Is It My Place to Say?

Waiting to travel until he has time and energy to do it makes sense. That said, due dates are guesses. I am totally biased - but 2 out of my three kids came 5 weeks early. With my first kid - we had made plans for the following weekend to be out of town - which got cancelled, as I already had the baby! Most people don't have their babies - especially their firsts that early - but that is not a guarantee.
I'd try to work with them on coming up with a date that he will be off work, and they could come visit you. It sounds like he is stressed enough with the working to not need more stress added to life at this point.
If that does not work - then getting together after the baby arrives will be more fun. :) There will be a baby to hold. :)

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think a 4 hr car ride 4-6 weeks before your due date is all that terrible. Just stop every hour for a little walk/pee break/etc., right?

His parents--his plans.

I had to travel to Cincinnati for my grandma's funeral three weeks before my second was born. That is a six hour drive from here. This was with an almost two year old in tow. Don't use being pregnant as an excuse.

I don't mean this as harsh as it sounds it is just new moms these days seem to think they are more delicate than they are. Unless you are having some serious complications travel is no big deal.

Invite them to visit you on Memorial Day weekend. Chances are that your hubby and them may have Monday off and most schools/sport events etc do not schedule on holiday weekends. Your hubby won't need to use his one day off to travel, won't have to miss work, nor will anyone else...

As long as the relatives understand why you aren't coming (his work hours and you need the money!) you shouldn't let this bother you. They have the same scheduling issues on their end. They all seem okay with it so you should too. Stay in phone/ text/ email contact until everyone's schedules open up.

Once the baby arrives, the visits will become a lot more frequent.

I don't really understand why you have to see them in the first place. I didn't fly out to see my inlaws when I was pregant and they came out for a week when the baby was born.
Maybe it's not THAT important to them after all and they will be perfectly happy to visit when the baby is here. I mean not to be mean, and I understand how special it is for you...but at least in our family happiness about a pregnancy is more about the baby and less fussing about mom to be.

Sam:

You cannot force this relationship with parents to work. I found this out the hard way. My husband's family is VERY different from mine. We are in constant contact. No kidding - I can talk to my sister several times in one day and I usually talk to my parents DAILY.

Bob's family: call when there is a problem. Otherwise - no news is good news.

To be honest - I think it sucks. So I have talked to his sister...we had a rough road...but now it's all good. She too thought it was funky that their family was "no news is good news" - she always wondered what it would be like to have someone to share things with (other than friends)...well.. she has me!!!

Bob has ONLY started talking to his dad on Sunday's this year. After going to visit his sister a few years ago - they both realized how dysfunctional their family was. Bob's mom died on Mother's Day 2006. That changed a LOT of things...so really...my point is - you can't force this. if there is a problem - he can make excuses about job - he might have unresolved feelings - I DO NOT KNOW - however - he may place family in a different priority than you. To force him to go will make for a bad trip. You can keep in contact with his family, but don't force it.

That they (his parents) have kids in sports, etc. well - sorry - it's just as easy for them to say - Johnny will miss his game this weekend. We have family in town. Because if you go there? They will still go to the game, right? So how much visiting are you going to get done? I think it's great that it sounds like they are trying to come to you...don't let anyone make assumptions...two people traveling can be just as complicated as a family of 4 traveling...time off work, expectations, etc.

I would just encourage a family relationship. Don't push it. When he's ready to go, he'll make it happen. They too are adults and can make decisions to come to see you.

First of all, I think it's great that you are so encouraging of keeping those family bonds tight, eventhough they are his side of the family. It's wonderful that you get along so well that you want to visit them!

I think the best thing would be to go immediately when his job calms down - you said late May or early June. I know you will be very prego, but if you plan a stop or two to stretch out, have a nice lunch etc. you should be fine. I recall when I was that pregnant all I wanted to do was sit anyway. I don't think it will be as bad as you think. I drove to my cousin's bridal shower 8 hours away while I was 8 months pregnant - I was so huge! My family that I drove with just stopped whenever I had to pee and we had a nice lunch etc. It was fine. It was important to me and my family that I was at the shower since they were getting married on my due date and I wasn't traveling then for sure!

This way, when you are there -- you can tell them you hope they will come visit you after the baby is born. That way they won't be able to ask you to drive the 4 hours with an infant - which for me sounds more stressful.

