JFF Did You Live Together Before Marriage?

No. Never did.

And I was 33 when I got married, and I had several very long term relationships before my now-husband. Never lived with anyone in a "playing house" sort of arrangement.

I think finances dictate that in a great deal of situations, and that was not an issue for me. I've always been pretty financially responsible and independent. For me it's not a moral issue, it's a personal responsibility issue. Soooooo many women are SO quick to schlepp themselves (and kids!) into a BF's home....rendering her powerless really a lot of the time--financially, etc.

I'm also a pretty independent person. I never needed to have my BF or fiance (or husband now for that matter!) at arms length all the time. I truly enjoyed my single living-alone period of life.

I wasn't interested in that and neither was my boyfriend (then fiance, now husband). I owned my own home & he had his.

Every couple and every situation is different.
I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it was not right for me.
We've been happily married for 15 years.

Oh--and as for keeping a tally--remember--just because something is a majority doesn't necessarily make it right.

Yes, we lived together for about 6 months before we got married.

As for why get married? There are tons of rights conveyed through a marriage certificate.

We lived together after we got engaged. However, my husband went from living in his parents house to living with me - and that didn't work well. He was used to his mom (aka supermom) doing the cooking, cleaning, picking up after him, etc. If I had it to do over again, I would tell him to get his own place first! :-P

We didn't. We both believe in abstinence before marriage, so it wasn't on the table. I'm so glad we didn't...and I still LOVE living with him now after our 7.5 years of marriage. I knew everything I needed to know before committing my life to him...I definitely didn't know everything (we learn new things about each other all the time), but I knew enough about his character to trust that I was making the right decision. I've never been sorry. I also loved my time living alone before we got married. :)

Obviously I'm in the minority in the group that has responded so far, but that's okay with me! :)

I thought there were some great points in the article below...
Take care!
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025_qa.html

I would NEVER marry someone I hadn't lived with first! My husband and I lived together for over a year before marriage -for awhile before even being engaged, which was a total surprise to me (I was NOT on a ring hunt or even into getting married at the time)! That will be 13 years ago this summer. I definitely plan on encouraging my kids to live with someone before legally committing themselves.

LOL at some responses.. GEESH

Yes, hubby and I lived together a little more than a year before we got married and guess what... This year will mark our 24th anniversary.

My mom on the other hand hated it but I told her it is my life, not hers and if she chose to judge me based on living "in sin" the so be it. Shortly after we married, we moved to Texas, a plane ticket away from everyone and have been happy ever since.

No. Living with someone makes leaving them easier. I was willing to make a deeper commitment and wanted the same in return. I also believe in being prepared for the possibility of a baby coming out of the situation before having sex. I would only want to have a baby with a man who was totally committed to raising a family with me. Therefore I keep my sexual activity within the bounds of marriage. I understand that some couples feel they don't need a marriage license to be committed to eachother. To me a marriage is much more than just a license. It is an outward expression of promises, committing to a lifestyle and to sacrificing for the good of the family you are building. That's how I really wanted to live, so I saved my sexual activity for use with a marriage partner.

No. We don't (didn't) believe in living together/sex before marriage. We abstained until we were married. One of the single best decisions either of us ever made. We've been married 6 years, and not living together first had made zero negative impact on our marriage. Neither has abstaining. In fact, I would say it has affected our relationship and marriage in wonderful ways.
I'm proud that we could be that kind of example for my son.

To each his own. We all just make the choices that feel best for ourselves.

Oh yes we did. Had to know what I was getting into first. :))

This is a great question!!! I have two little girls and I know that I might have a different outlook when they get to the right age.
I remember when I was almost doen with college, I was so worried about what my dad would say about my boyfriend and I moving in together. Although we had been together for quite some time but not engaged yet. My dad said, "I know that it is not very fatherly of me to say, but you should definelty live with him before you get married." Wow was I surprised! He said that you never truly know how a person is until you live with them. So I guess one day I will have to tell my girls that same thing. My husband and I have been together almost 7 yrs. And I have to say that it was great advice. Just my opinion though.

No, I don't believe it living together before marriage. I think it is a huge mistake. Those who do have a higher divorce rate. But, also, I think this mentality is one that trains you to quit if you don't like the relationship in a particular time period rather than stick with it and make it work. All relationships go through hard times. Sometimes it stinks to stick with it. But, what on earth are we taking VOWS for if they are just empty words when things get too tough or we just change our mind?

We don't actually even believe in serial dating. We look at things totally differently... ;)

Yes.... I knew the man was unfamiliar with all facets of housework too, lol

I married my first husband because his parents "would disown him" if we lived together. The marriage didn't last (surprise). We could have just shared an apartment for awhile and then gone our separate ways, but instead, we married, divorced two years later, and caused each other and our families more expense and grief than necessary.

