Is Breast Really Best?

Hi N.. I didn't breast feed with both of my boys, one is 2 and a half and one is 3 months. They are both fine. They don't get sick often either. My nephew was breastfed and gets sick more than my son. I don't know about the weight part, because I never breastfed. But you don't want to breast feed, then don't. Don't let people guilt you into something you are not comfortable with. In these days they make Formula Very comparable to breast milk. Thanks, L.

I have two girls, 4 and 2. For the first one, I both breastfed and used formula. Pretty much half breast milk and half formula. For the second one, I stopped working so I solely breastfed her. It turned out the older one was healthier than the second. The older one didn't get any ear infection while the second got at least 2 or 3.

In addition, their cousin was 100% breastfed and was at a daycare full-time. He got sick all the time from other sick kids.

From my breastfeeding experience, I found out the truths for these two myths:
1) Breastfed kids are not always healthier. What really make kids sick is the daycares.
2) Breastfeeding didn't help me lose weight. I was hungry all the time so I ate a lot. I didn't get back to my pre-pregnancy weight until the kids were weaned.

My friends' kids were bottled fed and they are also healthy and happy children. I couldn't tell much of a difference between them and my kids.

Good luck to whatever you decided to do.

N.
Yes, the experts say that breast feeding is best. And if it works for you, thats great. I'm not sure though how much I believe that angle either of the healthier child from being breast fed. I think good health has so much more to do with genetics, good care, and good environment. My first two were breast fed only untill 10 months of age. They both had constant health problems, especially my second son. We were not in a safe environment with their dad and I think that breast feeding did not make up for that. Then I got remarried to my husband now and we had a son together. I, like you, really really REALLY tried to breast feed. I wanted this so badly for my son, but he was a wild man too. He was only breast fed for maybe two months and that was more than half formula mixed with it. I finally gave in and guess what? He's the healthiest of the three kids. Granted, there are better circumstances now for us, but I'm just saying, if it doesn't work for you it doesn't work. It's not for everyone. And did you know that your breast milk can actually be not as good of quality if you're stressed? Do what's best for you and don't feel bad about it. The best thing you can do for your kids is love them. Hope this helps and best of luck!

J.

I have had 3 kids and all of them have been very different. With the first 2 I never had aproblem breastfeeding. The first one was 8 months, until he bit me really hard and the second one would not take any kind of bottle or pacifire, so it was only me for 1 year. That was definitly a challenge. My third, who is now 2 months old has been a total challenge. His jaw was funny from being in-utero and he had to have physical therapy and I had to pump every 3 hours and feed him from a cup for the first 2 weeks. He then became colicky and I cannot have anything with cow's milk in it. If he would have been my first, I probably would have given up....and I have been from lactation nurse to lactation nurse. I think that you are asking this question because deep down you do want to breastfeed and it is a very rewarding experience when it goes well! I think that it doesn't hurt to try, and like in my case I have had 3 completely different experiences and maybe this new baby will love the closeness to you and just think that breastfeeding is the greatest thing ever. Plus, have you smelled formula lately? I had to give my new baby some formula cause I almost lost my milk and that stuff smells like it is gross! With your prior experience you'll know if breastfeeding is not going to go well in the first couple of weeks, and if it isn't, give that baby a bottle!

If you don't want to breast feed.....Don't. You are right brest is best, but have you ever heard of a formula fed baby who is falling apart, withering away, hospitalized because it was formula fed. I tried with all of mine that I gave birth to....#1 no way no how Dr finally made use fromula #2 so was not interested #3 2 months and he was done #4 one month she had no patiences #5 4 months..yeah, and then he was done. and no one kid has more colds then the next, #2 she is on the honor role #1 learning challanged but that I believe is from the delivery # 3 has just enetered 1st grade and the others are to little, I have two others and they were formula fed and on the honor role also and no more colds then friends kids who were breastfed.......

I guess what I am saying is do what you believe is best for you and your baby, It will be OK.

