Hi, I have two five-year-old identical twins, Connor and Tarquin. They're sweet, but sometimes they can be quite a handful, and I don't really know how to deal with it.
Every now and then, Tarquin wakes up in the middle of the night, runs into my husband and I's bedroom, sobbing that he had a nightmare... he dreamt that he died, or was suffocated by a tsunami etc. Or sometimes he's just sitting there on a chair when he turns around and asks me, with tears in his eyes, "Mommy, what if a murderer broke into my bedroom at night with a knife?" or "What if we come back from the shops and there's a burglar in the house?" And occasionally, "Mommy, what happens when I die?"
On the other hand, what's worrisome about Connor is that he's in a stage where he doesn't like drinking water. He's not drinking from his water bottle at school. He refuses to drink fruit juice, milk, water, or even Coke. He drinks only half of his soup at dinner. He's definitely not getting enough fluids.
Have you experienced these problems with your children? I mean, is this a normal phase that they'll grow out of? And what should I do in the meantime? Any suggestions would be appreciated, thanks!
has he experience death in the family, or watching too much TV...I don't know answer but it worries me..he's going thru this..
I do not believe it is normal for a 5 year old to know about Tsunami's , and "murderers breaking into my bedroom with a knife", and burglars, unless they have been watching the news or inappropriate TV shows,movies,video games etc. These are not common terms or images for a five year old -- and I would be concerned and investigate how and where your son is getting this information . To me, it sounds like he's been listening to local news -- which I think is extremely unhealthy for a five year old to be exposed to. So if that is something that plays regularly in your household, I would certainly turn it off in front of the younger children.
However, as a post below mentioned, your earlier query about your 17 year old daughter wanting to "starve herself to death" because of an online relationship with a stranger who wanted her to run away to China -- makes me wonder what kind of supervision is going on with these children as far as their free time. Two years ago you posted that she was researching sexual fetishes associated with sneezing online, so it doesn't seem like you've curtailed her activities much in that time. Allowing your daughter a computer in her room and hours of unsupervised time on the internet -- makes me wonder if your 5 year olds have been given free reign with the TV too.
Keeping your children safe by limiting their access to computers and TV -- is a very real responsibility and challenge for parents today. Your child may indeed have anxieties and fears that will need to be dealt with -- but this sounds like they are fueled by images beyond what would normally be encountered in a five year old's world.
As for your other twin not taken in fluids-- please get help from your pediatrician asap. When it comes to your child's health , there is no reason to not consult a professional.
Try putting on Sesame Street for him to watch. Too much grownup television watching...that's the problem.
For Tarquin's problem, I would ask how he knew about that stuff, handbrake him to the doctor
For Connor's problem, I would take him to the doctor too. That seems really serious.
the dreams and death are normal to extent but not like you are talking about, i had these i was younger and was diagnosed with anxiety at 6. please talk to his ped about seeing a therapist for him. i feel your pain on the child not drinking enough my daughter is like that she has never showed any signs of dehydration however so im not concerned i just keep an eye on her, but it may be worth telling his dr about
Where is Tarquin learning about knife-wielding murders breaking into homes, tsunamis, etc.? Unfortunately for many of us, our little ones are already familiar with death of a loved one, so the, "What happens when I die?" questions are normal. If he's being exposed to movies or tv or something with scary situations, you should halt those! Even some cartoons are for much older kids, preteens and adults, so make sure you look at the ratings and watch some episodes with them if they're watching a cartoon you've never heard of. It's normal for kids to have some bad dreams now and then and come into your room -even at 5, but those sound pretty severe.
Sit down and talk to Connor about why he doesn't like drinking anything. That is serious and must be addressed in some way. Talk to him about how his body functions and how he must drink a certain amount. Make sure you ask if he experiences some sort of discomfort when he drinks/swallows. If that doesn't clear up immediately, I would take him to the doctor. Monitor his pee and poop for a few days too. Is he pooping? Constipated? Dehydration will do that. What about his pee -is it light yellow or clear or dark brown, dark yellow, etc.? It should be very light yellow or clear. Also, see if he'll eat natural, 100% fruit popsicles, and fruits like melon, grapes, and plenty of citrus (awesome this time of year) -all contain a decent amount of fluid/water.
I think both questions should be directed towards the pedi at this point. I am not sure what to do with either of your issues, but I have not experienced either of these issues with my 5year old.
Hmm. Ditto everyone else. My 5 year old doesn't know what a tsunami is (although thinking he's gonna be suffocated with one probably means he doesn't really know either)....but yeah, you have to be very careful what little kids watch. Not because of prudish reasons, but because at 5 they're old enough to get the feeling the director wants them to feel (stress, fear, etc) but not old enough or experienced enough to put that in perspective or rationalize their way out of it.
