Is This Normal Toddler Behavior?

Updated on November 22, 2011
A.S. asks from Hollywood, FL
19 answers

My niece is 22 months old and a very, very wise child. She is definitely also a 'high maintenance' kid, but there are things that i wonder about. Like is it normal for a kid that young to want things done a certain way or by a certain person only? Like she has to have control over little situations ALL the time. Some examples: if she falls down (doesnt get hurt), she asks for her mama. If someone else, like myself, or even another fave person, gets to her first, she freaks out and falls down again and waits for her mom to pick her up. If she wants a cup and asks me to get it for her but someone else does, she cries until that person hands it to me so I can hand it to her. This happens with everything, too. Changing her diaper, giving her food, handing her a toy, etc etc. Or when she sees my phone sitting somewhere she'll pick it up and hand it to me, and as soon as i put it down she gets it and gives it to me again. If someone else takes it she wants them to give it to me RIGHT NOW.
I'm really just genuinely concerned if anyone else's child has acted like this or if this is normal toddler behavior; maybe she's just a bit over controlling? Oh, and one more example that happened tonight when i saw her, and this is what made me really start to wonder... she took too big of a bite of a popsicle so she wanted to spit it in her moms hand; so my sister put her left hand out cuz she was holding something in her right, and my niece screamed with the piece of popsicle in her mouth til my sister put down what was in her right hand so she could use THAT hand to spit the popsicle into... so the left hand wasnt good enough, it had to be the right. I just thought that was kind of strange...? Idk, tell me your thoughts!

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So What Happened?

Thank you, ladies! Yea, i figured it might just be a phase or something that she'll eventually grow out of (if her mom & dad help her grow out of it.....) I just never had much experience with toddlers until my daughter and her and they are polar opposites anyway, lol. I know every kid is different, but sometimes u need another's experience to guage what's normal or to be expected. Once again, thank you all for you input!

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T.R.

answers from Syracuse on

My daughter is about that age and does some very similar things. She is an incredibly high maintainence kid and very demanding. It has been a learning experience for my because my son was so easy going. I have been pretty firm with those around me that we don't give in to every little thing. She is loved and her needs are taken care of but it is ok for her brother to hold my phone, dad to help her down from a chair even though mom usually does it etc. It has been a challenge because when she doesn't get her way she has a total meltdown but I can see changes in her behavior from week to week so I agree that it is a stage. Looking at both my kids it's very clear to me that some kids are just more demanding but I also notice that she loves to sing and dance and is very theatrical and loves to make people laugh where her brother was much more reserved. It's tough but I believe they will grow out of it.

4 moms found this helpful
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E.D.

answers from Boston on

Totally annoying but normal. I would occasionally not give in. I have closed garage doors so my 2 year old could be the one to open them and lights etc, seems ridiculous but they crave that comfort and familiarity.

2 moms found this helpful

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S.S.

answers from Miami on

Sounds like spectrum behavior to me but what do I know....I just work with kids like this everyday. Early intervention in sensory processing will help her by the time she is ready for school. Since she is your niece, you will have to convince her parents. Good books are Growing an In-Sync Child, Raising a Sensory Smart Child and What Babies and Children Really Need. Also change things up on her all the time. Throw a wrench in her little routines.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I agree with the annoying but normal. It is one long phase that will eventually pass.

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S.D.

answers from Sarasota on

For some children control is more of an issue then for others. I have 2 children and my daughter was very much this way. I was concerned and tried to learn as much as I could. I learned that for some children it feels, to them, like they might die if they can't control situations. My daughter even had nightmares about not getting her way. During her toddler years I looked for as many opportunities as possible to give her choices and I picked my battles. There were times that I insisted on certain things and tried my best to both do it respectfully and allow her to express her feelings without reacting. There were a few times when my daughter cried and screamed for an hour+ until she fell asleep in exhaustion (she'd wake feeling better). It's not easy finding the balance of giving a child a certain amount of control and also insisting on some of the more important things. I'm happy to report that my daughter grew out of all that and is now a well adjusted 7 year old who is already showing great leadership skills ;)

1 mom found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Redding on

Sounds pretty normal, it's more of a phase than anything else. She'll be doing things differently in a week or two.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

Perfectly normal. It's a phase that should be over with by next month --except when she is tired.

1 mom found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

oh yeah, totally normal. Toddlers can be so funny about things!

