Is It Appropriate for Boss/secretary to Socialize Outside of Work?

Don't be jealous! You are going as well. I'm in sales and have been always working remotely with most of plants / offices being on the east coast. I now have a location in LA and New Jersey.

This is business! I make significantly more than my inside help and try to take them to lunch or send in goodies whenever I can. I want them to know how much I appreciate them. I routinely go to lunch alone my male Vice President, Directors and technical service. This is completely appropriate in my line of work.

This doesn't seem strange or inappropriate at all. Once again it's business.

They should not be spending time alone together outside of work, that crosses a line. If the event if for all those people it would be weird if you were not also going, are you? If so just help with the dinner as well so you can feel comfortable nothing is going on.

ETA: Those of you folks who said she isn't going to this concert, re-read her first sentence. She said "My husband told me a couple of weeks ago that we would be taking his administrative assistant, her husband, and both sets of their parents to a concert venue about an hour away." Note the word "we". She IS going to the concert. There ARE 8 tickets. Has no one thought that maybe he didn't want to ask his wife to cook for 8 people, so he and his assistant are doing it? Sounds great to me...

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Are you a boss in your workplace? If you are, then you have decided that it is not something you would do for your assistant. If you are the assistant and your boss doesn't do this for you, it's because he or she doesn't want to bother.

It has nothing to do with appropriate or inappropriate. It's BUSINESS. Try to be understanding that your husband's work is different than yours.

For what it's worth, my husband and I have BOTH done this with our bosses AND with our employees. We've both been on both sides of the coin. Your husband sounds like a great boss, by the way.

NO it's not appropriate! I'd be very furious if my husband "made dinner" with his secretary. While he did this w/o consulting you, it seems that you're stuck in this unless you decline to go but as far as making dinner, that's your job to help your husband, not hers. And why are his & her parents going?? That's just wacky if this is supposed to be a "business trip", something don't sound right....I'd be VERY suspicious. Good luck!

Different work places have totally different cultures. I think it should be you and your husband TOGETHER hosting this dinner for his employee and cooking together with her. Why don't you step up and be more a part of this event? Get to know her and her husband and welcome them. In my family this would be completely normal. My husband has invited over his employees and students and their spouses/significant others many, many times. We all get to know each other better this way, and it is a way to keep people happy and make them feel like a team. Yes, sometimes parents are visiting and they have been included as well. My advice is to stop thinking this is weird and step up and tell your husband you would like to help with dinner and be a part of this. Also, honestly, this is also an opportunity for you to make new friends and get to know other people. We are very close to all these past and present employees and consider them good friends in life.

This is a LOT of work on your husbands part to make his admin happy at work - and it's not even at work!
Sometimes the only way to improve morale is to fire all the unhappy people.
If it takes this much to 'keep her happy in her job' - he needs to get a new admin.
He's not proposing a company picnic - all employees, their kids and spouses all meet and greet, balloon toss, games for the kids, hotdogs, potato salad and watermelon.
And frankly - by not doing this for all his employees - it sets up a precedent of treating one more favorably than everyone else.
He (and she) will be cooking for her parents and her inlaws and husband (and you and your kids presumably - you are invited are you not?)?
You and the kids need to crash this party.
Holy Cow, Batman - this is WAY not normal and has nothing to do with any sort of business that I can think of.
And I've worked over 27 years in an office environment.
There are company functions (all employees only), family functions (all employees and their families), and employers are careful about separating personal time and business time.
There is such a thing as professional detachment and your husband doesn't appear to have any.
Someone needs to be fired but at this point if your husband isn't firing his admin assistant then you need to think about firing your husband.

ETA: When I read your post I didn't notice that you were included in the plans. That changes my perspective a lot. I guess one of my first questions would be who is paying for this outing? If he's paying for it personally, I'd be concerned. If his company is paying for it, I'd be concerned that others are going to claim favoritism. Does his company have a block of tickets to this event? I remember one of our staff members did a fantastic job one year and was extremely frustrated because our corporate office put a freeze on pay increases. Our managers were extremely concerned about the possibility of losing her to another company, so they compensated for it by paying for a Disney vacation for her and her children. Is it possible that this is a situation where she's being underpaid, and this is your husband's attempt to make the situation a little better for her?

