Is He Cheating or Am I Paranoid???

If it were me... I'd have baby at Mom/MIL's or with a sitter and I'd drive out there to see if he was really there and really doing what he said. But that's just me.

Do you have a reason to feel this way other than the late nights? How does he treat you? Nicer when he wasn't before or vice versa? I would ask him outright what's going on and see what happens from there. Im sorry you are having these doubts. Hugs to you!!

what are the other excuses? is it possible he's planning something? His job? are other things "off"? There must be more to the situation to think that if you never did before.. How long have you been married, etc?

I'm guessing if you smell his clothes you will be able to tell if he was with a horse or a woman.

Do you think he means "riding whores'es"?

**EDIT: Call the Man back! Just CALL him. Make up an excuse to call him.... listen to the background noises, see where he is... with who, etc.
His tone of voice and cadence when speaking etc.

OKAY! He ALREADY knows how to ride. So that is a stupid reason, him telling you the Uncle is teaching them to ride????

Just ask him "Honey, you ALREADY know how to ride and are buying a horse, so why the heck does Uncle have to teach you how to ride? Seems redundant. And why at NIGHT?"

Or is he buying YOU the horse??? But that doesn't require, repeated riding outings, at night for the past 2 weeks.
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Um so does he usually go horse riding????
And where does he go?

Why not just CALL him back????
Not texting.

Is there a reason for suspicion?

Is his work hours, typically a late working office???

What were his reasons for being late, before???

AND WHO THE HECK goes horse riding that late at night?
Is it his own stables???
If not, public stables I DOUBT open that late.
Ya know?

I used to ride horses. Sure sometimes you go out at night.
But it is dark. There are no street lights on a pasture or out in the wilderness. Unless, there is a full moon... that might be some light to see at night in the dark with. Or we'd go at night, to party. This was in High School.

I mean.... Horse-riding???? that late at night????
Or unless California has daylight until that late?

Who knows.

Just ask him "Honey, why are you horse-riding so late at night? Its so dark you can't see...." then look at him, and analyze his reaction.
Ask this, IN PERSON, when he is home.

I would DOCUMENT everything.
For your sake, now and later.
So you have FACTS to back up whatever happens.

People, usually Text, when they don't want to talk to the person themselves or are avoiding it.

So one time, I had this Boyfriend. He told me he was going on a ski weekend with the buddies. I had a stinking feeling he was lying. So I called him. AT home. Guess what? He ANSWERED the phone! The Idiot. He.... was fooling around. BUSTED. I told him off right there, told him to put it on speaker phone so the slut could hear me. I verbally railed him. I then hung up. And loosely told his circle, what an idiot he was.
Mind you, all of his buddies, liked me. They thought he was an idiot too.
Then I happily went on with my life. Not one iota of sentiment. Then I met, my HUSBAND!

If he is doing things that are different than usual, it usually means something.

Also, men (and women) making themselves hard to find and contact and coming home late frequently is usually a sign of something.

(Reading an answer below: Oh man, what if we were all accusing the guy of cheating and he really IS planning a mother's day surprise...)

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Horse back riding in the dark? That's weird. possible but weird. I'd say if you feel something then that is reason enough to check it out. I've had "those" feelings before maybe three times in my life with past boyfriends and a husband and was right every time.
C.

Has he ever....ridden horses before?

If you are worried, then his actions must have given you a reason to be worried. Ask him. His reaction to your question will say so much.

Go with your gut girl...it is rarely wrong.

its simple enough to find out, get in the car and drive over there. however, once you start snooping, be ready to deal with what you may find. been there, done that...good luck.

Mothers Day is coming up. Maybe he's shopping for that. From what you have added, I would bet...No, to the cheating. At the very worst, he's not respecting your time & that you need to study.

Sounds like he's just really into that horse!

I don't think he's cheating. But I do think he's being selfish. You have to let him know that you need to study, so he needs to step up. I'm sure he'll understand, since this is something that will help both of you in the long run.

