Jealous of Step-Child Visit

Please try hard not to be jealous. That poor little girl does not have her dad in her family anymore. She has not seen him in SEVEN YEARS and YOU are jealous. . As the mother of a 14 year old who hasn't seen her father in over a year because his new wife doesn't want her around and is jealous I can tell you that her little trip to the Space Needle does not make up for seven years without her dad. I can't begin to explain to you the pain my kids live with, especially my girls. Girls need to be cherished by their fathers. Once every seven years? You can handle that as part of the sisterhood.
Speaking of the sisterhood. You have two kids, working full time and pregnant and he is unemployed ? This may be why you are feeling envious. You just need to be pampered period. You need some TLC. Don't wait for him to plan it. YOU plan it if you have to. After his daughter has gone back of if that is a long way off do something girly just you and his daughter. HAVE FUN!

Yea you are jealous and hormonal. He hasn't seen his daughter in 7 years and he is trying to squeeze in all the alone time with her. If this will be the only time he will ever see her again, then let him be. If this is a beginning of her staying in his life then I would tell him I am making a special dinner for your daughter being here and we'll have a family night of movies or games for this celebration and for the kids to know each other. The space needle like any other landmark, when you live in that city you eventually assume, you'll get there. I'm thinking that's what your husband thinks when it comes to taking you. But if SD doesn't live in Seattle he is doing what everyone does for a tourist and shows them the main attractions. Relax, he is married to you, you have 3 and soon 4 beautiful children together, let the man bond with his daughter. The last thing he needs is to deal with an emotional, jealous wife. Consider that he has many feelings and emotions going on right now and just let him deal with the ones that feature his daughter. Later when she is gone you can share your feelings. IMO

First off, I believe your jealousy is amplified by your pregnancy. But it's natural I think to be a bit jealous since you never interacted with his daughter in the first place. So for you; I believe it almost feels as if he's 'cheating' on you with another woman, even thought you know it's not so, it just seems that way. He is just trying to re-connect with his daughter and you should let him. Then once he's done that, I'm very sure your husband will do things with the rest of the family and her, all together. I believe he's just trying to catch up on her life and he is very happy right now; after all, she's his child. Regarding the 'top' thing, just ask your husband why he never took you? He might say "uh, I don't know". Make him promise you he will take YOU next time there's a chance. Although it may be a while since you're pregnant. Don't worry too much about it. I sometimes just want to go to eat out with my daughter (21) and son (17) alone! Without my husband (their step-dad). I simply want to have time alone with 'my' kids. My husband would get upset at times, would like roll his eyes or say "whatever!". Most times I wouldn't tell him to avoid getting him upset. We have always gone out all 4 together everywhere. But now my husband and I have toddler twins and he's less focus on me going out with my daughter since she moved in with her dad a few months ago. She still comes over often and spend the night. She adores her siblings. Any ways, Jealousy is normal but to a certain extent. Don't worry too much, stress and worry is not good for your pregnancy.

*And yes, he is dealing with so many emotions from not seeing his daughter for 7 yrs! That's a very long time! He probably has guilt feelings and is trying to make up in a very short period of time. Give him space. He loves you too! ;)

I think its natural to get jealous of people who are occupying the time of people we love,we just cant let it get the best of us.
my thought is that he is trying to make up for lost time with her and feeling the need to do things just the 2 of them. as for the space needle thing, i can see how that would upset you but maybe he was trying to think of something extra special to do with her and since you have made it seem like something that is extra special, it gave him an idea to take her. not to say he wont take you at some other point.
i would maybe point out to him though that he should include the rest of the family. yes he wants to make up for lost time and be dad, but part of being dad is being a family member. it may be just as special to her to be included to the rest of the family...two brothers and a step brother! maybe nicely let your hubby know that the boys should get to know their sister too. and that you would like to get to know your step daughter as well. and i wouldnt sweat it with the space needle. like i said, you gave him an idea to do something special for his daughter.

I can understand how you feel. You're working full time, pregnant, raising 3 children and he's off having fun while you do all the work. I think your husband is just so excited to see his daughter that he isn't thinking about how his choices may affect you right now. I don't thinking he's being insensitive on purpose, he's just not thinking. Sit down and tell him how this is making you feel and ask him to include the rest of the family in an outing with his daughter. Let him know that you would all like to get to know her and have some bonding time as a family. Good luck!

