Ok so my friends and I have been having a debate on this over the past few months and I need a little more input on it. I am an only child so I always had my own bedroom, space, toys, etc. I am a firm believer in everyone having a space they can call their own. I currently live in a two bedroom apt with 2 children ages 5 and 3. About 3 months ago I gave up my bedroom so that the kids could have their own bedrooms...Now they have their own spaces, toys etc. Some of my friends keep saying I made such a sacrifice for my kids and then others are saying that I'm just spoiling them. So what's your opinion should children have their own rooms? Should I make them share a room so I have my space? Is it spoiling them? Just kinda curious about what others think. Thanks in advance.
PS> the 5yr old is a boy, 3 yr old is a gilr (in case that changes your opinion)
Thanks everyone for their input. I am actually in the process of looking for a 3 bedroom so that we can all have our own space...our area just has some really over priced houses right now and of course I fall right on that line of just a few too many dollars over the income requirements. UGH! Anyway, it was interesting hearing what the outcome might be from me giving them this now. And despite me not having my own space, this situation does work for us. Even at their young ages they know its their responsibility to clean up their own room and put their clothes away in their own dresser (before when they shared a room there was only room for one dresser and I had to put clothes away so they would fit) which is nice for me. They have a spot for everything and can have friends over and there is actually room to play. Thanks again for all your input! :)
you definatly did sacrifice, if my kids have to share, they do. They can still have room for their own space, their beds, dressers or toy areas can be their own space, however, since one is a boy and one a girl I think I would put them in their own rooms in a while, but now they are still youngish. But in one or tow years own rooms just becuase of gender though
I would never give up MY bedroom, as I agree with you, a person should have a space to call their own. I think it sets you down a slippery slope, giving up your own needs for the sake of your children. They will grow to expect this of you in other situations and you may find they DO end up spoiled and entitled down the road, and you end up feeling resentful about all the sacrifices you made.
The thing is, they are little! They won't really care about privacy until they hit puberty. My son and daughter shared a room throughout the toddler-preschool-early elementary years and they loved it. They were best buddies during that time, the decor was neutral, they had bunk beds and they each got to pick their own bedding.
Save the space of their own for when it really matters to THEM, at this point in their lives I think it's more about building bonds, learning to share, compromise and getting along. And they need to see you respecting and taking care of yourself. I just don't think putting yourself out on the couch sets a very positive example :(
I wouldn't have given up my room for the kids at this age. They are so little, that sharing isn't going to hurt them. If they were tweens or teens, then I would understand your position as boys and girls of that age do need some separation. I don't necessarily think that it is spoiling them, but could possibly set a bad precedent for them. For example, if mom gives up her room so we can have separate bedrooms, then she should give us the new car and she'll take the old car. I'm not saying it will happen, but it could.
I see where youre coming from. My personal feeling is that it matters a lot more when the kids are older. At this age, you could give them the bigger bedroom and use bookshelves to carve up the space so they each have their own area. I think YOU need your own room more than either of them do. Here's a link to give you an idea http://www.roomdividersny.com/bookcase-wall.htm
Hello, Big mistake. Having their own room is great if you have a three bedroom home. Where do you sleep now???? No, you should have your own room and they should share. Are you going to give up your car when they learn to drive because they don't have one? I thiink not. They need to learn to share and become buddies and make the most of the situation as it is. If you have a girl and boy, perhaps you can give them the bigger room and paint half pink and half blue and make their own space on each side. Or do bunk beds and make some space that belongs to each. Good luck moving them back.
I don't think there is a "should" in this situation. If this is what works best for your family, than I think it is fine. Many kids have their own room, so I'm not sure how this is spoiling the kids in your situation. I live in a two bedroom condo, and my kids share one room and my husband and I have the other room. In an ideal situation we might have more space, but we make the most of what we have. My kids still have some of their own belongings, and places to put things (each has her own dresser, toy bin etc). I feel it is important for me to have a spot for my things as well, so I wouldn't want to give up my room.
I do think you need to consider moving to a different home. It would be so much nicer if everyone had their own room.
If your income is such that you might qualify Habitat for Humanity builds homes for people who work but just can't quite make the whole financial step to become home owners. Their motto is it's a hand up not a hand out. You still have to make house payments, they are usually not much but the money you pay in goes to build another house for another family.
It's worth checking out.
