Is It True That We Should Never Take Our Eye off Baby/toddler?

Yeah, It's true. Mainly because of the risk of choking. Babies can find all kinds of stuff to put in their mouths, even in "safe" zones. It could be the lint from carpet. It might not be something you can hear. Let her have independence, but keep an eye on her. It's tough, I know, but it's only for a little while. Keep it up the good work.

omg! you have not let her out of your sight for 16 months? you need a break!
if you can hear her and she is in a safe zone. yes! go to the bathroom by yourself. it is a wonderful experience when they let u do it.
our ped told us to let our oldest play by herself when she was about 10mos old. he said to gently stroke her hair or give her a little pat on the back but to otherwise let her self-direct for at least 15 minutes at a time. We started with 2x a day. I was in the room with her but not right on top of her. once she could walk, she was in other rooms but within earshot and i could easily peek around the corner at her. she loved it. now she actually plays by herself in her room for 30 minutes or more. I just check in and talk with her but she is very clear that she needs alone time (she is 3).
good luck!

I think its fine. We Moms all worry like that, but as long as your home is safety proofed, it should be fine.

In India, they put anklets on their babies, which have tiny bells on them... so they can 'hear' their child. That is an option too.

Main thing is that you are all ears...meaning listening intently when she is not in direct eye-sight. OR, put a baby monitor in the room she is in, and the other one in the bathroom while you are getting ready... then that way you can hear her. That is what I do sometimes myself. I also verbally tell my son "Mommy is going pee....I'll be right back..." and then he nods his head. And then I go do my business. Over time, they understand the "habits" of their Mommy. And I always tell my son "if you need me.... just yell for me or come..." And he does.

Take care and do not feel guilty about your very normal feelings and protectiveness. You are an attentive Mommy... and that is great.

Not to scare you, but just as an example: once my friend came home from work... and she asked her Mom (who was babysitting her son) "Where's Tommy?" And her mom motioned "over there...in the living room" and she went to look and he was NOT there... meanwhile after frantic searching... Tommy was OUTSIDE in the driveway! He had managed to get out of a door that was unlocked.

So... make sure all your doors to the outside are locked too, or at least latched etc.

All the best to you,
Susan

I think it all depends on the child. You know your child better than anyone, so only you know if she is trustworthy alone for a few minutes or not. Sometimes what I do when I shower is put the baby gate up in a way that my daughter can only get to her room or the bathroom (I leave the bathroom door open so she can come see me if she needs me) and I know I don't have to worry about her for a good 5-10 minutes. Sometimes I'll even yell "are you ok?!" and she always answers back "YESSS!!". I think it's good for kids to play alone just a bit once in a while- creates independence! :)

It is healthy to allow your child to learn how to play independently! They need it for self discovery and to build imagination. I think you are taking the books too literally when they say 'never take your eyes off baby.' This certainly applies when they are around danger like stairs, water, cords, etc. You need to take a deep breath and give yourself permission to get ready. Leave her in a safe gated off area or a play yard with a selection of her favorite toys. If she fusses, try leaving her for a little longer each day until you've worked up to however long you need.

My son is only 7 months (not yet crawling or walking so I know it is different) but I have encouraged him from the beginning to play by himself for a good chunk of time everyday. I'm usually in the room working or doing chores but he can happily entertain himself for up to 20-25 minutes. I can even slip away to go to the bathroom for a few minutes!

If your home is child proofed and she is gated in an area without anything dangerous, a trip to the bathroom or to get dressed, etc. is totally fine. If you are concerned, you could get a play pen. When my kids were 1 and 3, I used to put them in it together so I could shower or go to the bathroom.

Hi S.,

Childproof your house and try to relax a little. Place plug protectors in all empty sockets (you can get the kind that lock the plug in place, too), safety latches on cabinets low enough to reach, and move dangerous and breakable objects up at least two feet above her reach. Place a baby gate across any stairs, or the door to any room that is not safe (like the kitchen). In fact, you can use a baby gate to keep her in a safe room, like her nursery if you have one, too.

