Is Being a Slob in the Genes?

J.,
If it makes you feel any better, my 9yo daughter is biologically ours, and is a TOTAL piggy!! Her room too, is done cute as can be, new furniture, the whole nine yards, and she is still a TOTAL piggy. And I am a serious neat freak, so she didn't get this from me! I myself am trying to come up with an incentive for her, maybe an extra little something if she keeps things tidy, I am not really sure what to do about it. Complaining has not worked, that's for sure! But I don't think it's in her genes. Some of us are little piggies, and some of us aren't. My 2 yo son is fanatical, won't even go to bed unless his room is picked up. So, go figure.
Good Luck, and let me know if you come up with any new ideas!!
April

Scientists have documented that some learned habits can be picked up as early as 9 months old. Chances are that even if she doesn't remember her bio-parents she subconsciencly remembers how she was being raised. Of course, chances are also good that this is just a phaze that shes going through. The phaze that lasts up to their teenage years, lol. Have you tried getting her to clean up her room with you? I know thats what my mom did that with my younger brother and he ws pretty good about keeping his room up. I hope you find some help with your problem.

My guess is that your little girl is wonderfully creative. She is a typical 7 1/2 year old girl, with far better things to do/think about than the mess in her room. :-) I second the recommendation for Flylady. Alot of times, kids like this (and adults too) are overwhelmed and don't know where to start. Giving her a list that she checks off, a timer to race against, etc. can all be fun. Doing things like a 10-15 minute room rescue, where she has a list like: Pick up all trash, put dirty clothes in laundry, pick up books, pick up toys, make bed...can be helpful in her focus. She (and you) will be surprised at what she can get done in a short amount of time with a list and a timer for focus. I have an 8 year old princess in a princess room who is just like her. I can say that I am the same way, and FlyLady has saved my home! I have an official ADD diagnosis, and my dd probably has it too, but I don't think medication is the answer to all of our creative quirkiness! Once she has the process ingrained in her, she will start to do a bit better. And, if not, then she will always have her lists and her timer to help!

Enjoy her and your son! It sounds like you have a great family!

K.

I would not say that this is not hereditary, because my husband and I are very clean people. We both do the house work and keep the living areas clean, but our two daughters are just the opposite. What I do with my 20 year old, now that she likes going out with her boyfriend, I hold that on her. She can go out if her room is clean. She getting better about tidying up on a weekly basis, because she knows that on the weekend she wants to go out. You're a long ways from this, but, with time, it will get better. Being clean just isn't an important subject for kids.

J.,

There is no way to know for sure. Both my parents are VERY messy - total pack rats - and when I moved away I was obsessed with cleanliness; drove my roommates crazy. When my sister moved out, on the other hand, she had trouble with rodents and insects because she would never clean up.

There are some things that are definately genetic. My husband never met his biological father who died when my husband was a teenager. His biological father's wife and children then wanted to meet him and were shocked at how similar their mannerisms and voices were even though they had never met.

But please don't assume that any negative traits your child has are due to lousy genes. Everybody has quirks, regardless of nature and nurture. Just be patient with her and try to find ways to motivate her.

Best of luck,
S.

Hi J.,
I am a neat freak and my 11 yo neice lives with me, and she is a total piggy too!! She has been living with us for about 4 yrs now and I hacve always had to stay on her about keeping her room clean. She was about 6 when she moved in and her living before left much to be desired let me tell you. She and I fixed her room up just like she wanted it all pink and princess this and that, soo cute! But if I don't stay on her 24/7 it gets totaly trashed! And she can do that in about 10 seconds flat!!!! I found a wonderful web site called Fly Lady. If she can't whip the two of you into shape no one can. Her suggestions are wonderful. Do things 15 minutes @ a time. You could have her clean her room 15 minutes at a time and tell her to go as fast as she can and see how much she can get done in 15 minutes. It has worked great for me. Every night about 30 minutes before bedtime I have Hayley clean her room and closet for 15 minutes. And it's never very bad if you can do that every day. Hope I have helped. If you want to check out the Fly Lady go to www.flylady.net You will be amazed at what she can do for you,oh yeah and it's FREE!!! Best of luck...

I am not so sure it is all in the genes but I do believe you live what you learn.... I know my mom was & is a pack rat. I find myself packing it away too till I find it on one of the days I am ready to trsh everything... but I saved it for a while.... that was learned behavior... I also remember my mom always saying don't worry of the house is dirty it will be there tomoorrow or that spending time with our kids is way more important...

I'm 28 and when I was your daughter's age I was a mess. I had much better things to be doing. When I moved out of my parents house and on my own it was totally different. I was very neat. My parents house was very clean and I had high standards. Don't worry she is probably not a slob. I think when your young, you know someone else will do it for you; but when I moved into my own place I had to do it myself and I was used to a clean house. All you can do is teach her the correct way and hope she is taking good notes.

No i do not believe it is in the genes at all, i know because as a kid, i was a slob as an adult, not, the same with my daughter. she is a slob. But after talking with many other parents, they all say the same thing, the kids 1. have to learn how to clean, this means mom and dad should set a goal to clean with the child 2. set up a reward chart, example, if you keep your room picked up everyday, you can a a special movie night. but be firm if she does not do she does not get it and make a big deal about it being clean. "your room looks really great" I did this with my daughter and it does work, every once in a while she falls back into her habiots and we sit and talk but for the most part, she does a great job. One last not, i typed up a sheet that had a list of things i wabted done on a daily basis. i had one for everyday except on sundays, she looked at the shet everynight and did what was on it. and i checked behind her. That helped out so she knew what i was expecting from her. Good Luck to you.

G.