I've raised 3 of my four stepchildren, so there was no room for me to have any jealousy. I knew when I married him that the mother is not involved and that being an immediate parent was what I was getting myself into. Same to you. You married a man who had a child previously. That child is entitled to her father and your feelings have nothing to do with her needs. If he has spent time raising your son from a previous relationship, then you are already in bonus points, as far as I'm concerned. I wonder why he never saw her for 7 years. I think that they are doing whatever it is that they need to do to recreate the bond and the time they have lost. That's probably why your husband quickly took her to the Space Needle when you've been asking him for six years. When you ask, it's an every-day thing and he knows he'll get around to it so there's no hurry. With her, it's a one in a lifetime thing and of course he zoomed up there with her. It's not nice to you, it's thoughtless of him and careless of your feelings. But I understand why he did it.

How sad he hasnt seen her in so long. If I were you I would put aside your emotions and allow him to spend as much time with her as he can. The best thing for her is to feel like her daddy loves and treasures her. And yes they absolutley do need time ALONE together. Its really important.
I know its hard but I think you should put aside your emotions and let them take this time to bond now. She will be thankful for you doing that in the long run. God bless, M.

I know what you are feeling.. I'm in a similar situation. My husband had 2 daughters and I have a son from a previous relationship. When they come over every other weekend I feel like my son and I get pushed to the side while he spends time with them wanting to go here and there. We all go out but only when they come over. So, when he doesn't have them on certain weekends we don't really do much. If I want to take my son somewhere he will say " why don't we wait til next weekend so my kids can come too" I hate that!! I know how you feel... trust me!!

I was in this exact situation! I HATED the fact that my hubby had another "princess" whom he loved SO much. He had not seen her in a few years, and when she finally got to come and visit, I thought I would go crazy! I could not stand him loving her so much. Well, the next summer when she came for her visit, my hubby and I were separated, and she spent most of the 6 weeks with me at my house, due to him working, and we bonded. It was so awesome, and I guess the change occurred when I changed my attitude. I finally decided that I was going to love her, no matter what. Sure, I wasn't comfortable when she and Daddy wanted to do things alone together, and I didn't particularly love that when he spoke of her, he got a certain tenderness in his eyes and voice, but I had to look at it from his view: He had not been allowed to know her for the first few years of her life, and he could not, and would not allow one opportunity to love her pass him by. If this was me and one of my children, I would want him to support and encourage anything that would allow bonding. I realized that she was his daughter, and will be for the rest of her life. I can make it what I want it to be. I decided that supporting my hubby and facilitating a relationship between him and his daughter was the most important, and the best thing that I could do.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but she will be his daughter for a long time. You're just going to have to love her. And you'll be glad you did.

You are pregnant, tired and miss your husband. Yes you could be a little jealous, but this is not the time to give him a hard time..

Imagine if you had not seen your children for 7 years. Would you want to spend as much time as you could the first time they came for a visit? Especially since you have 3 boys... They are different than a girl. She will have things she will want to share with him, that she may not want to share with boys or others that she really does not know..

Hang in there, in future visits make sure you all include more time with all of you together. .

At some point if you really want to go up in the space needle take HIM.. If I waited around for my husband to take me all of the places I wanted to go, we would never make it.. Sometimes, I plan activities for me and our daughter and then invite my husband... it gets his attention when he knows we are really going somewhere and have set it all up..

It is totally understandable! Especially since you are pregnant. It's not a productive feeling though, and could make things worse. DH is trying to make up for lost time, and is desperate for his daughter to like him. If you are emotional and acting jealous toward her, it might make him feel like he has to shield her by taking her away alone. I am sure his thinking though is just that he has had and will have all the time in the world with the rest of you, but only has a limited time with his daughter.
I'd just point out to him that he is forgetting that she is a part of the whole family now, not just HIS daughter. She is also your daughter, and sister to all of the siblings. She needs to get to know all of you guys as well in order to feel like she is a part of the family. She also needs to see that daddy is family and leads a family lifestyle, not that he is fun party guy.
Kudos to him for making the serious effort though!