Also, if you are a renter you might consider applying for low income housing assistance. They have programs that allow you to rent a home in your town within a certain price range then you just pay your portion to the landlord the state pays the rest. They also have apartment type houses that are usually all over town and they have a variety of sizes, even up to 4 or 5 bedrooms. They are usually well maintained and have strict rules about others living with you.
It's worth a try even if you have to get on a waiting list, it will eventually go down and then everyone can have their own privacy and room.
I agree, I would have let them have separate rooms too.
Could you put the 3 yr. old girl in your room to sleep in her own bed, all toys in the boy's room for them to play in there or are the rooms too small for her in your room? Maybe you would prefer them together and you in your own space. I think it depends on what your sleeping area is like with them in their own rooms too. Are you on a sofa, floor, what? I don't think it would hurt if you had a nice place to sleep until you had more room eventually. Our kids all shared rooms even older ages until some moved out on their own leaving a room open. But they always were 2 girls or 2 boys to a room.
My kids shared a room at that age (boy and girl) because we didn't have a choice. I could go either way, but I also think that YOU need your own space. Yeah, you've got the rest of the apt. . . . but. The boy/girl thing can get tricky as they get older, but there are ways around it. At one point, we had the boy and girl sharing a room, BUT my daughter's dresser with her clothes, etc were in another place (like your bedroom?) so that they each had a place to get dressed privately. When the bedroom door was closed, she had to knock to make sure he wasn't getting dressed. I think it's great that kid share rooms. Granted, I didn't have a choice growing up, but there are some great lessons that come out of it.
I don't think you should have given up your room, but that is your choice. Kids sharing rooms teaches them respect for other peoples properties and helps them to coexist with other people. My opinion would be if there was space give them their own rooms, if there wasn't space, then make them share. I used to have my boys share and then one day I was sitting in my office and I felt selfish because I had my bedroom and an office and my boys had to share. So I took the office away and gave them separate rooms, but if I didn't have an office, they would still be sharing.
my girls are 4 and six and the basically have always shared a room. we have another room which is their toy room. Someday my oldest will need her own room and she will go in there when the time comes. But for now we enjoy not having a messy bedroom of toys. But you are certainly in a different situation. I think it is important for you to have privacy but also for your kids to have space. So for your situation I say whatever works for you. =0) who cares what everyone else thinks. Some do not agree with what I have done (shared bedroom/toy room instead of their own rooms) but it works for me and I and my children are happy.
If it is working for you, don't worry about what others say.
I personally wouldnt give up my room until the ages shouldnt be together. My husband and I built a 3 bedroom house and still have our daughters share a room and have an extra room. They are 17months apart and were together in our 2 bedroom house and wanted to be together when we moved. I love that they want to be together. My sister and I are 11months apart and always shared a room growong up until our brother went to college when I was 10th grade sister 9th. My mom let us take his room and we ended up sleeping in eachothers room everynight so we went back to 1 room.
Don't let anybody be too hard on you either way!
My children nearly always shared rooms. The first two - a boy and a girl - shared a room for a couple of years, until #2 girl was old enough to share that room with her big sister. Then Big Brother moved into the other bedroom, only to share it with Little Brother when he came along.
There was a little fightin' and fussin', as happens with all children. But they did all right, and respected each other's space - more or less. When they grew up and went off to college they all said the transition to a dorm was easier because they were already used to sharing space.
I, on the other hand, was one of two girls, and we always had separate bedrooms, and I had no objection to that!
Of course, when your two are older, they'll need separate rooms because they're separate genders.
When we bought our house we wanted our kids to be able to have their own rooms. My oldest is 5 and the youngest is 2 and they each have their own bedrooms. It helps to keep things separated and personal. They have a central play area and 90% of their toys are shared. In their rooms they each has their own furniture, and the special toys that are not meant to share. My oldest helped to pick the colors of her room when we decorated it and the little one will be able to in about 6 months when we do hers. I decided on separate bedrooms when the kids were little primarily because I work full time and when they were babies they only slept in the bassinet for about 2 months. When I went back to work they went into the crib and into their own rooms. Both of them slept through the night by 4 months of age. I didn't want my little one to wake my bigger one if she did wake so separate rooms were a must. I don't regret it. In your situation with only 2 bedrooms I probably would have done something different. They would probably still share a room but I would probably think of a way to separate the room so that they each have their own space but so can you. I believe you as the Mom should have your own personal space as well. Consider a room divider and decorate each side so you can get your space back.