Toddlers need to explore and they're not all that breakable! I recall from an anthro class the concerned raised by an anthropologist to the tribe he (she? don't remember) was visiting that mothers let their young babies crawl around an open fire. The mothers' responses were "they will only get burned once, and then they'll know to stay away." While I don't advocate letting your little one cavort around obviously dangerous situations, I think you can see the message here!

you know what if you feel your child will be fine then she should be ok for a 2 min potty break. i have a 23 month old and she solo plays in another room alone. i poke my head in time to time to take her potty and thats it. she has gotten into things (my makeup) but i just put them higher up so she cant get them. as long as you have baby safe toys and the child proof door locks where there are chemicals your baby should be fine. i think giving your little one a tiny bit of alone time in the living room while your in the kitchen washing dishes or cooking is fine. its not like your leaving the house or going to sleep and leaving her vunerably alone. i can and will honestly say that i have put the baby gate up in my daughters room turned her movies on and took a shower. i also had a baby monitor in the bathroom with me.

I don't think you are wrong for wanting some independence but in my opinion at 16 months she is not ready for that! I think that a good alternative is to maybe find or a buy a couple of special toys that can only be used while you are getting ready and she sits in the bathroom with you! To much can happen, even in a 900 sq. ft. space! My sister was babysitting a little boy once and she went to the bathroom for maybe 2 min and he climbed onto the table jumped off and broke his neck! Things happen when our eyes aren't on our kids! I have 2 VERY active kids ages 3 and 19 months and from the beginning I have been doing this bathroom thing and it works for me! Give it a try! Good luck!

Yes we all need our time to take care of our selves. As long as its baby proof go for it. I do it and love having 10 min to get dressed without having my son hanging on me while I do it.

We very often gated our daughter in her room if we needed a moment ...and even for things like a shower. As a toddler, she didn't want to shower with me, but that didn't mean I didn't need one! Now - at 3 - she loves her room and goes in there and plays willingly by herself because she knows it is hers and that is where her toys are. We are now even at the point where she bathes alone .... the rule is that the door stays open and she MUST answer when we call to her because she is content to play in the tub for 45+minutes, which is a long time to sit on the floor and watch, especially when you work outside the home. Plus ... she doesn't want me there - just content to play alone and have some "down and quiet" time.
Yes, the time you leave them alone should be short - constant checking in on them, but toddlers need to find independence and you need some personal time. I am sure you will find a system that works for you - but both you and your little one should feel safe in your home.

Hi S.,
If you have an area where you know she can't get hurt then leaving her to play by herself should be ok. Just check back as often as you can. When I had to leave my son, I would put him in one of those play centers where they sit in the middle and there are things to play with on the tray. Try that and a video if you have to shower or use the bathroom. She can't get out and the video will probably hold her attention.

Good luck.

I think as long as you have insured the area is safe, and she is within hearing, it should be okay. Get a gate and confine a little. If you're in the bathroom, then she can be in the adjoining bedroom - but not roaming the whole house, etc. If you're cooking, she can be in the adjacent fam room, etc.

I honestly think it's totally impossible to keep an eye on your toddler every second of the day. The longest I used to let my kids stay alone was only for a minute or two, but only when they were in a totally safe room or play area or playpen. I waited on showers until they were napping or when my husband was home. It's good to be somewhat paranoid because anything can happen, but as long as they are somewhere safe and can't climb out, I think you can leave them for a minute or two, or even a few minutes. Put a monitor in the room where she is and listen - then they can play even longer by themselves.

It is absolutely okay to let your child play in a designated safe area unattended. As long as everything is babyproofed, have no fear, letting them play alone brings independence. Do not stress about it too much. There is going to be other moms out there that say NEVER leave them without supervision....how in the world can you get anything done or let alone a shower if you do not let them play alone somethimes...

