My son is learning to ice skate and he is going to be in a figure skating ice show to a song called, "The Ugly Bug". They will have costumes. I haven't seen the costume yet, so I don't know how manly it will be. He is the only boy in his class.
My problem is I don't know whether or not to invite his dad. He's a horrible homophobe. He is constantly accusing me of "making my son gay". If he sees a Princess movie such as Ariel or Belle around he gets upset. I don't believe that someone is made gay. I don't think that if you ask someone who's gay they will say, "Well, I was fine, then my mom turned on Cinderella and I was a flamer!"
Anyway, the ice show my son chose to be in and I am being supportive. I didn't think he'd want to do it, but he did. I paid for the registration and the costume. I want to support him. I don't know whether or not to invite his dad to it. I'm scared his dad is going to be negative and make comments that would make my son feel bad, "This is for girls" or something. I don't want him to feel bad. He's only 6. Let him be an ugly bug!!!
His dad takes him every other weekend and he's a good dad as long as they are doing something that his dad wants to do. Like play video games or something to do with tools or trucks. I tried to get him to go to a hockey game with my son and he flaked out. (My son doesn't know that dad flaked out... I keep it positive for him)
So... I feel bad not inviting him, but I'm scared if I do that it will be a damper on the day. I want my son to feel confident and have a great time! This is for fun!!!
Should I invite him?
Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I casually mentioned to him that there was an ice show and that my son would be a beetle. He hasn't mentioned coming, so I figure he knows it's going to happen, so he can ask if he wants to come. I'm not pushing it any further than that. He's aware, but he can make the choice. So, not a formal invite, but the event has been acknowledged
I wouldn't :/. Just my thoughts...*shrug*. It could end up being a very pivotal thing that has the potential to damage his relationship with his dad, as well as his self esteem...etc. I suppose you could try to find out more information about costumes/etc. first...but I would be pretty hesitant to invite him even then :(.
YOu can put it out there for the record...But you can set the boundary...meaning if Dad decides to go...you are upfront about him not gay bashing or he can't come. There is nothing wrong with a little boy or girl seeing an ice skating show!
I would invite dad, with the caveat that he should only bother showing up if he can plaster on a happy face and be supportive. That way it's his choice. But don't tell your son that you invited him. That way he wont be disapointed if he doesn't show up and if he does, it will be a happy suprise.
I wonder who this guy is crushing on so hard that he is such a homophobe? Brad Pitt? or Maybe he's a Clooney kind of guy.
you could remind his dad that most football players and hockey players have at some time had a ballet type class to work on their moves. I would invite him but tell him its not a huge deal so not to worry if he can't make it. then keep him on the sidelines so he doesn't stress your son out. I say good for you for letting your son follow things he likes. My youngest son took dance classes when he was little. he loved it.
I say don't invite him. Let your son be happy and enjoy skating. I think that if his dad continues to make comments about the things he likes then it will just hurt his feelings and he will start to distrust his dad. Your son is young yet and would be hurt by negative comments. When your son is older he will be more likely to defend himself when his dad makes negative comments.
Of course you have to invite dad, it's his son as well. And if you didn't and dad finds out after the fact it will be the whole "why didn't you invite me" thing. Having said that, be prepared to explain to your son if dad elects not to come.
And be prepared to defend your son's decision to your ex, if your ex is as you describe.
In your son's best interest, I vote no.
Does you son want him there? That is the only question that really matters.
I think only you know his dad best. If your POSITIVE he will make a negative comment or its more than likely he will then it is probably just best not to invite him. However, if you're confident you could talk to him and let him know how much this means to your son and your son's father could go even if not liking it without saying anything negative then he should be invited. Your son is still pretty young...but soon he'll be inviting dad without you even knowing.
I would get him tickets. Invite him, but do so AFTER he's had his visitation right before the event so he has no chance to say somethng stupid to your son. Let him know that if he's going to say something rude, he need not come...but a real dad shows loving support to their child. He should too.
If you get him tickets, that means he's NOT backstage with your son. He has to watch the show. Also, don't sit with him in the stands so he doesn't have the opportunity to mouth off.
Afterwards, I'd make sure that there are plenty of family/loved ones around to support him. Have someplace to go after (whisk your boy off to have ice cream to celebrate or something). With lots of other people around, hopefully your ex won't say anything.
You need to put your foot down on this behavior once and for all....start with making it hard for him (the ex) to even be in a position to say anything.
Best of luck!
Ugh - that's the worst.