I breastfed my first son for 6 weeks and my second for 4 weeks. Neither one of them are hardly sick nor have they had any ear infections. There are so many great formulas out there today that the option is entirely up to you. If you feel comfortable breastfeeding and want to try it again it can only benefit your baby, however, if you want to just do formula-you're baby will be just as healthy from my experience. I always felt guilty switching to formula, like I was a failure, but my boys turned out just fine :) I had my doctor tell me that you can't tell when kids hit grade school who was breastfed and who wasn't. I found this to be good advice. Best of luck and do what you feel is right :)

You said it best yourself, N.--your son is healthy and you've lived through a not-so-pleasant experience the first time around. Not once did I consider breastfeeding my two girls, and they are no worse for it. They are healthy (like your son, only 2 ear infections between the 2 of them in 6 years' time!), they are social, they are conversational with adults, they are above average in weight and height. I was a happier person knowing that the "nursing cloud" wasn't hanging over me, and I didn't encounter anyone who attacked me for it. You're not a bad mom if you choose formula--in fact, I'd say you're a good manager since other people will be able to help feed and spend time with your new baby. If your friends and family know that this is your decision before the birth, I'm sure they'll be supportive. Good luck!

You could do both. I did mostly brest with my youngest for the first four weeks and than went half half with formula and breast after that for awhile. To tell you the truth I don't notice a single difference in my children. The one that has been the healthiest was on formula all the way. They say there are all these benefits but to each their own. You can always give it a try and see what happens. My oldest never really caught on but my youngest knew what to do from the start. And PLEASE do NOT have any quilt over NOT going that way. It seems like if you don't breastfeed than your wrong. That is not true at all!

A couple questions: did you work with a lactation consultant, or just a lactation nurse? There is a big difference in their qualifications. Have you attended la leche league meetings at all? The difference with these specialists is substantial. Only 1/1000 women is actually physically unable to breastfeed...the others don't try hard enough. I guess I'm pretty partial to breastfeeding & find it very rewarding. It's one of those things that you can't understand how amazing it is until you do it. Maybe your daughter will enjoy it? Just remember that it's much easier to try & stop than to not try & then end up changing your mind! I believe that you wouldn't have asked this if you didn't wish that you could..otherwise you would just bottle feed and never have a second thought. Do what is best for you & your family.

I total don't think that breast is best I think that what every you the mom feels best doing is best! My son was formula feed and is 2 years old and has only had 2 sniffles in his little life while most moms that I know that breast feed have there child in the dr. office all the time. My son is not over weight has no allergies and is not loved less and is not any dumber than a child that is breast feed I have heard it all and I just think It's a load of hooy.... I think that 10-20 years ago breast was best but now the formulas are just as good as the breast if fact if a mom dosen't watch what she eats I think that formula is better. I am sure that there will be tons that dissagree but you are the mom and you do what you are comfortabe with and that will make your child comfortable with it also.... By the way doing the formula my husband felt more involved and was happy with our dission. Good luck!

Here's a little advice from a Mommy who went through the exact same thing!!! First of all, (as a nursing student and mom), your child will not suffer from you not breastfeeding. No, formula is not perfect, but it's plenty close enough! Don't allow yourself to be guilted into not loving motherhood. Just enjoy your second and do what you can.

With that said, although my first baby didn't nurse worth beans, my second was a dream and never struggled one bit with nursing. Personally, I'd give it a try to see if it works like that. But... if you are scared enough to not try, don't feel bad about it!!!

Enjoy your little girl (I love both of mine so very much!) and don't stress out about the little things. They only drink formula for a year, and the way you feed them for the next 17 years is so much more important. Take care!!!

M.

You need to do what is best for you and your child, whether that is breast feeding or formula. Don't let anyone tell you you're not doing the best for your child if you don't breast feed. While breast milk is very good for children, formula is just fine as well. I tried breast feeding my son and did so for about 3 weeks. It didn't really work for us. He grew just fine on formula. He's now almost 4 and despite having countless ear infections, is happy, healthy, and very very smart. I didn't feel guilty that I didn't breast feed him. I did breast feed my daughter for 8 months. It worked a lot better with her. We ran into our share of problems, but we worked through it and it was a wonderful experience. So you just need to do what works for you and don't let anyone tell you your decision is wrong. Formula is great for babies, too. Hope that helps!

