Issue with Kid in Neighborhood

Contact social services or the police, it is illegal and moraly wrong to leave a child alone all day wohtout anyone to care for her. This mother needs to shape up and she needs professional help to do that.

G.,

How old is this girl?

If she is too young to be on her own, you might consider contacting Child Protective Services. This sounds like possible child neglect to me.

(1)Talk to the parent. Who cares what the other people say. You need to be an adult and address the issue with the person responsible for this child.
(2)How old is this child that is being left alone? Should social services get involved???
(3)Set boundaries and adhere to them.

We have this issue with a 16 year old boy that always wants to come play with my 12, nearly 13 year old. He lives in a group home and doesn't get much attention or food so he loves our house. The problem came when I was housing and feeding him ALL the time. I solved it by treating him like one of my own kids and asked him to weed our backyard, clean the bathroom (hey, he pees too) and a variety of other household chores when he spent the day with us. Amazingly he comes over a lot less now.

I would talk to the mom first and see what is going on. I have had some neighbors like that that ignore their kids and expect someone to take care of them while they sit home and do their own thing. I'm surprised that these kids don't get kidnapped!

The child is probably aggressive because she is alone and isn't paid attention to. If her mom isn't acting like an adult and you can't talk to her or get a hold of her then the police need to intervene. It is not fair to the child to grow up without someone watching. her. I know that it is frustrating to have to deal with it, but just think that it won't be forever. Besides, it is better to try and help the child by keeping an eye on her (even though she isn't your responsibility) than by participating in a Search and Rescue effort on her behalf. Hang in there!!

G.,
How old is this little girl? If she is a LITTLE girl, it sounds like a caseworker kind of deal. I realize that many single moms out there are having to work, and daycare is "sky high", but this little girl needs someone to care for her. Maybe if a caseworker was brought into the picture, the woman will get some help!!! You should not have to feel guilty that you can not care for her ALL OF THE TIME! I really do not know what else you can do, other then trying to talk to the mom, or calling Child Protection, and telling them about the problem. I think I would try to talk to the mom first.
Good luck!

G.,

Child services needs to be called in on this. Too many people don't report because they are afraid of getting children taken away from parents when they shouldn't, but CS doesn't just come in and automatically take away children. They would analyze the situation (mom can't NOT talk to THEM), recommend to her what needed to be done, and continue to check in on this little girl to be sure she is ok. If there is a child predator around there, she is a perfect target. Not to mention the self-harm that could be done.

This little girl needs help, and child services can offer that help.

You didn't say how old the girl is, but if she's under the age of 12, I believe Utah state law requires she be with a babysitter (for her own safety). If she's under 12, I would just call DCFS and have them look into it. If she's over 12, (even if she's over the age of 6) she has no business playing with a 3 1/2-year old. So I think if you really want to help this girl, the best thing you can do is get DCFS involved so she's getting proper care. And DCFS will keep your name out of it when they make the call/visit to the home, so you don't need to worry that the mother will find out who called.

Hey there G., i bet her mom might be mad but what if she does not know what her daughter is doing?? Tell her your concerns and don't feel guilty for that. Let her know that the whole neighborhood shouldn't feel obligated to care for her. Other arrangemants should be made. Maybe you can get a list of programs for her at your local recreation center. Even calling social services to get some anonamous advice too. It sounds like you are a really great person to have put up with it this long. I wish you were my neighbor. So if you still feel obligated and have her over some more let her know the rules of your house and put your foot down. This is your home and not hers . Not only that but you are the parent not her . Good luck and god bless **R.**

Hi. You didn't say how old your neighbor's child is, but I bet they're a whole lot more years than your 3 1/2 year old and would only love to find a purpose in this short life and hang out with someone their own age who can "make a difference". Is there a youth group that doesn't cost? ... or maybe just take a trip to the park to meet new people. If you take a moment to make an effort in this child's life, they will be ever indebted to you. Have you ever had the overwhelming feeling of "SHOW me the way!!!"? JN

