Is It Dinner Time or Playtime???

I do the same thing Nicole does...if they get up from the table, dinner is over. Period. They learned pretty quickly that I will eat their dinner in a flash if they get up, and there is no more to eat. It's not to much to expect them to behave and have some table manners. GL!

I have a 4 year old and an 8 month old and my 4 year old is infamous for this type of behavior. What has worked for us is to tell her that if she does not sit and focus and eat her dinner she is done eating and there is no eating anything later. She also knows that not eating plus bad or crazy behavior leads to immediate bedtime.

I find that if we sit with her until she is finished and ask her questions and carry conversation with her it snaps her out of the hyper mode and keeps her engaged with dinner and with us. This does not work 100% of the time but probably 80% which I will take over the prior 20% of the time.

It is dinner time. If you don't already have one, get a childs table and chairs for your three and five year olds. (The kids table can be placed near the BIG table). Get the kid's plates ready and just before setting down do the hugs,kisses, I love yous etc. If you are a family that says grace, include them, but they can do this from their table.

Teach them to stay at their table during meal time until they are excused to get up. Tell them up front if they get up without permission, they will be sent to their room until the rest of the family finishes dinner and there will be no dessert if they don't mind.

If they want to eat at the BIG table, they can come back when they are willing to stay seated.

They are both old enough to help set their own table, cups, napkins, silverware...we usually prepare the kids plates from the table first. They are also old enough to help clear their table and ubreakables from the big table.

If children are taught good manners at home, they will be welcome at any restaurant or private home of friends and family.

The little ones in our family love having their own table and are thrilled when they are invited to sit at the big table.

Blessings....

You get up...dinner is gone.
Go potty before you eat...and wash your hands (no excuses to get up.)
They will learn the expectation and no one will starve. Regain control..a little tough love?? Perhaps....

This is pretty clear cut to me. I do home childcare and have up to 8 children under age 5 in my kitchen (today I had 6 children..one in a highchair but the rest are UNDER age 3 and at the regular size table in chairs or with boosters they can get out of.....no buckles just bumps them up a few inches to lessen messes and danger from sitting on knees). They all sit in their seats, eat and mostly have normal sound level conversations. They ask to be excused when they are done and ask for help to be cleaned up. Manners are not an option. Meals in my childcare are about 20-25 minutes max....I don't think thats unreasonable to expect them to sit and eat and converse a little. Engage them more, perhaps, rather than just with your spouse? Distraction is a great technique! At 3 & 5 they should be able to tell you their favorite thing about their day...and their least favorite......etc

You are the boss and guide for your children. I see so many ill behaved children crawling around on the floors and running around, standing on chairs/booths and carrying on when I go to a restaurant. Its crazy what some parents allow of their children. I can honetly say I never allowed such behavior of my own child, was often complimented on her manners and always instill and expect the same from the children in my care over the many years I have done childcare. Manners are very important. Remember that the next time someone is rude to you in line at the coffee shop or on the road....I do....

You can do this!

We have a 4 and 2 year old. They sit in time out when they start to play these tricks at the dinner table. Then, when they drag it out, they hate cold food and well, our oven doesn't work and we don't have a microwave, so now we just say, "eat it cold" or "Eat it while it's still warm".

I would definitely put a time limit on it, if they aren't finished after 45 minutes or so, then too bad. They will learn.

I also tell them I make ONE meal. If they don't eat it, I wont make another. I offer kid friendly options of course, but they eat what we eat. They think they can beg me for food one hour after meals...

My kid is still less than one, but I remember working at a preschool and hearing parents talk about dealing with this, and also dealing with it at lunch time with the 4 and 5 year olds. Yes, put a time limit on it. Since they are so young, it's difficult for them to sit still for any length of time. It's especially not fair to expect them to sit until each and every person is done eating.

I would put a minimum/maximum time at the table - say, they have to stay at the table for at least ten or fifteen minutes, after which they may be excused (so they can learn manners and to socialize at dinner), but dinner is cleaned up after half an hour. If they didn't eat, tough, they can get more at the next meal.