There is a lot of research out there that does state breast is best. If I were you I would try it again. I am a mother of 2, 22 months and now 7 months. With my first it took almost 3 months to learn the latch on process but it worked out in the end. With my second I tried the same thing, but she was wild to say the least. She pulled tugged, cried and always seemed to want to latch on but then would fuss the entire time. So I resorted to pumping. I pump for all her feedings so I can still give her breast milk. It has been difficult but I just keeping telling myself this is best. It may not be for you, but I am a strong advocate of breast feeding so this works for us. She did so much better once I gave her the bottle although w/ her too it took a few months and many visits w/ the doctor. Best of Luck to you! and Congrats on baby#2 they are a blessing:)

You know N.? The way I see it is you have to chose what is best for you and your child and your family. That starts with your own personal needs, desires, the needs of other family members and parental intuition. If you make the choice that everyone else does but is not right for you, you will struggle with many issues that will affect the your health, your baby's health and the bond between you. Your first child did not fall to pieces on formula. He sounds like a healthy, thriving child. And from what you tell us it sounds like breastfeeding is not for you. The beautiful thing about being a woman these days is that we do have choices that our moms and grandmothers didn't have with the knowledge that we are chosing the very best that we personally can give. I think it is very personal. I have been in your shoes with the opposite scenario; everyone was against me breastfeeding and I wanted to and do. YOu know the reasons you have for your choices and stick with them. YOur children will benefit greatly. I know all too well that sometimes it is really hard to fight the majority. I try to have a group of friends who have similar parenting styles as I do as my grounding point when the advice gets too thick and frustrating.

Best of luck and congratulations for sticking up for yourself and your family.

I had the same problem with my first child as you. It was a nigthmare and the lactation specialist said that it was my daughter not me. So I actually bought a breast pump and fed her brestmilk from a bottle for 6 months, ugh. Anyway, with number two I was so stressed out about the whole breastfeeding thing but decided I would give it a try. I was AMAZED my second was such a natural at breastfeeding. She had absolutely no problems at all. I do have to say though that it wasn't something that I really enjoyed. I did it for her but never loved doing it like so many others that I knew. So if you want to do it - try it, you never know the second one might be a natural!
Take Care,
Good Luck -
TAM

It sounds like you are trying to get other moms to ease your guilt about not wanting to breastfeed your next baby. It's likely you will get a lot of responses doing just that since most mothers have been in your same boat. Breastfeeding is a learned art for both mother & baby & the majority of people have a lot of problems. Of course you know from your first child that this baby will not "break into pieces" if you choose not to breastfed & she will be just fine. But I can tell you that anything that is worth doing is hard to accomplish. I had VERY sore nipples in the beginning & my daughter refused to nurse for 2 months. I pumped until I worked through the problems & that is just a summing up of my problems with breastfeeding. My children nursed at least 20 times a day until they were about 4 months (they we both very large my son was 19 lbs 10 oz @ 4 mos) so that was all I was doing & in my tired moments I wondered if formula would have made it easier. I would never trade all the hard times for the wonderful bonding experience I had with breastfeeding, it is unlike anything else I have experienced. Besides enhancing the babies immune system it does many other things. You say your son only got sick once, but it is helpful that he had your colostrum. That helped out greatly I am sure, however that is only one of the many factors in having a healthy immune system. Breastfeeding also reduces the chance of developing many diseases like diabetes, multiple sclerosis, leukemia & many others. Breastmilk is pure & natural & the vitamins & minerals are 100% absorbed. There are substances in it that scientists have not even discovered what they do yet. It is perfectly tailored to be the building blocks for the human body & brain. Formula is made of altered,pastuerized, powdered cow's milk, vegetable or coconut oil, whey, high fructose corn syrup, synthetic vitamins & minerals & recently added DHA & ARA derived from plant algae & soil fungus (added in 2000). Formula also costs about $0.18 to make for every $1.00 they charge, so it's very profitable to get you to believe formula & breastmilk are interchangeable. They will constantly be discovering new things & adding them to formula to make them more similar to breastmilk. With breastmilk you know there is nothing missing. It is a very short time in a lifetime to breastfeed & affects a person for their lifetime. I commend you for breastfeeding your son for 6 weeks & any amount of breastmilk is better than none. Please consider at least giving your daughter your colostrum & if you do decide to do breastfeeding feel free to message me with any questions.
Brekka
PS All children are very different with nursing so your 2nd could be much easier!

