Issue Today at Preschool

Children are liars. Most likely she told her mother that she didn't cut her own hair because she didn't want to get in trouble.
GL with everything.

Hello R.-

I started my career MANY years ago as a preschool teacher, then became a Certified Professional Nanny and now I'm a ACPI Certified Coach for Parents and Families, over the years I've had a lot of training on child development.

First, the teacher NEVER should discuss a possible behavior problem in front of other parents for more reasons than I can count. The next time you take your son, I'd make sure to say, "I appreciate being kept informed about situations at school, however I'd appreciate you keep the conversations private by not discussing them around other parents."

As for cutting other children's hair, I'm a little suspicious. Most preschools I’ve been involved with use safety scissors which CANNOT cut hair, for that very reason. It may be more likely the child cut their own hair at home and either misspoke or transferred the blame so they didn’t get in trouble.

Lastly, as an expert in child development, I believe preschool should be 70% learning social rules, 20% becoming comfortable away from home, and 10% academic. It’s great to incorporate a book about ABC’s during circle time or having a Show & Tell theme based on a lesson, however no lesson plan for a 3 year old should be 45 minutes in length. That is unrealistic for this age group. I never planned more than 15 minutes per activity for the preschoolers I taught.

I suggest you sit in as a parent helper a few more times and observe the classroom. If things don’t improve, then you may want to reconsider your preschool.

Good Luck!

R. Magby

Ok.. .this is my take on things.

If it were someone elses child doing bad things to my child.. I would be mad, however, if someone was accusing my child unjustly which is what you are describing... I would also be mad... even madder about that.

I have a little girl 3. I had been home with her until I thought that she needed a social life and to be around other kids. My husband and I visited several (maybe 4) daycares before we chose. At the end of the day, my husband asked me which one I liked best. I said Salem Accademy. I couldn't tell him why. It was just a gut feeling or motherly instinct. My husband had been known to have instincts even better than mine at times and he instictively felt that Salem was the best choice.

Now the point of that is: if your instincts are telling you that something isn't right... it probably isn't. If you don't feel good about that place or the teacher, or the other kids..... (like if you feel that your child is being picked on or pointed out in a bad way)..... I would definitely look into another day care. Follow your instincts. When you were given the miracle of conception, you were given the miracle of maternal instincts.
Take your time, visit other day cares, make your choice wisely. Allow your son to help with his instincts. Involve him and ask him which one he likes. Definitely take him with you and see how the teacher interacts with him and he with the teacher.
BUT FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS MOST DEFINITELY.

If you don't feel right about where he is now, he probably is not in a good place. There is a right place for him somewhere, you just have to find it.

Hope this helps

First of all, speaking as a teacher, it is just plain ol' unprofessional to speak about a child's behavior in the presence of another parent. Very much inappropriate. I would definitely ask that next time it be a private conversation. I wouldn't jump all over her, only because she might be hesitant to talk to you again about incidents that happen at school with your son, even if he is the "victim." That's not right and it's not OK, but I have to be honest, it will happen.

The story of the hair-cutting is fishy. Preschool scissors that cut hair? I'm inclined to think not. I taught preschool Sunday school in our church... I could hardly get the darn things to cut paper! I would make myself or my husband a presence in the classroom a time or two or ten. :) Any decent teacher would understand this at the preschool level. Just frame it as wanting to support his learning and witness these "allegations" for yourself in orders to find ways to help him with his so-called "issues." Not sharing? My third graders don't want to share! I can tell them to cut it out and share or they get nothing... That's not how it works with three year olds.

As a THIRD GRADE teacher I can tell you that 45 minutes is entirely too long for circle time... Sheesh... Did any of them fall asleep? Haha... I wouldn't have a 45 minute circle time for my class of 8 and 9 year old kids. They'd be dying on the vine!

So, you're not overreacting in my opinion. Go with your gut... You're mama. You know best. :)

Good luck... Let us know what you decide to do.

C.

Ummm, it sounds like it's time to change schools.... Even if you ARE being overly sensitive or there is no REAL bias on the teachers part, it's clear that you are uncomfortable with where your son is and he's going to pick up on that soon if not already. He will become more uncomfortable going there, you will become more uncomfortable interacting with the teacher, and it will probably just spiral downward from there. I found that my son was just not really ready to be in preschool at three years old but now at four and a half he is really excelling! There's no rule that says your child has to do two years of preschool before kindergarten, some kids are ready and some are not, some parents are ready and some are not, some teachers are ready and some are not... haha Give it a couple of weeks and if nobody's viewpoint changes, then change schools or take hom out until next year! Good luck!

