband - I'm sure he wanted his mom to say that it was okay, she understands and doesn't hold it against you all - but just like another Mama said - addicts aren't known for rational thinking.

Remind him that her reaction and behavior is WHY the two of you had YOU tell her, not him. Y'all didn't want the rift to occur between him and his mom. Perhaps if he pursues her a little bit (like ask her out to lunch alone - without wife and child) things will quiet down, but there is no guarantee. It might be easier for him if he did go to an Al-Anon meeting so he gets a clearer picture of what all of you are up against.

Hope all goes well.

L.,
I applaud you for standing by your rights by doing what is best for your son and your family. Just remember that YOU are not responsible for your in-laws actions---THEY are. They choose to smoke pot and you have no control of that. I know it must be very hard for you and your husband, but sadly we cannot choose our parents or control what they do. I have issues with my parents too, but have learned to accept the facts as they are. My parents have mental issues, which use to frustrate me until I learned to accept the facts. I wish you and your family the very best. Being a mom is the best blessing in the world! You are being wonderful parents! Hope this helps. P.

You are doing the right thing, but, I think you need to tell the authorities. They are doing an illegal thing and need to stop. Maybe that would make them realize that they need to reevaluate their situation and how it is going to affect your children in the future. Pot smokers are not addicts. There is nothing in the pot that is physically addicting.