Wow, that is difficult, and my sister is going through something similar. The little girls just walk in her house if the door is unlocked. I can't beleive she leaves her alone all day with all the nuts out there, and with all of the government help she can use for daycare. I would talk to her mother regaurdless if you feel your invading her business, because the family has made it your business. Simply due to the fact that her daughter is over there so much, and she hasn't even made the effort to ask if it's okay, or too much. Also the age difference, I would tell her that you have two little ones, and that it is disrupting their schedual, and she is playing too rough. You are not a free daycare and free food service, and with her showing up so early is simply rude and she should teach her some manners. I don't quite understand how the children today are running the show and the parents submit to their childs behavior or don't care what teir children are doing. But the quicker you get this taken care of the better, then they will understand that it's not okay. Maybe if her mother isn't willing to listen or work with you, then tell the girl that she can't come over for a while you have a lot to do and can't get much done while she's there and tell her that you will let her know when she can come and play. Good luck!

If the girl is under 12, leaving her home alone is illegal!!!!!
As far as she may be seeing you as a "motherly" figure and in real need of feeling connected.
Regardless of her mom wanting to get to know the neighbors, you need to have a talk with her.
Explaining nicely and letting her know that her daughter isn't in your children's age bracket and you have your hands pretty full. You can explain too that you were a tad concerned about your daughter being home all day alone.

School starts back soon, but she needs to maybe even be made aware if the child is younger that it is against the law.
I feel too for the girl, that is so sad. She is in desperate need of company, compainionship and someone there for her!
What an irresponsible parent to just leave her. You would think the mom would be happy to know the neighbors since her daughter seems to be getting around the neighborhood!!!!

She isn't just looking for someone to play with, she is looking for a home!!!! That breaks my heart!
Talk to the mom, seriously....she should want to know where her daughter is. If she seems really ambliviant about it and doesn't care at all, call your local authorities.
Good luck! You are a angel taking her in during the day.

For starters Does the mom even know that her child is running through the neighborhood???

Chances are the mom doesn't even know since no one has said anything to her.

What time does the mom get home? Is it to late to talk to her?

The next time her daughter is over at your house wait until the mother gets home and walk her home so the mom can see you with her child that way she can't ignore you.

I know how frustrating this is I have been there.

Only I lost my job as a daycare provider because I was over my limit but I couldn't just let a 3 year old walk the streets by herself. I was on the phone with Child services when I was inspected. and they still took my licence.

You need to speak to the mother. If she is upset by what you have to say...well, you don't know her anyway, so it isn't like you'll be ruining a friendship.

You didn't say how old the child is. If she's very young, you can always call Social Services if the mother isn't responsive.

But truly, you need to just tell her she can't come in and play that day, and close the door. Or be going out with your kids (mall, zoo, a friend's place) so that she can't come with you.

Talking to the mom is probably the best bet. She may not even know how bored her child is. And as for "getting into her personal business"--her child is in your house all day--it is Your business too--what if there was an accident in your home and the mom didn't even know you! And if you're being the caretaker, get paid for it!

We have the same issue in our neighborhood. It's not a good one, but this is how we have handled it. Put a time limit on her length of stay. You need to be firm about it, because if you just let her come whenever it's not teaching her respect or responsibility. Say if she comes at 10 and you feel like you are okay with feeding her lunch, send her home right after lunch and tell her thank you for coming over to play, but my girls need to take their naps now, and you can come back to play tomorrow at ..... and name a time, and don't let her play with your girls until that time.

If she is being aggressive then you need to tell her that it is not nice or respectful to her friends and she needs to stop or her play time will end and she has to go home, and you need to send her home if she does.

As far as the mom, maybe you could take her a plate of cookies and say I just wanted to meet the mother of the lovely girl that is coming to my house every day. That way the mom won't be on the offensive and yet you just told her that her daughter comes over every day, and maybe she'll get the hint, and maybe she won't. -Good luck

I agree with just about everyone, it is a hard position to be, you are recognizing that she needs stability and yet it wasn't what you were looking for. Limit her time, but know that when she is in your home she HAS to follow your rules, this will take a little work but she will catch on, and maybe, depending on her age, she could fit in and end up being a help.

Set ground rules and go from there, I hope you can come to some form of peaceful in your household.