I agree with Corie and R. M. My granddaughter was in preschool at 3 and even tho they did have lessons most of the time was spent on socialization. They had lots of physical activity.

I doubt that your son cut the girl's hair. I also wonder why the teacher brought it up. As you said there was no way of knowing what actually happened. Did she talk with you as if it were a fact? She may lack the social skill of tact. So I would let go of the pain that you naturally felt. I would ask her to talk with you privately in the future.

If the girl's mother wanted the teacher to talk with you I understand why she would. The girl's mother may be less than understanding of the situation.

Kids this age and older seem to like to cut hair. My granddaughter has cut her own hair and her younger brother's hair. I remember cutting my little brother's hair when I was young and my brothers cutting each others. Therefore I would not expect that hair cutting would be considered serious by the other mother or the teacher.

I'm not sure about the scissors. My daughter's close friend who was in the same kindergarten class cut as my daughter cut my daughter's eyelashes with classroom scissors. My granddaughter has long gorgeous lashes that get many compliments. They grew back. No big deal.

From your description, I, too, would wonder if this is a good placement for your son. An important piece that you did not address is how does he feel about preschool? If he seems comfortable I'd wait while I spent more time in the classroom and talk with the teacher "friend" to "friend." I make a point of spending time with my grandchildren's caretakers whenever it's possible. When I pick one of them up I frequently just hang around watching the various interactions. When I see something that would provide a conversation topic (such as pictures on the wall) I start a conversation so that I can get to know him/her as a person. That makes it easier for me to know where they're coming from when they have something important to talk about.

The second or third day of a new director at my granddaughter's after school care he stopped me to tell me that my granddaughter had not listened to him, did not follow directions and if she didn't straighten up she would not be allowed to return. So I think I have a sense of how you feel. He was abrupt, told me this in front of several parents and kids and offered no ideas for solutions. He was new and this was the third year my granddaughter had been in this after school care. She is a high spirited child and had been a challenge to previous caretakers but several had been successful in managing her behavior.

I felt intimidated by him. I wrote an e-mail to the head office to complain. One of my complaints was that I didn't know his credentials or experience in child care. A few days later he gave me copies of his letters of reference and the next day we talked. He and I talked often after that. He and my granddaughter improved their relationship. I was disappointed when he left a couple of months later to attend school.

Communication is the key to a successful experience. She bungled in this situation. I recommend that you let her know that you want to get to know her and understand her philosophy of child care. If you don't already know her training and experience find that out.

Taking the initiative is not easy but I've found it well worth the effort.

Hi, I am a former preschool teacher, so I thought I'd chime in. I think this all sounds a little weird. First, it is inappropriate and unprofessional for the teacher to bring up the issue in front of other parents. And I find it very odd that she would assume that he did it without even a question. Cutting hair is really common at this age, and lots of kids try to cut their own hair, then realize "uh oh, Mommy's not going to like that." Simply speaking about any three year-old (not knowing your son) I think it could be totally plausible that he did cut her hair, and equally plausible that she cut her own and quickly named him because she was afraid that her parent might be upset. (Honestly, I cut off my own ponytail as a kid, blamed my best friend, and didn't even flinch when my mom called her mom!) And, as an aside, if he did do it- you'd be surprised at how easy it is to miss things in a busy preschool room- even the best classrooms and the best teachers. But I do think that the girl likely would have said something at the time.

But what I think is the real issue here is that it sounds like the teacher does not have a good understanding of child development and what is appropriate for this age. 45 minute circle times are NOT developmentally appropriate, even if it happens to be a group of children that is able to sit for that long. This is because preschool children should be spending their time learning and socializing through self-directed play, not through teacher-directed, large group activities.

About the playdate thing- I used to reccommend playdates for children who seemed like they weren't really connecting with any other kids- usually because they were just too shy or overwhelmed. Then I would suggest a child that the parent might invite to the house, and it usually helped the shy child to have a familiar buddy at school. But if you don't feel this is an issue for your child, then don't worry about it.