Hi S....I think it depends on the child for the duration of time they can be left alone and it also depends on how baby proofed your house is. When I take a shower I usually throw a gate up in the bathroom and let mine play in the bathroom while I take a shower. I can easily monitor them from there and hear what they are up to. Make sure your cabinets are locked down, toilets are also locked down and there is nothing she can climb and fall down off of that owuld hurt her. Both my boys are climbers and thats where I worry...silence is bad! As long as you can hear what shes doing you should be okay.

Of course it's ok. Use your best instinct. Look at us, we survived our parents, no car seats and death trap play pins.

Enjoy getting dressed in peace in the morning.

D.

Hi S..
You are a very loving mama. As parents it is our job to nurture and protect our children, which you are doing a fantastic job at! However, babies do need time to explore and play in a safe envornment. This helps thier little brains grow. Developes imagination and so on.
As long as your house is baby proofed, which I am sure it is, by reading your inquiry, your daughter will be fine while you take a few minutes to use the restroom. Independence is a good thing.
Take care.

Hi S.

You know how your child behaves better than anyone. You see the things that she does while you are watching her, and while you are busy making dinner and she is hanging out doing her thing. Does she tend toward mischief? Does she pull out electrical cords, etc? You should know the things that will get her into dangerous situations before you leave her alone. You say that you have a "safe zone" but it is not bordered. Why not just put up a gate? Remove all harmful items and situations and gate her off. In any case, she should not be left alone for any longer than it takes you to shower. Then peek in on her before you get dressed, again before you do your hair, etc. At 16 months, she really is at the age where she can do the most damage...to herself and property. It will not really get easier until about 3 years old, when she can really understand consequences and moderate her actions. This really is kind of a hard time for you, but if you create the right environment, you can feel comfortable knowing that she will be safe for a few minutes at a time!

Wow are you a devoted Mom or what? I don't know how I would live if I never took my eye off my child when he was that age. A great thing to do would be like you said to create a safe area for your daughter to sit and play. Since your house is small I would just baby proof the whole thing and probably let her have run of it all. Maybe babygate off the kitchen, and close bedroom doors and let her crawl and walk around. You should be able to do what you need to do without having her in your arms. Good Luck to you! :)

I would not personally put her in a place that is out of your site. I have a 21 month old and she has been a active, curious, climbing, grapping ball of energy every since she learned to walk. Children at that age can be surprisingly quit when getting into trouble. When I had to get ready for work or church I would take her in the bathroom and I taught her busy work, she would brush her teeth when I did, brush her hair and put lotion on all begining when she was 13 months old. If your apartment is that small, do you have to close the door, can you set up a little pallet right outside the door with some of her favorite toys, so that she can be in your sight but not in your way. I hope that helps.

Hi S.,

As long as there is nothing for her to hurt herself with, then it is perfectly fine. I leave my daughter alone to watch TV while I do mything around the house. They need that alone time from time to time. My daughter is now 22 months old and I can even take a shower. I tell her "Mommy is going to take a shower, come in if you need me." I just leave the door cracked open and she comes into the bathroom when she wants to see my face. I have been doing this for a long time (since she has been walking) and I totally trust her. She has never done anything that caused me to worry. (my house is completely child proof) Of course, I'm never gone longer then 10 minutes, and she is usually sitting in the same position watching her favorite CD.
Good luck to you!

Dear S.,

By a "safe zone" I figure you mean an area that has nothing she can get into that she could hurt herself with and she cannot get out out herself. This is what playpens used to be used for. Of course you can go to the bathroom when she is in the crib or playpen or "safe zone." You just don't want her unwatched when she is exploring areas where she could climb up and fall or get into things that she could hurt herself with her.

We all tend to be overprotective with our first child. By the time I had the third, I put him in the playpen mainly to keep him safe from his older brothers who would run in without thinking about an infant laying on the floor...was afraid they would trample him:)

Enjoy your little one. God's blessing on your family.
H.

my advice is that if your house is child-proofed that your baby will be just fine. If you're in the bathroom than check on her every 4-5 minutes! And remember that when they are quiet is when they are usually getting into something.

