Can you and your boyfriend move closer to your college?
Or, can you finish most of your degree with online courses?
Don't make any decisions right now. Hormones wreck havoc on women who have just given birth, you're probably sleep-deprived from taking care of an infant, and you're dealing with the major psychological change of having a new baby in your life. No one's mind works at its best under those conditions. However, here are some things to consider as you prepare to make a decision.
Try reframing what your boyfriend is doing (and what he sees you as doing) away from CONTROL. Look at each other's perspective:
BOYFRIEND: Wants to be a responsible father by marrying his child's mother, and become a family. This is the right thing to do. He is willing to live apart for awhile for you to finish your education. He is afraid that you will not stay with him and he will lose both you and his child. He is afraid of the shame of not taking care of his own child, if you go forward in life without him.
YOU: Scared of marrying someone you might not have chosen if you hadn't become pregnant together. Scared of losing the opportunity for a college degree and an easier life than your mother has had. Afraid of being dependent upon someone who isn't good to her and her child.
You are both trying to do what you believe is best. Fear is probably at the core of it for both of you. (Most men will never admit this, but they are scared to death of being shamed.) Neither of you can accomplish what you need without the other person's cooperation. Soften your hearts toward each other, and recognize how deeply the fears cut into your hearts.
I have done a lot of research on relationships, because I teach a course on relationship communication at a major university. Research shows that despite popular views on this, "compatibility" is not what makes or breaks marriage. Neither does communication. It's COMPASSION that makes or breaks a relationship. Loving each other and caring about providing for each other's core needs.....even when they are not the same as yours. Marriage is not easy, but if two people are compassionate toward each other and commit to making it work, it will work.
The research also shows that living together is detrimental to future marriages. A much higher number of people who lived together before marriage divorce than those who did not live together first. (Exception: if the couple have definitely decided to get married and they are just living together until the wedding, it is not detrimental. It IS detrimental if they are engaged, but one or both are not sure they want to go through with the marriage.) Those who live together are "renting" and know they can leave if they don't like it. Married people are "buyers", and leaving is not as easy. There is far more incentive to make it work and to treat each other right. Researchers believe that there is emotional damage done during the "renting" stage that is hard to overcome in the subsequent marriage.
Ladies, don't assume that her boyfriend is a bum because he hasn't offered to pay for things. He might just be clueless. He might be afraid of paying for bills and then never having you live with him as the husband/father. Ask him what he will do if you are living together or married. Don't assume.
In addition to taking responsibility for supporting your child together, your boyfriend needs a reality check about finances. If you marry, your finances should all be JOINT, SHARED, TOGETHER. They will not be "your" bills and "his" bills. Get some pre-marital counseling, and look for a comprehensive pre-marital program, if possible. That will cover this sort of thing and insist that you plan a budget ahead of time.
This is going to sound harsh, but you gave up the possibility of "taking it slow" when you had sex and conceived a child. Too late now. You've already made an 18-year commitment to raise your child. Unless your boyfriend is abusive (and wanting you to be together when it's inconvenient to your educational plans is not being abusive), you can create a good relationship together and give your child a good home.
I wish all three of you the best. Let us know what you decide.