Hi, i think every case is so different, my 1st he nursed til almost 2, my 2nd was my lil monster:) she would not take so i pumped for 4 months before going to formula which was great, she is perfectly healthy and dad could help, and my 3rd he's still nursing almost 1, took to it instantly( but i also got him use to formula which was great i could do a few things i need to do and dad or g'ma could watch him insted of just mom, ) I would for sure try with your 2nd one, try nursing as soon as she's born i know your so exasted, who wants to nurse, but i think that was the key to our little one's happy nursing days, being able to breastfeed is so special if you got a chance to try it, it will only do good for you and most importantly your baby. Good luck and Congrats!!

I totally understand where you're coming from. I breastfed my first for 6 weeks and had to switch to formula because I just don't have the milk supply to go that long. With my second I tried to breastfeed because she was a preemie and I felt that would give her the best start. I had to pump to get the milk started and then couldn't keep it up for more than 3 weeks. She also wouldn't nurse from me because it was too much work for her. Now with my 3rd, I decided long before he was born that I didn't want to nurse and I didn't care what anybody else thought. Nursing your children shouldn't be a chore and if you don't want to, then don't. They're not going 'fall to pieces' if they're not attached to your breast for the first year of their lives! Don't let anyone make you feel like a horrible mom for not nursing...you're doing what's best for you & your baby--a happy mom is better than one who's stressed out about nursing. My advice is to decided one way or another and stick with it. Let your husband know which way you've decided to go and know that he's 100% behind you in that decision.

Congrats on the little girl-you'll enjoy her! :)

Well my first breastfed and it was a nightmare just like yours... only I underwent this nightmare for 6 months... well cause I am dense and stuborn I have to admit. LOL! Anyways, yes i dropped tons of weight... all of it plus a ton more. Got pregnant at about a size 20 when the six months was up I was a size 12. So that part was true for me. ALthough it helped alot with PPD i think. It wasn't nearly as bad as with my second. BUT it was so trying and discouraging that it made bonding with my son impossible. Feeding time I dreaded with every fiber of my being! ANd when you do it so often that isn't a good thing. Hubby wasn't much help.... at all for that matter wiht feedings. So at 6 months when we switched to formula and cereal I actually started bonding and enjoying my son! Took that long!

Now my daugther was a month early. Couldn't breast feed her... which actually was a relief. Anyways, even thought she was a preemie, 4 pounds, and born not breathing and had to be on oxygen for the first 3 days of her life. She is just as healthy as him! She is actually now in the 50th precentile for height, weight and everything. SHe is bright and happy and well adjusted. My son is in like the 75th precentile for height and weight and is also healthy. Again a bright and beautiful boy... So no I can't see any difference in them for the 6 months of breastfeeding him! NONE! The boys in my family are always over 6 feet tall so there you go with the higher percentage and the woman fairly short ironically enough. Grandma was 4'10" I'm stadnding good at my 5'5"! LOL!

So I stand by if you like to breastfeed, you can bond with your child, you do enjoy it, you have the time,.... Do it! If not not everyone always could before formula you know... hence the wet nurse and trying to find synthetics since the victorian era! Formula has come along way and even though it isn't the exact same thing.... well it is getting better every single year. Take comfort in that.

I am a firm believer in your own personal choice. People have been bottle feeding for generations; it used to be said to be better than breastmilk. Now, research has swung the other way.
I know that breastfeeding your child is not the way to go if it creates stress and tension between the mother and baby. Who would want to eat/feed in that awful feeling?
I know the benefits of having the bottle ready and the freedom it brings.
My advice: If you want to try breastfeeding at the beginning, you should. You may find Baby#2 gets the knack of it right away, when Baby#1 didn't. If it doesn't work, then stop. Do not feel guilty for choosing to bottlefeed. It isn't anyone elses' business but yours. Your child will not be depraved of attention or suffer extreme illnesses just from formula. The point is to nurture your child and care for her in the best way for both of you.
And about the weight: It takes a nutritious diet and some kind of excercise to loose the pregnancy pounds. Breastfeeding only enhances it because you use so many extra calories to produce milk. You will loose the weight if you eat right and walk around a bit.
Do what feels right for you. Good luck!

