In Search of Advice and Some Comforting Words......

i'm a very practical person so here's my advice....

1. take the test...today! know what your situation is before you worry about it.

2. if you are not pregnant, take whatever steps you are comfortable with so you don't become pregnant until you are ready!! pill, condoms, etc.

3. if you are pregnant, yea! you're children will be close together and you'll figure everything else out in time. don't rush to get married....don't worry more about other's feelings or response...figure out your relationship

K.,
I am not sure how to respond, except for one thing. Please take the pregnancy test, then you can meet your challenges head on one at a time. If not pregnant then all of this worrying may be for nothing. Perhaps this is your wake up call that it is time to meet the challenges in your life and do what makes you happy. If you are not in a place that honors yourself and allows you to love you, then it is very difficult to love and honor others. This is not intended to judge you, I don't walk in your shoes, just offering some insights that have helped me in my life.
K. @ The Nestingplace

K. - Oh, sweetie - I am so sorry. How lonely you must feel! I don't have a similar experience, but I can tell you this:

You need to take a pregnancy test. Today. There could be a million reasons why you don't have your period, and only one of those reasons is pregnancy. If you are, indeed, pregnant, then you can begin the process of dealing with that, but until you know, you are creating your own turmoil. You can't allow yourself to deal with a situation if you don't know what the situation is. Even if you ARE pregnant, a huge weight will be lifted just simply knowing. I promise.

Second, God knows what he's doing. If you're pregnant, it's because you should be. It's never a mistake.

Do you know what is the best thing about your post? You never once said you didn't want a baby. You are very concerned with the logistics of it, and others' attitudes toward it, but never did you say it made you unhappy to think you might be pregnant. So somewhere inside of you, this is okay. And that's awesome. If you're okay with it, everything else will work out.

No one is ever really prepared for a baby, are they? And there are days when I am still convinced it's a mistake that I am a mom - that I'm not a good enough one and someone's going to figure it out and take away my son. But you know what? I am a mom. And you are, too. And you're a good mom. And if you're pregnant, you're going to be a good mom to your second baby, too.

Go get a test today and take it. And accept whatever the outcome is. If you are pregnant, you don't have to tell anyone yet. Just know for yourself. And give yourself time with it. Find that place inside of you that is happy for a second baby. Make peace with it. When you do, all that external noise and chatter will fade away and you'll be strong enough to face it.

Good luck K. - S.

Well, child, you have some very real anxiety to sort through. What you have to understand is that this new baby, if there is one, is a gift to you. There is a special reason for her/him to be on this earth at the particular time she/he makes an appearance. You've been assigned the task of raising this child and your first child in the way our Father wants them to be raised and He'll help you every step of the way...if you learn to trust Him and lean on Him for guidance. Now, this doesn't mean there won't be bumps in the road and barriers to overcome. Sometimes a Christian finds themselves with more "tests" than can be imagined; but He NEVER gives you more than you can handle. He has promised that to each and every one of us. Once you learn to go to Him in prayer and spend more time on your knees talking with Him....your life and entire attitude will change. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. He doesn't make mistakes; but we can really mess up when we try to work things out on our own, without following His plan for us. Know that you are loved by someone who is with you at all times. You are never alone and through Christ you can do ANYTHING!

Best wishes..

http://www.missbrenda.com

Hi K.,

Sweetie, take a deep breathe and relax (easier said than done, I know). Go to your OB and take a pregnancy test first before you continue getting yourself all worked up. Find out first and foremost if you are pregnant or not before opening that can of worms with your boyfriend. Your hormones just may be askew right now causing a couple missed periods, but consult with your OB or home test so you can confirm your fears.

I wish you the best!

-Char

Hi K.- First I would like to say IF you are pregnant, Congratulations! All pregnancies are different so IF you are your experience may be different the 2nd time around. Since you know for sure please go and pick up a Home P test and confirm your thoughts. Your stressing and you don't know for sure yet. That's step 1.
I am so sorry to hear that IF you WERE to be PG your boyfriend would be very upset. That's a tough positon for you, however he has to be responsible for his actions too. This can't be all on you. You have to remember that if you ever have to confront him with the news of being pregnant. It takes TWO girl, so be strong! Keep your chin up. By the way, I'm glad to hear that you know that marriage isn't gonna fix the problem.
By the way my daughters are 31 months apart. It's a GREAT age difference.
I hope this helps some.

Elaine

I agree with the others.... take the test before you worry.

My children are all 1 year apart... so I know what it's like to have little ones with little ones. It's hard, but do-able.

You didn't mention a church. Going through this alone will be hard but belonging to a church and knowing that God is there for you and has a plan for you is so comforting.

Fellowship Church in Grapevine is wonderful. The Saturday night services are very fun and the childcare is great.

K.,

I was reading your post and girl, I can totally relate to how you are feeling right now. When I got pregnant, I was 20 years old and not married. I was also living with her daddy but I knew that he didnt want any kids right now, and neither did I. My parents have strong Christian beliefs and was totally against me living with him since i wasnt married. So, even though I was an adult, I was terrified to tell my parents that I was pregnant. But girl, let me tell you, after I told them and they got over the initial shock, their grandparent personalities came out. And even if they have problems with you/your lifestyle, I gaurantee that once they see that baby, everything else goes out the window. And about your baby's father. Since you are scared about having another baby with him, maybe its time to re-evaluate your relationship. I know its hard since you have a child with him.

But before you freak yourself out any more - GO GET A TEST!