First of all how old is the girl? If she is under the age of 12 you need to get the local police called. Federal law states that children under the age of 12 can not be left home with out adult supervision. It is something that I have learned working in the day care center. Not alot know this law. Other wise you need to talk to the mom. Make a point of getting over there. If it bothers you so much DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. By not bringing up with her mom she is letting her personal business become yours. I dont mean to sound so harsh. But I have been threw what you are going threw except I ran a day care out of my home and I had a neighbor just send her kids over to play with mine. Because she didnt want to pay daycare. She would send them over, without calling, and leave for the day. I had to put a stop to this real fast. With her children at my home put me over my limit. I would have lost my job. Hope everything goes better for you than it did me.

Personally I wouldn't leave any of my kids home alone until they were 14 and that would depend on their maturity level. I don't know her economic status but chances are the mother can not afford care/camp etc. for her daughter. However she has a responsibility to make sure her child is safe and it sounds like she has no clue or doesn't care. I would approach the mom with your concerns. She has already made her business yours by leaving her daughter home alone all day. At the very least the mom should talk to the other sahm in the area and see if they would mind setting check in times for her daughter. It's not daycare just a phone call to or from the daughter to make sure she's ok. If you really feel the need to help, give this little girl some responsibility when she's at your house. It's difficult to ask for help we don't want to be a burden but remember to help thy neighbor especially when you see a need.

This is a serous issue and you need to take a serious step. If this child is under 12 years of age, call Child Protective Services. Now.

Imagine the damage that could be done to this child if she continues roaming the neighborhood looking for companionship. Someday she may run in to someone who has their own demented ideas of how to provide companionship for her. Then her life would be even worse. And probably every woman in your neighborhood who did not let her into her house on that particular day would feel guilty about it for the rest of their lives.

We are not church going people ourselves,and whether you are or not you may want to look to the local church officials to help. Being that we live in Utah the LDS church is very good to help in family issues. You may want to speak with the bishop of the local ward in your neighborhood and see if maybe they can't make arrangements with local mothers to help take care of this little girl. Or at the very least speak with her parents to express the concerns of neighbors about this little girl being left alone all the time.
Just a suggestion.

AH Hello, Call the cops, who knows someone might just pick her up and take her away. Her mom needs to know whats going on. And if she is smart she can ask for help from everyone. Your a mom, call help. Its wrong to leave a child alone.

#1 If I were you, personally I would feel better knowing she was in my house instead of who knows where. #2 I think before you involve police or social services or anything, wait until the mom comes home, one day when you have the little girl in your home, and walk her home and talk to her mom. Find out the situation. If the mom really has attitude or really doesn't seem to care, then I think it would be appropriate to involve social services or the police. Hope this helps:)

this is what i would do. if the neighbor girl is younger than 12, i would report the mother to child protective services. or you could simply call them first and ask what is an appropriate age to leave a child alone. if the girl is 12 or older, i would put her to work! i'd tell her she can come over at a certain time of day for a certain amount of time to help me clean or take care of my kids and i'd pay her a couple dollars an hour. but if she came over sooner or wanted to stay later, i'd just remind her of the time that i expect her and say goodbye or say it's time for you to go home now, thanks for coming.

Hi G.!

I think all of us have been there at some point. I know you feel you should help this child, but your first responsibility is to your own family. Going to the mom doesn't seem to be an option, and honestly, you shouldn't feel trapped in your house by not answering the door. I would speak directly with the girl. I would tell her what you've just expressed ... she's too old for your oldest and would enjoy the company of other children her own age more. Ask her nicely to not come over anymore unless she is invited.

All the Best,
L

How old is the girl? She should not be unsupervised for that long of time if under a certain age. Is the mom a single parent trying to do her best? You could call social services to investigate the situation. Chances are if they come during the day the girl will be taken with them since she is alone so much of the time.
C. B

How is setting time limits, or "boundaries" going to keep this girl safe!!! I'm sorry to those who suggested it, but that just won't do. If you asked her to leave, and something terrible happened, I don't think you could live with yourself. You sound like such a great person, it would ruin your life! It would be really awkward to talk to the mother about this, but I don't know that you really have a choice. I think you should talk to her mother, and if that doesn't work, give child protection a call. Until then, put her to work! I understand your hands are full... If she is going to be around, she can help you. Maybe she doesn't have a good relationship with her mom... You could be a good person to look up to. And if it lightens the load on you, why not!!
Good luck. I hope you do the right thing.