I lived with my second husband for about three years before we got married. It was our time to figure out our relationship and how to parent his children. We were married for 17 years.

I moved in with my (now husband) BEFORE we dated. :-)

We were friends, I came to visit while I was between jobs, and very quickly just fell into a bartending gig. We evolved into more and I got my own place for a few months while we figured out what was going on. We figured it out, got engaged (and I gave up my apartment), and have been married for almost seven years.

Back when I was eight years old, my mother told me she was getting remarried. (This would be hubby #2.) I suggested they live together first. I said, "You don't really know someone until you pay bills with them." I think I got the idea from Three's Company. Mom's second marriage didn't last a year. She and her current husband lived together for a year before getting married and they just celebrated their 24th wedding anniversary.

It's not for everybody, but I think we should be beyond judging anyone for choosing this as a part of their path to Happily Ever After.

no we did not. I lived with my parents and he lived in the barraks on the base (he was a marine). Also we are christian and do not believe in living together before marraige or even sex before getting married. We were both each others first. We have been married for 10 years now. We were 21 when we got married.

Just a comment -

The living-together-before-marriage research is being misrepresented here. The Universities of Michigan, Chicago, and Philadelphia have all done studies on this, and they all reached the same conclusions: that people who live together before marriage are less likely to get married and if they do, are less likely to stay married.

However, this was not the only conclusion they reached! The studies broke down the demographics, and found that those who chose to live together only AFTER marriage became a consideration (after either engagement or serious talks about marriage began) were actually LESS likely to get divorced than couples who had never lived together at all!

This was found to be a smaller group of people than those who just moved in together to move in together, and thus most people only quote the first halves of the studies. Also, that research doesn't really fit the abstinence message.

I had to read these studies myself for my graduate thesis. ^_^ And yes, my husband and I lived together after we got engaged, and it was a good decision for us.

I tend to agree with you. It worked out fine for me and my husband and for my sister and her husband (both marriages are at about 10 years now). I was pretty sure before moving in though.

As much as we could without actually having our own place.

Back then my parents were anti-anything not very religious. I.e.....Living with a guy before marriage. Now their view have been forcibly changed because my little sister went and did it behind their backs and then told them. They then learned to except it or loose a daughter. She is 21 she can do what she wants.

For myself and my hubby.....His mom and step dad did not care that I stayed over there. I had a tooth brush that I kept in his room and would shower and stuff as needed. None of my stuff was actually THERE THERE...But we got the jest of being around each other on a daily basis.

I had a live in boyfriend at my parents house. He was in the Army and hated the Barracks. So he had a room at my moms.....this actually was nothing like living with someone...It was more like having a brother there...that I occasionally made out with........and hung out with...minus the fact you do not normally do that with your sibling.....anyways. It was just nothing like living living with someone....

I think a couple would be smart to give it a try. With or without Sex even.

My Best Friend just got married. Her spouse lived with her for a few months before they tied the knot and he slept in the spare room....It got them in tune with the day in and day out of daily life together.

Not what her mom had wanted(her words)...but she also saw it was the best way to do things. not to mention her hubby had to figure out living situation until the big day(yesterday) as his housing was tied to employment and he was leaving his job to be with her.

I think as long as it is with the idea of marriage it is a good learning tool.

If you are not planning on getting married but it is how life works and keeps a roof over two or more peoples heads...more power to them. I do not see anything morally wrong.

Marriage is just a title. A religious marker for those who want to make it that. and legal contract more for the sake of Taxes and that sort of thing.

No, we didn't live together before marriage, but we spent enough time with each other during the four and half years we dated before marrying that we knew exactly what we were getting into. Our reasons were a mixture of our religious beliefs and personal convictions. I'm separating the two because you can have a religious belief not to do something, and people will still justify doing those things anyway. On a personal level, we didn't feel it was right to entangle our lives to a degree that we might as well have been married because until we married nothing was guaranteed about our longterm relationship. We didn't share a bank account, any kind of expenses, or anything else until after we married for the same reasons. We did not/do not regret this decision. We've been together almost seventeen years, happily married for twelve.

Look, you're either Catholic or you are not. If you are, then you'll know how and why it's wrong. There are great rewards from God for those who wait. And boy oh boy do we need all of the help and support we can get ~ and especially in today's times, where self fulfillment trumps whats good for the family as a whole as in days of old. Long ago, you would never even think of disgracing your family's honor. Now granted, I have tried it both ways, and know from experience which was better. (the live in situation fell apart) I also understand there are plenty who seem to succeed in this arrangement. It's all about what you know as truth that makes you culpable.

No, we did not live together. We made the choice to get married and be together, so we did.