And you are right about the other things you mentioned being typical 3 yr old behaviors-

Hmmm, not sure how to approach the teacher, but I definitely thing something is amiss here. Maybe you could have a separate meeting with her to address your concerns? And stick to the "I" statements ("I felt uncomfortable when you brought up the haircutting in front of other parents..." )

Taking him out of school would be a tough decision and may be upsetting to him if he is happy there, but if you feel that it is not the right place, you should follow your gut. Maybe you could observe a few more times during class time to be sure?]

Good luck!!!

Hi R.,

While I can't speak to every point you have made in your post, I would like to chime in here as a preschool teacher.

Yes, your childcare provider needs to rethink her approach to talking with you. An after the class "oh your child did such and such" tells me that your provider may be very immature or unprofessional. My personal policy is to arrange an after-school phone call to discuss any issues and I NEVER discuss this in front of the children or other parents. Ever. It's one thing to hear "oh, Charlie loved baking cookies" when we pick up our kid, it's quite another to receive what, in my opinion, amounts to tattling.

You are right to say that if no one witnessed this, making assumptions and placing blame are counterproductive. Had this come from the Haircut Child's parents, it might have made more sense, but a offhand remark from the teacher isn't helpful, nor does it propose resolution.

I also agree that the circle gathering sounds longer than is age appropriate for three year olds. Typically, I plan circle activities for no longer than 15-20 minute chunks, and this regularly involves movement activities so that the children aren't just sitting. At other gathering activities times, I may have two other activity centers open so that children who just aren't in the space to sit for a longer time have some options. Expecting a child of three to sit and listen for 45 minutes goes against all sorts of solid research which recommends that learning in the younger years be primarily play-based and child-led. This does not sound like the situation at the preschool.

If it were me, I would switch your son's care for the two reasons you suggested. I'd also mention to the director the appalling lack of consideration or confidentiality the teacher is showing. The director can't do much about the teacher's bias. (does this teacher have anything positive to say about your son? Is all this feedback off the cuff or during a conference, and what is she doing to support your son's social and emotional growth, esp. if she feels he needs to come up to speed with his peers?) And it's this bias that would most concern me.

Teachers need to remember that families need the support and help of positive suggestions and the discretion that we would show in any sort of professional/client relationship. PreschoolTeachers also need to remember that first and foremost, in my opinion, preschool is less about learning the academic fundamentals and more importantly about the development of the child's abilities to work and play within the community of their peers. Children who haven't received support in their social and emotional development have a harder time learning as they get older. So the focus on academics, while touted routinely as the most critical "step up" kids can get in the younger years, tends to push teachers away from allowing play-based learning, which actually provides children many opportunities for learning, developing executive function through the multiple layers of play, and child-led problem-solving in the moment. Certainly our children need to learn and read, but each child does this in their own time. I can also say that the play-based environments I've worked in have had less conflict (between children and between child/teacher) and the children were happier in general. So, by the way, were the teachers.

I apologize for the length of this. Just to say that your instincts are right. Take good care!

My

Hello R.,

I don't think that you are overreacting. It doesn't even actually matter whether your child did it or not, but the teacher was absolutely out of line telling you in front of another parent. Every day care and preschool I have ever been in had a privacy policy, that protected kids' identities in disciplinary issues.

I personally am not a big fan of pre-schools that put too much emphasis on academics. Kids this age learn by play, especially free, child led play is a very important part of early childhood development! There are quite a bunch of studies out there that say that too few opportunities to play are actually hurting children's development nowadays. Just google "importance of play" and you will find a lot of information.

When I read your "about me", it seems like this preschool may just not be a good fit for your family. Have you looked into Waldorf education? It harmonizes very nicely with the principles of attachment parenting. And if you have the time and opportunity to join a COOP preschool I would always prefer that myself!

As a teacher myself, (but of middle schoolers not QUITE preschoolers...but nonetheless....) I have to say that perhaps you are taking this teacher's comments to heart too much. I also think that yes, it is VERY difficult to see everything that is going on in a classroom. Being a mom too, it is often difficult to see everything just one child is doing. Anyhow, with that said, the issue doesn't seem like the girl's parents cared all that much. It seems like a harmless thing that many toddlers do. More of the issue seems to be that the teacher seems to be blaming your son. Maybe you could gently talk to her about how you feel frusterated that your son was blamed for these things. Maybe you should just ask for her help too. (People love to be asked for help) Ask her what else (besides playdates, because explain that you do that) she suggests you do with your son about anything else she has mentioned. Tell her about your frustrations and maybe she will understand. If you are completely frustrated, maybe you should try and find another preschool. Does your son like it there? I can't imagine preschoolers being able to focus for 45 minutes...the longest my lessons are, are 20 minutes. Whew! So, perhaps you can suggest that you would like to see "lessons" being shorter than 45 minutes for the sake of their developmental stage and attention span. Good luck with communication! It is SO difficult...but it may be worth it in the end.