Dear K.,

I can completely relate to your situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 seven years and we have two terrific kids. And I felt pretty similar to the way that you are feeling now when I found out I was pregnant the second time. Our oldest was only 17 months when I got pregnant and I wasn't sure if our relationship could withstand another pregnancy. We hadn't been together that long when I got pregnant the first time and I don't think either one of us had been planning on our relationship taking that path. So I couldn't imagine what a second pregnancy would do to us. But it turned out that the second pregnancy really brought us together and made us a lot closer. My second pregnancy was much more peaceful than the first because I knew what to expect and I was really able to enjoy it. Also, like your parents my parents were incredibly upset about me having children with a man that I am not married to. Every once in awhile they will ask me when we're going to get married. But for the most part over the years my parents have grown to accept our relationship the way that it is. The tell people we're married and they introduce him as my husband or their son-in-law. Just remember that every child is a gift and you never know how many blessings another child can bring to your life.

Go take a test...you either are or you are not...cant change that now...at least you will know and can care for yourself...as far as he goes...tell him that you want to be married...you are good enough to have a baby with, to live with, to share a home, family, money, life...hey sounds kinda like being married!!!! So why are you good enough to share all of that with, but not good enough to marry? Tell him the jig is up!!

my name is J. and im a mommy of two kids. i hope you can find the courage to take a test and if its positive then its a blessing. right now you need to e thinking of yourself and your daughter not about your oyfriend and how he will react and your parents will love you no mattter what you do. i had both of my children before i got married and yes my parents were upset at first but they got over it when they stopped to think that they are having another grandchild. it will be ok have faith in god he will never put you through more than you can handle.please email me if you would like to talk further my address is ____@____.com luck to you,J.

I very recently found out I am pregnant again which was a total shocker... one I was in total denial of... March 1st was my last period. I was worried about telling my husband too... despite the fact he is very supportive... he had just told me the week before he didn't want more kids... so I knew this wouldn't be a good surprise for him. Our first baby is only 7 months... so believe me I'd love to have a 13 month old and find out I am pregnant... the idea of 2 so close together (they'll be less than 16 months apart) is a little frightening. Not to mention we really can't afford it.

I told him... he was upset, but after a few days reality had to be faced... we are going to have another baby... so we might as well look for the positives about this. They will be buddies, less fighting, able to entertain eachother... we will still remember what to do... etc.

It will be ok wether you are pregnant or not... scary... sure... but Mothers are kinda like super heros... and I firmly believe that everything happens as it should... and we are never given more to handle than we are able .. even if we don't think we can.

K.,

I have a 4 year old daughter and a now nine month old son. After my son was born, my husband said that he was done having kids. My parents, would talk about how two kids were plenty and joke about not wanting anymore grandkids. My second pregnancy was more difficult for me than the first and I was on such an emotional rollercoaster that I was miserable. Anyway, back in mid-March I found out that I am pregnant again. When I began to suspect that I was preggo again, I didn't say anything to my husband or anyone because I didn't want to open that can of worms if I wasn't pregnant. I took the test, and it was positive. I was positively a reck of nerves!! Got myself all worried about what my husband was going to say and what my parents would think. I was in tears when I told my husband, I was shaking when I told my parents and everything turned out fine.

As for having two babies so close together, that still panics me at times. My son will only be 16 months when the new baby is born. But we got to do what we got to do and we must deal with the challanges that we are given.

As for you not being married to your boyfriend- who cares if it is working for you? I know a couple that isn't married and have kids and they have been successful for over 7 years now, which outdates many marriages I know of. If you rush into marriage when neither of you are ready to marry, you are starting on shaky ground. You mentioned that you worry sometimes that the relationship will not last. K., that happens to many good people, married or not. If for some reason it doesn't work, it will be inconvient, it will be hurtful, and you will still have to work together to parent your little girl (and another if you're pregnant).

First off, TAKE THE TEST!!! It will put your mind at ease if you are not pregnant, and if you are you can start dealing with the situation. You could be working yourself up like I did. It may be unexpected, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Good Luck,
A.

Take a test before you get yourself all worked up..that isn't good for you! (or the baby, if that's the case) I hate for you to freak out before you know for sure!!!! Good LucK!!!

Hi K.,
Get tested right now so at least you have the denial/fear behind you. If it's confirmed you're pregnant, just remember you're not the first person to experience an unplanned/unprepared for pregnancy. Women everywhere, everyday face this and they get through it and what seems like an impossible hurdle can become one of your greatest blessings.

Do you have a church home? You need Godly counsel from Godly women for the issues of being able to financially support you and your children and to help you with decisions about your relationship with the father of your children. It saddens me that society so easily embraces sexual intimacy outside of marriage commitment. You need your man to be committed to you in love and marriage, and if this is not possible you need to stop living together until you can. Christian counseling on what the Bible says about love, marriage and family will give you God's will for your life, and help you to hope for a good future. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, plans for hope and a future, plans to help you and not harm you."

Also, if you find out that you are pregnant, take a deep breath and determine to be courageous and tell the father and then your parents. It has to be done, so don't keep tormenting yourself by putting it off. I don't know them so I don't know if they will love and comfort you or put you down, but you can't control that. You can only control your own actions.

I'll be praying for you today.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I to got preganant when I least expected it and was scared to death. Not of giving birth but of raising another child. I didn't think I had the energy and wasn't sure I wanted this child. I ended up telling my mom and finding out she felt the same while pregnant with me. But then proceeded to tell me that I was her gift from God and that he truly knows what we need. Guess what my daughter is my Gift from God and makes me smile everyday. So just remember when the depression sets in that this baby growing inside of you is your gift from God. He will not give you anything that you can't handle.