Issues at Daughters School

That sucks G..

I remember a moment when I had been accosted in the bathroom in jr high. It wasnt a lengthy fight, but I walked away bleeding and humiliated. I took some martial arts classes and built up my own sense of empowerment in that way for a bit. Its different though, because my situation wasnt ongoing.

When my daughter was briefly bullied on the bus, by a big kid, she and another first grader would sit and sing The Little Mermaid songs. I dont know why that worked, but it did.

When my son was a kid, he was a magnet for the hostility of others (and had plenty of his own too). I am an ol' peacenick sorta mom, so was always telling him to be the bigger person and walk away. That worked ok in a rural area in New England, but when we moved to NPR it only meant that he became an easy target to beatings. (he didnt tell me this until years later). Now he says, at 16, that it was those times he hit back (oh no) OFF of school grounds (which is where the attacks happened anyway) that the bullies (and around here, it was gangs) stopped messing with him.

I'm not an advocate for violence, but too, there may be something to the Kenny Roger's song, The Coward of the County.

It has settled down, immensely, since he's reached high school, especially since so many of the gang-kids dropped out. Last week though, some kid got in his face. My son prays in the way of the Red Man. He started yelling a prayer (which is not in english, but a First Nation tongue)
which means (remember, hollering in another language):
WE ARE ALL RELATED! GIVE HIM STRENGTH GRANDFATHER!
The other kid didnt understand, of course, but in this way my son kinda freaked the boy out. The kid backed off. When a Red Man prays for strength, he is often given something to make him more strong, and my son knew then as he prayed for the other kid to be given strength. The would-be bully broke his leg the next day. He's gonna have to miss his sporting season now. Guess that will make him stronger, somehow.

Son says he's glad he didnt tell me about the beatings he took. He says it is a part of what he had to undergo to be the man he is becoming. He's aiming to be a paramedic, btw.

Schools here offer very little support
and have alot of denial going on.
Middle schools are the worst of the schooling years.
Our district superintendent is little help.

I may not be much help either on this one.
Prayers for your daughter, and for you.

I dealt with this problem a couple times now. The first time was before we moved to Florida. The school had a no-bulling policy, but the teacher was ignoring it. My daughter started to become with-drawn. Then I went to pick her up one day and she was extremely late coming out. The bully was delaying her by slamming her into a brick wall. Unfortunately this is what it took to send me off. I went straight to the principle. The issue was dealt with immediately.

After moving down here she began to have problems at school again. This time she talked to me about it and I acted promptly, not wanting to see her get really hurt again. I set up an appointment with the heads of the school and took our daughter with us. They were unaware of the problem and began taking action immediately.

I know kids hate when their parents talk to the teachers and principles but sometimes its necessary for the safety of our children.

I agree that you go to the Principal and if you do not get any result there you go on to the school board. This week is suppose to be bully awareness weak so it really is a good time to stress the issue. I would not want to be a middle school girl again. My 11 year old had problems last year with a teacher singling her out and treating her in a manner that I did not think was appropriate. I fought for about 2 weeks, even refused to send her to school for a few of those days, and made sure everybody that I talked to knew that she was not attending school for this reason. It helped build her confidance in the fact that no matter what her problems are I am going to do everything in my power to make things right for her. Good Luck and DO not give up. Remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease. THe more people you talked to the more they are going to want to get this issue resolved.

check out ChildrensBehaviorHelp.com- I have found them VERY helpful-k

Whatever you do , do "not" ignore the problem or play it down. Deal with it fast and firm. Go straight to the principal and tell him the situation ask to have the deputy at the school sit in on your meeting. Let them know that they are responsible for the care and well being of your child and that you will hold the school accountable for anything that goes on there. I've had to protect my child in this way and it did help. Let your daughter know it's ok to protect herself and that it's ok to let an adult know when something isn't right. If she feels no one is listening she will stop talking. I hope you get the help that you need. Nobody deserves to be bullied, ever!
~AMac~

Personally, I would go directly to the principal and if you don't get any satisfaction there, keep going up the ladder. Go to the school board and where ever you have to do. We are the only advocates for our kids and we need to do what we can. If this is truly a problem and the school won't do anything about it, then you just have to keep going until you get some answers or someone that is willing to listen. I had that problem when my 17 year old was in 2nd grade, only it was the teacher that was a problem. I called and complained and they weren't going to do anything. Then she singled him out and asked the class to vote if he should sit in the bathroom while they video taped the class for the intern. When I heard about that I called the office and told them to get him out of her class right then. They said they couldn't do that. I told them I was coming up there to take care of it. Within 5 minutes he was being moved. Part of it was the school. I ended up home schooling him until 5th grade and he was fine after that. You just have to keep going until you get what you want/need. Hope this helps!! Hope you can get this taken care of!!

Hi G., Do our daughters go to the same school? Crista started middle school this year and is having the same problem with the older kids picking on her all the time. She is also dealing with her friends forming clicks and she is having a real hard time with that. She is such a sweet kid and doesn't understand why she can't be friends with everyone without making other people mad. I have talked to the school, and they flat out told me unless it was one person singling her out there wasn't really anything they could do about it. I have written letters to the school board and never get a response. So I do what I can, by reassuring her that she is a beautiful, young woman with a huge heart and unfortunately people will get jealous. I have asked her to keep a journal and write down the names of the kids that are picking on her and what they did or said. We go over it when I get home from work and I plan to send it to the school board at the end of the month. Maybe I should write a book about the life a of 6th grader. lol

Sounds like most schools. They don't want trouble or a bad rep so they ignore problems that are there. As I see it she has three choices. One just be bigger than them and walk the other way and ignore them, not let them know they are getting to her. The second choice is to fight back, which would be a last resort. It doesn't take much to find out something about someone these days. Usually the kids doing the bullying are jealous for some reason. Maybe their parents are never home, maybe they get bad grades, you never know. She could just ask them right out why they bully her. The third choice is to go directly to a school board meeting and bring it up. By pass the school itself if you have already spoken to the Principal,etc....... But before you do this make sure you daughter is not doing anything to cause the problem.

This is a very late response but if this was me I will homeschool my child. She is more important that social skills. I don't know if you hear about these children before but is something to think about:

http://www.thebostonchannel.com/mostpopular/19137836/deta...

Another child:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/04/23/bullying.suicide/index.html

My daughter is going to 6th grade next semester and I told her to let me know if she doesn't feel safe to let me know. I will homeschool her if is necesary.

Hope this helps. God Bless, C.