Five years is often old enough to (mostly) stay seated, (sometimes) for up to half an hour. At two and three, a dinnertime without playing, wiggling, and messing around with food would be a miracle. Impulse control is very hard to come by in toddlers, and they can't help it.

Two hours at the table is as grueling to your kids as it is to you. I've never had to share dinner with more than one kid at a time, and even with 3 adults tag-teaming, it can be hard to get much food into the small person.

Traditional meals-at-table are simply not "normal," in the sense that before agriculture made nomadic life unneccesary, humans were largely grazers – eating what they could find when they could find it. And they were far hungrier than we are today. But even then, kids probably relished the occasional huge feast of antelope for approximately 3 minutes before running off to play. And small children today are still pretty primitive.

Rather than having every meal become a protracted battle, you might want to accept reality and see if it works better. Focus on getting your 5yo to practice manners for 10-15 minutes for 1-2 meals per day for starters, and give the toddlers the opportunity to graze during the day on little bowls of healthy foods, bites of cut up fruits and veggies, omelet, whole-grain crackers or cereal, cheese, a few bites of yogurt, etc. Studies show that when offered a range of healthy foods, kids are good at selecting a pretty well-rounded menu, and while they don't eat the same amount every day and may have no appetite at all during some traditional meal-times, they do fine.

I understand your situation. I have a now 7 and 5 yr. old. It is okay to tell them "I will give you hugs and kisses when dinner is over, right now it's dinner time and we need to eat". Talk to them prior to dinner for a few nights and explain in simple language what you expect them to do at dinner time. That way they know what you expect. Absolutely put a time limit on dinner, there is no reason that the family dinner needs to last 2 hours. Set the timer on the microwave or get an egg timer and let them know that when the timer goes off the food goes away. You can give them subtle warnings as the timer counts down, not much time left I bet you can finish that corn before the beep. Ask them to show the younger child how big and smart they are that they can sit properly in their chairs and clean their plate. As others have said remind them that there will be no other food to eat after this meal is over and be consistent. Make sure you and dad are on the same page of expectations and then follow through, every night should have the same standards/consequences. You could even try a reward system until they get into the habit. Tell them if they keep their bottoms in the chair and eat dinner before the timer goes off then they get to ......... (choose a dessert, play a game with mom and dad, go with mom/dad for a walk, get a sticker, be the special helper after dinner, play the video game, etc.) It is possible and you can do this. Just make the rules clear and stick to them.
Good Luck

We make dinner together, she gets to set the table and then we sit down to eat. If my child is still eating when I am done, I will stay to keep her company while she finishes. If she is not eating by the time I am done, I clear the table and put everything away. I have always done this since she started table foods 3 years ago and haven't had much of a problem with her eating her dinner with me or staying in her seat. Occasionally she does have too much energy to sit at the table, and prefers to leave the table to play. I encourage her leave the table if she needs to, but she knows that she has until I finish my meal to have hers if she is hungry. But once I am done eating I don't let her keep going back and forth from playing, if she leaves the table again I clean up. Dinner usually lasts about 20-30 minutes and I would say that she eats with me about 90% of the time. Sometimes it is really sweet when she says she is not hungry but will sit with me to keep me company while I eat:) I hope my explanation made sense, good luck!

Unless we're doing an "etiquette dinner" (meaning that we pick a style of etiquette that we're going to follow American/Euro/MidEast/FarEast fine dining... yes I know there are many more styles... or "___" Casual Restaurant, or "___" Family Home, the ONLY time that kiddo has to sit at the table is when we begin. After that he can take as long or as little as he wants to eat. If he's not finished when I am, sometimes I'll stay with him and chat, other times he'll read while I do something else. If he's not hungry right then, his leftovers get packed up onto his shelf in the fridge and he can come back to them at his leisure.

