Is It Bad That I Don't Want to Breastfeed Anymore?

Just stop if you want to stop. He really doesn't get a vote.

No, it's not bad, J.. You've given it a good try and your baby has received benefits from breast milk to help her immune system, so don't be pushed into something that is not working for you and your baby any longer.

Every mom has to decide what's best for her and her baby based on their unique set of circumstances. If you are a better, happier mom and your baby is happier on formula, don't let your boyfriend try to dictate your decision.

Give your boyfriend a more useful task:
If your boyfriend is truly concerned about your daughter's cognitive growth and future academic potential, have him read to her---yes, starting now and continuing throughout her childhood. Once she can read, have her read to him, and to you, in addition to continuing to read to her. Literacy is the foundation upon which academic success is built. There are plenty of brilliant, successful people who were not breast fed.

Best to you and your family.

J. F.

"Honey, I love you, and I love our child, but this is the best choice for me."

If you need to, take him to the pediatrician and have the pediatrician explain to him that your child will be fine. You tried. It doesn't work for everybody. Fortunately there's formula for that.

And ditto Julie F. on the reading! Most important thing you can do for your child.

Sooooo...on formula, your baby is full, healthy and growing?
Why are you even asking of that's ok? Of course it's ok.

Tell him, "next baby--YOU breastfeed!"

It scares me that a man is trying to exert power over your body. And your choices. Not cool.

Breastmilk has benefits that formula does not, but there is so much more to being a good mother than breatmilk ... like being a happy, loving mother.

If you are done, then you are done! And that's ok.

Being a parent is always a juggling act. You can't do everything that you want to be able to do. You can't provide financially for your child and be with them every waking moment and get enough sleep and find time for you and ...

You have to make choices. All choices we make involve saying no to something, and sometimes it's something we wish we didn't have to say no to. But we can't do everything in life.

Your baby needs food, and your baby needs you. Formula may not have every benefit that breastmilk does, but it is food, it is nurishing and she will be just fine!!!

It's ok to stop. It really is. Many of us come to the crossroads at some point and have to be ok with giving our children formula.

My formula baby is almost 6 years old and doing great! His teacher said he is definitely above average, academically.

You have to make the best choice for your family, and your feelings do matter!

I had a hard time nursing our second child. I had a 4 year old running around, I had to go back to work after 6 weeks and my husband was traveling a lot. To say I was stressed would be an understatement. I found nursing to be a chore and not a way to bond with our son. I also wasn't making enough milk so I felt like I had a baby attached to me all the time. I started supplementing with formula. My husband wasn't thrilled because of the cost. He looked at breastmilk as "free".

After several conversations of how much it would cost and I needed to try more I finally broke into tears and just said "I can't do this anymore. There isn't enough time for me to sit, relax and nurse." Plus, I was not producing much at all. I physically couldn't do it anymore. I nursed for the first 6 weeks and then after that, formula.

Our son is very smart. I see no disadvantage of him being a formula baby.

Sounds like stopping works well for you both. You will both be happy. Not all babies are breast fed. I would not feel bad about it at all. Just enjoy your baby!!!!

No you should not feel bad. Unless your SO can lactate and feed the baby himself it is really a decision only a women can make. The best thing for baby is to have a physically and mentally healthy mom and that includes a rested mom.

For the love of God, stop torturing yourself. And your boyfriend should be there to support you, not dictate how to feed your baby and what to do with your body.
PS I was formula fed and had a 4.0 all the way through college and grad school. So there!

ADD: If your SO doesn't back off of this and stop guilt tripping you, then you might need to consider what to do about that - unless this is the only place where he's being inappropriate.

And you could always put IcyHot or BenGay in his underwear and give him an example of what painful breastfeeding is like. ;)

ORIGINAL: You are more comfortable, but the BABY is also more comfortable in this case. Talk to your pediatrician. YOU can't make the doctor lie - have the pedi talk to your SO.