Hello R.,
This a very interesting topic. I have worked in childcare for 6 years and from past experiences, boys and girls tend to tell when "someone else" is cutting their hair.

Personally, If it were my child, and I didnt like the situation, I would put him in a different center. There are better teachers out there that can handle the situation differently.

I don't think it was right of the teacher to tell you your son needs more play dates. That is what the center is for.

When it comes to staying in the center, you have to believe that it is the right place. If your having second thoughts about having him there, i would look somewhere else. As for the teacher, tell her how you feel. You are the parent, and hes your son. You have the right to tell her if you don't like something. Otherwise, it could happen to another child and parent also.

Wow, R.. It's possible that you are overly sensitive, but reading this, I agree with you. I've got an almost 3-year-old boy too (and my daughter is 7, so I've been through that age with her too) and I know to take anything a 3-year-old says with a grain of salt. They make things up, they confuse things, they talk about things that happened weeks ago as if they happened yesterday and they omit. I don't know that other 3-year-olds would notice if your son cut this girls hair (though if the girl noticed at the time she probably would have thrown a fit), but the teacher and the girls mother are blind if they didn't at least consider the possibility that the girl cut her own hair and blamed someone else when she thought she might get in trouble for it. That sounds the most believable to me. They should ask her if that was the case (assuring her that she won't be in trouble--letting her know that it's best to tell the truth). If I were you I would schedule a time to talk to the teacher one-on-one about your concerns. Hear her out and ask any questions to help clarify the teachers feelings about your son and expectations in the classroom. If you still feel that she is biased and/or that it's not a good place for your son, you should pull him out and send him to the other preschool. Life's too short to be stressed out by things like this. You need him to be around people that you respect and trust!

I think at the age 3 - it should be about play and socialization. Children should be able to explore and have hands on experiences. Circle time should be no more than 15-20 minutes and letters can be introduced through song, drawing and play. If they were practicing with scissors someone should have seen this. This should be an enjoyable time for your family and child. I would explore other options if it is not enjoyable for you!

First, I would like to say that I am a former teacher (taught 8th grade and 3 year old preschool). Your son sounds pretty typical so I wouldn't worry to much about that end of it. I regards to the hair cut, you might tell the teacher that your son claims he didn't do it and see how she responds. Clearly this is a he said/she said situation and therefore most likely no one will ever know exactly what happened.

Secondly, in regards to the teacher, it was insensitive to bring it up infront of the other parent, but it was right of her to let you know what is going on and what she is observing. Kids can behave differently with their parents than in a group setting like that. I spoke to most of my parents daily about their child - conserns, praises, etc. This didn't mean the rest of the class was perfect, this meant I was trying to stay in touch with the parents because that is what is best for the students. Also, I must say that introducing letters to 3 year olds is not extreme or premature. By the time my kids graduated to their 4 year old class, they could reconize all the letters (upper and lower case), say their ACBs, write their orn names, count to 10 in english and spanish, do all of their colors in english and spanish, etc. These are pretty normal skills to be introduced at this age level.

I agree with many others that said it was not appropriate for the teacher to talk to you in public about your child. I also don't think the hair cutting should have been brought up since it wasn't witnessed and was hearsay from another 3 year old.

While some children have more issues than others concerning sharing, it's the job of the teacher to work with the children and help them with that concept at that age. It takes time for concepts to blossom with the child and is the normal work for the teacher working with that age. It is expected that if a new child joins a group of children that have already been working together for a year, that there will be more work in bringing in that child into the social group. That's the teachers job. Your child is only 3 and it's normal that he might need time to adjust and learn.

You are paying for the program to help with his socialization and maybe you need to find another program that will work better for him and you. At age 3 I think you should look for a part-time play based program. Children will catch on to academics easy enough when the time is right.

Also do let that teacher know your concern. Schedule a private meeting with her and let her know how the encounters with her have made you feel.