I tried to breastfeed my first daughter for two weeks, after I was bleeding and cracked and it felt like a vice grip every time she latched on, I gave up. Everybody said she was latching on properly, but I was miserable, and I felt like she wasn't getting enough to eat, she was fussy all the time. I was miserable she was miserable, so I gave up and switched to formula. It was like the clouds parted and the sunshined through, she was a different baby, she was calm and relaxed and so was I, we were both happier.
She had a few ear infections, but other than that, has been a very healthy child, she is now 5.
My other daughter, I tried in the hospital right after she was born, but I was having the same problems, so before we even left, she was on formula. She too had some ear infections, but other than that has been very healthy, and a very happy child, she is 2.

I say, you need to do what is best for you and the baby. If you are happy, your baby is going to be happy, and that is what matters most.

I would like to add that I was never breastfed, and neither were my two brothers, and we have all been healthy people, I am 40 and my brothers are 46 and 51.

I don't think anything is wrong with NOT breastfeeding. I have 3 healthy daughters which includes a set of twins. I never breast feed any of them. Actually my milk never came in so if I wanted to breat feed I couldn't. Also, I had to continue to work and my husband was going to spend 2-3 days a week watching my first daughter and I wanted him to bond with her and able to feed her. I think we have had 4 ear infections, 1 case of the flu since all three were born which my girls are 7 and 5,5. My twins were never sick during their first year. They did get RSV after they turned one. They all do well in school and are socially appropriate for their ages. They have bonded well with me and dad, so I think breastfeeding should be a choice a person makes and if someone puts their opinion in its just that their opinion. If I could do it over again I STILL WOULD BOTTLE FEED MY CHILDREN. So to answer your question NO I don't believe the beast is really the best. It's a personal choice and for me IT WAS THE BOTTLE. Hope this helps.

Good luck, L.

I had a terrible time with my first child with breastfeeding and never even tried with my second. I had my third child 17 months ago and decided to try to breastfeed with him. Everything worked out well and it was the best bonding experience that I had with him. It was actually devastating to have to stop breastfeeding him. I suggest that you try, if not even at the time that she is born, but the next day, to nurse your new baby. It is an experience that should never be foregone.

Hi Namoi!
It is really great that you tried so diligently with your first one. I commend you!!! Both of my kids were different as (you seem to be hearing a lot of that). My first one latched beautifully at the hospital and then (literally, as soon as we got home) decided he wasn't going to latch. I tried and tried. I pumped for 3 months
before I went to a WIC office and saw an actual lactation nurse and she was great. She was patient and we got it down. I nursed him until he was 8 months. With my second one we really had no problems. In fact he loved it so much that he would not take a bottle (at 4 months old). He would wait 9 hours for me to get home from work to eat. I nursed him until he was 13 months old. I was lucky and I am literally a cow when I have kids. I produce milk like there is no tomorrow. So I lucked out I suppose.

As for the weight thing. I went down 20 pounds from my PREpregnancy weight!!! The thing about breastfeeding to remember is that once you slow down the breastfeeding it is time to cut back on what you eat. I had issues with that and here i sit today. Enough said :)

There is nothing wrong with formula. I believe in breastfeeding but do I look down on anybody that cannot or chooses not to...ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I think that you should give it a try. You never know this one may take on and I would recommend trying. The bonding experience is amazing!!! Now that I know that we are done (or at least we are 99% sure of it) I wish i could do it again!!! Or that I would have done it a little (and I do mean just a little) longer with each of them. You never know...kids and their habits (and everything else) are different. I wish you the best of luck and keep us updated!!! By the way, congrats on the newest soon to be arrival!!!
S.

Hi N.,

My 20 year old daughter said it best just yesterday to me (she was raised in my own in-home childcare)...formula is so high-tech now that there can't be much difference between breastmilk and formula. She's right. Do what is best for you and your family. My first two were formula babies and my second two were breast/formula babies. Different situations, different results. All good.

Don't suffer ANY guilt for your choices. It's difficult enough to be a new mother. Relax and do what feels right to you.

Good luck on your new arrival. We are all cheering you on!

C.