I'm still working on my husband on understanding the kids want to do what they want and we are here to support them.
I think you should tell him, but make sure he knows no negativity is welcome. He is going to ruin his relationship with his son if he only does what dad wants to do.
I wouldn't invite his Dad. He has already proven he isn't a great dad from the sound of it, so I'd just "forget" to invite him. That way your son won't be upset when his dad doesn't show up.
hockey game? and he flaked about that? it's a sport AND can be very rough. It's a man's game, so to speak. There is nothing wrong with your son doing ice skating. Just tell he dad maybe someday his son will be in the olympics or be a famous hockey player. Tell the man to get over himself.
Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't invite him. Based on your description, I can't imagine him NOT saying something hurtful or homophobic either before or after the event.
I would invite him and let him know how important this is for your son. Also make it clear that if he can't be supportive and happy for him to not come. And that if he makes any negative comments he won't be invited to ANY future activities. I would feel bad about not inviting him...but make it very clear what kind of behavior you expect. I hope it goes well. :)
In this instance I would just "forget" to invite him. But you can pretty much know that your son is going to be telling him all about it, the time and day, the descriptions of the dance, the costumes, etc...son is going to spill the beans but if you just forget to give him the final details he may forget to show up.
I wouldn't invite him. What's going to happen if your son is actually gay? What will his father do then? This is a conversation my husband and I have had. There's nothing you can do but but love them, cause you sure aren't going to change them!
Sounds like dad would ruin the day for your son. Let him enjoy the whole thing.
your ex is stupid-leave him behind-let your son enjoy his spotlite-and if your son does turn out to be gay..who cares?..except maybe daddy..so is all the hockey players gay? like i said your ex is an idiot! uneducated idiot!! if your son found this passion-heck he could even make it to the olympics..support him 150%...good for you for letting him live his dream..kudos...leave dumb dad behind! his loss...
If he didn't like the hockey he for sure wont like the skating. Your right on wanting this to be a positive thing for your son.
test the waters first... let him know that your son is in skating and see how he reacts, if its in a bad way I wouldn't even bring up the recitial. If he is supportive/ positive about it then tell him.
Ask your ex-husband when he chose to be straight? Allowing your son to ice skate teaches grace and coordination. Things he can use if he plays sports. Allowing him to be in the show teaches cohesiveness and team work, again skills he can use later in life.
Maybe you can mention that they " may" be having a show and see how he reacts. Or don't tell him at all until after it's over. Then if he asks why you didn't invite him, tell him the truth. He's a judgmental, homophobe who would have taken the fun out of it! :)
BTW: you sound like a great mom. Keep up the god work and never be afraid to be your child's advocate!
My kids dad has them every other weekend and can't really be bothered with anything else. I used to tell him about all the school events, some he went to, some he didn't. However, my kids are older (12 and 9) so now I just ask the kids and say "did you tell dad about this or do you want me to let him know?" And lately they say "I don't care or no". So maybe ask your son if he wants daddy there, maybe he doesn't even care. Otherwise I think he should be invited to all school events and out of school activities until your son gets old enough to "not invite" him. Good luck.
No. Simple. Follow your first mind.
I would invite him and tell him if he comes you don't want to hear anything negative but you want him to be includes.
Good luck and God Bless!
Hi! Both my kids took figure skating, my daughter much longer than my son, but they both loved it. Honestly, the shows are really cute, girl-centric affairs but they will not put your son in the same girly outfit the girls get. Of course if they are bugs it won't matter but will be amazingly adorable. I can absolutely guarantee figure skating does not make you gay but does give you agility, poise, and leg strength. Oh, and peace. We put up a rink in the yard and both my kids will go out there late at night and quietly skate around, winding down from whatever the day has wrought. I guess you should tell dad the show is coming up (once, only once) but you don't have to invite him per se. Just throw the info out there and leave it to him to follow through on his own. Have fun at the show!!
Yes, invite him, of course invite him...he is Dad after all!
But I agree with the poster who said to do it after he has his weekend visitation so he doesn't have anytime to maybe say something that might make your son feel less excited about it.....if you think he would say something to your son.
And of course if he is a flake don't tell your son that you invited him just in case he doesn't show.
does the dad know anything about this at all or when u invite him is the whole thing going to be a shock for him that might make his reaction worse if he finds out about it and gets invited at the same time ..thats just my opinion from what you said about him in your question.. i will say though if your son says he wants him there id invite him and tell him how much your son wants his dad to be there and be proud of him.. mayb that will change his mind a litle