Hi R.,
I have a degree in Elementary Education but have taught preschool and I am the mom of 2 wonderful girls, now 7 and 11. The situation definitely seems bizarre. While it is possible that a good teacher did not catch anyone hiding out with scissors, preschoolers can be tricky, I can't imagine how other students would not have caught this and reported it! Young children are big into tattling and would have proudly let a teacher know. The lack of a witness, report by the little girl, and denial by you son combined lead me to believe that the cutting was done by someone else, or self-inflicted. The teacher needs to learn some diplomacy and tact! I would meet with her privately and let her know what is bothering you. As far as the curriculum, you may be being just a little over protective. Preschool is not just for socialization and play. It is also a place to learn, with structure, self-control, how to follow directions, motor skills and even academics. If you still feel the teacher is not meeting your chld's needs, I would suggest shopping around. If you aren't happy, your son may pick up on that and become unhappy there as well. Best of luck!

I've only glanced through the other responses, but I really agree with Kathleen's post! He is going to pick up on this.

Kids his age who have been in daycare for a long time tend to have a little better grasp on sharing at 3... just my observation as a former nanny and now as a parent of a daycare/playschool kid. That said, it his TEACHER'S responsibility to help with that in a loving, fair, logical, appropriate way when he's in her care. If she isn't willing to work with him, he is NOT in the right placement.

I really don't think you are being "over" sensitive at all about how she handled the situation. I do think, however, that you MUST either address the issue immediately face-to-face with the teacher, or start shopping for a better playschool. If you just vent here and get supportive responses, it's only going to help if you take the next step to help feel better about the situation.

The one thing I might add about the teacher telling you in front of other parents is that she honestly may not have thought of it as a big deal. If she's been teaching for a long time, she has seen it, been through it, many times before... She may not realize that you prefer to hear about these things in private. If you prefer that, you MUST communicate that to her. Our daughters' playschool is very "open" we just all sort of know all the other kids' business, I've had other parents hear all about my kid's bad day. We are all going through similar experiences with our toddlers!

I'm not trying to defend her, I'm just saying we might look at it one way, but she may be looking at it another way.

A great way to respond might have been, "Wow, thanks for telling me-- how will YOU prevent this in the future?"

I hope for your sake you are able to help feel better about it and that you let the teacher know how you feel.

I think it's very important that you take a step back and try to determine what the intent of the teacher was. If your son is unfairly being picked out of the group and being labeled the trouble kid then i think you are fair in getting upset. I also believe that you have to make sure that the school they are in fits the needs and expectations of your family. If you feel this is not a good fit then I would suggest contacting the other school and seeing if there is still room in class for him. My kids belong to a coop and we love it. It's very nurturing and at all ages we understand that kids are just kids. We've all been there. With the parents so involved I think there are less instances of someone being singled out. If there is a problem we are all there to help, not make anyone feel bad. And- it's just hair. it will grow back. If they are making that big a deal out of it I would question their motives. What kid hasn't cut their own or someone elses hair. They aren't doing it to be mean, they just do it because they can.

I am not an expert, but I have done the co-op preschool with all 3 of my children(in it currently w/ my 3 yr old girl)and I just think the co-op setting is fabulous!! We have a couple of "challenging" boys in our class, but we all work together at helping them. We are all a team! And Yes 3 year olds CAN be challenging at times! Good luck.

I recently went through a change of preschools. At the first location, my son was also singled out for "not fitting the mold" like the other children who have been at that day care center for several years. The teacher expressed similar concerns to the ones you identified in your post.

I changed to a "sister" school and couldn't be more pleased. My son is much happier and has a very compassionate teacher. Also, the director is much more involved in the center in comparison to the director at the original location. While the new center isn't as convenient in terms of location, and the building isn't as "new", my son is thriving.

My advice is to follow your instinct. If his preschool is not a good fit, then find another preschool/classroom. There are lots to choose from.

Best wishes!

R.

If he said he did not do it and all the evidence is based on a tattle tale type's accusation maybe she did it herself.
Not every child is appreciated by the teacher.
What other options do you have for preschool.
I would write the teacher a letter with all you have said here in it and let her know firmly that your son is not known to lie. If you know him to be a truthful child I would emphasize that.
Preschool sets the stage for social interactions and if he becomes the target in that class then it is not the place for him to be.