Hi G.. How old is the girl? The mother is a problem. I don't have a feeling that she'd be responsive to constructive criticism. I had a mother like that. (Mom had borderline personality disorder, and I would estimate that most mentally ill parents do not get any therapy and consider themselves "fine" if not "superior".) We were a pathetic family. Other children often weren't allowed to play with us. Mom was so narcissistic, she certainly didn't give a thought to her children's circumstances or concerns, EVER.

Clearly you have your hands full with all those little children, God bless you. Would you be willing to call Child Protective Services? It could ultimately help the child.

Of course her behavior is poor. She doesn't have any good adult role-modeling. I'm so sorry. Pray for the child and be brave when finding solutions. NOBODY helped me and my siblings. I'd remember them fondly to this day if they had helped us -- even if they'd told me that they wished they could help me and were sorry that they couldn't, if it were said to me kindly.

Parents like this. . .what's the point of them having children at all? My mother is dead. Nobody cried. We didn't even have a funeral service for her -- it would have been a complete sham. What goes around comes around.

In my state, a child can be left home alone at 9 years old.

I suggest talking to the parent first, and while doing it make sure you don't come off as a nosy neighbor but instead as someone who could offer a little help. Has the girl told you anything about their situation at home?

My daughter ALWAYS wants to play at the neighbors and sometimes its a little much for them. I have to call her back and remind her that we can't just live at the neighbor's house all day.

Your concern and compassion are remarkable. You might want to talk with a social service agency for advice. It may not be legal for the child to be consistently left alone at home if she is under the age of 12. It sounds like the family is pushing the envelope in expecting kind neighbors to carry the burden of care.

We had a neglected and emotionally disturbed 10-year-old child wandering the neighborhood unsupervised. She constantly came to our home from 2 blocks away, wanting to play with our 8-year-old child (who she happened to meet walking past our home one day). We learned from other neighbors that there were some unhealthy family dynamics in her home. I resented overseeing a child whose mother I had never met.

We finally "86"d the child from our home after she refused to go home when told, broke a large limb off our tree (after telling her numerous times not to climb on it) and she hit and physically threatened the next door neighbor kids.

It is a tough situation and I wish you all the best.

How old is she? I would bet that if her mom is leaving her home alone, it's because she feels like she doesn't have any choice. It sounds like she needs all the help she can get. I would talk to the mom, see if there is a reason that she isn't with a daycare, and offer to watch her daughter for her...with reimbursement of course. Most states offer child care assistance. If that isn't available, she should at least pay you for meals. I know it's frustrating feeling like you have to raise someone elses kid, but in this day and age, where mommy can't always afford to stay home, we have to stick to gether. Let this little girl help you around the house, tell her she can come, but she has to do her share.

Move away. Ha ha! Totally kidding. That, coincidentally, is how we solved the same problem with a neighbor kid and my 4 year old daughter. But we were already planning the move (from renting to owning) and it just happened to take us away from that girl's house. Anyway... On to some more reasonable advice: Definitely talk to the mother about it. If the girl is at home all day truly alone, the mom needs to make actual arrangements for her instead of letting her just wander all day. If she refuses to change anything, then get the authorities involved. I personally don't feel it appropriate to call the police or CPS if you haven't at least met the lady and tried to see what the situation is. The little girl could be home with an old grandma all day that never leaves the house and no one knows about. I would hate to have the authorities investigate just to find that nothing has been done wrong. Anyway. If the mother is non-receptive to finding a solution that works for everyone (after all, 3 kids 3 and under is a task enough without throwing a neighbor kid in the mix! I know. I have 4 that are 4 and under!) and there really isn't anyone home watching her ever and she's under age, then call the authorities. It's not safe nor healthy for any child of that age to be left alone for so long. Good luck. I know that can be a hard thing to deal with.

How old is this kid? Someone must talk to the mother before it is too late. The neighbors aren't all as nice as you. Something awful is bound to happen.
What's going to happen to this girl when she gets older?