But whatever, the problem is already there.....I would suggest putting away TV now except gentle little shows, nicer music, etc. You should talk in the daytime when he's awake and calm about each of these fears as they come up (talking in the middle of the night, if he's having one of those waking dreams, it's really hard to get through to him or rationalize with him at that time, and he just needs soothing). But over breakfast or whatever nonthreatening thing y'all do where you can talk, I would say "The other day you said you were scared of a burgler coming with a knife. Where did you get that idea? (talk about it---it's just TV, or whatever you think is right to say) How does it make you feel?" (just discuss the situation, let him know you're paying attention)
If it were my son (and he has asked about this, but not in a fearful or tearful way...more like he was parroting something someone said at a daycare he attended for a few months)....I told him that Number 1, I pray over him and our home every day, that angels will protect him, because I pray over him. I talk to him about our beliefs regarding God's promises (scriptures regarding fear, and how to handle fear), and that He is inside of him, and will not allow harm to come to Him because we walk in a covenant with God. That's just us, I don't know your situation or spiritual beliefs. Number 2, I tell him that we live in a nice neighborhood with nice people, but we ALSO lock our doors, our windows, and close our blinds at night. We also have our alarm so that even if it's not on, if the door or windows open anywhere in the house, it beeps and would wake us up. Number 3, Sally (our German Shepherd mix) has her bed right there in his room and she has a BIG loud bark that would scare a bad guy and wake us up. Number 4, we play soothing instrumental music (Mozart's Adagios---only the adagios, the other music is too "busy" for sleep, in my opinion....or praise and worship instrumentals, or if it has words then very quiet...something soothing and peaceful). This is not all the time, but if they're not sleeping soundly or wake up a couple times in the night, then I'll put it on when tucking them in for the next few nights and it helps. And number 5, if there were changes to be made, we would make them. For example, I was stupid about letting my son watch Spider Man. I know. But in my head at the time, I thought "Oh he loves Spiderman and the little kid versions of the comic books (there are adult comics, kid comics, and little kid comics)....he wears Spiderman shirts and has the lunchbox, backpack, toys, etc. And I watched Spiderman shows when I was little, so why not?" It wasn't scary to me (the FIRST one). But I forgot he was just a little boy. He started having little nightmares, there was a bad guy, but he couldn't remember enough for me to understand. Then he said he fell off a clock tower. OH YEAH---Spiderman had a fight with the bad guy on a clock tower. So I said "Ok boo, that was pretend. That was from the movie, when Spiderman was fighting the guy on the hovercraft, do you remember? Well, that was just something that was in your head, so when you went to sleep, you dreamed it and it is scary I bet. Let's put that movie away and you can watch it again when you are old enough to be in school already. That was mommy's mistake, and I'm sorry". He also was scared at the end of Lion King, fighting with Scar with fire around, so that went away too and we went back to happy things like Nemo and Jacks Big Music Show, lol.
Another thing we do is we're real big on bedtime routines. I have to make my husband stop playing kung fu, wrestling, and rodeo by 8 because they need to start winding down. They take a bath, we put on some lotion, we brush teeth, the whole time talking more calmly now and just chilling out. They take turns getting cuddles from dad while I'm brushing the other one's teeth. Dad usually reads them a story (if not, I will). We go over the day while they're in bed and what's to look forward to tomorrow, say prayers, give kisses, and then just walk out and turn out the light. I also don't like night lights that leave shadows. They creeped me out when I was little! I got Joseph a glow one, not a light one (it's just a blue ball glow), I put it in a place kindof behind and to the side of his bed so he doesn't see it directly, and it projects a picture on the wall that Joseph sees when he's in bed: it's a space picture with planets but they have ocean views and other stuff too (I got it in the light bulb aisle in hardware at Walmart). It is just enough light for him to get out of bed and make it to the door if he needs to go to the bathroom. Victor, my youngest, is too young to do the potty trips (still in a diaper) so he doesn't have a night light yet. We only started the nightlight thing for the ability to get to the door, which is closed. Hopefully by the end of this year he'll be utilizing it.
For the liquids, he NEEDS liquids. Does he not like it because it's cold? or hot? maybe try lukewarm? Wondering if his teeth are real sensitive? Or me, I'd probably be mean and say "You can't do __ until you drink this much water out of your cup". If that didn't work, I'd call his doctor to see what to do. I knew a lady at the park I used to play at who's son had an aversion to pretty much all food, but I can't remember what they called it. He went to Childrens and did some sort of therapy thing once a week and did much much better. I can't remember the details though, since that was like 2 or 3 years ago, and I haven't even thought of them since then. Sorry....Can't help ya there, except to say it sounds similar: he didn't like any food, your son doesn't like liquid. But there was help out there for that, and he did get better.
Definitely call pedi about fluids. Is he a "highly sensitive child"? They often have nightmares, check out Elaine Eron's book. It has helped me.
The night terrors and anxiety sound like they're on the concerning end of the normal range--PROBABLY not anything that needs treatment/medicated, BUT to the point I'd want an evaluation to be sure....
The not drinking is VERY concerning. That definitely needs evaluated SOON. Is he peeing? How often? How dark is it? If he's not peeing or it's really dark and nasty he needs to go in NOW.....
Tarquin sounds normal to me - my son went through this exact same phase at age 5/6 (he's 7 now) where his imagination was running wild about bad guys breaking in the house and killing us etc. He would have bad dreams now and then as well. He needed the lights on to sleep for a while. He liked to line up all his stuffed animals and toy nerf guns around his bed for protection. I would constantly reassure him that there were NO bad guys and we live in a very safe place (or whatever he was worried about). I read in a child development book that this is the age of "fears and imagination". Anyway - he does not really talk about this much any more so I think he has outgrown it. I am not sure what to tell you about Connor. My son is too busy to drink and I am always reminding him to drink something. I started buying him juice boxes (which I don't really like) just to get him to drink more and I put one in his lunch every day. I have a cup out on the counter next to the fridge so he can get himself water any time he wants. And he can't leave the dinner table till he has finished his milk. He seems to be ok. Does your son like hot cocoa with marshmallows? It's the chilly time of year and that might be a nice treat and a way to get some liquids into him! PS - My son had these same fears and we don't even have a TV. I read many comments saying to cut out the TV but you might have a smart little boy who has an active imagination. If he does watch some "scary" things on TV I agree maybe it's time to put on some kiddie shows for a while.