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There have been a lot of questions lately about relationships and whether or not things are appropriate. Most of the things wouldn't have really bothered me. What you're describing would bother me.

I don't think anything inappropriate will happen at that event since her husband and both sets of parents will be there. But I'd be concerned about what type of working relationship he has with her. Most of us want our assistants to be happy at work. Most of us don't go to that extreme to make them happy. I did buy one of my assistants concert tickets one year as a holiday gift. But I gave her the tickets as a gift and didn't go to the concert with her and her husband. Why does he feel the need to tag along with them, rather than just giving her the tickets? He could just give them a restaurant gift certificate rather than making a meal for them.

And if he really felt it was important to go with her family to the concert, then he should have invited you to go also. You should be there cooking right along side them.

To me it is odd. Or rather, in my marriage this would be odd. My family (if I was bringing my family to a concert) would think it was odd if my boss came - without his wife.

My husband doesn't ever just inform me of stuff. We talk - communicate. If I had a problem with something, I feel I can tell him and he vice versa. So the way he told you this would bug me - personally.

I don't get the keeping her happy part - quite frankly, she could turn around at some point and say he's being inappropriate. Most bosses take precautions not to be put in that position.

Added: I should add, there are different cultures for different workplaces for sure. I've worked for big corporations and small start ups. There was a lot of socializing outside of work at the small start up. However, spouses were included. If this is already in stone, what I would do is go with your husband. I don't get what you mean they are working together to make dinner for everyone. Where is this taking place? Like cooking? I do find that odd. I would personally and go help out.

It's not appropriate in that you are being kept in the dark and not invited. Tell your DH you expect to be invited. All of these family members of his Admin are invited (and it sounds like no other employees) but YOU are NOT part of the group? Yeah, that's off. I'm sorry

If/her/husband/and/two/other/couples/are/coming/then/why/aren't/you/invited?

Hold on...you write that "we would be taking," which means you're going too, right? I don't quite understand the logistics of how two co-workers make dinner for a group (unless they have a kitchen at the office or something) but the event in and of itself isn't weird at all. When I was an admin assistant my company had tickets to sporting events, etc. that were for client use but if we didn't need them for a client, sometimes one of the people I supported would invite me to come along. I was single so I normally took another co-worker if I was offered a pair of tickets but if not, it would have been me and a significant other with one of my bosses and his spouse. It was a really nice gesture.

Put yourself in the administrative assistant's shoes. She is proudly showing off her close working connection with her boss to her parents AND her in-laws!! Your husband is being very nice to participate!! If you do not want to join them, I do not think you should feel pressured to be there, but it is very nice of your husband to do this.

I might be wrong, but this sounds like the beginning of an affair. You can stop it now, or you can let it happen. The fact that he's telling you about it, means he's subconsciously giving you a head up. I would invite myself along to the concert. I'd say, "I love concerts. I'd love to come too." If he gives you a horrified look or freaks out, then you know something is up. Tell him they can cook at your house and you can help. This is not going to go over well if something nefarious is about to happen or is already happening.
Start making time for your husband. Go out on date nights. Show interest in things he enjoys. I hope it's not too late.

The answer to keeping her happy at work would be to give her a raise. Not entertaining her.

I would think, since the assistant's husband and their parents are going that it's not a big deal, not inappropriate.

I would think that he would take you too and you would be right in there cooking with them.

My friend's husband takes employees (and their spouses/families) to sporting events which is on-topic to his line of work. Sometimes my friend goes, sometimes she's busy with other things.

The thing that strikes me as possibly strange about the scenario you described is: "he and his secretary will be working together to make dinner for everyone."

How? Where? I mean, with a sporting event one might bring food for tailgating in the parking lot before the game. People set up grills and everything. I've also known my friends to host dinner at their own home before heading out to a local event. Otherwise, it would be more normal to go to a restaurant in the destination town. Unless maybe her parents live there? I could see her using her mom's kitchen and your husband, the boss, providing the food.

Clearly your husband is friends with this admin. I think this is great.