HI R.!
I am sorry you are going thru that. I would be upset that they let the kids have scissors unsupurvised and did not notice this. She was rude, in my opinion, to talk to you infront of another parent. All kids at that age are learning about their enviroment, their temperment, their ability to problem solve and so on. I would look and see if there are other options for pre-school. I would ask him is he likes the class, maybe he feels overwhelmed there or too many kids at one time. I know how it feels to have the kid who hits others and pulls hair. My daughter just transitioned to kindergarden from the early intervention because she has autism. We have had a rough start, but she is doing better. For her, she had 24 kids in her class and it was way too much for her, so I put her into a very small class and she is doing better! Sometimes we have to find out where our children thrive! I hope it gets better soon. It is no fun. Our kids are our world and we want the best for them!!!

the teacher should not accuse your son of something that had no witnesses. if your son said he didn't then i would tell her he didn't and ask why she would believe one child over another. yes, not wanting to share and not always paying attention is totally normal at that age and she should know that. of course she would have to tell them to share and pay attention but i'm not sure why she has to tell you. i don't know a 3 yr old that does those things all the time without having to be told from time to time. unfortunately there is almost always favoritism in classes no matter what the age so you might want to look for another preschool for your son. wow, 45 min. at circle time, i'f have trouble paying attention too! find a better fit where your son can trive. good luck! God bless -B

Hi R.,

It sounds like the teacher is in need of some additional training on how to handle these situations and is possibly lacking some necessary maturity.

If the situation was reported to the teacher, then she was right to bring it up to you (although in private would have obviously been more appropriate); however, I also don't think it should have been presented in a manner that is so matter-of-fact. With no direct witnesses or evidence, it's all based off of what this little girl is saying, which is not enough to state what happened to be as fact. There may be some bias playing a role as well, which >shouldn't< play a role so much in preschool and preschool providers should be more professional in that regard, but at the same time - they are human and it could be a subconscious thing.

I think you probably already know what you need to do, but just to say, the two things I suggest are A) I would definitely talk to the teacher (and remain as calm and factual/non-emotional about what you're saying as possible) about how you felt about it her approach, specifically that it was mentioned in front of another parent and how it was presented. It's simply unprofessional. Whether you do or don't stay with the preschool, she needs to be approached about this. B) If I were you, I would look for another daycare. It sounds like this one is not a good fit for you and your son on a few levels.

If you're interested in a coop, I highly suggest looking at the Shoreline Parent/Preschool Coop program: http://www.shoreline.edu/parentcoop.aspx. We attend Woodinville Family Preschool in this program, and it's WONDERFUL. (I personally think WFP is the best of the bunch, but they're all great.) This is a parent participating preschool though, so if that's not what works for you, then I would continue to look elsewhere.

Best of luck to you!

1. Teacher should have had a private meeting not in front of other parents. 2. Kids are not perfect by a long shot. Did the teacher warn the kids that they should only cut paper and not each other or hair. 3. I'm with the other teacher, scissors that are sharp enough to cut hair for pre-school use? I'd be telling the teacher what if a kid accidently cut a kid or something by poking. There are scissors appropriate for pre-school and that isnt it. 3. You are your sons advocate. If he is not happy in that pre-school get him out and get him out fast. Maybe he just needs to switch teachers.

Hi R. -
Gosh, your story takes me back to my boys' first preschool. Unexplained things like you describe kept happening with me too. Kids make up all kinds of things in school that they tell both parents and teachers. An experienced teacher knows this and talks to the parent as a way of letting them know something might be going on so lets work together to see if we can figure it out. (and, sometimes it can;'t be figured out). This will happen in any school you go to, so keep that in mind. I tried repeatedly to work with the teacher to solve the issues she was presenting to me and make it clear I was willing to help and work on it. In the end, the school was not the right environment for my son and we moved him to a place where everyone is happy.
This might be an isolated incident or it might be the start of a trend. Give it a little time to figure out what feels right to you and your child. (for me, when it became difficult for him to be dropped off and difficult for me at pick up-- there was usually some sort of "talk" involved--I knew we had to move on.)
Good luck.