1 mom found this helpful

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

Sounds totally normal to me. Our daughter just turned 2 and she has been doing that for quite a while. My thought is she needs to spend more time with daddy! And I send them off together. He will take her to the pool on a Saturday or something. She gets in some good bonding time. :) Anyway, most of the time she is a total mama's girl and no one else will do. It gets pretty annoying but she will grow out of it.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

Sounds normal to me, although it can wear on your nerves. Toddlers at that age have such little control over what happens in their lives and sometimes they will grab it wherever they can. And some kids personality-wise are more strong-willed than others. I would say as long as people don't continue to cater to her every whim, hopefully it's a phase and as she gets older and more mature, it will get better. Honestly, my daughter could be the same way at that age and oftentimes we would just have to put our foot down and say, "No, Daddy can do it" if she wanted Mommy, or whatever. Now at 4 she's a lot better and if she happens to decide to whine or throw a fit about something, she is disciplined for it - I also tell her, "You get what you get and you don't get upset!"

We have some good friends of ours with a daughter who is the same age. She is very sweet but they tend to cater to her more and consequently she tends to whine a lot more about things than our daughter does when she doesn't get her way. Funny thing is, one time our daughter even said to me, "C whines a lot - why is she so whiny?" LOL! The nice thing is we can see our daughter being able to assert herself without turning into a bossy-pants while this other little girl is only happy playing if it's something where she can be totally in charge. So sometimes you find yourself going along with what they want just to avoid tantrums and melt-downs, but long-term you end up with a kid who thinks they are the boss and can't tolerate not getting their way every time. So they might want to think about that before they decide the next time to give in to her screaming and controlling behavior.

1 mom found this helpful

L._.

answers from San Diego on

Yes, it's normal, but it should not be catered to. I would have made her hold that popsicle until it melted or she decided to spit it out. It all sounds VERY normal. But the more you give in, the harder it will be to control her when you absolutely need to.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.L.

answers from Seattle on

I would say its normal, to an extent. Its normal for kids to want the familiarity of a certain person when hurt, or to want things from a certain person. My son is a little over 2 and he can be that way at times, like if hes handing me my phone, its because he knows its mine and he thinks hes being helpful, and if someone else has it he knows its mine and he thinks they are going to take it. The popsicle thing does seem a little extreme to me though. The one thing you have to think of though, is she will continue to act like that as long as her parents allow it. I find myself giving into my son when he screams, but then in the long run am finding all that does is cause him to scream more, since then he thinks he will get his way.

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M.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

She sounds very normal!

:-)

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L.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is normal to their family ways allowing this to take place. If you are questioning it....to you this isn't normal to them this is how little Tyler (Made up name) is it could back fire in their faces later on in life or it could not. But the good thing about this whole thing is you learn what you would want your child to do and what you just don't feel whats right.

this is just my take on this and am a mother of six 3 girls and 3 boys express your self yes but don't turn me into your puppet.

L.,

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I, like you, thought it all sounded pretty normal/phase-like, until the end with the left hand/right hand thing and the popsicle still in her mouth. I don't know a single kid who wouldn't have just spit it out immediately into whatever hand was offered. (popsicles are COLD and it actually hurts if you have too much in your mouth).

So glad that Shari S. chimed in. She sounds like she is in a position to know.

A.G.

answers from Boston on

I wouldnt let her get her keep gettting her way. It is ok for Sally to get you the cup and if not then you must not want the cup....

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J.P.

answers from Tampa on

It is normal toddler behavior because she is testing her boundaries. The problem is all the adults in her life are letting her get away with it. She is going to be hell on wheels in a year or two and a very demanding young lady unless someone says no to her.... quickly. She has now learned that she can control you by making a fuss if you don't do what she wants. So when she's 18 and wants a Ferrari for her birthday, she's going to have a temper tantrum until someone gives it to her. Now is the time to say no. Ignore her tantrums and crying, she'll figure out that it doesn't work any more and will move on to find another way to manipulate you. good luck.

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M.U.

answers from Tampa on

Sounds like normal toddler behavior, if a bit more extreme. She is throwing mini temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way. The best way to reverse this, in my opinion, is to not give in to her demands (if they are unreasonable). She will throw a tantrum, but if you ride it out and don't let her have her way every time, her demanding behavior will extinguish. Make sure though that you don't always say no to her desires, only the unreasonable ones.

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G.P.

answers from Philadelphia on

toddler learn by repeating..yes, this is very normal behavior.

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