If people want to live together great, but I personally think it makes relationships harder, it keeps the door open. I lived with someone once. I honestly don't think it taught me anything. Sure I learned a lot about my hubby after we married, but I didn't learn anything that would destroy the vows of marriage.

Yup. And I actually lived with a couple of other boyfriends too. (GASP) By the time I got together with my husband we had been best friends for 5 years. We KNEW we were getting married. We lived together from November until February when we got married. We have been together 9 years and have 3 great kids.
L.

Yep!. Because I agree with you. And I was staying there almost an entire week at a time. So why not just move in?
(Sorry, this is one where I don't think that God really cares.)

Yes. And they were the BEST years (4) I had with my husband, soon to be exhusband (11 years).

As soon as we got married, apparently I got lumped into "property"

:P
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- My parents lived together before marriage... married almost 40 years and counting.

- My grandparents (both divorcees when they met) lived together... married over 50 years.

- My grandparents (dad's side) lived together before marriage... married only 20 years (grandfather died)

Nope. We dated 7 years before getting married and our 10 year anniversary is this summer.
I had my apartment and he lived in a house with a roommate. He was ready to move in together after dating for a year.
For me it was more than just a "religious" decision. I wanted marriage to be a big deal. Well, b/c it is. My thoughts were that playing house would take away part of the fun/excitement of getting married and moving into a new place together. But those are my thoughts and not everyone sees it the same. You gotta do what's right for you.

no we did not. I agree with your mom , what's the point of getting married if your going to give him all the perks of marriage without the ring.
We've been married for almost 12 years and we've had no problems.
If you DO live together there's nothing saying that that's what is going to keep you together. And actually I read that you are more likely to get divorced if you live together before you get married.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/03/us/03marry.html
"In general, one in five marriages (of those that lived together before marriage) will dissolve within five years. One in three will last less than 10 years. "

We didn't live together before we got married. I don't have to explain my decision to anyone, but I can tell you that we got a lot of flack for not living together. That's a strange twist, huh?
My husband's cousin was particularly hateful about our decision to not live together before getting married and said we were stupid for not "trying it out" before we got married. She eventually got divorced, but not necessarily because they lived together before marriage. I would say that her repeated cheating was the thing that did it! :)

My husband and I lived together for 6 years before we got married almost 2 years ago. We also had our son long before we got married. I don't see anything wrong with our choice. It worked for us

In the past I have lived with two other men before marriage, and from my experience living together before you're married is NOTHING like marital living! So it can hardly be compared to "test driving a car." When I was a single woman living with my boyfriends/fiancee, sure we were together under the same roof and there were a few superficial perks, but we still had the "single" mentality: What's yours is yours, what's mine is mine. Most things were kept separate. We may have split some of the bills, but we had separate accounts, my money never went into his hands and vice versa. There was really no accountability and a break down in communication. Which resulted in a lot of fighting over time. Also, I felt that by our living together, it prevented us from REALLY getting to know each other. There were always so many distractions: bills, TV, household chores, budgeting, sex, "wind down time." I may have known how my boyfriend likes his eggs, or that he never remembers to put the toilet seat down or that he likes to play GameCube for hours on end late at night, but we stopped taking the time to really get to know each other when we moved in.

When I started dating my husband, we both were in agreement that we would not live together unless we were married. Our courtship was wonderful, and we learned so much about each other- the important things. When we were married and moved in together, there were a couple of small things we had to get used to (he's more of a neat freak than I am for example), but we were truly united. We are individuals, but we don't live our lives separately. We share everything, and are able to maintain that same bond and communicate with one another as we had before we were married. If anything I think our relationship is stronger because we chose to wait.

Didn't someone ask this about a month ago? Either way, no we did not live together before we got married. We're going on 20 years this August.

Yes, we lived together before we got married. It wasn't a good thing, it wasn't a bad thing. It just was out of necessity. I will say it made it harder to break up at critical times when our relationship could have gone either way.

I dated my husband for a year before we moved in together. We moved in together b/c I couldn't afford a place by myself and my daughter. We were married 2 years later after a year and a half engagement. I'm glad that we lived together (my mom hated it!). It let him get to know what it's like to live with a child before you just jump in! He adopted her when she was 4 and we now have a beautiful 4 year old together and a very healthy, amazing marriage.

Well I got pregnant at 19 in a half. My boyfriend(hubby now) and I got a house to rent and moved in together BEFORE we got married and about a Month later we did get married. 5 months later had our daughter. But overall we been dating 4 years before that and kinda knew each other. But once we move in TOGETHER we kinda found out more of one another that we didn't know before.How he act very "normal" around me and once we move in together and living with him to this day can be a pain in the butt, but in a good way. :) But I love him <3

yes my husband and i lived together before marriage. we got married when i was 8 months along

Hi ~ Yes. Hubby & I started dating when we were 22.

