I Hate Dinner Time with the Kids - Ahh!!!

Easy answer. They get up once, the plate goes in the trash. Let them be hungry and go to bed that way a couple of times. They won't do it again. My daycare kids sit too. They know that their meal or snack is over when they stand up. This works for 2 year olds and certainly for 4 year olds. 1 year olds are another matter. It usually takes a highchair or booster seat with a strap until about 18 months or so. Then the hard rules have to start while they sit at a child sized table and chairs. My grandson is 16 months old and we are learning this the hard way, his meal does get taken when he stands up.

My kids dad would not tolerate kids leaving the table, and I agreed with him. If they wouldnt focus and got down from the table-they had to go straight to their room. We started it at a very young age. I was never embarassed taking them to restaurants or other homes because they knew the dinner table was not a playground. It made meal time very pleasant at our house. NO TV... everyone talked, giggled and ate. We always had a glass of spilled something during the etiquette training years and plenty of times where dad had to remind them to EAT, but we never forced them to finish their plate only to sit until everyone was finished and then and only then they could be "excused". Teaching manners needs to be started the minute you put them to the table. The highchair days, and dropping food on the floor becomes no longer tolerated once you've made it to the table with the rest of the family. Make the rules, they NEED those boundaries to make them socially acceptable children. Parents are "trainers" and "coaches"... their behavior reflects on you.

Wow. Not in my house is all I can say. We have a strict rule that you stay in your seat until everyone is done or you are excused. It has been that way since my kids starting sitting up to the table (before age 1).

But the first thing that needs to go is the tv during meal time.

Explain to both kids, away from the table and dinner time, that there are new dinnertime rules. Dinnertime is family time. Everyone will sit together and eat together. Even if you have to say "it's just like when you are at school" to keep reminding them why they are sitting in their seat.

It won't magically change overnight but everyone will be better off in the long run.

My kids aren't allowed to leave the dinner table until they are done and have been excused. If your children get up from the table, immediately take their plate away. Don't say anything, just remove their plate from the table. When they come back for more, and don't find their plate, let them know that you thought they were done since they ran off and if they want more, they are to remain seated. You'll only have to take their plate away once or twice before they start to get it. (Unless you have a strong willed child at which point you may have to do it more than that.)

Good luck!

Turn the TV off during dinner time. It's too much of a distraction. When my kids were little, even though we couldn't see the TV from the dining room, the TV went off every night anyway.
Your son sits and eats at daycare because he knows that's what's expected. He just needs to know you expect that at home too.
Kids who get up from the table are done. Take their plates away. Don't cave when they say they are hungry because they didn't eat. They won't starve overnight. They'll be ready to sit for breakfast the next morning.
They just need to know you are serious.
Even when my kids finished their meals we had them sit with the rest of us until they were excused. We didn't make them sit for hours or anything like that, but getting up and just running off was a no-no.
You feel like you have lost control so you just have to get it back. It might take a few nights, but you can do it. Running around and watching TV has become a habit and it can be broken.
Dinner should not be something you dread. It's a meal time. Everyone sits in their chairs and eats. Believe it or not, your kids are old enough to help set the table and they are also old enough to help clear things. Talk about habits....that's a good one to get into. Enlist them in the whole process. Make them more a part of it. Even your two year old can put a napkin at each place and help. Give him an empty plastic cup at a time to put on the table.
Once they know getting up and running around is not an option, they will settle down. You just have to be consistant.

Best wishes.

Turn of the tv first. Put them in time out when they leave the table. They can come back and sit down and eat when they are ready, or they can sit in the time out chair. No food is to leave the table. If they do not return to finish their meal, tough luck, you don't make dinner twice, so they can't eat later.

Be firm and most importantly, consistent. May take a few times, but they will get it soon enough. They behave at school during meals b/c they know they can't get away with it there.

At these ages your kids can understand a simple conversation to lay down some diner rules. It will be a hard change at first (as it always is) but if you explain the rules and are consistent with the consequences the kids will get back to sitting at the table.

I would recommend turning off the TV period, and no toys at the table. Meal time is for eating and talking, not for playing. I would also put the two year old in a high chair or a booster seat. Set the rules however you need to. At our house, if the kids are misbehaving at the table they have to leave the table until they can come back with manners and eat. If they leave the table repeatedly, their plate gets put on the counter or sometimes their meal is ended.

They are 2 and 4 and will do what you let the get away with. You do have the control to set boundaries that they are able to follow.

Good luck Mama!

I tell my kids (6 and 8) that if they can't keep their butts in their chair, I'll get a high chair for them and strap them in! Luckily, they know I'm serious....
Another things I've always done, is make them ask to be excused before they get up. That way I can check if they ate their veggies and make sure they are clean etc.