I however think it it strange they are making dinner together for everyone. It would make sense if they collaborated to come up with a venue and made reservations but to actually cook the meal together kind of sounds intimate to me. I agree it is weird.

Wait, so the party for this event is you, husband, his parents, his assistant, and HER parents?

***ETA - sorry, so it's you, husband, assistant, HER parents, her husband and HIS parents? This is even weirder. ***

This is weird all around. Are there a bunch of corporate tickets that need to be used up?

And why would this arrangement plus them cooking dinner together be necessary to keep her happy in her job? There are about 25 other ways - professionally oriented - that I can think of to keep a person happy in their job that don't involve concerts with their parents.

If I were you, I would not like this one bit. I suggest you speak with your husband frankly and ask him why this is necessary. Good luck and take care.

Well, where are they making dinner? In the office? If they're making dinner at someone's home without any spouse present, I might wonder what's up, but if they're having an office dinner for some work purpose, it seems harmless, or perhaps other people are involved too, not just the two of them alone, but he didn't rattle down the list of other participants to you, or maybe they're not company employees. Maybe by "making dinner" they're referring to handling dinner, as in ordering/catering food -- coordinating dinner/taking care of dinner perhaps might have been a better description. I don't know, why not offer to assist if you're feeling uncomfortable about it all?

At the same time, I would think that if he had something to hide in terms of his relationship with this woman, he would not be telling you or inviting you, like he did, to the concert -- he'd just spend time with her and not say a word to you about it. Why tell you if he's up to no good and not wanting to get caught? He wouldn't want to flaunt an affair. I assume that is your concern -- that he is cheating, but as I said, a cheater would not want to even plant the seed of doubt in your mind, so mentioning events outside of work would not make sense. He would just claim he had to work late or something, and hide his activities. I don't think he would invite her husband or their parents as well if he is truly having an affair, that is incredibly brazen.

My boss has invited me to his daughter's theatrical performances before, despite him being married, while I am unattached. I didn't go, but he said his wife was asking why I hadn't come along, surprisingly. I didn't want her to feel odd about me being a third wheel but she didn't take it that way at all. He later invited me to come to a hockey game as his daughter was going to sing. Again, I didn't go, and again, he said his wife was disappointed. I don't know how long your husband and his assistant have been working together, but my boss and I have been working together about 10 years. We have weathered the recession and more together, whereas other members of our department jumped ship, but the two of us have been a constant, and his wife always sends him with something nice for me for Christmas. On occasion, she has baked cupcakes for the office. Some people are just genuinely friendly, without there being ulterior motives of an affair or romantic interest, and some bosses these days still DO appreciate employee loyalty.

If he hasn't shown you a reason to distrust him, I would not blow up at him, assume he is cheating, or push him away. Doing so, might make things worse. As someone else suggested, spend more time with him, alone, if you feel that your marriage is threatened, or that you have neglected him in any way. As to some people's mentions of other employees getting wind of things and becoming upset, I don't think this would be an issue, especially if your office has separate departments. Some of the bosses here take their assistants out for lunch, some of them go to happy hour. Some have met up on the weekends to catch a movie along with their significant others, and I wasn't invited. I would not expect to be invited along if I don't work for their team or department. If I were a support member of your husband's assistant (meaning we're in the same department and I might overhear the invitation), I might feel left out, but even then, a lot of people don't bother inviting people who have small children, a spouse, or an elderly family member that may be needing them home immediately after work because they know the answer will be no.

I've had dinner with my boss and his family. Or should I say - MY FAMILY and I have had dinner with my boss and his family? Yes.

I've met his mother. She came to live with him after he had a very bad car accident and needed help with his kids and himself.

We have done things together. However - we've known each other for 11 years. My husband knows him and knows there is nothing between us but brother/sister love.

I would feel REALLY uncomfortable if my husband TOLD me we were taking his assistant, her husband and BOTH sets of parents to a concert. That's freaky.

Why does he feel this is a normal and good business decision?
Why does HE need to bring her husband AND BOTH PARENTS to an event to keep her happy? what does she have on him? LOL...well - maybe NOT so funny.

Weird. Would NOT make me happy.