Paranoia is a funny thing. I've been with my husband for 21 years this August and he is probably the man least likely to ever cheat, mainly because he's a good Christian man, but also because his first wife cheated on him. Within the past few months, however, he started making some changes and I too started to get "paranoid" about it. In my husband's case, he started exercising, eating better, losing weight, joined a work sponsored walking club and exercise boot camp and has also been getting home late 2 or 3 nights a week as a result. At first, I was sure it was all innocent, but then I started to wonder because he would always talk about this one woman that was in the walking group and boot camp with him. I have met this lady and she is married as well, but he talks about her a lot. It's always in the realm of what they discussed during their walks or workout sessions so I'm sure it's just because it's something new to talk about, but because my husband and I have always been very open with our communication, I just came straight out and said "I'm beginning to wonder if you're having an affair." He laughed and denied it, of course, and to be honest, I was mostly joking, as he and I do stuff like that (joke with each other about silly things). And to give him credit, he's asked me to join his walking club with him many times (before I said anything affair related) and tells me to come to the track when he's out there all the time, but I have refrained because I am exercise averse. :-) But last week, I decided to show up at the walking track to see if he was actually there like he said, and there he was, chugging along, by himself. The rest of his walking group had already left but he was trying to get in a full 5 miles that day so that's why he was still there.

I know ANYONE can cheat so I'm not blind to the fact that changes in habits, routines and behaviors are a definite sign that something is different, but I say if you're unsure, do what I did and check it out. It may seem strange on the surface, but in your husband's mind, there may be good reason for the extra riding. My husband's work benefits are changing and he has to get a certain number of points now in order for his employer to pay for all of his health insurance costs. He gets points for the walking club and for meeting certain weight loss and exercise goals, which is what spurred on the original "get healthy" attitude, but of course, that doesn't necessarily put my mind at ease. For your husband, the anticipation of having his own horse is probably motivation for "getting back in the saddle" so to speak, but I know looking from the outside, it could seem a bit off. I would say try to check it out for yourself first, but even if you find out it's all innocent, if his being late is interfering with your school, you do need to lay down some ground rules so that your educational goals are not unnecessarily sacrificed at the expense of his new "hobby".

Good luck!
S.

I'd do some snooping before you jump to conclusions. Check his phone, computer, wallet, etc. for clues to anything. Then either way talk to him about it. Hopefully your being paranoid but if you find some evidence then you'll have some answers before he can cover them up if you say something before snooping. Good Luck girl I wish you the best!

Be direct. Tell him that you *really need* him to be at home, and that your studies are more important this week. See what his response is.

I agree surprise him, but dont show up empty handed when you do so that he doesnt think that you dont trust him. SHow up with a cup of coffee or something. Also their is something called zoombak, check it out. Its a small like pager that can monitor where he is. Slip it in his car and who knows, he may be where he says he is. But i also agree that if your start snooping just be prepared to make a choice of either accepting the behavior or rearranging your life.

If it were me I would check up on him. Do you have access to his cell records you can see if there have been a lot of calls from a certain number and I would take a drive to where he is saying he's spending time and see if he is there or not. Our minds can play tricks on us but if something doesn't feel right it most likely isn't. Good luck and I hope you find him doing exactly what he says he is doing.

Staying out late four times in two weeks is not in itself a cause for concern. If there has been lots of things but this is the first you can put your finger on then maybe.

If you want to check things out look at his call records and check the numbers you don't know on whitepages.com

I don't think it is anything but you need to find peace of mind.

Aww hun, just read your what happened, that is stress not a cheating husband. Just tell him you need him at home, it will be fine.

Other than him being late a few days the last two weeks, has he ever given you any other reason to be suspicious of him cheating? If not, then maybe he's just setting up a Mother's Day surprise, and don't be worried.

If he has or if he has cheated before, then flat out ask him what's going on. Tell him that you're trying to figure out why he's suddenly late coming home regularly.

Edited to add: Oh hon! I feel you about the finals week! I'm right there trying to study too. I would just tell him "Listen, I know you're excited about the horse and everything, but I have finals this week and I really need you home to help with the baby so I can study."

And honestly, from what you've said, I wouldn't worry about him. I doubt he's cheating. There would be more signs. Things like the phone calls, texts, emails...if none of that is there, then don't worry.