I have a two and a four year old. My two year old is still in a highchair, because I know he won't sit still otherwise. If my 4 year old ever gets up, I say "are you finished?", if he says "no" then I tell him to sit back down or I'm going to assume he is finished and doesn't want anything else (including dessert if there happens to be any). Then I clear away his plate if he doesn't sit down. He rarely gets up now. Oh, and I would get rid of the t.v. during dinner - it's just a distraction for everyone.

Dinner with a 2 and 4 year old is just plain hard. Sometimes I will feed the kids earlier. I still sit down with them at the table, so we can talk, but then my husband and I eat together after the kids are in bed. Makes for a late dinner, but it's nice to have an adult meal a couple of times a week. So, you might try that every now and then.

Good luck!

We had a similar situation with our now three year old daughter...a little more minor in nature though I'd say. I would stick to dinner around the table rather than letting them sit and watch tv to keep the peace. It won't take too long to develop this routine. In trying to follow Love and Logic, we explained to our daughter that the consequence of her getting up from the table without permission would be that dinner is over for her. She expressed that she understood what we were saying. So, the next time she started to get up from the table we said, "you have a choice. If you get up from the table, dinner is over for you OR you can stay and finish your dinner and then get up to play." She got up so we cleared her plate and said, "that's a bummer." She was not happy and we really felt bad doing it, but didn't tell her that. We didn't want this to be a punishment, but rather a consequence so we didn't starve her for the night, but we didn't allow her to finish her meal. What we did do is let her have her regular bedtime snack (not junk!!) to help hold her over to breakfast. We didn't discuss it and keep hashing over the details, she knew why we did what we did b/c we had explained it ahead of time. This worked for us. Good luck!

I 'kicked' my daughter outside at dinner time for about six months. I got her a little picnic table and we would go outside and she would eat. When she started to sit and eat more consistantly we moved back inside, but it took a while. I also use tv as a bribe, eat all of this, that, the other, and you can have one more show... Be consistant and they will eventually learn...
Good luck!
R.

I agree with the rules and the behavior that is tolerated. I know you want them to eat, but they will not starve if they miss a meal. When they are done, they are done. Dinner is a time for talking and sharing, for laughing and talking about the day. It's not play time but it can be fun time in the sense of talking pleasantly and enjoying each other. Don't make it a battle ground. If they leave the table, they are done, and clear their plates. Don't argue, don't lecture - just be calm. I would let them come back one time to sit and try again while you are working on this - and give them the same plate you took to the counter or put in the fridge. Don't start a new meal for anyone! After that, they are done. Don't get into the dessert war - it just shouldn't come up that they won't get "rewarded" with treats if they sit through the "punishment" of a healthy meal! Tell them you are clearing their plates and dinner is over. If they complain about being hungry, just calmly say "It's a shame that you didn't eat during dinner. Maybe tomorrow you can try again."

He behaves at daycare because it is expected and he watches other kids do it. At home, he does what he's allowed to do. It can be challenging when kids are tired later in the day, but as long as you are having dinner at a reasonable hour, it shouldn't be too hard to adapt.

Try worrying less about whether they eat - don't be so concerned about one meal that you give them all kinds of stimulation (TV) to keep them there. They will make up the calories and nutrition the next time. If you can keep calm and not buy into the tension with your own sense of dread, it will be better in a maximum of 2 weeks, I promise! Maybe sooner! You are setting the stage for later years too, so the sooner you adjust your guidelines and expectations, the better it will be!

We have a 7 year old in our extended family who has a weight problem, cries if he doesn't get a plain bagel every night for dinner, who won't eat a fruit or a vegetable or a bit of protein - and the parents give in because they don't like the tantrum. He will have diabetes before he is 10 - he already has metabolic syndrome. So set good habits early!

I feel your pain! :) I had the same problem with my kids - letting them watch tv usually during lunch and it was a hard habit to break. Lots of complaining, etc... all I can say is that you just have to keep on it if you don't want them watching tv anymore and don't give in. If your little one won't stay in his/her chair then get a booster seat w/ a buckle - we have to threaten to buckle my 3 yr old in sometimes when she tries to get out.

Use booster seats with a seatbelt to keep them sitting until they declare that they are "done". Once they get down, no coming back to the table, and no snacking if they didn't eat enough to count. Personally, I'd concentrate more on manners at the table than actually eating ----when you teach them to wait until everyone's finished eating, share their day with Daddy, use please and thank you, etc. they will eventually eat better, just because they're spending more time at the table. Meals together should be as much fun as possible, with the emphasis on chit-chat, not food. They're still very young, so don't let it make you crazy. (And ditch the TV--it's making it worse.)

You've already gotten good advice on the whole but I would just say again to turn off the TV and no toys at the table. Put on some nice soft relaxing music, light some candles or use those battery ones with the kids, and then talk. Talk quietly about their day, your day, thoughts you might have to discuss with them in a quiet way but one that will keep their interest too. Tell them before hand the rules now and then if they don't sit, or eat, etc. remove them and the plates. Next night same thing and they will catch on very fast. Don't let them up from the table until all are finished. That's just teaching them manners, which are very lacking today.