Good grief - breastfeeding has nothing to do with intelligence. It won't MAKE her a genius. My husband, who is borderline genius, is the ONLY one of three that was NOT breastfed in his family. His siblings cannot compete intellectually. It's genetics, and it's also interaction.

If he wants her to be engaged, then he needs to engage with her. If your lactation consultant is also on the same page with you, then have HER tell your boyfriend to back off.

And I'm saying this as a mom who had trouble due to Shingles, had to do the LC to get things working - it took 3 months. I breastfed for 2 years. You are FEEDING your baby and she is happy and healthy with formula.

Good lord, no. I stopped at 4 months. It became a problem as I would often have to pump at work. I wasn't producing enough, and my son starting cutting TEETH! Yeah, I stopped. Two months later he was eating rice cereal/ fruit/ veggies. So , yeah, he was healthy, fed and happy. That's all we ever want for our children. Right?! Breastmilk is wonderful for babies. However, sometimes being full and happy means more.

You can stop.
You don't need anyone s permission.
Any way the baby gets fed is just fine.
Many of us were raised on formula.
Maybe this hassle your significant other is putting you through might help you make a decision about how significant this other should be to you.

No, you should not feel guilty and you should not allow anyone to make you feel guilty.

You have to do what is right for you and your baby. If BF'ing is not working, move on to what does work.

There are many adults and children who were not BF that are very healthy, smart and successful.

Your SO should be supportive of you (the mother of his child) and know that you are doing what is best for your child. He needs no convincing.... it is not his body.

Best wishes to you.

Tell SO "happy mom, happy baby."

I am a huge proponent of breastfeeding. However, my opinion is a bit like someone who is tall saying that things should always be stored on high shelves- if you can't reach the shelves, that may not be the best choice for you! I had a super easy time breastfeeding, once I got past sore nipples at the beginning with my first. I loved it, I loved snuggling, I loved knowing my kids had pumped milk when I couldn't be with them, all of that.
This is not your scenario!! You are miserable. Pumping is no fun- no way would I have stuck it out with pumping-only. It sounds like you had the very best of intentions, but are honestly one of those people who has a biological difficulty breastfeeding. This is not your fault. It does not make you a bad parent. This is exactly why formula exists. No, it is probably not the very very best most perfect thing. Dad may have to give a little on this one. I promise you, there will be countless times in the future where you have to make a choice that is less than the perfect ideal. Your kid will probably not be dresseed only in organic, dye-free, locally sourced/fair trade fabrics in gender neutral colors, either, but will somehow survive another day....

Maybe work with him on how you will introduce solids? I actually found it much easier to make my own food, and I am NOT a DIY person! Maybe he would like to help pick some high-nutrition grains, like quinoa and oats, that you can blend up and cook for her first cereal? Avocado and sweet potato are great options for first veggies and super easy and cost-effective to prepare. Maybe re-direct his energy to food choices he can contribute to?

IMO, sounds like you can do supplementing and nurse at home instead of pumping so much. Please see kellymom.com for information on supplementing a breastfed baby. Also, you could try a bigger size attachment on the pump. I had to go up a size.

But in the end, if you're miserable, then it's not your partner's choice. It's your body.

Just quit, honey. You aren't less of a mom for quitting. There's no reason to be miserable trying to pump.

You know what makes baby brains grow? Fat. Straight up. That's what's in your breastmilk, and that's what's in the formula. Yours and your SO's fantastic genetics and loving home are what will yield in your child's intelligence. Breast or formula, your baby will be fine. And you've already done such a great job by holding out as long as you can. Great job, mama! Now enjoy your baby.

Explain to your boyfriend that your baby's happiness is largely determined by your own happiness and well being. If you are miserable, stressed, and/or overwhelmed, those feelings are going to rub off onto your baby and cause her distress. If a bottle makes her happy, and it makes you feel better to give her one, that's what you should do.
Happy Mom = Happy Baby

I'm sorry breastfeeding was so difficult for you. I know it can be hard when you want it to work and it doesn't. The good news is, your baby is thriving and she loves her bottles. You're doing great and shouldn't feel guilty if breastfeeding isn't for you.

