The reason no one has come or responded to the showers is that they just think you are greedy and just out for the gifts.
It may not be the truth like you put it, it's to celebrate the baby being born but a shower's purpose is to give gifts to the mom for the baby. It's not a get together to celebrate the baby, it's to get gifts. Perhaps that's why you're not understanding the non interest. Everyone else has different ideals about a baby shower.
I co-hosted a baby shower for a friend who's husband worked at Walmart of all places, they had 4 or 5 little boys and she was determined to have her little girl. This family had moved to Oklahoma a couple of years before. So they had not had their previous children here. She found out her baby was going to be a girl. We decided to throw her a shower due to her being basically very low income and she had absolutely nothing for a girl. Also, everything she had was so worn out from being handed down from boy to boy that she could truthfully use anything she got.
We invited every woman from church. She handed the invitations out personally. We know every one got one. Only 1 person showed up. We were told to our faces that we were helping her to be dependent and that if she had planned this pregnancy she should have been prepared to have the baby. We were told it was rude to even invite these ladies because baby showers were for 1st time moms. Someone even told me she should have gone to the Salvation Army to get her needed things because if she didn't have what she needed for the baby before getting pregnant she didn't deserve new things.
I was flabbergasted. This woman was a sister in good standing in the church and was a good SAHM. She took excellent care of her home and volunteered in every way she could. She was a really nice person too. I was really glad when her hubby got a promotion to assistant manager and they moved to another state. How horrible this must have been for her. She had her girl and people did give her hand me downs and she did get some new items while she was in the hospital but she never got the gifts I expected our sisters at church to give her.
This whole experience showed me a side to these women I had never seen and would have doubted it actually happened like this if I had not seen it myself. It taught me a lot though. Even if a person is poor and has nothing for a coming baby, if they have other children they are not going to get gifts for their new ones at any kind of a shower.
It has adjusted my way of thinking. The fact is that people believe that baby showers are only for first time moms. That is nothing that is going to change. If you have more showers you find that less and less people come and it becomes an embarrassment. A person who decides to get pregnant after their first child should have most everything they need. They don't need new bottles, they should still have their baby furniture, highchairs, strollers, and any other item that is non gender. They should also still have all their baby clothes. If the baby is a different gender then the only thing they should need is a few clothing items that are gender specific and they should be responsible for getting those themselves.
Shocking isn't it.
I always thought baby showers were for celebrating a baby was coming too. I was wrong so I had to change my way of thinking.
I do often bring a gift to the hospital with me when we go see the baby for the first time but I have never been invited to a baby shower, for about 20 years, that was not for a first baby only.
Sorry you are finding this out the hard way like my friend did. They are just not going to come and they do think you must be really low class to even be having a baby shower for this baby. Sad I know, it just breaks my heart.