*hugs*

Well, unless he a rather good rider it is unsafe to ride in the dark...

http://horses.about.com/od/learntoride/qt/nightriding.htm

ask him. see his reaction.
follow him if you feel it that necessary.
usually a hunch is somewhat correct unless you are just paranoid in general. Can you go with him? why isn't he inviting you? Check his cell phone for any odd numbers or texts.....tell him you want to go with him next time then see if they act like he has been coming almost everynight or if they act like he hasn't been in weeks. So sorry you are feeling this way. I had an ex bfriend that cheated on me all the time. good luck

Not trying to give him any good excuses but there are a lot of boarding stables with indoor arenas that are well lit and stay open evenings for people who have jobs and want to ride later in the day. Hope its just stress from the upcoming move and he is trying to get used to the new horse or whatever. Its hard when your mind wanders to this stuff. I feel like in all these years I can trust my husband and its more a sign of my insecurities than anything.

What were the other excuses are they lame?If he is a horse rider then why not believe him?

I think you are paranoid. You have a lot of stress and things on your plate right now.

If you THINK he's cheating on you and he SAYS he's out riding - and you know where - bring him dinner....let him know you are loving him.....

If it's 40 miles away - okay - find someone to take care our your daughter and GO WITH DINNER!!!!

Or better yet - ask him straight out when he gets home....sometimes the best way to find out the answer to the question is to ask a direct answer....remember - do not ask a question that you do not want to know the answer to.......

I truly think you are being paranoid....are you finding yourself attracted to someone at school and are pushing those feelings off on your husband? I know when my ex husband THOUGHT I WAS CHEATING - it's because HE WAS and felt guilt (I would LIKE TO THINK IT WAS GUILT) over it....

I'd show up at the roping arena. I'd want to see for myself, if I had your doubts.

I also second what Michelle said.

I've got to add my two cents to help dissolve the automatic suspicion that someone who has been around horses their whole lives would not need lessons, especially on a horse that is new to them. It is very prudent to get lessons from an owner or trainer that is familiar with a horse that is new to someone. I know when I got a new horse recently that I spent additional hours late at the barn (to my husband's irritation). Please consider that even an experienced rider needs time to get to know a new horse, and it's possible that he is very excited about the new addition to the family.
All that being said, I have been married approximately the same amount of time and I do have some trust issues with my hubby. I know that I would be asking him about his ride and indicate that I wanted to go watch next time , and see how he responds to the inquiry. Best wishes.

Do people go horseback riding at nighttime? Sounds like there's been a recent change in routine with him so I can see how that could be unsettling. If his explanations for why he is coming home late seem kind of flimsy and if he starts getting a little bit too defensive when you ask him questions for why he was late, no matter how innocent your questions may be, then I would say that you probably do have something to be suspicious about. I would start asking him questions and keeping track of what he is telling you and his body language.

ADDED: Just read your SWH. Sounds like there is a verifiable excuse for why he has been staying out late a few times these past couple of weeks. If he's attitude doesn't seem to be any different and he doesn't seem to be overly defensive when you ask him about his late night horse riding, then most likely he is telling you the truth. I just think you need to talk to him about being courteous about checking in with you before hand to see when is and is not a good time for him to get together with his friend and friend's uncle. He's probably just enthusiastic about the move you have coming up and about owning a horse pretty soon.

Do you have good communiction with him? Is this something you feel you can be straight forward with him? My first reaction is to say snoop. That will only make things messy if you end up not finding anything. He will likely find out about the snooping.

If you can approach him about it, ask hard questions that are not open ended, like, Why all of a sudden are you riding horse until ten at night?

I have been in your shoes. It really really sucks! I did the snooping and nothing was ever resolved. I found stuff I didnt want to see. I had no solid proof though. So now a cloud always following me around. I cant be mad at him for my feelings. He has no way to defend himself against it in any way. I got stuck at being hurt and angry. I stopped snooping. He changed jobs and the girl faded away. He knows I have spectulation. That hurts him even more because again he has no way to prove me wrong on my thoughts.

Good luck

I agree with Michelle.