WHile I recognize the benefits of breast milk, your baby will be just fine on formula especially if this breast feeding thing isn't working out. Tell your boyfriend you respect his opinion, but unless he grows breasts that produce milk, it should be your decision since you are the pumping source. It is also crazy to think that breastmilk is a precursor to academic aptitude. Save yourself the agony and move to the formula if that is what you want and add breastmilk when and if you can. The fact that she likes the formula is a plus.

of course not. we live in a fortunate time where we have choices. you've given it the old college try, and it's not working out. no harm, no foul.
i find it troubling that you have to 'convince' your SO about something to do with YOUR breasts.
khairete
S.

How old is your baby? I'm just asking because I know for many mamas breastfeeding didn't become easier until the baby was at least a month old. The main benefit to breastfeeding has to do with immunity, not intelligence. If you can continue breastfeeding your baby will be protected by your immunity as passed through breastmilk. That's the main reason why "breastmilk is best": healthier baby, not smarter.

That said, I agree with the other mamas on here, if you don't want to continue your boyfriend doesn't really get a vote.

Why do you have to convince your SO that you don't want to breastfeed? That's where you need to start. There is NO reason why a spouse should tell you what to do with your body for your child. I'm sorry that you are feeling that pressure. Time for counseling, I think.

I also had to supplement with mine. I did both breast and bottle for about 3 months. I never could get much with a pump but I was home so I would usually breast feed for a while and then top off with a bottle, but as time went by I found he preferred the bottle, it was just easier for him to get the food, and the formula did keep him fuller longer, with him sleeping through the night before he was 2 months old. At 3 months he went on a nursing strike and only wanted the bottle, so I just stopped breast feeding. He is fine, smart, healthy. I know people like to go around saying "breast is best", and while it does have some benefits early on (for immunity reasons) studies have shown that in the long term babies fed formula do just as well.

Your boyfriend is not the boss of you. Your baby is crying out physically and psychologically for more sustenance. Your baby doesn't care one wit which milk she gets. She just needs to be fed!

You don't have to convince him that you are not going to continue to breastfeed. You just stop. Period. You have work, you have a hungry baby and you have your life. It is fine to give her a bottle.

Better stop thinking that personal decisions about YOUR BODY have to be approved by your boyfriend. It will not bode well for you if you don't figure this out now...

My daughter had prescription formula due to allergies and at 3 years old is working at a first grade level in preschool. Breastfeeding does not make you smarter. The only thing that matters is feeding your baby. Breast milk is not always best.

It sounds like you have inverted nipples. That's what those shields usually help with. They give the baby something to hold in their mouth since the nipple won't extend all the way out.

If it's just that hard for you then stop. It sounds like it'snot working and you have tried. Stop pumping and let her latch on. If she will latch on and nurse then it won't hurt her to get some. Then let her have the formula the rest of the time.

When you just don't make milk anymore there will be a natural stopping them.

If you just want to stop then do so. It's your body. I tried to breast feed my daughter and it didn't work out for me. I loved holding her, feeding her, and it being easy.

I understand the struggle--our firstborn never nursed well and actually refused to nurse for his first 3 months. I did keep pumping and give him both formula and my milk; like you, I never produced much. It was certainly the formula which grew him--my milk was basically a supervitamin immune booster. When he decided he wanted to nurse at 3 months, we did that until he was a year--and most of his calories still came from formula. That was 12 years ago, and he is doing extremely well academically. So like everyone else has said, children can do just fine without breastfeeding. You need to do what works for you and her.

A total side point is that if pumping is making you sore, you have the wrong size funnel thing and/or the pump strength too high.

Regardless, keeping with it or weaning is your choice alone. Do what feels right to you.