Depends on what state you are in (some the legal age to leave a child home alone is as low as 8-as long as they left to care only for themselves and not left to care for other children). My first instinct was along the lines of another reply-depending on the girls age, getting CPS/DCFS isn't necessarily a bad idea-they may be able to get involved in help providing resources for mom to arrange care for her child.

I've been through this with a couple of neighbor kids, and though it was really frustrating some days I tried to let them in-with boundaries set. There were certain activities that they could participate in (like we'd do some craft things, but other things were just too much of a hassle to do with another kid who didn't listen), and there were time limits. When it was time for naps-kids left! They could be there for two hours, but then were told it was time for them to go home. It was a bit awkward at first, but worked itself out. And eventually they tired of our kids since the situation was similar, my kids were years younger than the extra kids. I will admit though, that there were days when I was just plain mean and didn't answer the door-I just couldn't deal with an extra on those days.

How old is this poor litle girl? I think child protective services should be made aware of her plight. I'm quite sure it is against the law to leave a child alone like that. If not, at least she could get some help from authorities. I would not make it known that you reported the mother, though. Stay annonymous. I have known people who got in trouble because the offender found out who reported him.

I would talk to the mom and let her know your concerns. Just explain that she comes over to hang out and you don't feel that it is appropriate. Your children are so young, that girl has nothing in common with a three year old! (I am assuming that this girl is between 11 and 13. This mother should know where her child is, what if one of your neighbors that she goes to is dangerous?! Check out the sex offender website, they are everywhere!!!!
I know it is awkward to tell this to your neighbor but so what, she shouldn't be neglecting her child. And letting her child bother all the neighbors.
Recommend to her mom that she should go to a summer program. This girl is just lonely and reaching out to anyone. She does need to be around kids her own age.

My first response is Why isn't someone calling Child Protective Services????
What is wrong with the people in your neighborhood?
That child should not be left alone period. Their are laws to protect children.
Stop complaining about this little girl and get her some help.

I wish I had a good answer for you, but I'm just writing to suggest that you try to see it from the little girl's perspective...perhaps that would change your feelings about the situation. I know how overwhelmed you must feel (I have 4 kids), but opening your heart to help a little girl who isn't getting what she needs at home could change her life, and yours, forever.

First, talk to the mom to see why her daughter's being left alone all day. If the mom is a single mom, she may feel forced to leave her daughter each day because she can't afford child care. Maybe she was raised that way and doesn't know any better. Whatever the reason, she could probably use some support. Letting go of judgment about the situation and really trying to help this family is where I suggest you start. If the mom isn't open to talking to you and the girl is under 13 years old, you need to consider calling CPS to report the mom so they can step in and look closely at the situation to make sure the girl's not in danger.

The reason doesn't really matter...the fact is that there's a little girl who's completely alone all day and probably very lonely. If it were me (and it has been in the past), I would look at this little girl's presence in my life as providing an opportunity for me to grow and to open my heart to someone who doesn't have the advantanges that my own children have.

You say she needs to be exposed to some good behavior examples, so expose her to them. Set boundaries with her, be clear about what your expectations are, and explain to her that she's setting an example for the younger children so it's important for her to make conscious choices. You didn't mention how hold she is, but almost any child is old enough to have some responsibilities, so give her some that will help you out. Enlist her to be your helper of sorts - give her purpose. I'm not saying you should reorganize your life around her or feel like you need to have her with you all the time. I'm just suggesting that when she is at your house, there are ways that you can organize the situation in a way that serves everyone concerned. Children love to feel that they are important and that they can contribute something valuable (don't we all?), so let her contribute.

You could talk to the other mom's in the neighborhood and see who's willing to pitch in to give this girl a place to go sometimes - maybe you could alternate days or times of day so she spends time with other families as well. Remember, while you and the other mothers in the neighborhood go about your days with your children and activities, this little girl is alone with no one to spend time with her - she's completely alone. Any undesirable behaviors she's displaying are a result of her situation and she's most likely crying out for any kind of attention. I would look at your community to step in and provide for this little girl what she's not getting at home - that's what communities are for.

Good luck to you. I hope it works out for everyone concerned.

talk to the mom about kid safety. if you feel she doesn't care, talk to her about reporting her in