Oh my goodness! How have you lasted so long? I agree with all the other mamas. As long as the house is safe/baby proofed, let her go! It is good for both of you. My 12 month old roams the house and in all honesty he usually comes to find me after only a few minutes of being alone. If your daughter is content to play in another room, definitely utilize those moments to have peace - especially in the bathroom.

My daughter is 20 mos old and she is very independent and plays by herself all of the time. She has been playing by herself for as long as she has been able to get around by herself. Our house is also small so I don't worry too much about not be able to get to her. My daughter actually likes playing by herself. If she wants me or mu husband to play with her she will come and get us.

As for holding your daughter while going to the bathroom, the only thing I can think to suggest is try putting her somewhere with her toys and let her play while you go to the bathroom. I would wait until she is paying more attention to the toys then you. One other thing would be to just not hold her try just talking to her and explain that mommy is going to the bathroom. Sorry I don't really know what to say, we never had that problem. Good luck.

After you have done the basics (Put plug covers on all the outlets, have breakable and dangerous things out of reach, you have crawled through your house on hands and knees and looked at everyting the child might be temped to get into, and secured it, you have knob covers on the stove, latches on all the cupboards, your stove is attached to the wall (so it can't tip forward and crush her if she were to climb on to the door), she has no access to drapery cords, hammocks, pails of water, ponds, pools, etc.) (Each of these items have resulted in a child death - the child who strangled to death in a hammock was 8 years old), it really depends on the child.
My boys were the type of kids that you could never let out of your sight. They would push little chairs up to door latches so they could reach them, turn off baby alarms, bowl over baby gates at the top of stairs to knock them down. Whenever I would plan play dates for them (even as preschoolers) I would tell the other parent, "This is not the type of child you can just turn loose in a play room, he needs to be in your 'line of sight' at all times." It was not because they were naughty or aggressive, it was just because they were extra smart and would think of things to try that as a parent you could not anticipate.
Can you use the restroom with her just outside it and the door open? How mobile is she? (Walking and running? Climbing? Czn she open a door (like the front door, if someone knocks on it, while you are on the potty with your pants down?) Is she on the verge of learning anything new (like, you can't trust that she won't do something because she has never done it before, kids learn new tricks every second of every day). If in doubt, put her in the crib with a few favorite books while you do something that takes all your attention. In other words, with some kids, you can turn your back, if they are in a safe and confined area, but don't count on it. It won't be long before they will outsmart the childproofing. The purpose of babyproofing your house is to put a few more seconds (not minutes) between your baby and disaster. If gives you a chance to react. It is YOU that keeps them safe. But yes, you still can sleep, go potty, eat a sandwich alone, etc. You just have to have places in your environment that are completely safe. And make sure your crib is up to code, not an antique. My boys were raised in an antique crib, that did not meet code, but I stuck their head up to the bars and it didn't fit through, so I thought they were OK. Only after they had outgrown the crib did I learn that it is not the head that goes through, it is the body, and the child strangles to death with their head stuck inside the crib and the body out. B.

hay S. i dont think theres any thing wrong with that as long as you know there isent anything out that she shouldent get into and your house is child proof,and you check on her freqently. you could even give her one of her favorit toys to get her mind occupied

Ultimately, only you can judge what is safe for your child, since you are the one that knows what she is capable of and how ambitious she is. My youngest daughter is 16-months also, and I am able to let her play alone in safe areas. I don't leave her for long periods of time and I keep her within earshot. It also helps that her older sister (3 1/2) keeps track of her. But, if I need to run to the bathroom or out to the car to grab the groceries, I know that she will be fine. HOWEVER, other people's 16-month olds may be more curious, active, etc. and can't be left alone without them trying to scale the refrigerator. You have to assess for yourself what is safe for you. Like the others said, parenting is sometimes just about good judgement! Hope you can get a few minutes alone to go potty!