He was in the Army got out & moved back to his home town for school we had a long distance relationship for almost 5 yrs we saw each other every 3-6 months taking turns flying back & forth between TX & MI.

We were 27 when we bought a house & moved in together & then got married 2 yrs later at 29. We have been together for 17 years & will be celebrating our 10 yr anniversary this summer. You really do learn alot about someone when you live w/them.

We moved into together just after getting engaged. We lived a 45 minute drive away from eachother and he just started a new job 5 minutes from me. After 2 years of driving back and forth it was a relief. My family sounds like your mom, very strict catholic and I was very nervous of how my Grandmother the matriarch would respond. I was surprised how supportive she was. I also think age makes a difference. I was 27 and had lived with my parents up until then. I think living with someone at 19 or even 21 is way different then when your past 25. It's really important to build who you are before building a life shared with someone else. If we hadn't got engaged though I honestly wouldn't have moved into together because for me I didn't want to live with someone without more then just the commitment of a lease.

I had been dating my husband for six years prior to us moving in together. We were married five years after we moved in with each other. At this point we've been together 15 years.

in july it will be 4 years that my fiance andi have been living together and also will b when we have our 1st child.. i think living together before marriage is a really good idea.. even though we had been good friends for years before we started dating there were still s ton of things we found outabout eachother by living together

We didn't. I'm all for it, but we didn't have the circumstances for it. We were only together a year and a half before we married. I lived in a rented room, Dh lived with his parents and we were buying a house, so we were not going to spend more money to rent a real apartment. If the closing on our house had taken place before the wedding, we would have lived there together, but it ended up happening a couple of weeks after we got married.

Yes, we have done and will always do "what feels right" for us as a couple. We have been together for a long time and will move forward when we are ready to do so. It just does not make sense anymore to not live together first, there are so many little things that can make or break a relationship. Plus the same ideas/values that were around 60-80 yrs ago are just not as infulencial in our current society.

I lived with my husband for 6 weeks before we got married, and I think it really hurt us in the beginning. When I moved in, we both still had that single mentality. Yours and mine. When we got married 6 weeks later, everything changed. Yours and mine suddenly became ours. I was no longer free to spend my money as I pleased because now the money I earned was spent for the betterment of us both. We argued a lot, over everything. Nine months in, my husband left me. We later got back together, but it took a lot of work to make our marriage work. One of the hardest was going from yours and mine to ours. I think that mentality would have been easier to change had we married and from the start, started cultivating the mentality that everything in our home was ours, together. So yes I did live with my spouse before marriage, but I feel that it was a huge mistake.

I did. We bought a house together when we were 18, and didnt get married until I was 22.

We did. We were pregnant with our 1st and very young. We got our apartment (well me, he moved in a week later) the summer after we graduated highschool. In our situation, we did not really have a choice. We did get some grief from the catholics in the family. Funny, would they rather the child be born with two different houses....still bothers me.

FYI, We have been married 30 years.

Yes, we lived together for 1 year.. then got engaged and needed to save money so lived apart for 9 months.. while we planned and saved money.

I am glad we did, because otherwise we would have driven each other insane. We knew what our strengths and weaknesses were.

I also do believe there are some people that need to make sure the sex is good. Marrying someone with a hang up about sex, or different ideas about it. ..leads to lots of problems.

I have a friend , a virgin, who ended up getting a divorce 6 months after getting married.. Sex was one of the main reasons..

When she remarried many years later.. she lived with the man for a year before she would agree to marry him.. Her mother was horrified, but my friend said she did not care. She was not going to end up with another husband like the first one.

We did. I got pregnant early in our relationship and we moved in together a few months later. First into my parents house and then into our own place before our daughter was born.

We are going to celebrate our 8th anniversary this year, so I'd say it worked out well for us!

All 4 of my siblings also have either lived with someone or do now. I am the only one married (both sisters are engaged, but neither married).

I moved in a month before the wedding because my lease was up. There were no surprises. It was exactly like I thought it would be, I'd known the guy intimately for 4 years, I knew what he was like in his own home.
I added some warmth to the place immediately and changed it into "ours"...

I would support waiting til after marriage (or proposal) to move in together... it adds to the excitement of getting married, the intamacy. I also sort of feel like people who live together for years and then get married... well, what changes then? I dunno, lots of people seem to live together first now so whatever floats one's boat I guess.

Yes, my husband and I lived together for about 8 months before we got married. I think it was good for us to get to know each other better in the respect that we needed to see how the other person did things on a daily basis etc.

Now whether or not my family approved of it, is a whole other story.. But it worked for us, and we are still very happy and after 6 years together I still cant imagine being with anyone else!