I like you would have thought the teacher would have noticed the hair being cut. That being said she could have been distracted by another child when or if it happened. I am surprised that one of the other kids didn't start telling when it happened. Maybe the other child did it herself and just picked someone to blame. Kids cut their hair or sometimes the have help . Its upsetting but it happens.
Preschool for three year olds is to help them learn how to get along with others. How to share and learning about seperating from Mom and Dad.Their will be learning that goes on shapes,and colors being introduced. I would ask the teacher about a 45 minute circle time that was way too long. Your son behavior sounds very normal for his age. Three year olds wiggle and squirm, and yes take toys away from each other. They have to LEARN how to play and get along with their peers.
As far as CO-OP preschool it really depends on the teacher on how well that works. I did one that the classroom was multi -age and wouldn't do that again. The kids had artistic freedom which was nice but the really didn't learn about following directions . Sometimes you have to do things like the teacher wants not how you feel like. The information the teacher taught them was fabulous. I had a headache everytime I worked it the class.
It still early in the year but I would have a nice private discussion with the teacher. She should never discuss things about your child in front of the other parents. You are your child voice with this teacher. I would ask her how did this hair cutting incident happen exactly. Where was she when it happened. One last question why are they using pointed scissors at three. Usually it blunt scissors just to get them used to cutting.Its usually done with supervision. Don't let her intimidate you. Let her know that you are unhappy and thinking about removing your child from her program. See what her response is it will tell you alot . Good luck.

I think you have the right to be sensitive about the issue. First off, believe your son. Most 3 year olds I know don't know how to lie and if you ask them a direct question, they will tell you the truth. And most kids tattle immediately when another kid is doing something wrong.
The teacher should have called you in private to talk about this issue. I think you should just politely ask her that you prefer any conversation regarding your son be in private or on the phone. I also think you should ask her what she expects from your son. Seriously, 45 minute circle time is a little long. 15-20 mins should be enough.
Your son's behavior seems nothing different than any 3 year old. Most teachers recognize that kids don't all fit into a mold and others take time to adjust to the new. That is a crucial part of early childhood education. I can't even imagine a teacher tell you that your child needs more play dates or needs to learn to share. That is what going to preschool is all about!! I don't know any child under 4 that is a perfect sharer or can sit still for long periods of time.
I think you have the answer. It might be best to look at another school. I can't say enough good things about co-op. We started this year and it really is the ideal learning situation for children. Children learn best from playing because that is what they know. Studies show that children taught in a play type enviroment do better in the long run and continutally improve skills at an upward scale thru 5th grade, where as academic type environment the children ususally peak at about 1st or 2nd grade and then level off. Your parenting style would fit perfect in a co-op environment.

Move your child. Your instincts are telling you to do so, and you should not ignore them. My daughter was in a daycare, and though I didn't get along with the head of the school, it was clean and convenient. Then they kept calling us because she was biting (never bit at home--never), and I felt more rankled about her being there each week.

Finally, when I arrived one Friday, my daughter was saying "Momma, momma," and running to me. The head teacher said, "Wow, she talks?" By this time my daughter (around 2) said 100 words! Then the teacher said, "She doesn't say a word here."

I took my daughter out that day. And I have never regretted it.

Honestly, five and six-year-olds can have trouble sharing... and a teacher should be very prepared for 3-year-olds needing more direction--they are 3!

I'm not telling you that you have to do it, but I know what I would do in that instance, especially since the teacher has made it very clear what she thinks of your son.

R.,

The best thing you can do at this point is set up a conference with the teacher. Please don't give up before you have had a talk with the teacher. You can tell her in a very open way all your concerns you just shared with us. There doesn't need to be anger or resentment. She probably is totally unaware of how you are feeling. I am sure as soon as you talk with her, she will get a better idea of the situation.

I was a teacher for 9 years before I became a full time mom. The biggest mistake parents made was not communicating with me if they were unhappy with something. Many times I had no idea. They would let their anger build and build until they would come see me about something that was really no big deal. They would be ready to explode. After we talked, usually things would be settled, and I would have a better understanding of what was going on. This is something all parents should do regardless of age or grade. Communicate with the teacher!

I have a few thoughts for you. As parents, it is our job to stand up for our own children, otherwise who will? I would just say that there is no evidence that your son did this. I am not sure I would want my own child in a place that made a big deal out of something like this. Did they just mention it to you casually, or were they more serious and expecting you to do something? Stuff like that just happens with little kids! BTW, a preschool curriculum should always include letters. However, a circle time should never last that long for three year-olds. This is the beginning of his school career. You need to make sure that it is a positive experience, which begins with being in the right environment! Hope this helps! S.