Children go through different stages at different ages. Their degree of getting into trouble changes as they grow. At sixteen months and older, it will become less easy to place her in specific areas because they can climb out...and get hurt. Soon she will grow to be a bit more independent and will want to do her own thing and hopefully get her off your lap giving you a moment of dignity and privacy. It seems it will never happen, but it will. At two, i was not able to hand off a marker and paper to keep her busy because she would write on her face or whatever else, but at almost 3.5, I can ask her to draw me a picture of the cup on the desk and she will work on it. It is a scribble, but her version.

It will get better, but if at all possible, don't take your eye off her longer than you can trust her.

I'm in the same boat. I was just going to tell you its quite all right to let them play alone and a huge crash and scream came from the babies room. The plastic shelving fell over on her! (she's okay). I do let her wander and play by herslef. My ears are my moniter. Silence is the most deffening of all. So long as you have baby proofed, keep bathroom doors closed, baby gates on stairs and all that jaz, I think its okay to moniter with your ears and not always your eyes. Be smart about it. Some friends of mine lost a one year old because they let him play on their bed while they packed for vacation. he was left alone and when he fell between the bed and the wall he suffocated. The mother remembers hearing something, but dismissed it. Can you imagine?

Small houses are great for babies. I'm happy mine is small and I'd rather keep it that way while I have babies because it allows me to monitor with my ears better. I think you are doing okay to let her play by herslef some. Use your eyes and ears. Once they are steady on their feet, I don't think you need a visual at all times.

If you make a safe area, there shouldn't be any problems at all with her playing alone for a little while. I do this myself. We made a peremeter at our house, both inside and out, that has been super-baby-proofed. We can let her roam around and play alone as she pleases. However, I do check on her every few minutes (quietly, so she won't notice!) because something can always happen. She loves the independence! My mom, however, has not set up this kind of super-safe area and has to watch her like a hawk at all times and I think it grades on both my mom AND the baby. Everyone needs a little space!

The advice you've received is good. After 4 kids I've learned that children need to learn to entertain themselves from time to time or the stress of being a full time mommy playmate takes its toll. Also, I too survived no car seats, etc. ( I can't believe I rode my tricycle around the block all by myself at 4/5 and without a helmet!) Yes "we survived" BUT many many children died or were disabled. We don't talk about them because they're DEAD. Safety increased for a reason. I never wanted my children to be in the 5-10% that weren't ok so I've kept a closer eye on my kids than my mom did.

As long as your child is in a safe place it is alright to leave your child alone to go to the bathroom. Try finding things that she likes to play with or watch on t.v. or get her a potty seat and let her do what you do.
Good Luck!!!
N. B.

It is perfectly okay to allow her to play by herself in a SAFE area. Your house is really small and you can hear her, so as long as you make sure that everything is baby-proofed it is fine. She needs to aquire some skills to be independent anyway. Don't take everything you read too seriously.

S.,

I think it is ok for her to play and not be in your sight. I am the mother of 4 and you cannot possibly always keep an eye on them. Just the way I feel. If you have a porta-crib, put her in it with toys, that is what I do with my 18 month old son, when I am in the shower or when I am doing make-up, ect. to get ready for my day. I also have to go out to the garage to do laundry and I leave him and his 3 year old sister in the living room, not for long, just long enough to go to the garage and throw the laundry in the dryer/washer. He too, like to be held, but they also need their independence at some point. Just some food for thought.

M.

Hi, Stacey,

Based on my experience with my 2 1/2-year-old and 1 1/2-year-old, I would recommend putting your daughter in a play pen while you use the bathroom, shower, etc. Don't leave her on a bed or in a place where she can get on a bed (other than a toddler bed). I've heard of many kids, including my own when supposedly under the supervision of relatives and husband who thought it was OK to leave a baby on a bed (surrounded by pillows) unattended, falling off beds and getting severely injured. My younger child loves to climb sofas, TV stands, bookshelves and any other furniture on which he can establish a foothold or handhold. Therefore, I can not let him roam freely around my home, even though it's "babyproofed." On rare occasion, my kids poke each other or hurt each other in some way. Keeping an eye on them reduces the frequency of these occurrences.

Lynne E