You should at least try again, every baby is different, and just because you had such a hard time w/ #1 doesn't mean it won't be easier the second time. It's not horrible not to breastfeed, but I would think you'd at least like to try. Just think, all those bottles you had to lug around and clean for your son you may not have to do with #2! :)

I agree with Jamie P. I think you should give it a try. Kids are very different from each other.

Please don't let people make you feel bad about whatever decision you make. We mothers need to remind each other that you, and only you, know what is best for your child and for yourself and your family!

I breastfed my first one for 6 months and my last two were bottle fed, one wouldnt latch on and my supply died with the third one before she got a chance to try (she was in the NICU for 10 days and there were problems and stress) Anyways, my son had several illnesses until he was 6 months old and then they just seemed to all quit, my daughter #2 was 18 months old before her first ear infection, which my doctors didnt believe, but whatever. And #3 has had a couple of colds but nothing serious. Now I am not against breastfeeding at all. My son was in a daycare and my daughters have never been to one. I would suggest trying it at first or at least pumping some for a while, however, if you dont want to breastfeed, then dont, its that simple. Its your choice and you cant hurt your baby one way or another with your decision. My kids are all in the 95% or higher for height, they all learned to talk before 2, oops ok the baby isnt two yet, so isnt talking yet. And they are all developing as they should. What it all comes down to is what you want to do and why YOU think its best. Good Luck and congratulations.

well as i agree with what you said in your first sentence. and feel it's true. and ideal. i don't feel any woman should feel or be judged or bad mouthed for not breastfeeding. i will say every child is different. as you had a really bad experience with your first child, you may not with your second. my experience with bf was, it was my intention to bf my first for as long as possible (i was even going back to work after 12 weeks, and was gonna pump)and as you, things just didn't work out the best and i only bf for 6 weeks. i was heart broken that my son and i just weren't getting things together. and it was a hard decision. my son will be 4 in january and has only had 1 ear infection at about 4 months. he has had the normal runny noses, fevers. but nothing major or where he's had to take prescriptions for.
my plan for my daughter , when i was pregnant with her, i was gonna try again, no doubt. but she came 12 weeks early and i couldn't bf at first. i pumped for 6 weeks so the nicu could feed her my breast milk thru her feeding tube. at a certain time of developement if i was gonna bf we would have put her to breast and tried to get her to be comfortable with the breast in her mouth and so on. but that kept getting pushed back and pumping every 3 hours was very difficult with a 10 months old at home to take care of and also trying to spend as much time with my daughter as possible. so again i only pumped for 6 weeks. as a micro preemie(2lbs) she has done great! not even an ear infection from her. not even a cold that needed prescription meds. the occasional runny nose, fever. that's it.
but with all MY experience, and only bf 6 weeks and no major health issues. i firmly believe every child is different. once again.lol

my view is, some bf babies can in turn have illnesses like crazy just because that's the type of kid they are. how their make up is. nothing to do with bf'ing. and some kids who were never bf'd end up with no illnesses what so ever. just like my daughter, not all 3 months early babies fair as well as she did. some babies born 6 weeks early die. i think it just depends on the kids.
i think every mother needs to do what they feel is right for them, because some things are just out of their control.like what kind of immune make up a child will have, bf'd or not. even though i feel df's is the best for a child, especially the beginning. i don't think it's any one elses right to judge another mom for not bf'ing. once again every situation is different.
sorry so long..lol lol
i don't think you will weigh 500 lbs..lol i don't think it's horrible. your child isn't gonna fall to pieces..lol
if i were in your shoes, i would try though :-)
good luck..it's hard sometimes.

T.

I couldn't get my daughter to nurse either. She would become absolutely hysterical if presented with a breast instead of a bottle. I did use a breast pump to get her some breast milk the first month, but she didn't get breast milk exculsively. She did just fine, wasn't sick a lot or have a bunch of food allergies. I am going to try to nurse again with the one I'm expecting. But if she doesn't go for it I won't feel guilty.

I would say that every child is different, so if you think the problem was with your "wild man" try with your girl. It will not make you less of a mother to not breastfeed, but you sound to me like you want to try. I would say try. If it works, wonderful. If it doesn't, know you tried your best and get on with the business of being the great mom it sounds like you are.