I think your guy is probably overworked right now and guys just think differently about this kind of stuff. My husband loves his parents, but I am willing to visit them more than he is. Many guys just have a different perspective about family ties and it's not on his radar right now. He's probably just focused on getting through this crunch time at work.

You might want to check with your doctor about traveling. My family lives 4 hours away and I was due in January and my doctor said she would prefer I didn't drive that far for Christmas that year and if I did to take frequent stops for walking around.

These are HIS parents. It's up to him to visit them if he wants to. If he doesn't, I would just drop it. It's not your responsibility to get to HIS parents to visit.

It also doesn't sound like it's high on his parents' list of priorities, or they would come see you. A highschooler can be left alone for a day or so (for example). And, if they are THIS busy, how would they even spend time with you if you went there?

I think you have your own lives to live and stop worrying about this. Not all families are close. I think I saw my own Dad about twice during my pregnancy and he only lived 1 1/2 hours away. And we were close, emotionally, we were just busy living our own lives.

Well, I would have no problem taking a road trip at 34 weeks pregnant. But full term I'd stay closer to home. I also feel much more comfortable driving than flying, personally, since if you ever did need a hospital, you could stop at one instead of being stuck on a plane. The biggest issue for me would be just sitting in a car when you're very pregnant and uncomfortable, but personally I was OK until about 37 weeks (I was ENORMOUS! As big as my friend carrrying twins!), so I'd still be okay with traveling then.

Personally, I would start a conversation saying that you know it's important to him to see his family, and you'd like to decide together when is a good time. Express your concerns about traveling then, let him express his thoughts, and come to decision together. I personally don't favor putting my foot down with my spouse and just saying "no", so I wouldn't do that, I'd just hear each other out and figure out what's best for you both as a family, whether that's going sooner, later or not at all.

First of all when you married him, his family became YOUR family. You may not feel as close to them as you do to the family you grew up in but they are your family too. If you can not accept them as family you have issues in the future.

Second, just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you are suddenly made of crystal. As long as your doctor doesn't see any problems you should be able to make a 4 hour drive with no problem. Just make sure you get out and walk around and do a potty run every hour to hour and a half. The biggest issue with sitting too long while pregnant is blood clots forming in the legs, keep the circulation moving by flexing your feet and legs as you ride.

Believe me this visit will be a lot easier before the baby is born than after.

Congrats on the baby and enjoy your pregnancy.

You can probably put this off on your doctor! Many doctors advise against travel close to your due date -even long car trips. If you have any swelling issues, your legs will swell even worse from sitting in the car. When it gets close, ask your doctor for his/her opinion. That may end it right there. Even if the doctor says it's fine, you could probably tell them you don't really want to go, but you would appreciate them saying you shouldn't be traveling -and they'll probably do that. Otherwise -tell your fiance if he wants to go -you have to go soon.

And yes -you're having a baby with this man and sharing your life and your soon-to-be child's life. It's your place to say!

Also -can they not come visit you instead? That would solve everything.

it's not a matter of whether or not it's your place, there are simple practicalities here. he's working so hard, it's just not available for him right now. i don't think it's reasonable to expect him to try and fit in a visit with that much of a drive into his schedule right now. nothing to do with him caring or not.
if you really want to see your family right now (which is perfectly understandable) you need to go yourself, find a friend to go with you, or they need to visit you.
khairete
S.

You might want to fill in your fiance you may not want to travel close to your due date (last 4-6 weeks) then if the visit is a priority to him he can at least work around that. It depends a bit how you are feeling toward the end of the pregnancy but many doctors say stay withing an hour's drive of home the last month if you want to deliver at your planned hospital. My kids were both within a couple days of their due date but not all babies are that cooperative. Also, you will be large and probably uncomfortable the last few weeks or month.

not sure why you think you can't drive a 4 hour drive at 8 months pregnant. We drove to florida 20+ hours when I was 8 months pregnant. other than stopping for a few more pee breaks its fine. so .... get in the car and go visit. make a plan and do it.

Why can't they come visit you?

How would he even have time to drive 8 hours round trip to see them if he is always working? I think you (or he) have to tell them that you can't because he is working 7 days a week, which makes it impossible. You either invite them to see you or you drive out there yourself or with a friend. My family is 3 hours away, and I've driven myself (and my kids) many many times over the last 25 years by myself. It's not a big deal.