I grew up in a house that mealtimes were VERY stressful. ((I still have scars on my elbows from being jabbed with forks for placing my elbows on the table, we were never allowed to talk at meals unless spoken to, had to eat everything, any leftovers were confiscated, and furthermore there was a "quick and the hungry" rule that meant that half the kids snarfed up as much food as they could... and thus became quite fat, and the other half ALSO snagged as much food as they could, and hid it for later... but without refrigeration, it often went bad, so those of us with smaller but more frequent appetites were often sick from eating spoiled food)).

Because of all of this, mealtimes in MY house are pleasant. Period. People can eat as much or as little, for as long or as short a period of time as they wish. I cook 3-5 times a day... depending on how many leftovers are in the fridge. We sit down, we eat, we enjoy each other's company. I teach manners, but I teach a great variety of manners, and do NOT insist on any form of constant etiquette beyond helping prepare, serve, clear, clean, and proper expressions of gratitude.

If you (a child) get up out of your chair, your dinner is over.

I have a six year old and 3 1/2 year old twins...we had a similar problem...walking around the kitchen when they were supposed to be sitting at the table, multiple trips to the bathroom, getting a toy to eat with etc. We made a "rule" that everyone sit at the table and if they needed something ie ketchup, a spoon, etc, mom or dad could get it but they had to stay at the table...with a few days of practicing, they were all able to do it. occasionally, someone still needs to use the restroom, but otherwise, they all sit at the table for the entire meal. My husband and I also stay at the table for a bit after we are done eating because that was a problem...when we finished and got up from the table they began to wander too. Some nights it does seem to go on forever, then I offer them five more minutes before I clear the table and they aren't allowed the "fun" snack for bedtime like pudding or ice cream...instead their choice is a banana, or some other healthy snack...it didn't take them long to figure out that they wanted to finish dinner while we were all eating. Good luck to you :)

Firmly tell them to stay in their chairs. Tell them you love them too, but you went to a lot of trouble to make a warm dinner and when they're being like this it goes cold.
Or forget the explanation altogether and tell them to sit in their seats and eat. Smile but be firm. And if they continue, they do not get anything more to eat until they finish their food. If they don't like it cold, heat it up once, serve it. That's it. No more. They're pulling silly strings here and you're allowing it. After they learn to sit still and eat, then it's time for hugging and I love yous. Now it's time to eat.

You are doing better than we are! We don't have dinner but eat all day. Super healthy like carrots, yogurt, etc. Kids are 3 toddlers plus baby. They NEVER eat anything I make (nor does hubby) and I got tired of wasting food.

I agree with a few of the moms who already responded-get a timer, set it for 30 minutes. After that, the table is cleared. It will only take one or two times of going to bed hungry before the situation is resolved. You will feel absolutely horrible about it-it's going to be very difficult for you to follow thru, especially when they are coming over to give you hugs & kisses, but when you do-it will be worth it.

Good Luck & let us know how it goes!

That is way too long for dinner. First I would give them a BIG warning about setting the timer letting them know the new rules about dinner time. You might even throw in stickers for every meal they stay in their chairs and eat....then a small reward for 5 IN A ROW or something to that effect. They also need to know that dinner time is just that...if you don't eat then you might be a little hungry by breakfast. Get all your hugs and kisses BEFORE dinner. You might even say you are getting them all now so they don't feel the urge to get out of their seats during dinner.Let them know how long 30 minutes is maybe by setting it while doing some other activity. This won't be easy as it souds like a pattern is already set...be kind but firm and consistent. They will get it.

I chuckled out load cuz I swear kids get together in some secret society and come up with that "I just wanted to give you a hug" garbarge. It's so hard not to laugh when my 4 year old does it to us. Same situation - what is helping (but not perfect) is the "get up dinner is done" suggestion a few other mom's had. Also, no dessert. My child snacks a lot, I'm not worried about him not getting enough nutrition, etc. He's learning very quick we mean business. We'll eat dessert with him in the same room, etc. I want to be able to talk to my husband and my 4 year old at dinner time not constantly worry about where he's going or what he'll do next...Good luck!